Name: We Might Be Drunk Podcast Ep 27 with Mark Normand and Sam Morril
Uploaded: 2021-06-27T06:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Podcast Ep 27 with Mark Normand and Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Podcast Ep 27 with Mark Normand and Sam Morril' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-27. Transcript available.

We Might Be Drunk Podcast Ep 27 with Mark Normand and Sam Morril

We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know
we might be drunk.
Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Pet peeves, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We
might be drunk. Yeah.
Hey, folks, here we are. It's We Might Be Drunk, and it's the middle of the day,
and we're about to put down some hooch.
It's hard to find time to make this work. We're both on the road. Three travel
days in a row for me.
Woo, I know. I saw you. We did a Patreon. Get on it, folks. And you were yacked
on a cross-country flight.
I just thrown up. Nice. You farted.
Thank you.
If you're playing the Mark Farts at Home drinking game, drink up.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I just thrown up. Ugh, cross-country flight. With the mask on, too, I
smell my awful vomit breath.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's hilarious. I'm on the phone with my mom, and she's like, just do not
drink alcohol.
And I'm just like, I'm on all fours. You think I got a gimlet handy? Like, I'm
dying.
Jesus Christ. Who am I, Hemingway? I'm puking here.
Yeah, yeah, that's mom's for you. She always gives you advice that is
completely obvious.
Oh, my God. She literally, not doing a character, ends every call with, take
your vitamins and floss.
Yeah.
That's a mom thing.
You know what we should call that is mom-splaining.
You know, like, don't touch the dead pigeon. Don't drink alcohol while you have
food poisoning.
You're like, yeah, I got it, mom.
Mom-splaining is good. It is, uh, flossing, like, it's just moms.
Yeah.
That's just who's telling you to floss.
I think flossing is a little bit of a racket.
Do you think so?
Well, I floss. I used to go to the, I used to have braces for six years. I'd go
to the dentist.
Six years?
Oh, it was a nightmare. I was a fucked up kid. The bedwetting, the dandruff,
the neighborhood, the whole thing.
But, uh, I, you know, he's like, you gotta floss, you gotta floss. And you see
all these commercials, dental, what do you call it?
Gum disease, gingivitis, Listerine. I floss maybe once a month, and there's
nothing in there.
Really?
I go in, I got the stick, I got the, like, the little, you know, it's like a
hook with the floss thing in it.
Yeah.
That was a great invention.
It's like you're getting pulled off at the Apollo, but in your mouth.
Yeah, exactly.
No, I, I hate those things. It's just not, it's not fun.
No, it's not fun, but if you get a big chunk of grizzle, you're like, oh, wow,
that was necessary, but I'm doing it, and I'm getting nothing.
Yeah, it's pretty annoying. And then you get the times when you bleed, and you're
just like, I guess I gotta do this.
What am I, a virgin?
Yeah, it's brutal.
I know, but it's necessary, but I don't think it's, people say you gotta do it,
like, every day, or every other day. I don't think it's true.
Yeah, I don't know. But then there's all these people saying that, like, it
helps with gum disease, and so much of disease come through, like, not flossing.
I don't fucking know.
Who knows? Who knows? I guess it's better to just do it, but I don't think.
But then there's like, when people, when you're young, and people are like, you
gotta floss, you're like, I don't even remember getting home. You think I'm
gonna remember to floss?
Yeah, good point.
Like, I didn't brush.
Good point. Good point. I think a lot of that is hearsay. It's a wives' tale.
Don't eat, don't swim when you're hungry. I've eaten a buffet, and I hit the
beach. I've never done any of that shit. I eat when I'm, I mean, I've swim when
I've been eating like a fucking full cake.
Your New Balance game. Look at these.
Oh, thank you.
Look at that. This is like what a dad who has money wears. It's like a shiny
New Balance.
These were given to me. I would never buy these. They're too hip, but the black
folk love these.
Do they?
Yeah, yeah. I've been chased.
And I got, like, dad shoes on, too. Look at these. They're like dad runners.
Oh, yeah. Your shoes have come a long way. They're so colorful now. Shoes used
to be white and black and maybe gray. And now look at that. It's blue and
orange.
Blue and orange, yeah. Yeah, and you got, like, leather sneakers.
I know. They're crazy. What are we drinking?
These are my show shoes. I only wear them when I'm performing.
Show shoes? Who are you, Hanley?
You have show shoes? Remember when he told us that? We were, like, young comics.
He goes, these are my show shoes. And we're like, show shoes?
Yeah, well, it's not like these aren't special, but I don't want to break, I
don't want to wear them out because they're so cool, I guess. So I only wear
them on stage.
Yeah, that makes sense.
It's more of a, all right.
Guinness.
Nothing like an ice cold bottle of the gin.
I love it.
What was the other, you said you brought a backup option. I want the Guinness,
but I want to know what else you brought.
I got us a Foster's because it's a hot day. Something fun. This feels like a
day beer to me.
I'm more of a Guinness man than a Foster's man.
Yeah, it's not the best beer. And then I got just a Corona Familiar.
Never even heard of it.
I haven't either.
Corona Familiar.
I'm not familiar.
What are they? I thought it was extra, light, and now we're Familiar?
I think it's like the banquet of Corona.
Hmm.
So.
Look at that. Oh, you got it on your key chain?
Oh, yeah. Come on. I'm an alcoholic.
It's funny. That's on my car key, too. So I just have a bottle opener dangling
for my ignition.
I saw Paul Verzi. All Things Comedy posted a thing. Our buddy Paul Verzi was
defending White Claw, kind of like we did.
I saw that.
And then every comment was just like, this guy's an alcoholic.
Every defense is like, oh, put you fucking pussies on your ass.
And I drink White Claw, and then everyone's like, this guy's, yeah, should we,
oh, this is a bad pour, man.
Bad pour.
This is, we got to let the foam go down.
Wow, geez, this is like a black and tan over here.
I love a black and tan.
Underrated drink.
What is that, a Yingling and a Guinness, or what's the combo?
Yeah, I thought it was a Michelob.
Wait, what is it? It's got some rum in it.
No, I'm thinking of a Dark and Stormy.
Dark and Stormy's pretty good, too.
Yeah, what is a black and tan?
Damn, we haven't really experimented with weird cocktails on this. We kind of
should.
Well, we don't really have a bar here.
We got to, maybe we got to make a bar here, man.
We got to get a bar in here.
Maybe we'll bring some stuff.
By the way, I love in this studio, there's a security guard.
I've never seen them stop anyone.
I know.
There's a guy in the lobby.
He's literally watching a show without headphones in.
Yeah.
And I just walk, I'm like, this dude's, why is he here?
I know.
They're paying a guy.
That could be the booze budget right there.
Yeah, that's true.
Best gig in town, though.
He just sits there watching TV on the clock.
He's never stopped me.
He always goes, hey, hey, what's up?
I come in with two bags of booze.
He's like, get in there.
If you walk in confidently, you can get into most places.
That's true.
Yeah, that's true.
If you kind of go, what, looking for, then they don't like you.
They got to sign in and you got to give a name and a number.
But yeah, confident.
How do they know?
Is that white privilege?
Or is that just fake it till you make it?
Fake it till you make it.
Yeah.
I think.
I think you're right.
It could be white privilege.
He's black, so that means he's giving in to white privilege.
Just like a white person to make it their fault.
Yeah, they're ruining the country.
Let's take a sip of this here.
Cheers.
It looks like a milkshake.
To Hitler's good ideas.
Hey, the guy had great taste in clothing.
No, I really, I have an issue because it's, I obviously, you know, Jew, but,
you know,
my neighborhood, there's, Stumptown Coffee is so good and they gave money to
the Nazis.
It really is, it's a real problem.
I didn't know that.
Really upsets me.
Volkswagen, Hugo Boss.
Yeah.
All Nazi.
BMW.
BMW.
Ooh.
That one makes sense.
You're like, yeah.
You look at the logo, you're like, that feels Nazi-ish.
It does.
It has a swastika kind of vibe.
But who loves BMWs?
Jews.
Yeah.
I have one.
Who loves Stumptown Coffee?
You have one.
I have my car, that old car's a Beamer.
And it's an old Beamer, too.
So it probably has some bad ideas still.
Oh, shit.
I didn't realize that.
It's got that new car smell and that old Hitler smell in there.
It's a little gassy.
All right.
But yeah, oh, shit.
Did you see the whole thing, there was a whole article now, like, I forgot some,
there's
some American institution using, gassing people to death, like, for lethal
execution.
Oh, wow.
And I could have just said execution.
I don't know if we need lethal in there.
But they're like, this is what the Nazis did, they're saying.
Yeah.
This is how they did it.
And you're like, well, what is murdering someone?
Do you really care how they, it's like.
Yeah, it's a good point.
It's a good point.
Yeah.
I guess there's a classier way to get executed.
I don't know.
Well, you don't want to hang either.
That's true.
That's got some history.
And it's just so barbaric or whatever you want to call it.
People would watch.
Yeah.
It's so horrible.
Isn't that weird that people would just watch you get fucking murdered?
That was like, the town would be like, all right.
It was pre-internet.
You know, it was like, hey, this is hanging at two.
It's something to do.
It was like seeing a guitar act in Central Park.
I think, too, the.
Either way, someone's dying in public.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, we all watch this, Faces of Death.
You knew it was bad.
Or you're driving by, you're rubberneck.
Oh, there's a guy in a body bag.
You know, we all have to look.
And I think it's kind of part of that.
Yeah.
Also, I think Firing Squad is the classiest.
Is it?
I think we should bring that back.
You put the blindfold, you get the cigarette.
It's got some dignity to it.
And they all put their guns up.
And they only have one bullet, I think.
I feel like they use it a lot in wars, though.
I feel like it's got kind of like a barbaric feel to it, doesn't it?
That's true.
It's true.
I guess lethal injection is the move.
That's probably the move.
That's probably the most dignity.
It's like, am I getting the COVID vaccine or am I getting murdered?
It's got the same feel.
It's kind of weird.
Murderna.
Yeah, that's true.
You remember that George Carlin bit?
We're so obsessed with, like, health and germs.
He's like, we swab your arm before we give you the lethal injection.
Fuck, that's so good.
So good.
What a great little catch.
Yeah.
You don't need to shower every day, folks.
I saw our buddy Wayne Fetterman on Fallon the other day.
And he was plugging a book on the history of stand-up.
It looks great.
It looks really great.
Did you watch the history of late night on CNN?
It just came out.
No, I watched one on – no, I saw clips of it.
I think I was in it for a second.
I think you might have been, actually.
I think so, yeah, because Jessica Pilot sent me a –
I think you're at the Cellar or something.
No, I think I'm on Colbert in it.
She sent me a thing of it.
It's like me walking out in an ill-fitting suit and a shitty haircut.
Oh, yes, yes.
Yeah, you got the suit.
That was back when I didn't know suits could fit.
We were a newer – it was like our funeral suit or wedding suit.
It was.
It was a multipurpose suit.
It's funny when you watch comics in the 90s, anyone in the 90s,
you're like, man, you just looked – you could be out of shape.
Yeah.
And that was a nice suit.
Gary Shanley is wearing a giant 42-long double-breasted.
Huge flowy, yeah, exactly.
But it's Armani, and he looked good.
Exactly.
It's so true, yeah.
The suit thing – we're such children because I didn't buy a real suit
until the Seinfeld opening.
Because I knew he would pick it apart.
I knew he's such a psycho.
He'd be like, what the fuck is this suit?
You got to get a real suit.
Yeah.
So I was 36, bought a suit.
Yeah, I don't think I got a good one until – I bought a cool one for Fallon.
Oh, there you go.
It's late night.
I've worn suits on Fallon and Co