Name: The History of Easter with Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2024-04-03T14:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The History of Easter with Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The History of Easter with Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-03. Transcript available.

it's april fool's day uh you guys know what the history of april fool's day is
well it goes back to slavery and maybe if you knew the history you wouldn't be
celebrating it
um just with you what would that story be april fool's day hey do you want to
go for a boat ride
april fools now you're a slave that's how it started and you can look that up
excuse me um anyway did you guys have a nice fucking easter
um yeah we got called out got called out by my daughter you know she finally
just asked going hey
is this uh is this uh you know is this uh is this on the up and up i'm so
relieved at least with her
the lie is over i don't know why the we do that but i will say later on that
night when i was hiding
the easter eggs i kind of felt sad like she knows it's me this is stupid why
don't you just put them
in the fridge before they go bad so any anyway i i never understood the stand-up
comedians have already
always forever at least when i started out before there was the internet before
there was personal
computer space unless you were just some nerd hanging from a doorknob by your
underwears
um no one had a personal computer al gore was working on inventing the internet
while uh donald trump was on his way to being the greatest businessman of all
time right and
in other things that people that run for president say um comedians would do
bits and they'd be like
what's the deal what what what the a bunny is leaving eggs what the and uh club
soda kenny let
me know today he said it was actually it initially started it was about
fertility i don't know what the
bunnies are because fucking like rabbits and then fertility would be like i
mean it's just an egg
right that's all it is it's an egg without the uh without the fucking
fertilizer so what are you gonna
do with that you know i don't know but i think that that's what it was supposed
to be and the germans
somehow brought in the bunny so if they're involved you know somewhere along
the line if you read into it
far enough there's going to be some sort of scat right isn't what it always
ends up with the germans
it's either a genocide or some sort of i don't know scat video let me just see
something east let's look
this up easter bunny easter bunny germany german folklore according to german
tradition the easter bunny or the
us the house was believed to be a mythical creature that laid colorful eggs for
children to find on easter
sunday jesus christ they've just always been a little twisted over there huh as
opposed to us here yeah
this tradition likely evolved from the pagan belief in a hair as a symbol of
fertility and renewal dude you know
what the pagans they they just got they got ripped off on like a like a blues
singer level it all goes back to
the pagans i would read up on that if somebody could just cut to the chase i
always hated when you would read
like these history books they'd always have to go they couldn't just jump into
it they'd always have to
rewind 50 years for three goddamn chapters of you didn't want to read just so
you could understand
where the fuck you were it's like don't you i don't give a fuck just get to the
war just get to the
assassination just get to the recipe that's another one oh my god the fucking i've
always enjoyed breakfast
cereal mornings coming down hearing the rice krispies going snap crackle pop
like it would take somebody with
a food website like 15 pages to tell you how to make a bowl of cereal of course
dad would be there
smoking his ever-present pipe it's probably why to this day i still like smoked
haddock lol rolling my
eyes with my cute line of rolling pins those are the side ads white women with
little hands being excited
about aprons or whatever the fuck happens on those food sites um i want to meet
the guy that plays the
piano in those food videos is he really that like soulless or does he just sit
in the studio crying laughing
just going i can't believe i'm getting paid to write to score a muffin making
video um
or what if you know even worse what if it has nothing to do with any of that
what if you actually made that
music and you thought it was sick right and like jay-z or whoever the big
person is now
was going to call you up and be like can i sample some of this stuff and
instead nobody gave a
shit except for the cooking industry not even the cooking industry the the just
the people on the
internet um anyway so it goes back to the pagan belief i guess that the hair
symbolized fertility
because of i guess the way rabbits multiplied i'm kind of fascinated with
rabbits in that their sole
purpose is to just be this like a never-ending food source
for predators like their job is to to and then be eaten
and they get eaten all the time the worst is when those
stoats jump on their back and they can't shake them i never knew a rabbit made
noise
until one of those things and then like
they feed all of these animals but if you're a
a human being and all you eat is uh rabbit if that's all you ate you would
actually starve to death
because i guess there's not enough fat in them you know
to keep you going i guess you need some so kind of i don't know like well how
would i how would i ever
know anything about nutrition when fucking there's just the lobby to lie to me
about what's out there
so i end up eating the wrong fucking thing is so strong um i'm always amazed at
people that are on
the internet that somehow have the answers it's like how did you figure it out
how did you how did
you how did you get on the other side of this shim this is a fucking enigma you
know wrapped up in a
fucking uh egg yolk i mean egg yolks are like i don't even know what they are i
just eat them at this
point they've been good enough times in my life i think the good has outweighed
the bad
anybody does anybody believe that does anybody even know what it is that i'm
talking about right now
i had a great easter with um i hung with the kids my uh lovely wife was a
little under the weather so
i just hung with the kids all day and uh it's been cool man my daughter's at a
fun age my son's at a fun
age and uh i just have a we just have a blast just doing all kinds of dumb shit
doing kid
shit and then doing dumb adult shit i'll do fucking anything with them i'll go
to the playground
i'll go to an open house you know i'll go look at like motorcycles like any
like i don't give a
fuck i just as long as you bring them with you you know i took them to auto
zone bring it to the zone
auto zone i had to fucking get a battery i let it run down on my truck right
and i would call triple a
but they're always going like are you calling from your home address it's like
are you stalking me
why the fuck do you need to know where i'm calling from you cunts mind your own
business
oh we don't share that information you don't the people you work with do
um i told you when i was flying back from fucking uh new york i went through
clear and they go can
we have your phone number i'm like no you can't and then well then you can't go
through and i'm like
what the fuck what did i pay for them then they go it's just a one-time thing
it well how many times
do you have to put it in your fucking system before you have it you dumb cunt
anyways don't don't sign
up for clear don't sign up for clear i already did it i'm done my robot's
already being made if you just
stay in the fucking tsa pre-checked at this point it's just as fast fuck those
guys fuck all of them
and fuck the politicians that are just getting paid off as they look the other
way it's just
corporations do what the fuck they do but i believe i believe that a revolution
is coming
you know i like when you go by like a big job site and there's a crane and
there's an american
flag hanging from it you know and you're like yeah unions work better work
union we got to get back
to that we won't we're gonna keep yelling at each other fucking libtard why don't
you go fuck your
sister in your red state just just just keep doing that see how that works out
all right i'm not
doing this i'm not doing this i'm gonna keep it happy and positive