Name: Bill Burr Is Giving Up Comedy For Golf...
Uploaded: 2024-05-10T16:00:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Is Giving Up Comedy For Golf...' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Is Giving Up Comedy For Golf...' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-10. Transcript available.

I golfed two days in a row.
I don't know what I did to my, my, my calf is all tweaked.
I only did nine holes both days.
I just can't, I can't fucking do it for 18 holes.
It's just, that is not a sport for, you know, someone as pasty as me.
I am a winter sport guy.
You know, anything that involves the cold going up towards the North Pole.
That's how I'm wired.
That's where my people are from.
My ancestry, you know, I can't do that sunbelt shit.
I actually played great.
The first day I went out, I had two pars on nine holes, had a bunch of sixes
and fives, sevens.
And then I had like a, I had one, you know, fucking 11 blow up hole.
You know, what's funny on a blow up hole is like, I don't give a shit.
I just like, I'm more concerned about the people behind me waiting to fucking
tee off.
So I, I do like three putts in a row.
I go boom.
And then I just walk up to it, hit it again.
And then I walk up to it, hit it again.
And then I tap it in like, just to clear the fucking area.
Like, what am I going to fucking sit here and line this up?
Like, I'm good at this.
That's what's the funniest shit about golf.
And then the next day I didn't play as well.
I still played pretty good.
You know, a bunch of sixes, sevens and fives was playing like, you know, double,
triple bogey golf.
And, um, what's fucking hilarious about golf is every time, like you have a bad
shot, somebody has to tell you what you did wrong.
Oh, you opened the club face up.
Now you picked your head up.
You, you, you, you set the ball up in the middle of your stance.
You wanted it more forward.
And you want to be like, dude, you just chipped out of a bunker into somebody's
fucking pool.
Like what, what, why am I listening to you?
That's actually a true story.
My buddy who I'm golfing with, they don't really have sand in the traps where
we're playing.
It was more just like dirt.
So we tried to hit behind the ball and it was all packed down.
So the club just bounced and he just fucking hit the thing.
It went all the way.
Like he was literally trying to hit this ball, you know, out of the trap, just
chip it right up on the green, let it roll towards the cup.
It thing just fucking goes all the way over.
We were, and me and, uh, Verzi were on the other side.
Um, it went over the green, over us, over, like through these trees into the, I
thought it was going to hit the house.
I was like, oh my God, it's going to fucking hit the window.
And it just pooped like right in the fucking wall.
Right in the deep end.
And I'm just sitting there going like, this guy's giving me advice.
Now what you want to do here, just, you know, swing away or whatever.
Oh my God.
I just started telling people to shut the fuck up.
You know, Hey, what you did there was just like, well, you, I know you hit it
fat.
Oh, did I?
You chunked it.
I know.
You know, I know that.
Cause I just watched you do it.
Like it's so fucking, I don't know.
It's so fucking funny.
I just wish it wasn't out in the blazing sun.
It was, it was actually beautiful days, but, um, I don't know.
It is just such a fucking, it's such a fucking silly game.
And, but I enjoy like watching people like losing their shit.
Um, like Verzi's good for one, but he lets it go real quick.
I was saying, I'm like, dude, you're like Clemens.
After he gives up a home run, he goes, give me a fucking ball.
And he just wants to just keep going like Verzi will have one little moment
where he
like, you know, gets upset with himself.
And then he, he, he's really good at like, like letting it go.
And, uh, so he had his one and we were laughing about it for the, like the
whole fucking round.
It was early on, uh, you know, he had a great drive, great second shot, chipped
right up and
he was putting for par and the greens were really fast and the thing just like
lipped out and
he just like grits his teeth and he goes, sister's cunt.
It was just was, you know, you fucking whore, but like sister's cunt, it was
just so fucking
like specific.
So I fucking, I, let me not laugh the whole round, but I laughed for like a
hole and a half
about that.
And then he said, I didn't say it like that.
I go, you don't, you can't walk down sister's cunt.
What are you going to act like?
You fucking had a big smile on your face when you said that?
Fucking teeth all gritted.
I don't understand why these people just don't like, once you learn how to play
guitar,
it's like less frustrating.
You could be that guy at fucking, uh, at a party going, wasted away again, a
margarita.
I didn't know you played ukulele, you know, just anyway.
Um, but I actually, I really enjoyed, uh, I enjoyed the fucking hang and I
actually, my short
game, I've kind of went out there and I just was saying to myself, I love the
second shot
because that's the one that always kills me.
I'm great out of the traps because I got a lot of experience there.
Um, I suck at putting.
I'm great at, I can, I can drive pretty consistently and I can chip up pretty
good.
But my second shot and my putting, I mean, that's five strokes right there, you
know, two to get
it to where I got to chip it and then like three putting, um, so anyway, so we
did that
like two days in a row.