Name: Bill Burr's Fast is Making Him Go Crazy
Uploaded: 2024-02-07T16:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Fast is Making Him Go Crazy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr's Fast is Making Him Go Crazy' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-07. Transcript available.

so anyway that's all i've been thinking about is like the first day of the fast
was i wanted a
burger and then ever since yesterday i just keep picturing this glorious
breakfast burrito that i
want to eat which of course coming off a fast you can't do that i usually have
like a little bit of
like cantaloupe and just some avocado just easy to digest like fucking baby
food and what i do
like about that is it's not like a shock to the system because believe me
believe me by by nine
o'clock tonight if somebody said do you want to go to mcdonald's i would say abso-fucking-lutely
and i would get oh what would my mcdonald's order be
two quarter no two double cheeseburgers if they would make them okay that's my
favorite mcdonald's
sandwich a close second is the quarter pounder with cheese so if they weren't
making the double
cheese i would get two quarter pounders with cheese all right so what am i up
to now like immediately i
think i'm over 2 000 calories that's not even with the fries i get one large
fry
like nobody needs to eat that many that's too much fucking potatoes and shit it
just it just fills you
up um and then i would get maybe two cheeseburgers
and uh maybe a vanilla shake for some reason not chocolate which i usually go i'd
get a vanilla shake
and i would sit there in my car barely getting out of the drive-thru
did i ever tell you guys how much i fucking used to love mcdonald's when i was
a young man
that was my favorite my favorite fucking thing
to do after boozing was to go to mickey d's hit the fucking drive-thru
and order like 11 worth of food in like 1986 so that's like you know 25 bucks i
remember one of
my buddies we went there he ordered three quarter pounders with cheese back
when they came in the
styrofoam fucking box and uh my buddy was in and and then there was one of my
buddies in front of him
who was so stoned he ordered a medium french fry before they had one and that
person was looking
on the fucking keyboard trying to find it
um anyway by the time i got to my my food and i ordered what i ordered i came
back
and he was polishing off already he was polishing off his third quarter pounder
and he had all all the styrofoam boxes were open stacked on top of each other
and he had such a look of satisfaction on his face i just started cracking up
laughing
i was like jesus oh my god that fucking weekend
that fucking weekend i believe we were going up to new hampshire
and we had rented this place and we just were underage we were drinking
and then we just left and didn't pay
it was yeah it was just bad i mean i wasn't into doing that but everyone was
doing it so
i was like all right
all right i guess this is what we're doing you know when that fucking happens
when you just sort of you just kind of go with it like because i actually had
the money
that's the one thing i've had a job since third grade i had a paper route in
third grade i never had a fucking allowance
it was a brief time i'd shine my dad's shoes get your fucking shine bucks freckles
and but you know
he wasn't consistent with the payment so i had to drop him as a customer and
then i got a paper route in third grade
and i kept the paper route right up until as a freshman in high school i
started getting taller than some of my customers
and then i got a worker's permit
to get a job
oh my god that job at morse shoe
ugh
and i was pulling these computer tickets it was the most mind-numbing fucking
job
ever
and then by then i could be 16 then you could legally work and then i just
started working in warehouses
i've had a job ever since but what was great
was i always
i remember all my friends always having a bum money off their parents you know
they'd be at fucking lunch
high school lunch they didn't have any money and i always had
you know
five ten bucks which was like having like a hundred dollars bill on you
when you were at that age i always had money
to feed myself
you know
so uh
yeah i've always i've never been uh
i've always worked so i've never been broke
i've had times
where i was thinking i didn't have enough money to make my rent
but i always had gigs and shit
and i always saved the money
i was always smart
always drove like a fucking piece of shit car
uh
until i could afford a fucking nice one
um
but i will say i i probably took it too far when i was younger
going back there's a few things i was like man why didn't i just get one of
those
fucking cars
you know just to have a cool car when i was younger i didn't i just had a
fucking nerdy
two-wheel drive ford ranger
but i always had fucking money
i always had money
always fucking worked