Name: Should You Date a Witch? | Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2025-12-28T18:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Should You Date a Witch? | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Should You Date a Witch? | Bill Burr' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-28. Transcript available.

L.A. Witch Dilemma. Hey, Billy Zen, I'm a 30-year-old guy from the Midwest. A
couple weeks ago,
I met an attractive and mysterious woman at my local coffee shop. It sounds
like the beginning
of a porno or a fucking horror movie. She gave me Morticia Addams vibes. Which
one is that? Is
that the... I never watched... I used to watch The Munsters. I watched The Munsters
and I watched
The Three Stooges. I didn't like the fucking Addams family. The dad was just
too weird.
She gave me Morticia Addams vibes, but I'm into it. Okay, you're kind of goth.
I understand it.
We hit it off and went and got sushi that night. The next line. Turns out that's
not the only thing
she likes raw. Oh, sorry. All right. I'm a 30-year-old guy. I'm kind of into it.
All right. Turns out
she was just in town on business and left the next day back to L.A. We've been
texting nonstop,
and she wants me to go out and visit her for a few days in January. Dilemma.
The other day,
she told me she's an actual witch and has been mixed in with the occult. Spooky
shit. Since she was a
kid. I jokingly asked if she was going to put a hex on me, and she replied,
only if you hurt me.
Kind of creeped me out. Bill, this woman is 47. She's intriguing, but I want to
meet the right one and have
kids one day in the next few years. Probably not with her. Should I go to L.A.
for a few days,
adventure with this witchy lady, and risk becoming a newt or a stay-at-home and
freeze alone in the
Illinois? Oh, wait. I fucked up his joke. He goes, should I go to L.A. for a
few days,
adventure with this witchy lady, and risk becoming a newt or stay home and
freeze alone in Illinois in
January? Cheers to therapy breakthroughs and go fuck yourself. I was going to
say to not go out there,
but is that going to make her mad? Ooh, witchy woman. See how high she flies.
Yeah, I mean, women are vindictive enough. You don't need someone that actually
knows how to put a
fucking hex on you. I don't know, dude. You're doing the guy thing. You're like
just thinking like,
all right, if she's a witch, she's going to be a fucking animal in the rack.
Like, is there any
information out there about... You know what? I'm going to... You know what?
Just for you guys,
you know, it's the holiday season. It's the holiday season. Doobie doobie doo.
I'm going to do a
search. Are witches good in bed? Witches... They're kind of old, aren't they?
Good in bed.
Let's see what they say. According to various practitioners, modern occultists
and cultural
lore, witches are often associated with being exceptional in bed due to a focus
on energy,
intention, and self-awareness. The reputation stems from several key concepts
within witchcraft.
Who knew? Sex magic. They spell it with a K, like Magikowski for the fucking
Packers.
A common practice among many witches is using orgasmic energy as fuel for
manifestations and
intentions. Well, no wonder you vibe with this person. This sounds amazing.
This practice often
makes the sexual experience more deliberate and focused. You fucking dialed in.
You're ready for
the playoffs. Heightened awareness. Many practitioners believe that witches are
more in tune with their own
bodies as well as the energy of their partners, which leads to more present,
conscious, and considerate.
Are people daydreaming during sex? Being in the moment, you know, really seems
to be a problem for a
lot of people. Natural and herbal wisdom focus on pleasure, confidence, because
they so often do not
conform to traditional practical ideas of womanhood. They are sometimes
perceived as more empowered and
confident. Dude, you got to go meet this person. You got to tell her like,
listen, I'm fucking, I'm like,
how, well, how do witches feel about foul language? I would just be like,
listen, I'm, I'm looking for a new love baby. No, I'm looking for a, I want to
settle down and have a wife and a kid and some kids. That's what I'm looking
for. If that doesn't fit into your witchy shit, then, you know, I, I don't, you
know, I don't want to lead you on like I'm looking for a relationship because I
also don't need a hex put on me. But I am really attracted to you. And I'd like
to come out there and have like fucking regular
person witch sex with you. See how that is. Is that all right with you? Just be
fucking up front. Say it smoother than that. All right. And I think you'll be
all right. I think you should go to LA and I definitely think you should go to
LA and hook up with a witch. All right. Out loud, that doesn't sound, it
sounded good in my head. I don't know about, I don't know, dude, you're on your
own.
That's a fucking series right there. There's a witch, right? And like too many
people in LA, you know, that being in show business, they're just not good
victims. Cause we're always looking to get fucking stabbed in the back. So
where do they go? They go out to the Midwest where all you wholesome people are
to get their victims. But here's the thing. She can only fuck you and kill you
if she's in LA. You know, if you try to fuck her out in Chicago, she can't kill
you. I think that's how it works.
I think that's how it works.