Name: We Might Be Drunk Ep 44: Placenta on Ice
Uploaded: 2021-10-11T01:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 44: Placenta on Ice' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Might Be Drunk Ep 44: Placenta on Ice' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-11. Transcript available.

We Might Be Drunk Ep 44: Placenta on Ice

We might be drunk, we might be drunk
As long as we are hanging out, you know we might be drunk
Raise a glass, let's talk shit
Head peeps, wrecks, and a bit
Maybe drunk, we might be drunk
Yeah
We're back!
Yeah!
What's up guys?
Happy to be here
Hell yeah!
I don't know what we're drinking again
I kind of like the surprise element
Yes, I mean you did bring booze
You know what ballpark we're in
You told me to bring the airplane bottles
And then I was looking at the handle
But then like the handle's not a good look for the bar
The handle doesn't look like a cool
It looks like you have a problem
Yeah, handle's bad
The only thing worse than a handle is a plastic handle
You know the jug?
When you put that fucking drum of hooch on the table
Nothing worse
Well you know why?
I think it's just because economical is not sexy
That's true, bulk is not sexy
It's not
Why is that?
What's wrong?
I guess you got a big container of a, you know, that yellow popcorn
What is that shit?
Like the sweet popcorn?
Yes
Kettle corn
It's a bad look
Yeah
But if you got a nice little one, you know, at the movies, it's cute
It's unsexy to plan
Women want you to plan, but if you plan too much, it's unsexy
I think
Interesting, interesting
Because like, what's, like, women don't like it, but they also kind of like it,
I think
If a guy's like, let's play it by ear
That's true, that's true
They like a guy with a plan, but it's, spontaneous is sexy
Spontaneous is sexy
Yeah
Because it feels like you're overthinking a little bit
Right, right
And you're quick on your feet, if you're spontaneous
And what about that grasshopper and the ant?
Remember that old fable from the sea?
Yeah, how does that go again?
The grasshopper is putting acorns in the hut all day in his little cave
And the ant's going, ah, blow me, you queef
We're gonna live it up this winter
Yeah, yeah, it was Aesop
Yeah
He was a homophobe or whatever, but he was like
By the way, everybody you look at, like, Roald Dahl was a rabid anti-Semite
But
He could visualize a giant peach in a chocolate factory, but not the Jews were
equal for some reason
Yeah, exactly
So, also, who's gonna finance the factory?
But we'll get to that later
Also, Aesop, who's running fables other than Aesop?
That guy had a fucking
Yeah, he got all of them
There's Mother Goose, but I don't know what happened to her
She's kooky
But, either way, the grasshopper stored all the nuts, and the fruits, and the
veggies, or whatever
And the ant, the winter came, and the ant was like, can I stay with you?
I forgot to save, and he was like, I told you
So, that's that
The grasshopper opened a Trader Joe's
Yeah
Remember Trader Ming? That was a whole thing
Did we lose Matt here?
Oh, God, we lost Matt
Matt?
Are we still running here?
He was slowing us down, he's dead weight
No, I'm just kidding, Matt, hey, you're back!
All right
Did we get all that?
Woo!
Okay, good
It felt like we were in NASA, going there, we lost Houston
There's no memory card stressing me out
That's what I said!
Speaking of, remember the movie Apollo 13?
That's what I was referencing
That was like
Great movie
It was great, and great, R.I.P. Bill Paxson, great actor
Oh, yeah, yeah
Weird that he's dead
I know
Because he was kind of just low-key good in everything
I know
I hate that I just said low-key
He was high-key good
Yes
What is low-key?
Fuck low-key
Everyone knows he's good
Everything's low-key
That's another one
Sleeper
He's Sleeper, a good actor
You're like, no, he's a good actor
We're aware he's a good actor
Yeah, he made a career at acting
He was rich from acting
He was the president in Independence Day, for Christ's sake
That's back when movies, that was like right before
No, it's Bill Pullman, you're thinking
Oh, they're the same person, let's be honest
Bill Pullman was the president in so many movies
He's such a white guy with a full head of hair president look
Him in a suit looks like the real deal
He was like right before they started only casting Black Men as presidents
Yes, right before
Right before like 24 and Deep Impact
Exactly, yeah, but that had a black lead
That was like Will Smith, you know, black lead, black family, black star
And you got a little Judd Hirsch in there for your people
They threw a little Judd Hirsch in
Ordinary People, was that the one?
That was the one?
Yeah, Timothy Hudden won the Oscar
Yeah, and he was in Taxi, of course
Taxi
I gotta watch Taxi
Oh, Taxi's great
Okay, I'll watch it
I mean, that is a classic comedy
DeVito, Tony Danza
Mary Lou Henner
Christopher Lloyd is amazing
Love Christopher Lloyd
Yeah, I gotta watch
Everyone tells me it's great
And it's like all those Simpsons writers
Exactly, yeah
I gotta watch it
That's big stuff
Yeah
Oh, I hope you're getting a shot of this, Matthew
Because this is
What are we doing here?
I want to know
The beard Jew
I picked up gin
I'm in the store
Yeah
It is weird because I went during the day
It is weird when you see the regulars in the liquor store during the day
I saw a guy having a casual conversation
You're like, ooh, I do not want to be that guy
No
That's a bad
You want to walk in and be like, oh, we've never met you
You're like, damn right you haven't
I'm not, uh, it's like Norm from Cheers
Hey, Sam
You want the usual?
Oh, my God
Garnish
This looks like a smoothie, a Hawaiian thing
I can't tell if it's frothy
Is that a raspberry?
Yep
What the fuck?
So today we're having the Clover Club
It's an old school pre-prohibition drink
With gin, raspberry syrup, lemon, and egg white
Egg who?
Yeah, egg white
Egg white!
Mark wanted an egg white drink and we were ready to do the whiskey sour
So I went a little fancy
I'm slipping off the chair, I'm so wet
Two drinks, I got salmonella
I'll tell you
I thought I got these aborted
All right
Not in Texas
Oh, my God
Beer Jew has done it again
I was just in Texas
Oh, yeah
Some Texas one night for a week
Hold on
Interesting
Whoa
That's really good
That's amazing
These are the dangerous ones where you can't
Like, you get a little bit of that sharp alcohol
Just a kick
But it's pretty smooth, man
That was actually really strong
That has three ounces of gin per drink
Oh, jeez
I got the hog out here
I'm driving the hog tonight
That's his way of saying he's jacking off in public
What, uh, you drove here on the scooter
On the scooter?
You didn't see it out there?
No
I hope nobody yanked it already
Jeez, I'm so scared of that
It's another way of talking about his dick
I hope that guy yanked
But, no, I hope no one stole it
But I locked it up
You locked it up?
Mm-hmm
Does that stress you out, though?
A little
I've had so many things stolen from me as a child
That it's like a triggering thing
I'm always looking out the window of my apartment
I can see it on the sidewalk
And you've been robbed
I've been robbed so many times
Like in New York, even, though
Yes, yes, exactly
And the tow truck guys are robbers
They'll swoop in like a bat out of the hell
Or whatever it is that the phrase
Bat out of the hell
Those guys are so stealthy
Um, stealthy
Low-key a pretty good word
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Uh, no, what?
Sleeper
Dude, I was just in Texas and, uh, Austin
Good time
We had a good time
I think it's the last festival I ever do
Oh, really?
I'm kind of done with festivals
Same, same
They're fun
You just black out every night
You eat like shit
And you get a ten minute set
At least you did some hours
Yeah, I only did hours
That's good
Yeah, um
You get the meal
You get to hang out with Sodor
And all these guys
And you're at a diner
And a barbecue
Yeah, I had a good time
Dana Gould and Bobcat
Made a movie
Called, uh
Called Joyride
It's really good
It's coming out next month
Look out for it
Interesting
Really funny
It's about how they used to hate each other
In the 90s
And now they're best friends
Whoa
Yeah
I'll watch the hell out of that
It's really good
Really good
I can't
And it's a little doc
Yeah, we saw it
We saw it in the theater
They did a Q&A
It was fun
Man, I'm in
And, uh
Bobcat, sweetest guy
Gould, funniest guy
I'm sold
And Bobcat
Low-key, great director
He really is
He's also
He is really funny, man
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I worked on a show
With Dana Gould
For seven months
And it was the first time we met
That's crazy
We did it every day on Zoom
Because it was New York, LA
During the pandemic
That's so crazy
Because you have the Zoom barrier
And then you have to get to know each other
On Zoom
And work together
I mean, that is
Yeah, but then when you
We end up just becoming like pals
He's the best
He's awesome
And, uh
When you see him in real life
Is it like
Oh my god
Is it love?
Yeah, of course
It's crazy
That's nice
That's nice
Blaine Kapatch
Super funny guy
Oh, yeah
One of the
Apparently, like
The best guy in a writer's room
Oh, I mean
I follow him on Twitter
They're gold
Every tweet is gold
Zinger after zinger
Puns
Misdirect
He's got them all
I don't know why he's not bigger
Maybe he doesn't get up
He is
He's a huge
He's a very sought-after writer
Oh, he's a sought-after writer
Okay
I think he used to go on
Really funny stand-up
He still goes on
Oh, he does
Yeah, okay
Um, told me this amazing story
I don't know if this is okay to share
But I don't know why it wouldn't be
It seemed like a pretty
Eh, lay it on me
Lay it on you
All right
It was just about Martin Short
It seems like a story that's out there
But he said
You know, I was talking about
How I love Martin Short
And he just said
One time at a party
He just walked in
And made eye contact with him
And just started doing gags
Like only for him
Like walked over to the bar
And started taking the wine bottle
And going
Uh
And like he's such a
He's like a Buster Keaton type
Where he can do physical comedy
Sure
So he's shaking the wine
He's shaking the glasses
He's shaking
And it's like two minutes
Of just physical comedy
Yeah
Only for him
He's like that's how he is
Wow
He just can't not be hilarious
I love it
I mean he's a national treasure
That guy
Well, Canadian
But national
He's the best
He's so
I mean as a kid
I worshipped Martin Short
Yeah
His old SETV
His old SETV
His SNL stuff
Three Amigos
Three Amigos
What's the one where he goes
In a little pod
And they go into his body
Oh
Inner Space
I never saw that one
Give it a goog
And he's in Clifford
I never saw Clifford
Oh, he's great in Clifford
He's amazing
He's great
I'll toast a short
Short, yeah
Man, this drink is good
It's good
Where were you?
It's so nice
Where were you over the weekend?
Mm, mm, mm
I was in Providence, Rhode Island
Smallest state in the nation
That's a good club, yeah
Great club
Not a hiccup
Not a problem
Every show sold out
No hecklers
I couldn't believe it
Because that can be like a townie room
You know what I mean?
It is, it is
But they're good people
You get like
Some diehard people
Might drive from Boston
Mm-hmm
It is weird
Because it's like
It's in between Boston
And New York basically
Right
It's in between two bigger cities
Exactly
And it's a small estate
But I gotta say
I don't know about living there
But for a weekend
It's like a perfect town
Most places are perfect for
That's a good point
Three nights
But it was like clean
And I walked around
I went to Brown University
And it was beautiful
And it was like a farmer's market
And all this shit
And the river's running right through
There's a guy with the gondola
You know, the Italian guy
And you can rent that
In Rhode Island?
Yeah, because it's so Italian
Damn
It's mob run
Which
Yeah
These mob run cities
Say what you will
About the wise guys
But they clean the town up
Yeah, apparently Vegas
Ran way more smooth
That's what I heard
When the mob was in charge
Yeah
I mean, look
They could also
Throw you in the ocean
Or bury you
You know, up to your neck
In the desert
But, you know
They kill a few people
Who owe money
Overall, it helps
The local economy
That's what I said
Exactly
Hear, hear
To the mob
To the mob
Speaking of
Don't kill us
By the time this comes out
We're recording this one
Earlier in the week
By the time this comes out
The Many Saints of Newark