Name: My Job Wants To Scan My Face - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2024-03-14T15:00:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Job Wants To Scan My Face - Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Job Wants To Scan My Face - Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-14. Transcript available.

Hey, Billy Nuggets, first time running to the show all the way from Belfast,
Ireland.
Oh, my God.
One of the most hardcore fucking cities I've ever been to in my life, in my
life.
That fucking place, that fucking place, the the post trauma of the troubles,
that whole
vibe, that fucking wall, the guy that opened the door that looked like Ian McShane
at Ulster
Hall, and I gave my big American friendly smile, and he just looked into my
soul, and
the smile immediately washed off my face, and I was just like, okay, okay, stop
cheesing,
just stop being so happy and joyful, these people have been through a lot of
shit, adjust
your fucking stupid, happy-to-be-here American attitude.
Okay, here we go.
First time running in from Belfast, Ireland.
Basically, I work in the film industry when I am on projects or have one.
Oh, basically, I work in the film industry when I'm on projects or have one.
But to keep a stable income, I also work full-time for a government department
in an office on
computers.
During lockdown and COVID, they gave us work-from-home kits, and now we have to
come into the office
one day a week.
The security for logging into both the computers at home and the office is a
blank card with
the chip that has our logins, and all we do is put a password in.
However, they are currently rolling out laptops to everyone that will not
replace your work
from HomeKit, but will replace the office computers.
So, what's the problem then?
Well, the problem is the new laptops only have one way to sign in, and it's a
fucking scan
of your face.
They are rolling them out to everyone and saying it is mandatory to have one
for when you come
into the office.
That still means they have a scan of my face, though.
People have tried to object to it and have just been forced into setting up one.
No, just quit.
Quit your fucking job.
Unionize and say we're not fucking doing this shit.
Regular people, we have got to get our shit together, and we have got to push
back.
I know I sound paranoid.
You're not paranoid.
They are 100% not going to just use that for fucking that.
I don't know what they're up to.
I'm not on the ins, but I know enough and have read enough history and lived
enough life
to not trust fucking anybody.
He says, I know you don't sound paranoid.
You sound smart.
You sound informed.
But it just doesn't make sense to me why they would make it mandatory for
everyone to have
a laptop that the only way you can sign into using is your face.
I don't want any government department having that, especially when it seems
like they are
changing the system for no good reason as the computers at home and in the
office all work.
Sorry for the long message, but this has been fucking getting on my nerves.
Thanks so much for the great podcast, stand-up specials, and humbly go fuck
yourself.
Dude, just say I'm not doing that.
Just say I'm not doing that.
And then they go, well, you're not working here.
Just say, fine.
I don't know what you do after that.
I mean, it would be nice if everybody just said, yeah, we're not fucking doing
that.
We're not fucking doing that.
Um, yeah, it is just, uh, I, but this is the ups.
This is what I'm going to tell, tell all you guys.
Like they have been trying this shit forever.
There's been a small group of people that since the beginning of time have been
trying
to control everything and invariably they fail because human beings, you know,
you can
only push us so far and then you just hit a breaking point and there's always a
rebellion.
There's always a point where whatever it is, a business, a form of government,
a tyrant,
they just get spread too thin or they get too fat and fucking lazy and then
they fall.
And this, this will fail also.
I don't have this gloom and doom of the future.
I feel like a regular person revolution will come at some point if we can just
stop yelling
at each other, um, about fucking everything.
I literally, somebody sent me a video today on photosynthesis about a bee and
the, the,
the sonic sound that the flower puts off and the bee hears it, goes there,
takes the nectar
out, which changes the sonic sound of the flower, flower, which lets other bees
know not to land
there because there's no nectar in there yet.
Okay.
And all the comments section was just, and people say there's no God and atheists
and
religious freaks just yelling at each other.
Can't just sit back, enjoy the video, believe what you believe.
I believe in God.
I don't believe in God.
And just fucking leave it at that and not leave a comment.
Nope.
They got to go in there.
Instagram has to have their bots go in and just say shit about God to get atheists
going
and all of that shit.
I almost chimed in after I read it to you and I was like, what the fuck am I
doing?
I was going to say like, you know, you fucking God people love to bring up when
they're talking
about bees and flowers, but when they're talking about sociopaths and warmongers
and all these
fucking assholes that are running corporations and poisoning the food supply
and putting shit
in Cheerios, you know, and then you, it's cause you're listening to the devil.
God made the devil.
Why doesn't he just handle that shit?
That's his former fucking employee.
None of that fucking, there's no, that, that caring thing that you're fucking
talking about.
You bring it up when we talk about the birdies and the bumblebees.
And then when you talk about serial killers and pieces of shit like Joe Biden
and Donald
Trump, and that's all, they listen to the devil.
Is that, is that the convenient fucking excuse?
You don't hold them accountable for anything?
I think God is just like us.
I think he's an unbelievably flawed.
He's just more talented.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.