Name: Bill Burr Advice on "Breaking The Ice" with a Girl
Uploaded: 2023-07-14T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice on "Breaking The Ice" with a Girl' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Advice on "Breaking The Ice" with a Girl' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-14. Transcript available.

Um, all right. Icebreaker. Bill, I'm terrible at starting a conversation with a
girl. I'm good in an actual conversation. What does that mean? Oh, okay. So you
can just like, if someone says, uh, hey, welcome to fucking Denny's. Can I help
you? You're like, yeah, I'd like pigs in a blanket. Dude, I'm crushing,
crushing that shit.
Um, anyways, but I rarely get, anyways, I'm good in actual conversation, but I
rarely get there because it starts off bad. What advice can you offer? Do you
have any lines or topics that would work? Thanks and go fuck yourself. Dude,
you're just going to have to learn to have a sense of humor about yourself. You're
going to have to fucking bomb. You're just going to have to go up and bump.
There's no fucking, hey, baby, what's your sign line that works? You've got to
just come up. Here's the thing.
Don't, if you're not good at hitting on women, don't go to a fucking meat
market. All right. What you got to do is you got to chat them up while you're
just doing, uh, Jesus, dude, it's been so long since I've been fucking singing.
I, I was never good in the meat market bars. I was always better. Like I met
women on the train. I met them in like the fucking gym.
I met them. Like, uh, like when we were doing, like, we're both riding on a
fucking train. You know what I mean? And there's no, they don't, they, I get,
they have that guard up. I guess you're not going to be a mugger. The fuck
would I do? Why would I talk to him on a train? I would just wait for someone.
If I saw someone that I liked on a train, uh, the only way I could start up a
fucking conversation is if some crazy homeless guy.
Got on the fucking, you know, some crazy person got on the subway and everybody's
got that old shit. And then you make eye contact with them. And then I always
had a joke about the fucking homeless guy. That's right. I took the piss out of
somebody who didn't have a house and that would break the ice. And then maybe,
you know, you know, you're on the subway. It's like speed dating. You got to
try to get the fucking number before they get off.
Um, but if you, if you're not good at conversation, you got it, you got to get
good at it. And, um, I would say the gym, gym's kind of creepy. Hey, what are
you working on? You know, she's fucking bent over doing bent over rows,
whatever the fuck it is. Uh, the only advice I have you, it's just like doing
standup. You just have to get on stage and you just, you have to figure it out.
Um, so that's what I would do. I would get over your fear of bombing by getting
out there and just bombing and have a sense of humor about how
fucking bad it's going. Laugh at yourself and just keep swinging away. Just
keep swinging away. I don't know. Just, uh, go, go Ron Burgundy. Just be like
overly arrogant about yourself, how fucking awesome you are. And just say, do
you know that she's thinking all this awesome shit about you? You know, if you're
an average looking guy, she'll think it's fucking hilarious. And you're kind of
taking the piss out of yourself. There's that angle. You know what I mean? I
mean, I don't, I don't fucking know. You can ask a married guy. I have no
fucking idea.
I don't get here anymore. Somebody help this guy. You know what? Why don't you
guys, why don't you guys send me in your best icebreaker lines? And the only
one I think I ever had a good opening fucking line was when I wanted to hit on
this woman who was, I already told you this. I wanted to hit on this woman who
was with this woman who was a redhead. And I walked out my, what did I say? I
said, I go, Oh, Hey, another redhead. I go, you go into the meeting. And then a
friend laughed. And then the redhead thought I was into her. And I had to do
like, you know,
that swim move that rushers do when they could try to get to the quarterback. I
had to fucking push her out of the way and talk to the brunette. And then she
was like fucking annoyed that I was hitting on her. And then her friend, I
think caved to the pressure of her cunty friend. Or maybe she just looked at me
like, uh, I don't want to fucking talk to you.
I made her laugh though. I got one laugh. I think I got one laugh in all my
years in those meat market bars. Fucking horrible. Fucking horrible. You know
what, dude? I don't know. You're asking another person that stunk at it. I can't
help you. So how about, uh, how about, uh, listeners? Give me your best and
your worst fucking opening lines, your best and your worst results. And I'll
read those next week or whatever.
And with any luck that guy who hates me, someone will be playing it in the
fucking background.