Name: Bill Burr On Getting Married a Week After Meeting
Uploaded: 2023-06-01T22:15:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr On Getting Married a Week After Meeting' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr On Getting Married a Week After Meeting' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-06-01. Transcript available.

Hey Nia's boy Bill, last year I had a crazy whirlwind romance turned horror
story with a
lovely lady. All right, well you left her at the altar. I mean that's not the
best way to break up
with somebody but at least you finally got the fucking seeds to do it. The
super short, you know
what you should do? You should be a good shit and gradually pay your dad back.
You know, send him
some cash every month and then in the end when you give him the final payment
it'd be like, all right
now that we're even, can we just shake hands and agree that your daughter's out
of her fucking mind?
The super short version, we met through a mutual friend and had an on and off
the charts connection.
After spending a week seeing each other every day, she started moving the
relationship at light speed
and asked to move in together after a week and then a few days later said we
should just elope
and already had a court date set. Even though my inner voice was telling me
something is off here.
Oh my God, does she have a dick? What happened? I did what, this is moving so
fast you could find out.
Does she have all the body parts? What's going on here? I did what so many
dudes do when a hot chick
is banging them and ignored my inner voice. Oh my God, let me read that again.
I, this is, this is the
smartest thing on this podcast as far as information. I did what so many dudes
do when a hot chick is
banging them. I ignored my inner voice and many red flags and moved forward.
Don't ever ignore that inner voice. Women do it, I think, when they get with a
guy that can take care of them.
I'm just guessing though. All right. I don't want to speak for women.
I was able to convince her to postpone the wedding, but I did end up moving in
with her after about six
weeks. Then things went from great to bad to unbearable. Once we were living
together, all her
crazy came out. She was incredibly controlling, emotionally manipulative and
narcissistic among
other negative traits that made the relationship turn into my personal hell.
Just a few highlights.
I like how you're going sports center on here. The first time I tried to go to
work,
to try to go work out at the gym led to a three-hour argument about how I'm
abandoning her and she
doesn't feel safe when I leave. Oh, wow. I would have got into that argument in
my 20s and I would
have had a three-hour argument and I probably wouldn't even have gone to the
gym. Now I would
have been like, all right, I'm going to the gym and I'm taking all my stuff
with me, if you know what
I mean. I won't be back. One day I went, there's another one. One day I went
and had lunch with a
close guy friend, which led to a huge argument because she told me she doesn't
want me spending
time with my friends without her. It continues. She told me I can't watch
movies on my phone or in
the other room because she's afraid I'm watching porn and she wants to see what
I'm watching at all
times. Then when I would watch Netflix or whatever in our room, she would get
upset at the movies I was
watching. Jesus, dude, how long can you hang around for this? And the real deal
breaker was she told me
she didn't want me to pursue my dreams because I made my dreams a higher
priority than her.
This sounds like a poorly, like a lazy written movie. Like how could somebody
really be this crazy?
Anyway, I could list about another dozen unreasonable arguments that she would
unleash on me anytime
I didn't act, think or feel exactly to her expectations. At our wedding, as our
wedding date
drew closer, my anxiety got worse and worse until that inner voice was
screaming at me to leave.
Dude, you shouldn't have told me in the beginning that you left, that you left
her at the altar
because right now I would be having a panic attack that you went through with,
you went through with
it. But I felt completely trapped as her entire family loved me and embraced me.
Yeah, they're trying
to get the what about Bob chick married off. Anyway, we had a wedding plan that
everyone was excited
about and had made plans to attend. And the hardest part of all is she had two
kids who were already
calling me dad. And I had really fallen in love with two. Oh, God. You left
that part out. The week of
our wedding, we ended up getting into an argument that lasted almost two
straight days where I had no sleep
and couldn't eat. Finally, a day before the wedding, I found the balls to
accept the reality that there was
no way this relationship was the right one for me. I left our house, got in my
car, drove away as she
chased me down the street, pleading for me to come back. Of course, I got nasty
messages and threats from
her family. Well, I guess they're not nice. As the news broke that I had called
off the wedding a day
before. She even told a bunch of people I left her at the altar, which wasn't
exactly true, but close
enough. Oh, my God, dude. I just pictured the end of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
as you're driving
away and she's spinning around with a chainsaw in the middle of the fucking
road. Good for you, man.
Every time I hear you and the lovely Nia interact on your podcast, it seems
like you two are perfect for
each other and that you generally love each other's company. And it made me
curious. Did you have any
serious relationship before finding Nia that seemed like they might be the one
but ended badly? Or were
you ever in a relationship with a woman who seemed like a dream but turned into
a nightmare like my
situation? Or was Nia your first serious relationship you happened to hit a
grand slam as a rookie in the
relationship major leagues? Thanks for everything you do and go fuck yourself.
No, I was always a
relationship guy. And I dated great women. And the problem was me, not them. I,
you know, I had a couple
crazy ones. But like, you know, I was also nuts. So I was kind of bringing that
into my life. But, you know,
and Nia and I, we had like a bumpy road where both of us were relationship
people, but we would get freaked
out that we were in a relationship, which is why we were together for so
fucking long before we got married.
And like, we always say like, we should just got married, you know, a fucking
year in. Why did we
wait that long? It was like, well, you know, cause we had shit to work out. But,
um, I have found
that, uh, even if you meet somebody that you, that you totally vibe with, you
really have to pay
attention to the relationship and you have to take care of it. And you have to
like, make sure that
you're going out and doing things and, um, you know, I don't know. This is such
a big subject. I've learned
and continue to learn so much about it. And you also like, you can be 20 years
in like I am and you'll
discover this whole other part of the person that you're with. Um, and then you,
then you know that
you're like, Oh wow, I didn't know that that was a thing. And Oh my God. All
right. And I've been
doing this, this, and this, and the other thing, you know, blah, blah, blah. Or
they want to do this
thing. I got to support this or whatever. Um, yeah, but I, but the biggest
thing that I would say
is like, it should feel easy. You know what I mean? Like hanging out should
feel easy. Talking
to each other should feel easy. Not talking, being quiet should feel easy. It
should feel easy. If
it's already hard before you even get involved with legally, you know, being
committed and having
kids and a fucking dog or whatever the hell you do, it's not going to get like,
like less stressful.
Not saying that, you know, getting married, having kids is a stressful thing,
but it's, you know,
it's a lot of fucking responsibility and you kind of got to see the world
similar enough with the
person or you're just going to be constantly fucking arguing. Um, and then your
kids are going to see
that and it's going to fuck up their childhoods. Um, good luck. Um,