Name: We Might Be Drunk Ep 30: JuneShine Is So Fine
Uploaded: 2021-07-05T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 30: JuneShine Is So Fine' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 30: JuneShine Is So Fine' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

We Might Be Drunk Ep 30: JuneShine Is So Fine

We might be drunk. We might be drunk. As long as we are hanging out, you know
we might be drunk.
Raise a glass, let's talk shit. Head peeps, wrecks, and a bit. Maybe drunk. We
might be drunk. Yeah.
Hi-ya! Here we are, folks. We're back in studio. It's a balmy summer day in
Manhattan.
What's shaking? Sloppy jalopy. Good to see you, dude.
You too. You got the cold up top, warm down below look.
Well, you know, you rock a white shirt when it's raining out, you got to throw
something over that shit.
I just ran. First cleaning in 11 years at the dentist.
Wow! Holy shit.
Yeah, it was like going in an attic. They were pulling out cobwebs and shit.
It's disgusting. Old porn. Yeah, like weird prom dress.
Flashlight. Right, right. Hot Wheels track.
How was it? Was it a nightmare?
Yeah, it sucked. It was actually...
Oh, so I went two weeks ago and they had to schedule a second one because they
were like, it was not...
They're like, it's fine now, but it was like, you just got to come in more than
once every 11 years.
Yeah. Wow.
It's crazy that I haven't because I have such an anxious mom who's always like,
have you flossed?
And I was like, you were asking the wrong thing.
Right.
If you said, have you gone to the dentist, I would have been like, not in a
decade plus.
Yeah.
But you take care. You brush twice a day and you floss.
I don't floss, really.
Oh, I thought you flossed.
Yeah, unless my mom's listening. Then I floss every night, mother.
I assumed all Jews flossed.
Really?
You guys seem like flossers. Larry David's a big floss guy. Seinfeld's a floss
guy.
I'm offended by that generalization. I'm offended that you think I had my shit
together that much.
I mean, the Jews...
Not because it's not nice, but it feels like you don't know me.
Yeah, I guess it's a good point.
I'm wearing shorts with a flannel, Mark.
I just assumed. I mean, you're circumcised, right?
It wasn't my choice.
I was not consulted on that decision.
I thought Jews were flossing and, you know, you had your money taken care of
and you went to bar mitzvah and all that.
Those two are true, but the flossing is...
My mom, every day, vitamins and flossing. She will remind me, but I don't do...
Occasionally, I'll floss. Sometimes I'll get the pickers, you know, when those
are a little more fun.
I like a picker. It's kind of cinnamony and you feel like a cool guy, at least.
You're not like, that shit.
Yeah, God, I hate it.
I hate flossing. My dad flosses religiously and then he leaves the floss in the
toilet.
You know, it's just that green snake.
I hate it.
Awful.
You see that? There's the pork shoulder. There's the granola.
Pork shoulder.
Yeah. My dad is an animal in the bathroom. He's a hairy, hairy shoulders.
He pisses... He used to piss over me when I was a kid.
I'd be peeing and he would pee over my shoulder because he's a big, big, hulking
Frenchman.
That is... That's a ballsy move.
Very open in the Norman household.
Over the shoulder?
Over the shoulder, yeah. Some people sword fight. He was knighting me over
there. I was getting
the Duke of Ellington.
Sir Golden Shower.
Yeah, exactly.
Jesus.
But yeah, flossing, it's like that Hedberg joke. He's like, you think... When
people say
it's hard to quit smoking, it's actually harder to start flossing.
That's great. So it's a perfect analogy.
Perfect. Perfect. And to take a hard quit and hard start is a great technique
there.
Dentists are like con artists. So it's like a Ponzi scheme when you go there
because I
have a discoloration in my tooth and they're like, you have to get that taken
care of.
It's like a nerve trauma or something. It must have been hit or something.
Could it happen
forever ago? And I said, all right, yeah, I'll do it. And so I do it. And then
they're
like, and then you might want to come in and make the others match. And I'm
like, what
is it? Who are you? The fucking wolf of Wall Street here?
Right. Yeah. It's like the mechanic. Like, hey, your Johnson rod is screwed up.
You got
to come back. And you don't know anything. So you're like, oh, I guess I have
my molar
and canine and collapser or whatever the hell it is. But it's even more fucked
up to do
it with your health. Because you're like, a car, it's a material thing. True.
With your
health, you're like, yeah, I mean, I guess I have to. I don't know. Yeah, that's
true.
I mean, I was on my parents' dental plan and I hated every minute. I had braces
for six
years. I have real teeth trauma. Yeah. I had a gap in my teeth. I had to get it
fixed,
all that shit. I had to wear a retainer, the tightening, the rubber bands.
Right, yeah.
The rubber bands were rough. Oh, did you have braces? I did, but I was so young.
Oh, okay. Smart, smart. Yeah, I was in the prime of my high school years. Brutal.
So my
point is, I would go to the dentist every six months. Yeah. Which as a kid, you're
like, I'm back at the dentist again. And then they do the flossing and the
cleaning and
they got the pick and that suction thing. Cosby's got a whole bit about it.
They knock
you out. They put you to sleep. You end up using that one later, I think. Yeah,
the laughing
gas. But I haven't gone since. Like when I moved out to New York, I was like,
fuck the
dentist. And now I'm like, I guess I should go. Oh, yeah. You don't realize how
good you
have it. I mean, I went to a dentist. They literally had to bribe you. They
were these
dentists. They had video games there. What? You're playing like Pac-Man. I'm
like, this
is, you don't want to get called in. Whoa. I never had that. They're playing
video games.
They give you a little like slime hand you could throw. What? They like bribe
you with
toys. You know, they were like more outside the box dentists. Yeah, I like this.
You know,
some doctors, they give you a lollipop on the way out. These guys, they're like,
we got
little, here's a little slime hand. So you're like, this is amazing. And it
takes your head
out of it because you're like, ah, the dentist, I hate it. And then you're like,
fuck it.
It tricks you. They should do that with a dog. Why doesn't Mount Sinai Hospital
have
like a PS5? Yeah, they're always behind the times. Get a PS5 in that waiting
room.
Good point. Good point. That would ease a lot of kids' nerves. And we had the
goddamn,
the block with the wire thing that you follow. Remember that? Who's that for?
What am I,
Amish? Come on. It's awful. I think we, that's what we, Amazon doesn't pay
taxes. You make
Amazon send a bunch of PS5s to every hospital in the country. That way you're
having a bad
day. That takes your mind off. That's brilliant. I love it. Amazon, Bezos, if
you come back
from space, that's the first order of business. He's out of Amazon. What? He's
done. What do
you mean? He's walking away. What? Yeah, yeah. You didn't hear that? No. No, he's
done. He
just has enough money. He's like, what's the point? He's the richest person.
Yeah. I kind
of respect that. Even after the divorce, he's like top two, I think. Yeah, I
respect
that because he's got all the money and he gets a ton of hate. So I would just
be
like, all right, I'll leave. I got all my billions and you guys can bicker. I'm
going
to be on Jupiter. It's weird. He's bringing his brother. Yeah. And you see one
guy paid
like 28 mil or something to go with him. No. Some rich guy's like, yeah, I want
to go
to space. I mean, how long until they're fucking, by the way? I mean, once you're
in space
with no women and you have everything, you got to fuck this guy. There's prison
gay and
there's ultra rich space gay.
Oh, US, USR, ultra rich. Wait, you are. USSR? No, USPG, ultra rich space gay.
USPG. Oh, man,
that's so true. Wow. What the fuck? Once you're in space for too long. Yeah, it's
like prison.
What are we drinking, by the way? I don't even know. Speaking of the future.
What do we
got? I had these, Whitney Cummings introduced me to these. Oh, wow. And me and
Giannis got
fucking hammered on these and you don't feel guilty. There's not much of a hangover.
They
taste great. Hard kombucha? They're actually kind of good for you. I don't
think it's good
for you? Well, you got cultures and vitamins and it's, you know, no sugar. Yeah,
rip that
puppy open. I guess I should have gotten a four pack. I got a sixer. These are
6% alcohol,
by the way. Acai berry. Remember when you learned that for the first time? Wow.
That
and quinoa. Those took me about six years to figure out. This looks probiotic.
That's
what I'm talking about. All right. Yeah. I'm listening. Juneshine for the folks
at home.
They actually sent me a free case after the Whitney pod, so I'm a fan. Ooh,
this smells
good. Oh, yeah. Cheers. Hey, hey. It's got a kick, but probiotic. I like it. I
had these
once at some comedy club. It was Worcester. That comedy club in Worcester. Oh,
yeah. What's
it called again? I know what you're talking about. They had this, and I didn't
love the
one they had, but this is pretty good. Pretty good. Also, probiotic and
antibiotic, both
good. One of the rare things where they're both good. Ooh, that's interesting.
Tweet
it. You see what we got in the mail, too? No. What do we got in the old mail
bag? Send
to the podcast to Gotham Studios here on 38th Street. I'm really enjoying your
new podcast.
I've been following you separately for years. I'm glad you got together for
this one. You
talked about needing to try some new drinks and possibly building a bar, so I'm
hoping
this will come in handy. Wow. It's over 80 years old, so lots of inappropriate
slang of
the day. What? Cheers. Kenny Lipkins from Seattle. Oh, my God. Look at this.
Just cocktails.
I'm holding it up if you're here. Wow. It's wooden bound. And it's got just old-timey
cocktails.
Whoa. Look at that. Wow. This one's messed up. The rape against your will.
These are really
out of date and time. Holy shit. No, this is cool. It's got measured. Look at
this. This
is like old-timey. Wow. Yeah. That is really cool. This is just going to be fun
to just have
it. We're going to build a bar here, I think. Yeah. So please vote. We're going
to build
this set into a bar because this is almost a dental waiting room at this point.
So we
need... Got the video games. Yeah. We need a PS5. We want... Send us anything.
You got
a paddle that's with a swastika on it or whatever you got. A bar light, a neon
light. I like
the neon light. Yeah. Hell yeah. Anything. A cigarette, ashtray, whatever. You
get something
bar-y. Now we're going to get a neon swastika. No. I mean, you can't deny it.
That's pretty
cool. It's a good-looking symbol. The neo-Nazi bar. Anything good. Anything in
neon, I feel
like, is good. Doesn't that feel like a gay neo-Nazi bar? Like, people that
just... They
hate others, but they also kind of hate themselves. Right. Right. Exactly. Yeah.
By the way, I live
in the village and it's gay pride month. I am getting cat-called like the world
is
ending. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's... I mean, you got that gay bar right across
the street
from you. What's the famous one? I got the Duplex. That's the big one. Duplex
is like
famous. Famous. Joan Rivers, Lenny Bruce, all that shit. Yes. Great Lenny Bruce
story.
Yeah. Joan Rivers did an open mic there. Lenny Bruce is in the audience, so she's
like freaking
out. He's the guy. She's new. She's young. She's insecure. Bombs. And she like
ran out
crying. They got... They heckled her. They booed her or whatever it was. And
then he wrote
a note on a napkin, handed it to the bartender, said, give it to her. And it
said, he's like,
you're green, but you got it. Keep going or something. Wow.
And she said it kept her going for 10 years. Damn. Yeah. Pretty cool. That'd be
like if,
you know, Bill Burr or somebody huge gave you whatever. Cocktail napkin's so
old school
too. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Damn. And he didn't hand it to her herself, so there was
no awkwardness.
He just... It was just... She says he was the first comic to have sex appeal,
which I agree
with. Yeah, yeah. Because it's like Rickles and Henny Youngman and Groucho and
all these
kin