Name: Bill Burr's Advice on Being Single
Uploaded: 2023-07-05T18:30:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Advice on Being Single' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Advice on Being Single' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-05. Transcript available.

hey billy master of buckets um i've been single my entire life i'm into my
later 20s and still
haven't found any lady that i really hit it off with i've struggled with being
single for a long
time but i've been working through it i'm okay with it but i still have my dark
moments my question
to you is when you were single for all those years did you ever get lonely or
feel alone uh
did you ever think you'd be single forever what helped you to endure through
those times and how
did you cope with it yes to all of that yep as i figured some things out i've
been doing bucket list
types of stuff that helps me get through it yeah dude that's a great thing to
do when you're single
go do all that you want to do because uh you know you meet somebody else yeah
you know you might not
have the time this person says i've gone to see some of my favorite bands play
live i've traveled
a little and i've been working towards finding a career path that i really
enjoy so i believe
i'm doing some good things but i still have my days when i suffer through it a
little
uh but i've learned to sit in that pain for a bit and find good things
uh saying something dumb at work oh that's the next one i thought that was a
guy signing off
or the woman whoever the fuck this is uh all right my question to you is you've
been
single all those years did you ever get lonely or feel alone here's the thing i
was never
lonely for the first i don't know how many years of my life until i had a
girlfriend and then lost my
girlfriend and then after that that's the first time i felt like oh i don't
have a chick it's weird
i didn't have my first serious girlfriend until i was like 23 something like
that 22 23 years old
so i was fine with being single and that thing lasted like i don't know like
eight nine months
and uh i ended up breaking up with her and that was right before i started
doing stand-up
and um i remember the first six weeks of being like how long is it gonna take
for me to get over
this person and um it's weird man like getting over a person it's like it's
like quitting the booze
it's a habit they're a habit you know what i mean i always call them at this
time then you got to fill
up those times but you just can't fill them up you kind of got to go through
the morning of them not
being there anymore and then you start filling them up with other stuff but
like dude i think travel
seeing bands and everything the great thing is dude the fact that you are lady
the fact that you're single
and you feel alone is a very healthy thing you know what i mean now if you were
totally single
and you didn't feel lonely at all well i guess maybe you know maybe you're just
a
someone who doesn't want to be with anybody that could also be as long as you're
not out killing
people you know what i mean as long as you don't feel the need to hunt as long
as you're not feeling
that and as long as you're all right with whatever it is you're doing then um
you should be fine dude
you're in your late 20s dude trust me someday you're gonna be married you're
gonna have a kid
coming like i got right now and you all of a sudden all your drum videos you're
thinking i'm gonna get
i gotta get rid of those i gotta get rid of all this i gotta get rid of all of
this stuff
and there's this feeling that i'm having right now will i ever play drums again
but fortunately
i married the coolest woman ever so i just was able to sit down with her this
this might help you
if you're afraid to get in a relationship because you feel like you're going to
lose all of this stuff
you just let the person you're with know what's important i already said to my
wife i said listen
here's the deal like once a week okay you pick a day once a week when this kid
is not sleeping through
the night and you can just go somewhere get a massage or just go someplace and
fucking sleep
or i'll take the kid and go drive around i'll let you sleep for fucking hours
and hours whatever
the hell it is okay all you got to do is let me keep playing drums taking drum
lessons and that
shit that'll be my spa thing because i don't really need to sleep because i'm a
fucking lunatic and also
i'll still get to do the road twice a month and you know i'll use that time to
sleep i'll do my shows
at night and then i'll go right to the hotel and i will sleep till the cats
come home the cows come
whatever the animal is and then i'll come back recharged you know what i mean
but we we make sure
that we kind of work that stuff out with each other so um if you're afraid to
get in a relationship
just know that there's uh cool people out there as long as you uh i don't know
yeah you never hear
me say this but women in general pretty cool if you just tell them what the
fucking deal is um
but i have issues with women so even as i said that just picturing how many
women just went like
oh my god yes that like that annoyed me even though they're agreeing with me it's
weird i got a lot of
issues so um yeah i definitely i felt like i was never going to meet the one i
felt like there was
something wrong with me and all of this type of just know this every one of
your friends that's in a
relationship is secretly envious of you even if they're with the right person
that's how much work
it is you know every once in a while you know i look at fucking um you know i'll
look at a i'll look
at a playboy like joe de rosa and i'll be like god damn it man what the that he's
got he's you know
he's he's he's living the life you know but then you know you come home and
your wife makes some
fucking cookies you're like this is pretty cool too all right saying something
dumb at work so what i'm
saying to this person you you're fine dude you're in your late 20s um the same
way that you have goals
with um your career and bucket list stuff you have you should have some goals
about the kind of person
that you want to be with like uh women have to actually do like that women
actually sit down
and think about the kind of guys don't do that we just sort of ping pong the
wrong i'll stick my
fucking dick in that you know we're idiots um but if you actually you know get
a little bill belichick
you know see what's missing you know from your half see what you're looking for
what do you want
you know do you want a woman that wants kids do you want a woman that can cook
and you're
traditional do you want a career woman like what do you want you know i can
tell you right now if you
want a woman that can cook we'll actually sit down and cook oh tell you right
now that's like uh
i don't know you know like every once every i don't know how many years they
have that 1983 draft like
women do not women's do not be cooking anymore all this feminism it's really a
sad thing but
men have you know it's our fault because we we didn't put a value on it
christ i'm out there busting my ass you're in here pickling cucumbers right we
just gave them
making a meal for somebody is one of the nicest things you could ever do
you know but what happened how we talked we gave we didn't give them respect
them now
look they don't want to cook or be mothers they're out there running around
willy-nilly
wearing pantsuits running and running for president of the united states i mean
that that's a mad job
no kidding you know the funniest thing ever is how sick you have to be to want
to be president the
fact that hillary clinton is depressed right now that she didn't get a job
where she was gonna have
to put her head on the pillow every night knowing she just made a decision that
bombs were just dropped
and possibly landed on somebody's baby