Name: The Best Advice From Bill Burr Ep. 5
Uploaded: 2024-03-15T15:00:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Advice From Bill Burr Ep. 5' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Best Advice From Bill Burr Ep. 5' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-15. Transcript available.

The Best Advice From Bill Burr Ep. 5

girl quit job lady this lady quit her job and traveled the world um all right
here we go my
girl quit wait my girl comes home why did he feel like there was something else
in here did i miss
one of these things maybe not all right my girl comes home early the other day
and tells me she
quit her job i work full-time in a metal shop jesus christ what are you a blacksmith
and i go to school
full-time for engineering uh we also have two beautiful kids we cannot afford
our houses
our house cars etc without her working and she acts like i'm a bad guy when i
say when i get on
her about it oh jesus i don't know what i should do i'm thinking of leaving her
because this is not
the first time she's done this and in the total seven years we've been together
she's worked about
two and a half two and a half years of around 10 jobs wait she has worked about
two and a half years
of around 10 jobs you mean and i'm guessing you're saying she's had 10 jobs and
collectively worked
two and a half years can't take the financial stress anymore what's your advice
um
first thing i would do i downsize your life
just be like all right well look if you're not going to work then we got we got
to do something here
um that's incredibly selfish and um look she obviously doesn't want to work she
wants to be at home
she wants to be with the kids so you need to make enough money to basically you
know treat her like a
third kid um so your lifestyle is going to have to go down then if that's what
she i would just sit
down and be like can i ask you a question do you want to just stay home and be
with the kids
you know and let her flip out and scream and yell and all that and just don't
lose your cool just say
to her is that what you want okay because i need to know that okay so i don't
keep thinking that
that we're going to be dual income and making financial decisions that way i
can already tell
you right now dude that the fact that you're working full-time and she's
working full-time
and if the second she quits you're you guys are living beyond your lifestyle
beyond your means you
shouldn't be living like that so you're basically the two of you guys are
spending all the money that
you're making that's that's no way to live all right you need to be
you need you need to downsize your life is basically it i would drive uh you
know use toyota or honda those
fucking things never die i'd get one of those i downsize and then you know i
mean i don't think
you just quit on a relationship and walk out on two kids but the stress has to
be fucking brutal
and if she's being a fucking baby about it um
you know that's uh you know this is one of these fucking things that you know
be a nice change on one of those chick shows you know a full broad sit around
fucking talking about
women's stuff they never talk about this type of shit because this is this
would probably be
considered sexist if you brought it up that's a hell of a fucking thing for her
to be doing to you
um i would just you just got to lay it on the line just sit her down and just
say listen is this what
you want to do um i need to know that because i'm not going through this again
all right and i would
just say you've had 10 jobs in the last seven years and you've worked
collectively collectively about
two and a half of those seven years okay when you quit a job like that just
quit a job and have no other job
it puts unbelievable stress on me and it's not fair to me
okay so i need to know do you not want to work do you just want to stay home
with the kids because
if you do we're going to have to downsize our lives dramatically if you want to
keep living like this
you need to get a job all right and if she flips out about that type of thing
um
i mean that's a tough one i i guess i would be like
when she flipped out be like all right you know something scream and yell and
get it out of your
system but you have 48 hours to sit down with me and discuss this like an adult
and cut a plan
okay or i need to make a decision because i'm not gonna i'm not gonna live my
life with this level of
financial stress um
something along those lines because i'll tell you what she's doing to you is
unbelievably immature
and selfish when you need dual income and you got two kids at home you just don't
quit a job
all right
jesus christ what if you did that you know what i mean i'm telling you this
right here when that
guy was sitting there talking that guy saying like oh you should leave your job
and go travel around
the planet this is why you don't do that what you're doing sir busting your ass
trying to get ahead
that's what you do when you're young okay it makes your life a hell of a lot
easier as you get older
okay because the older you get you got to be somewhere you know what i mean
like all they want to hire young people generally speaking you have to be at a
certain place by a certain age generally speaking or they're not going to give
you a shot
okay it's like that old thing about the what was it what was it those two
animals one of them
was storing away food the other one was running around like a jerk off and then
the storm finally
hits and the ants eaten and then the turtles uh beat the hair however the story
goes um
i gotta tell you this you know i sacrificed a lot to get where i'm at and i
missed out on a lot of
shit but the that i on the back end that i ended up getting to do okay you know
there was a whole bunch
of stuff that i missed socially just fun stuff so-called regular that i missed
because and i slept on a futon like i've told you a zillion times till i was
about 36 37 years old
all right but the outside of that was i got to perform at madison square garden
i got to play drums with slash and duff and guns and roses you know what i mean
that's insane
but you got to be willing to stay on the futon till you're pushing 40
and laying there in the loneliness of that with the voices creeping in your
head of doubt
and you have to beat those things down as they're telling you did i did i make
a horrible
fucking mistake um
so what you're doing sir you're working full-time and you're going to school
full-time for engineering
okay if your fucking wife no offense could just ride it out for a couple of
years
all right until you get your engineering degree you get on your feet this is
what old school couples used
to do okay they worked more as a team because generally speaking divorce was
looked down upon
and they always try to make it look like and there was all these women getting
beaten and
they just stayed in there like every woman was getting the slapped out of her
all right i'm not saying there wasn't women getting you know the kicked out of
them all
right but there's a lot of people to just throw in the towel because it's hard
and then you're going to get with somebody else and what it's going to be easy
it is hard
but this is this is like some you need to iron this out and she needs to get
her head
screwed on straight and realize that she's got to support you by keeping up her
end of the
while you become an engineer and then you move up the ladder and at some point
she's going to
get what i think she wants which is what she's going to get to stay home alone
um nia can you come over just help me finish off this podcast i know you don't
want to your
shoulders literally just slumped i'll read this really quickly i know you're
tired nia we're all tired
are you going to sit there like i'm going to scold you like a little kid no i'm
just tired what is
what is that i know it's 1 15 in the morning all right this guy uh his girl
comes home he's not
even your wife no but you got two kids girl comes home early the other day and
she tells me she quit
her job i work full-time in a metal shop and i'm going to engineering school uh
i'm going to school
full-time for engineering we also have two beautiful kids we cannot afford our
houses and our cars etc
without her working and she acts like i'm a bad guy when i say when i get on
her about it i don't know
why i should do i'm thinking of leaving her because this is not the first time
she's done this in the
total seven years we've been together she's worked about two and a half of
those years and had about
10 different jobs i can't take the financial stress anymore what's your advice
nia renee hill yeah i
mean i think you should definitely talk to her about it and if you feel like
she's not pulling her weight in
your situation then that's a problem so yeah it's stressful if he's carrying
the burden they have
like two kids and whatever i mean is she just lying around the house all day i
mean is she at least
you know taking care of the kids and make sure they have lunches and all that
stuff or is it just all
falling on him you know that's really yeah well they need the money all right
so so i'm right so i'm working
okay so i okay if that's what their financial situation is where they both need
to be working then
they both need to be working but i don't know how leaving her is going to
alleviate the financial
strain but no he's got kids he's and then she's gonna bleed him dry because she'll
be pissed i think
yeah i don't know but yeah she needs to get it together i'm sorry i found out
accidentally that my
best friend since birth's girlfriend has been our other best friend behind his
back for over a year
now wait a minute wait a minute let me back up here i found out that my best
friends my best friend
since birth's girlfriend all right so your buddy since you were a toddler he
has a girlfriend she's
been your other best friend behind his back for over a year now oh my god wow
okay here we go i was
checking something on his phone and stumbled across naked pictures she had sent
him shocked to see it
i dug further wait a minute the are you doing with this phone what were you
checking on his phone
wait a minute what what the fuck this this is this whole thing is weird are you
the guy that's actually
fucking your best friend's girlfriend and you're speaking about yourself in the
third person this
whole thing is weird i was checking something on his phone i've never checked
anything on any of my
friends phones ever you know if they hand it to me i look at whatever picture
is there i don't start
swiping around and snooping you were snooping
what kind of a man jesus christ all right so you're snooping on this guy's
phone
you stumbled across naked pictures what do you mean you stumbled across you
kicked on the you clicked on
the photo app you scrolled through his photos she had sent them and then what
you sent him to your phone
and jerked off to it later i'm probably being too hard on you all right shocked
to see it i dug further
and read the text between them oh jesus you were just fanning yourself weren't
you um i love how you're
just not not doing anything wrong either the next thing i was i couldn't
believe it so now i'm looking
at his tax record and his fucking social security number uh anyways all right
shocked to see them i
dug further and read the text between them saying how much she loves him and
she wished they could
all day and it made me so sick to my stomach that i went into his tax records
um sorry she's the nicest
girl i ever met in my life and i look at her as a sister but now i see how bad
she's been
fucking a kid over that's like my brother with his best friend and i have no
idea what to do
he trusts them both so much that he had no problem with them going alone
together to green bay for a
football game oh my god oh jesus they probably on one top of one of those
cheesehead things
you know she bent herself over it you know goodness uh now when i hang out with
them
from here on out how could i act normal when i know what's going on it would
destroy my buddy if
i told him if i tell him not only would i lose the friend i have wait if i tell
him not only would
i lose the friends i have but this girl if this is a girl he lives with would
do anything would do anything
for and is going to get engaged to her eventually the four of us a