Name: Bill Burr on The Las Vegas Sphere
Uploaded: 2023-10-13T14:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr on The Las Vegas Sphere' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr on The Las Vegas Sphere' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-13. Transcript available.

Anyway, so I got a view of the falls, both of them.
I'm going to take a video.
I'm going to post it on my Instagram stories there.
And this is what kills me.
Like, this is like one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
And as great as it is, all that footage people were taken from the sphere in
Las Vegas.
Like, that's one of the most unbelievable fucking things I've ever seen in my
life.
And it's not even real, but it is real.
But what they're projecting isn't really there, but it's there, but it's not
what you're seeing.
But you're seeing it, you know what I mean?
I mean, the shit was so fucking unbelievable.
They turned U2, one of the biggest bands of the last 40 years,
they were like some wedding band playing over in the corner that no one's
listening to.
You know what he had, Sharon?
You know, that's like...
Is he the son of the guy from Simply Red?
I think the math works on that.
They got to be cousins or something.
Both incredible singers.
You know, beautiful voices.
I can't believe I...
I was just such a fucking asshole growing up when I was listening to metal.
When I heard, like, Simply Red.
When I heard him sing that song,
Lady in Red.
I know, that's not him.
Whatever he was singing.
Whatever the fucking song he was singing.
I'll keep holding on, right?
I was like, this song is slow and makes me feel feelings I'm not comfortable
with.
This guy's gay.
I'm not listening to this.
It was so stupid.
Now I listen back to him.
This guy's one of the best fucking voices I've ever heard.
Little Billy Homophobe when he was young.
It was what it really was.
It was like, if I play this song in my car,
I'm going to get this shit kicked out of me when I get out of it.
Hey, be careful.
Massachusetts was an angry place.
As opposed to what, Bill?
Is it nice now?
I don't know.
So anyway, I'm fucking watching this fucking video that these kids,
these goddamn kids with their fucking phones.
And it's like, the level of overstimulation.
I think if you went to that concert, if you saw Niagara Falls,
you'd be like, eh, you know.
How come there's not other shit being projected in the sky
while I look at Niagara Falls?
How come I can't watch, like,
how come I can't travel through the fucking universe?
I mean, like, once you see a concert there, you're fucked.
Like, the footage of some of the stuff that they were projecting,
and it just goes completely all the way over you.
Like, do you realize the level of drugs we had to do to see half of that shit
at the Worcester Centrum back in the day?
That's what killed me about the footage.
The footage had nothing to do with U2.
That could have been a U2 cover band.
I wonder what, I would love to hear what they're thinking.
I mean, they're such a business at this point.
They'd probably be like, you know, it's fantastic.
It's just adding another layer to the fucking,
we're peeling another layer off the onion.
You know, backstage, they gotta be going like, you know,
whatever they fucking say over there.
Oy.
Roy, that's the end of us.
Who gives a fuck now?
Nobody cares.
I don't want to, I'm just going to see you,
like, one of the great bands of the last 40 years.
I'm just going to see you, that's all there is.
I don't get to fucking sit there on mushrooms
and have an eagle fly off of the ceiling,
sit down next to me,
put its feathered wing around me
and start talking to me
about why America's great
before I take it by its non-existent hand
and I start flying over the band.
I'd love, if I live long enough,
I can't wait to hear this generation
talking down to the next generation.
Like, this isn't a concert, man.
Back when I, you know,
when I went to a concert, you know,
it was just you, the band,
and the entire history of the world
experienced in first-person vision
flying over your head.
We didn't have an AI robot blowing us
while it was fucking growing mushrooms
in a compartment on its back
that you could continue taking.
You kids are spoiled today.
Yeah, I feel like that,
they're building another sphere
because now everybody has to try
and compete with that
and I feel like,
well, maybe not.
Maybe it'll be like IMAX.
People still go to movies, sort of.
I don't know.
I never thought I would see something
that could possibly make people think
that Red Rocks was only okay.
I like to think that people
will still think those places are off.
That's the place you gotta go.
Dude, fuck the sphere.
All right?
That's gonna be there forever
and it's gonna get old really quick,
really quick,
cooking out there in the desert, you know?
It's kind of like that big stupid TV
that they have at the Dallas Cowboy Stadium.
Like, when are they just gonna admit
that that was the dumbest idea?
It was just the stupidest fucking idea.
It really was Dallas, you know?
It's the biggest fucking TV
there's ever been.
I'll tell you what,
my wife's got the biggest titties, too.
She didn't have them
at the beginning of the relationship,
you know what I mean?
I'm taking care of her.
I got her them nice titties, too,
that hang real nice,
you know what I mean?
You know what it is?
It's her own body fat.
I had it sucked out of her belly, you know?
She went to too many pig pickings
and I said,
take it out of there
and stick it in there,
right?
And is there any way
you could, you know,
make her mouth only open
if it's going around my dick?
Because I'm really sick of her opinions.
That's why I've been married three times.
I used to tease them
at the Dallas Improv,
saying like,
you realize,
okay, that TV's cool now,
but in seven years,
you're gonna have the biggest
old fucking TV
that no one gives a shit about.
They must have done something
where they can keep updating it,
but I guess I understand why.
I actually don't understand
why they did it
because it's the most distracting
thing I've ever seen.
And if you sit in the upper deck,
you're not even gonna watch the,
you're just gonna sit there
watching the fucking TV.
So then it becomes,
why did I go to this?
And that's also like,
when I look at the sphere,
it's like,
I can just put on U2
on my phone,
play it through a speaker,
and I can take
a nice handful of mushrooms
and have the same fucking experience.
Because I really feel like,
when you,
I don't know,
maybe I gotta go to a show there,
but it was like U2
wasn't even there.
They were like an afterthought.
You know?
How can you listen to Bono
talking about how
he knows how to save the world?
You know,
if you're too busy
flying over the fucking
Andorondacks,
you know,
from there to Abu Dhabi.
While you're on mushrooms.
Was Bono up there like,
Roy, hey,
just checking in
with the band.
Don't know if you ever
heard of us.
You know what sucks is,
I have no desire
to go to that thing,
but I know I'm gonna
end up there.
Because I love my wife,
and she's totally
into stuff like that.
Like, oh,
it's gonna be,
it was fucking amazing,
it was so cool.
And then I'm gonna shit on it,
and then she's just gonna
look at me and be like,
what's wrong with you?
Like, why can't you
just enjoy things?
It's like,
I do enjoy things.
I just don't enjoy things
like this.
You know?
And then the logic of that
is not gonna hook up
with their female brain,
and then the emotion
of what she's talking about
is not gonna hook up
with my fucking
logical brain.
Then it'll be awkward,
and then I'll say,
I'm sorry,
and she'll say,
okay,
and then we'll go over
to Roy Choice.
Like, that's what's
gonna fucking happen.
But did you notice
in that story,
at no point did I ever
even bring up
what band we're gonna
go see,
because I don't think
it matters.
Probably see some
early 90s hip-hop
R&B artist.
You know?
That's Nia's wheelhouse.
That's her hair metal.
Stiff sister with voices,
Al DeBarge.
En Vogue.
Boys to Men.
Usher.
Jodeci?
I don't know.
I can't,
I know all that music.
I can't name
any of those songs,
but I've been with
my lovely wife,
who I miss terribly out here
for almost 20 years,
so I've heard
all of that music