Name: WMBD Clip Ep43: Vampires and Peanut Butter
Uploaded: 2021-10-06T15:05:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WMBD Clip Ep43: Vampires and Peanut Butter' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WMBD Clip Ep43: Vampires and Peanut Butter' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-06. Transcript available.

I feel like celery's good for you.
I think it is.
It's the only food where you eat it and you burn calories.
Because it has so little food, like fat or calories,
that actually chewing it burns more than it is.
So why are we eating it?
Tastes good?
Nope.
Nutrients?
You throw some peanut butter on there, it's pretty good.
Ants on a log.
Yeah, a little raisin action.
Oh, yeah.
Peanut butter is versatile, man.
Oh, it's my favorite.
You can put it anywhere.
I get the thing from Amazon.
It's like this big.
It's like a drum.
Really?
Oh, yeah, because I don't want to keep buying it.
I keep buying it every week.
I'm a junkie.
That's your advice, peanut butter.
You've never gotten the almond butter craze.
I tried it.
It doesn't hit the spot.
Crunchy or creamy?
Creamy.
What?
I know.
I get this every time.
Get this every time.
What are you?
Crunch.
You guys are a bunch of Bernie bros with your crunch.
Crunch?
What would you rather have?
Who doesn't want crunch?
Why would I want more obstacles in my life?
I want to just slurp it in.
Is this in the Olympics?
What do you mean?
I don't need to be chewing all day.
All day?
What about these natural peanut butters?
What a nightmare that is where you got to mix the oil in.
Well, that's rough.
At work?
That's work.
I'll give you that.
That's work.
What am I, Amish?
I'm fucking shaking it.
I'm churning butter here.
Exactly.
I'm mixing things every day.
Get out of town.
I just want to scoop it.
I can't believe you're creamy over my...
See, my girlfriend got creamy the other day.
Yeah.
And I was like...
I didn't say anything, but I was kind of like, what the hell?
And I was like...
And then one day I just...
I brought up.
I was like, are you a creamy person?
And she goes, no, I'm crunchy.
It's just I only had creamy.
And I was like, all right.
Interesting.
I'm creamy over nothing.
Okay.
But I'm crunchy if I've got the option.
I think I'm prison creamy.
Oh, yeah.
I gotcha.
I gotcha.
It's the only thing there.
I'll take it, but...
I prefer the term smooth.
If you call it creamy, it sounds a little sexual.
Yeah.
Crunchy versus smooth.
Sexual.
Who would you rather hang out with?
A guy who's crunchy or a guy who's smooth?
Why does your shirt say gay Dracula, by the way?
I have no...
Somebody sent this to me.
I don't know what it means.
It might be a band.
It might be a sex act.
I don't know.
Do you feel weird walking around the street in a shirt that says gay on it?
No, no.
Because I'm like, this is your problem.
You guys figure it out.
Because I'm getting a lot of like, what the hell is that?
And then they feel like not in the know.
So I'm loving it.
All right.
I don't know.
Can we Google it?
I'm looking it up.
I'm getting nothing here.
All right.
Even better.
It's like that bar with no sign.
Well, there's a sign.
Gay Dracula.
There you go.
If you're lucky we're in Herald Square and not Chelsea, you would have been
chasing this
building right here.
I'll take it.
Wow.
That is not appetizing.
What's the difference between Dracula and a vampire?
It's just Dracula is a vampire.
He's just a vampire that...
He's the famous vampire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is there an unfamous vampire?
Is there like Ralph?
Infamous, maybe.
Maybe.
But all you know is Dracula.
It's a whole species of just one guy.
Wasn't the whole thing in the books he had the hair in his hands and that many
jacked off
a lot?
What?
Yeah.
You did this right as I said that.
That was good.
I never heard that.
Dracula's got hairy hands because he wanks a lot.
What does one have to do with the other?
I don't know.
I wank it a lot.
I think it just rubbed...
I think it was supposed to be symbolism or something.
I have no idea.
Look it up.
I've heard you go blind.
I've heard that one.
Yeah.
Never heard about the hairy hand.
Mark, where are you?
No.
Wait, what?
Oh.
I was trying to yes and you.
I just got it.
Sorry.