Name: Bill Burr Vs. Fake Spiritual Gurus
Uploaded: 2026-02-04T19:07:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Vs. Fake Spiritual Gurus' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Burr Vs. Fake Spiritual Gurus' from Bill Burr Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-04. Transcript available.

i love those self-help people you know they act like they're they're trying to
like you know
improve your life and the first thing they do is they bring stress into it seizing
the day to do
what what am i why am i seizing the day why can't i just sort of enjoy it yeah
where the fuck are
you going with your season your day mr spiritual look at you you're so
spiritual you had to write
a book about it you ever think about that this guy's like fucking or this lady
you know or the
they who writes the book is being all fucking spiritual and everything but it's
like no you
went out you went out and got a book deal you somehow took spirituality you
know i'm above all
this capitalism communism whatever the fuck you live in you're above all of
this shit
and you're just gonna tap into the universe man right and you're just sort of
like breaking down
the walls of the matrix floating along the top of it living your best life
right getting above the lies
above the lies and below the flies chapter three they hear me out
this thing somewhere along the line these spiritual whores and that's what they
are because if you're
just spiritual that's all you would be you wouldn't in the middle of it be like
you know what this is a
fucking book i can sell this and then all of a sudden you got like deadlines
you got to meet when
you got to bring your first draft in on how to be spiritual and be you know
what did i just say
that's the name of the book above the lies and below the flies
like what does that even mean it almost sounds like it means something that's
what you get it
doesn't quite make sense so that makes you pick up the book and then i'm on the
cover and i got some
douchey like really soft sweater one of those sweaters that could also double
as a blanket
you know so i seem like i'm unassuming you know i act like i'm fucking one with
people
even though i make like children or whatever the fuck they manage manufacture
the book they make the
children work for nothing there's a few of them out there they like get right
in people's faces they
start screaming and yelling at them like that nine foot goof whatever the hell
that guy's name is
he's like a giant good-looking guy
it's like if you took john davidson and you made him nine feet tall
you know and then he yells at you like a fucking nfl coach after you fucked up
the play
changed it at the line of scrimmage and it didn't work and you turned the ball
over
what the fuck is that guys tony robbins you ever seen that guy
screaming at trailer park people the fuck is wrong with you
i always look at the people in the crowd thinking like haven't they been
through enough
what do they need this giant this fucking avatar john davidson coming out man i'm
going to continue
to say john davidson until you guys look up figure out who the fuck he is bill
you have a new book out
above the lies and below the flies talk about that what is that you know what i
gotta tell you
doesn't mean anything but it sounds like it does and i got a new sweater deal
and i'm just out here
taking money from all you bitches because as much as i'm fucking acting like
living a spiritual lifestyle
is the way to go uh i'm gonna make a bunch of money off of this book and i'm
just gonna go buy a bunch
of shit i don't need hi everybody i'm bill burr author of above the lies and
below the flies and
i'm here to tell you that that that is what life is life isn't a perfect view
out a hotel window
okay the view is perfect but there's going to be some bird shit okay and rather
than looking away
from the bird shit i want you to do something different okay just hear me out i'd
like you to
look into the bird shit and see life through that prison i don't know where i'm
going with this but
that had to be at least three pages of bullshit you ever think those guys just
do that shit those
spiritual guys they're like active and like an active toxic relationship
themselves as they give
you life advice and they just sit there and they got a staring at a blank page
they got the fucking
leaning back in the chair looking up at the ceiling trying to think how they
can just keep spinning
this fucking pizza dough that come in at about 180 190 pages so they can make
this money go to vegas
buy some coke get some horse go to the sphere see the eagles you know and then
meanwhile what are
you doing you're sitting there and you're fucking jams jams right going through
a breakup reading this
guy's bullshit and you're like i gotta be more like this guy with this soft
fucking sweater you
don't even realize that when you're reading it all right he's eating some hooker's
ass right outside
a circus i'm sorry people i didn't mean to bring that level of reality to the
podcast this early
but i just feel like i have a social responsibility in times like this um
you know in chapter five of above the lies and below the flies i talk about
having the courage
to attempt a breaststroke in an apartment complex with the chick you want to
bang who isn't even
there but your head says she is but you know you're not gonna bang her but your
ego says you're gonna
i i teach you the tools on how to land that woman
if you just read my book by chapter eight you'll be fucking her in the hot tub
and you won't care if half the building's watching hi i'm bill burr i have a
soft sweater and my legs
and my legs are crossed so you need to listen to me