Name: Bill Burr - Neighbor Problem
Uploaded: 2023-10-27T15:15:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Neighbor Problem' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr - Neighbor Problem' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-27. Transcript available.

all right shitty neighbors shitty neighbors oh jeez hey billy big screen i'm
reaching out to you
as someone who has a bit of a neighbor problem and have a landlord problem so a
young couple
moved into the apartment complex let me read that again i'm reaching out to you
as someone
who's had a bit of a neighbor problem and a landlord problem oh brother your
landlord's not
helping you with your neighbor or they're both assholes in their own worlds oh
boy here we go
so a young couple moved into the apartment complex that my wife and i have
lived in lived at for six
years and they have a bit of a shitbox car collecting problem our lot has
enough spots for two
cars per room eight rooms in the complex so that means there's 16 spots don't
worry bill i'm coming
to you for advice the least i can do is not make you do math it's kind of scary
how well you guys
know me at this point um anyways it even it even says in the least that you can
only have two but
the property has undergone new management and the newbies aren't nearly as
hands-on with the towing
cars for being ran rundown pieces of shit uh they had three and one of them was
broken down for three
months before i put a note on there asking if they can move it or fix it to
which they replied by
putting three sheets of paper with red writing on them on the inside of their
windshield
they read we live here the car runs mind your own business
uh yes
the yeah the ignorant part of being ignorant is you have no empathy which leads
to
anywhere from being an asshole to joining a hate group uh now i have walked
past this car
with these sheets of paper on the windshield for over two months and even asked
the maintenance
guy to help me out citing the lease he basically told me that because of the
toothless nature of the
owners his hands are tied now as i'm writing to you i found out this evening
that these people
went out and got a nice car and parked it in the lot also i thought of a lot of
things including
putting painters tape on the hood in the shape of a dick with a note on it that
says next time it'll be
spray paint move the fucking car oh god oh god now you live in that world uh
but i just can't do it
yeah don't do it do i find my zen and just deal with walking past all these
fucking cars every morning
with my tail between my legs or do i confront these people and hope for results
i'm not a confrontational
person yeah that's why you were gonna like fuck with their car that's what a
non-confrontational
person does dude if you're not gonna go over there and just beat the shit out
of which you shouldn't
do because you're either gonna lose or you're gonna get sued um or you could
lose and get sued
there's no winning if you're a fully functioning adult like and you actually
have done something
with your life yeah you you like fighting is not an option past like high
school uh i'm not a
confrontational person unless you have to okay but due to some events that have
happened in my life over
the past year i'm worried that i'll start to see red if i they don't agree with
my request and say
some stuff that i can't take back and will make seeing them in the future a bit
awkward thanks for
the help bill and good job on the movie i can't wait to see it um the way i see
it you got you got
three options here you just deal with it you move or save up money and buy a
house
those are your options but if the landlord isn't going to do anything
um i can tell you this when you move out and the next people look at your place
and they see 20
junkers or whatever sitting out there that's gonna with their world um i guess
you could also lawyer up
and deal with that and just say it says here in the lease i have to deal with
this as long as the cars
aren't in your way um
you know there's another thing you could actually talk to him just say listen i'm
sorry i was in a
bad mood i actually like the car and just talk to him about cars and shit like
that and maybe you
can just make friends with the person but uh or you can use it as motivation to
get the fuck out of
there and get you know get something else going where people like that aren't
in your life but then
what happens is you end up buying a house if you buy a house what i would
suggest
is uh do a number of drive-bys
like if you look at it during the week or on a weekend sometimes like they
strategically
show the house when whatever loud annoying thing that might be happening isn't
happening
in like the neighborhood or whatever and um you know i mean i would be as bold
i mean i wouldn't
be as bold i wish i was to knock on the door of a neighbor and just be like hey
how do you like
the neighborhood is there anybody here that's just amazing is the person on the
other side
a major pain in the ass blah blah blah blah blah no for all you know you knock
on the door the pain
of the ass um yeah i'm sorry you're going through that dude that's the fucking
worst but um
i guess there's another thing if the car runs you could steal it
but everybody has cameras now that's another reason
um yeah don't get involved like revenge is a uh that's one of the darkest of
all human emotions
and uh that's just not even when somebody deserves it i just avoid it and just
i avoid it i just like
all right whatever i'm just gonna keep living my life keep being successful
at what i want to do whatever the fuck that is