Name: I'm Dating My DEAD Best Friend's Girl! | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-06-29T20:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I'm Dating My DEAD Best Friend's Girl! | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I'm Dating My DEAD Best Friend's Girl! | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-29. Transcript available.

hey billy good shape ah look at that no more billy mint hits i love it uh i'm
writing on here because
a little over a year ago my best friend of 13 years died god rest his soul
absolutely devastated
and when it happened oh absolutely devastated when it happened and still even
until today oh yeah dude
that like it never uh never quite goes away you get you numb it you know you
can maybe start
talking about it and get less emotional but yeah anyways the person says i'm 29
years old and
unfortunately there is a twist to this out of the grief his girlfriend and i
started to lean on each
other oh no oh god all the women in the fucking world and we eventually got
together after a few
months your best friend of 13 years dies and within two months you're banging
his girlfriend
ex-girlfriend he died right but they never officially broke up metaphysically
they did
is that the right word i don't know i'm gonna guess that he's been having some
fucked up dreams and his
his dead buddy is visiting him he goes it's helped a lot with this whole ordeal
uh on the other hand
now we've been in a relation in this relationship for a while and she's now
living with me after eight
months because her lease was up dude can i ask you a question does your food
have an almond aftertaste
um cyanide joke uh evidently mine was out to expire also when i renewed mine
but put her down as an
occupant okay this is going to go one of two ways i think in your grief you
with heightened emotions
you guys confuse that with love and now she's living there and now you got to
get rid of her i don't
know this is this is the leveling of anxiety i had like when i was watching the
time ocean gate
i'm going to be frank on this and say that after a little over a year i do not
share the physical
attraction to her anymore or maybe i never did probably a grief thing and i
honestly feel like
a piece of shit for having it go this far all right
okay she's a great woman and she's a 10 on everything else other than my
personal feeling
of attraction towards her and most of all just thinking of my friend every time
i see her
and fuck her uh let's not leave that out i can't talk about him with her the
way i would with my
other friends something in my gut says i should tell her to leave but on the
other hand i really
like the company that's not a reason dude having said that i think it's awful
of me to feel
discontent with this but i don't want to lead her on any advice would help
thank you and don't
fuck yourself over like i did hoping you're doing well yeah dude well what is
the lesson here
the next time one of your close friends dies don't start fucking his girlfriend
and if you do don't
don't ever move in uh any advice yes let's get the obvious out of the way this
is gonna suck
wow is this gonna suck um i would go to home depot no fuck that i'd go to a mom
and pop
hardware store i would buy two plastic buckets one for each of her eyes for the
amount of tears that
are gonna come out but dude you gotta do this you gotta man up there's only one
way there's only one
way to get into a pool and there's only one way to break up with somebody and
it's the same fucking
answer you just jump in you don't go down the steps you don't do that you just
fucking jump in
whenever i had to break up with somebody it had it couldn't just be in my head
it had to be real so i
would write it down on a piece of paper i would write down go to the gym write
jokes grocery shop
break up with so-and-so because you're going to avoid it all right the good
thing is it's good and
bad that you live with her it's bad that you live with her because then you're
going to break up and
then that i don't know you go to the couch i don't know what happens here at
least you don't say hey
we have to talk tonight you can't ever say that to a woman because the second
you say we have to talk
the talk is happening they on the other hand could say we need to talk tonight
and then for the whole
you go okay and then for the whole day you're doing fucking somersaults
mentally torturing she's going
to break up with me oh my god what the fuck was this they waste this money and
then you show up that
night it's just going to be like um my mother's coming to town and i was hoping
we could take her
out on breakfast on thursday it's just like you couldn't just fucking say that
right they know what
they're doing they oh they know what they're doing so i wouldn't tell her we
need to talk i would
just sit down and say it don't say it beforehand just say we need to talk and i
would just say
obviously with losing so-and-so was devastating for both of us and we were in a
heightened emotional
state which led to our relationship and now 13 months later as the emotions
have calmed down
i'm finding that my emotions for you weren't as strong as i thought what does
that mean uh my emotions
aren't strong enough to continue this relationship and there you jumped in the
pool and then let her
process that hopefully maybe she was thinking the same thing hopefully when she
looks at you she
keeps thinking of him or whatever you know if you want to like further explain
it it's like also
whenever i look at you i think of so-and-so it's affecting my ability to move
that's kind of that's a
that's a cop-out just be like i don't know dude this is a fucking brutal one
just don't be totally
honest like when my friend was alive as much as i liked him i i always wanted
to you know not gonna
lie i was attracted to you but out of respect for him i waited till he was dead
until i made a move on
sorry i had to do one joke in there yeah i would just say that and i would get
out of the thing
and uh it's gonna suck you know and then there's gonna be this thing she's
probably gonna feel okay
i lost this other guy i lost my apartment i gained this relationship now i'm
losing this relationship
and then wait a minute where am i gonna live that's what she's probably gonna
think and then
there's gonna be like you know if you live with the woman legal you know
legally married or not
they i don't know what it is about them that they they oh they always feel like
they're getting
screwed like they somehow didn't get something out of it like they didn't live
with you and their rent
wasn't cut in half like it's like the way that women view sex they view sex
like they did you a
favor they act as though it doesn't feel good to them that they didn't also
have sex that they also
didn't have an orgasm you know what i mean they they like the just the whole
way that they have this
thing fucking broken down so fortunately you're not legally bound to this
person so i mean i don't
know how that works but like i would get out of this relationship and uh i
would begin your the
grieving process of losing your friend in in a way that you can it doesn't fuck
your life up all right
and if you want to feel better about yourself you're not the only person that i've
you're not the first
person that has ever done something like that and yeah it's it's never viewed
in a positive way by any
of your friends especially two months later wow all right good luck with that
serf i do not envy
your position i hope it's fast and not furious
Thank you.