Name: Bill Burr on Ozempic Commercials
Uploaded: 2023-12-12T17:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr on Ozempic Commercials' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr on Ozempic Commercials' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-12. Transcript available.

oh oh oh oh zempic you know jesus christ how many fucking times can they play
that commercial during
nfl sunday so i fucking i'm sitting there going oh zempic now you know that's
got a ton of side
effects right you know it does you know it's got a ton of that you know a lot
of people out there
who either got the jab or didn't they're still gonna take this shit right
everything has a side
effect you know you fall in love there's a side effect you lose your friends um
so i'm sitting there thinking like who the fuck's saying that that's all it's
the real song is oh
oh oh it's magic when you're blowing me i don't know i don't know how the
fucking lyrics go but
whatever it's it's a romantic song so i go to look it up because i'm like who
the fuck sold
their song to this drug company you know did they have a bunch of hits did they
only have one there
was a scottish band named pilot and evidently they had three hits one of them
called january and
something else i don't know what i never heard of this shit wait i actually got
my information in
front of me this week look at me double click you got to use the two fingers or
else you're not going
to have it all right let's see here pilot is a scottish rock group formed in edinburgh
uh best known for the song january and oh oh oh oh zampic just to smile and
call me round
but only january and magic have their own pages so i'm imagining
that those were much much bigger uh much bigger hits whatever so yeah they're
like basically
two hit wonders they had the hit back in 1973 or 75 77 around there they need
some money
so along comes these drug peddling sons of bitches oh zampic
and they go hey hey buddy buddy because they're like 70 now hey over here what
aren't you the guy
from pilot and they're like yeah listen i got this new drug to lose weight you
know common side
effects are nausea vomiting diarrhea abdominal pain constipation serious side
effects are pancreatitis
cycloglycemia gallbladder problems allergic reaction kidney failure changes in
vision
um other people are saying it could possibly lead to thyroid cancers pancreatitis
and pancreatic cancer
could we have your song oh what song is that that magic song
the guy's probably like oh i'm sick of singing it yeah okay except we're not
going to go oh it's magic
we're going to go oh zampic and they're going to and he's like what the fuck is
that and then they
jab it in his neck a week later he dies of pancreatic cancer and then they don't
have to pay him
residuals that's my conspiracy theory which i'm big on this week i'm big on the
conspiracy theories
this week because they slid in this thing they slid it in lubed up this bill
they always have
attached to a bill why can you attach to a bill i'm just a bill yes i'm oh oh
oh oh zampic
really like that was a mashup for all the kids listening oh you saw what he
just did
i will never understand the fascination with mashups it's like oh my god it's
like you found
two songs that were the same tempo what is the odds of that pretty high pretty
high why because white
guys hate dancing so they they try to keep it at a certain amount of bpm so we
can just sort of walk
around the fucking dance floor and do our required one dance at a wedding do
you have any white guys
have that contract with their wife i'm gonna dance to one song at the wedding
then i'm going back to the
bar right sweetheart all right here i go again on the dance floor walking
around in a fucking circle till
it's done right you name one thing that your wife hates as much as you hate
dancing
that you that you could possibly get her to do in public in front of everybody
it's amazing
it's amazing that they do it right so anyways oh zampic i've seen that
commercial like 98 times
um i want to write an answer song why don't you have a salad you fat there are
no shortcuts
there you tubby hey there tubby tits you want to lose a you want to lose your tits
you sick of having tits you sick of looking like a half a bull and a you look
like a bull that's transitioning to be a cow why don't you just eat right they
don't want to do it
they literally this is a classic example of they literally want to have their
cake
and eat it and have abs it's not how it works all right i got two words for you
when it comes to
desserts lay off you think that i started drinking coffee again right i'm not i'm
not i'm just i'm high
on sobriety right now no cigars no coffee those are my two things and the
occasional weed gummy
that occasionally gets out of control and then i fucking you know smoke weed
like every night for
like 10 days and i'm doing what am i doing i'm not cheech i'm not chong all
right i'm billy red face i'm a
drunk i laid off the booze don't start another bad habit so i don't know i know
i got a good fight
i got a good fight with my wife my wife before i do that before before i bring
this up before i bring
this up let me let me do i gotta do the uh my tour dates for 2024 are coming
out right i love promoting
right as i take a fucking break promoting more goddamn work than i'm gonna have
to go do um all right
all my tour dates what is it here tour date announcements for mmp all shows pre-sale
starts
tuesday december 6th with the code burr b-u-r-r all right and let's let's see
where old bill's gonna
go how no road again boom boom boom boom boom just can't wait to actually can't
wait i can wait till
february i have uh the rancho in rancho mirage california i am at the show
agua calente rancho mirage that sounds like it's gonna be a bunch of white
people eating salsa
all right i got that one in february then uh i'm just gonna read where i'm
gonna be you can look
all of these things up okay uh portland oregon vancouver british columbia salt
lake city i haven't
been there in a long time i love the mormons she's still a virgin she's just
taking it in the ass
gary indiana in march oh why are you going to indianapolis bill on march 9th
because i got a show
at the game bridge field house um detroit michigan at the little caesars arena
st louis missouri oh these
are all fun blue collar fucking baseball football fucking town basketball towns
st louis missouri
um phoenix arizona columbus ohio this is in may nashville tennessee winston-salem
north carolina
getting down there to tobacco road uh denver san jose winnipeg london ontario
and then i have a a uh
i have i can sort of tease this i'm going to a different continent i'm going to
a continent
that i've never been to before that's also coming up next year oh it's gonna be
fun
trying to line it up with the moto gp race giving you some hints here