Name: We Might Be Drunk Ep 40: My Paloma!
Uploaded: 2021-09-13T01:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 40: My Paloma!' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 40: My Paloma!' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-13. Transcript available.

We Might Be Drunk Ep 40: My Paloma!

we might be drunk we might be drunk as long as we are hanging out you know we
might be drunk
raise a glass let's talk shit head peeps wrecks and a bit maybe drunk we might
be drunk yeah
hey hey folks here we are we might be drunk i'm still hurting from that uh
corpse reviver holy
shit that thing kicked me in the ass we he said to have what one right yeah we
we went back down we had
the we had the what three or four yeah yeah we did a patreon we just kept going
and uh i was laying on
my couch at about 7 p.m going i can't go out i had gigs i had to go out and get
chipotle to like
stuff that fucking liquor down i was not doing well no i was cranky i called
the booker i yelled at him
i did uh i did a spot at the cellar and that first couple minutes you know in
those first couple
minutes you're like oh i'm drunk yeah yeah i do know those minutes i'm not like
i'm not like
i'm not like hammered i'm aware of what i'm saying but i'm like i'm gonna step
slow here yes i had a
beard even out i was that guy it feels like you're swimming with like weights
on yes yes i can still
swim but i'm not gonna win a race no no no even though you look like michael phelps
you're fucked
from the face up which is not a good feeling you never want that compliment
yeah that's true yeah
you're way hairier too you'd be way slower just that jewish locks floating
behind chest air looks
rough in the pool i remember being like being around my dad in the pool and it
was like coming
out to here you know yeah no one wants to swim next to george the animal steel
that's not a great uh
lap partner by the way all those people out there you get drunk before a show
you have one to loosen up
it's all a myth the booze slows you down like it's like saying oh you go into
the mma fight you get
a couple pops in you no you gotta be fresh you gotta be sharp yeah no we're
better sober obviously i
mean there's i there's some comics who do it like stanhope i feel like has
always done it yeah he's
almost gone over the hump where he's like normal drunk well when you're a full-fledged
alcoholic
yeah you're probably you don't know how to perform sober exactly whatever you're
you so i guess you
can pull it off if you become a full-on drunk yeah yeah you gotta but you got
it takes a couple years
of hitting your wife and abandoning your kids and duis and all that so you got
to really commit to it
you did you see those guys in the heyday the david tells the giraldos like
drinking back there like
nick griffin drank all these guys why never i wasn't around were you no but i
remember you used to
go to shows at least yeah i remember wanting to see a tell live in like 2004
and and he was he did
like a jaeger shot on stage wow that's wild jaeger jaeger yeah i saw i we've
all seen bert i mean bert
drinks you know it's it's crazy yeah it's crazy who else he drinks to get the
nerve to drive that's how
he drinks yeah he blows in a breathalyzer and it's like not drunk enough this
car won't start oh my god
have you ever been picked up by someone who has one of those no i did a gig
once it was forget
what club was it was in the midwest and uh the guy they sent me to pick who
picked me up at the
airport he had to blow into it to start the car because i guess he got a dui
which is like it makes
you feel like a real real high up on the comedy list you're like oh this is my
ride this is who you chose
the guy you flipped this toyota two months ago thanks for sending me tiger
woods jesus christ i'd
rather caitlin jenner picked me up at the airport for fuck's sake at least you'll
hit the the guy on
the road not you well yeah that bruce was it caitlin it was caitlin it was caitlin
yeah it was once
you became a woman that was that was the punch line there you go that was the
whole thing but we uh so he
uh pick him up we're driving and he'd have to pull over to blow into it just to
make sure he didn't like
start once he did that whoa that's how little they trusted him they're like we're
gonna give you a
pop quiz every once in a while you gotta pull over so how does it work does the
car it's just click
click click and then he goes and then it starts up i guess yeah and then i
remember he got pissed
at me because i was like oh this is hilarious i'll do like an instagram story
ah to like to promote the
gigs i'm like oh they sent the best ride here he's like please please don't i'm
like all right so i won't
i've been through enough my wife left me and then i realized i'm like oh he's a
person i'm
an yeah yeah well christopher reeves god rest his soul he had that machine that
uh wheelchair and he
would operate with his breath because he couldn't he was paralyzed so he would
like and it would
damn so imagine if you played a prank on him you put the breathalyzer thing up
to that you're like oh
sorry chris you had a champagne coolie earlier you're not going anywhere all
right what are we
drinking tonight all right what are we doing today we just have uh basically a
classic paloma the bar
jew with a paloma we got tequila grapefruit juice soda water a little little
lime and uh i put a little
rosemary in there just for a little bit of uh aromatic this is gorgeous but
other than that very simple
little salt rim as well you've kicked it up a notch yeah look at this look at
that but it's also very
easy to make at home you know come on so just i heard the mexicans when they
eat ass they put a
little salt on the rim that's cocaine actually did they hit a lime this looks
good that looks deli i
mean you guys you're gonna get laid tonight baby what is right what is the is
there like a history it's
a mexican drink right the paloma yeah so a lot of people think that um uh in
the 1860s there was
like some huge hit song called paloma and they think it was named after that um
my paloma yeah and uh
but it just started out in like a huge hotel in uh mexico in cancun i think but
i'm not sure you
can't quote me on that all right uh tequila drinks like in the world actually
besides the margarita
margarita is number one this is this is garfunkel yeah i'll forget it right
after it's over
this is it's good it tastes almost like just like kind of not too sweet which i
like i know
it's like a great fruity refreshing summer drink yeah like the traditional one
uses actually uses
like grapefruit soda um but i just made it with soda like grape red grapefruit
juice and soda water
just so people can at home can make it because so grapefruit soda is kind of a
to find so oh really
yeah harritos or something do they do it i don't know if harritos does it but
you could probably
find a flavor like that oh some people in the south use squirt oh wow damn my
ex
david tell joke my ex was a squirter tried to have a romantic dinner with
candlelight she blew him
out oh um but that is so good it almost sounds like uh you know if you're a
drunk cop you're like
whoo paloma all right i gotta get out of here tip your waiter this is good man
grapefruit is
underrated underrated especially in a drink it gets a bad rap i feel like grapefruit
is like hip to
shit on they're like grapefruit i've seen comments get a punchline with that
like grapefruit sucks and
you're just like it's good i hate to say but one of our favorite comedians but
that's a good bit
that's a great bit he tackles grapefruit with a chunk of this is why gary goleman's
great because
he does it for like seven minutes yes it's not like but i've seen comics do it
like a cop out where
they're like oh like the grapefruit and you're like you gotta have more than
just that yeah but but
goleman has a great take of like when you have a tumor it's the size of a grapefruit
that's what
you compare it to as a tumor it's so perfect and it he said it ruins a whole he's
got this is one of the
great lines in comedy uh it ruins the whole fruit salad when there's a grapefruit
he's like it takes
down everyone like a 10th grade pothead oh wow oh man damn he's a great writer
that go he's a great
comic this is this is a problem because this is sneaky i could drink 12 of
these yeah this is good
man man the mexicans do it right they really mexican food is probably like the
easiest food
yeah because i feel like everyone unless you have some dairy thing but other
than that everyone is on
board with mexican it's got to be the most popular cuisine in america don't you
think probably like
ethnic cuisine yeah don't you think yeah oh yeah for sure san diego that's all
they talk about san
antonio that's all they talk about la holy holy holy they're like we have mexican
food we have it
everywhere but ours is better look it's it is better yeah la i i i i it pains
me to give anything to
la but we got to play it fair they've got better mexican food you have a burrito
in san diego
it as the kids say it hits different you know it's got like some weird green
sauce in there and they
put the lime and the radish it's great the radish is underrated you ever throw
a little butter on a
radish what dude that's never heard of that's a good move butter on a radish i'm
telling you the french
man wait a minute you just take a full radish you slice it you put a little
butter on it i've never
heard of this okay matt can you look that up to tell me am i crazy i think i
saw bourdain do that
i've been doing that ever since that's a that's a hot move man the radish with
butter you know bourdain
ate ass i mean imagine if he didn't eat a woman's ass she'd be like are you
kidding me i watch you eat
like a snake's heart yeah but you go the snake's heart tasted good yeah wow
radish and sweet butter i'm
telling you it's pretty good kosher i didn't know this was some kind of uh hebrew
thing i'm not trying
to i'm not trying to sneak this one and this is for every i i think there's a
french thing
radishes with butter and salt there you go it's pretty good it sounds like a
light nice light
lunch it's nice yeah nice little snack mexicans also great beer by the way i
love a modello i love a
dos equis negro modello or do you go especial especial i go negro oh easy i
said negro yeah
yeah yeah i go especially i like it a little lighter and then the soul is great
i mean even
a tecate is solid tecate is a good cheap beer yeah that's like the mexican pbr
exactly and it's way
better it's way better pbr sucks it sucks i see people i saw someone with one
of my shows drinking
a pbr and i said what do you really want it's on me that's a great move the on
me is big you can afford
it that's nice the pbr is like i mean even milwaukee's best beats the shit out
of pbr i agree i agree and
i would drink 22 ounces of those fuckers one after one in brooklyn just because
it was so cheap i would
drink i used to drink so many 40s old english cold 45 they were just cheap and
they and you were like it
was kind of fun to have a 40 because i this is going to sound really pathetic
but like it felt
satisfying to finish one it did yeah that last sip you're like i did it it's
the worst kind of
accomplishment it's true but uh it was so thick that malt liquor and it got you
real up did you ever
do edward 40 hands oh you have to strap them both your hands i never did that
but i mean we got
fucked up i've seen people do that we did it i i'm the only thing i'm good at
is i have a big bladder
because of bedwetting and my dad made me not pissed all day because he's a cunt
but uh i i could i could
drink two of them and not pee and my friend's like this is unbelievable yeah it
was the best moment of my
life that is pretty impressive i pee non-stop i'm like a 80. i don't know how
it's gonna get worse
oh my god you got a bladder of a grapefruit
it's horrible man i wake up literally every two hours i feel like what yeah i
wake up a lot oh no
i'm also just i'm just an irritable human being i'll be like my neck will hurt
i'll piss i'll just wake up
early i'll just like my girlfriend will just wake up and she'll be like you're
just awake i'm like yeah
yeah yeah i have that too but just because of mental but yeah the two-hour
urine i mean you're
ruining your whol