Name: Bill Burr Goes Christmas Shopping
Uploaded: 2023-12-04T16:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Goes Christmas Shopping' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Goes Christmas Shopping' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-04. Transcript available.

I did have a good week of fucking Christmas shopping though.
You know, I was sort of flatlined.
I didn't know what to do.
And I actually got my daughter her big gift.
And my son's big gift is on the way.
And now I got to deal with my wife.
Hey, I got to deal with my wife.
I got to keep her in line here.
I don't know when I'm going to get her.
I have an idea.
I think I know when I'm going to get her.
I just have to go fucking do it.
And then I did this spontaneous purchase for my daughter.
And I got the wrong fucking size.
And I thought I was being so smart.
These cute little purple pajamas, you know.
She likes purple this week, you know.
Last week it was blue.
Before that it was red, you know.
You know how they are, right?
By the time Christmas comes along, she's probably going to hate purple.
And I bought her the size that she is now.
And I thought I was being so smart because I got it gift wrapped.
So now I don't have to fucking deal with that.
And now I got to take it back to the store.
Get it, un-gift wrapped it.
And get back there before the other ones are gone.
It's just like, this is just so.
And the whole time I'm just sitting there going, this is so fucking stupid.
I went to one of these big box stores, okay.
And I got my son something.
And then I spontaneously bought my daughter something.
I ended up getting the wrong fucking size.
So I have to go back.
Both of them gift wrapped.
And then I go downstairs.
And I say, hey.
I go, do you got a face scrub for men?
I used to use that Clinique shit, but they changed their formula.
It sucks now.
Now it feels like lotion.
I like it when it feels like I got an SOS pad on my skin.
It makes me feel like I'm doing something here.
I mean, what am I?
I live in L.A.
There's all kinds of smog.
I got to get it off my face.
I mean, this is the breadwinner.
Okay.
My big fucking Charlie Brown head.
So, of course, what she suggests only comes in this big fucking box with like
these three
other goddamn things.
It's like, I don't want all that.
I just want the tube of that.
And she goes, it only comes in this thing.
So I go, all right.
How much is that?
She's like, it's $75.
I'm like, for those three tubes?
And she's like, yeah.
She goes, but it's on sale.
For $63.
And I'm like, all right.
And then she rings it up and goes, okay, that'll be $70.
It's like, what happened to $63?
It's usually $75, but it's on sale for $63.
That'll be $70.
That's what she did.
I just started fucking laughing.
Like, is that like a fucking Abbott and Costello bit that you just did?
So, anyway.
So, of course, I get this shit.
And I set the box down, you know, right when I walk in.
And it's just been sitting there for three days.
And now I'm like, I'm never going to use that shit.
But I tried.
So, anyway, I'm going to try to get my Christmas shit done.
Maybe like in the next week.
If I could just get all of that done and then have all of my shit wrapped.
Then I can just fucking hang out.
Because I really don't have anything to do.