Name: Ep 70: A Couple of Salty Dogs
Uploaded: 2022-04-11T01:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 70: A Couple of Salty Dogs' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 70: A Couple of Salty Dogs' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-11. Transcript available.

Ep 70: A Couple of Salty Dogs

hey folks here we are we might be drunk we're doing it we're back i haven't
seen you face to
face i saw you on the street the other day and we talked for a minute but i
haven't actually yeah
yeah we're walking down mineta lane and boom you pop up and then now we're on
the sidewalk doing a
podcast i heard your voice and i was like what it's so weird to hear your
friend's voice that
you also like yeah it's just i don't know yeah but that's because you have such
a recognizable
voice sure that's really what i get at like airports some guy's like comedian
so i gotta i
got so much to talk to you and then you go into the next men's room yeah stall
damn it i messed that
joke up and i tap on the floor you know a little gay code yeah republicans good
to see you oh google
bitch good to have you are you okay with that name i don't want to offend you
all right all right
i like the theme of shirts you got going on it's all i wear i like it now lion
is cool it came back
for a minute yeah now it's bad i think there's like a proud boy movement where
they kind of co-opted for
five minutes really yeah they were called the boogaloo boys oh but they wear khaki
pants and i don't do that
no okay you kind of look like kramer's weird friend bob sacramento yeah
proud boys and hawaiian shirts i'm like no one is less laid back than the proud
boys you know they're like
we're gonna kill you they're shaking an ak-47 that's wild now we got the beer
juke cooking up a hot
concoction what are those those look like summery drinks what do we have they're
pretty summery they're
old new york drinks as well so here today we have the salty dog i love a salty
dog i figured you would
oh i forgot about this this is what uh this is arty's drink from larry sanders
yes
he wants his salty dogs i love it that's what devito anthony devito when we do
the road he wants a salty
dog that's a great term too that guy's a salty dog you know sounds like it's
something you'd say
about a guy in an old bar oh boy what is that a grapefruit on there yeah that
is really good not bad
right so that's what is it just grapefruit and and vodka basically it's just
grapefruit and vodka
uh if you're using like store-bought grapefruit it's gonna be a little sweeter
so add a little bit
of lime juice because the salt will make it sweet will like accentuate the the
sweetness as well
sure and like the original the salty dog just the greyhound with salt on the
rim and uh the greyhound
was like just uh this drink that was invented in like the 30s or the 20s or the
30s yeah who you ask
funny that that used to be a classy term so i'll have a greyhound now you're
like you're on the
greyhound you're like oh fuck my life is shit i'm on the greyhound yes i'm on
the bolt bus
i'll have a chinatown bus on the rocks please
all right that's a great that's a great drink this is perfect i love that you're
mixing it up
you're getting creative it's great nailed it also when i like smoke a weird
joint called spirit airlines
you know there you go i got a crazy story for you please i was in uh columbus
over the weekend i just
kind of just well enough from you know i just got over covid yeah just well
enough to uh this is my
first drink oh hey by the way yeah good to have you back good to be back but um
you know i'm in
columbus ohio with gary veter we had great weekend the crowds were great great
club columbus funny
bone great great crowds yeah and uh we're leaving gary starts to feel crummy
not covid he just you
know he already had it but he had a cold and we're coming back sunday morning
early flight not a lot of
options it was like it was like a 10 a.m not brutal but like early when you
work the night before
yeah we get there we're in the clear pre-check line well you know we're both
pros from the road
there's a woman in front of us the worst human being i've ever just one of
those people that you're
like she's a problem she's she's an angry white woman yeah it's the she fits
the stereotype
big loud louis vuitton bag two kids yelling at the woman yelling at her and it's
the clear line she
goes miss you're so bad at your job she starts going she goes you're so and it's
like the morning
shift so i'm like pretty angry for this woman yeah and she goes you're so bad
at your job how are you
so bad how are you so bad like what like goes on for like at least two minutes
where it's like
non-stop she was what's your name oh what's your name i'm gonna complain about
you and the woman's
like carmen my name and she just keeps hammering her to the point where finally
vito and i are looking
at each other like is this for she's got two kids with her oh probably 12 years
old or so they could
tell they're humiliated yeah and this and and you could also tell she does this
a lot just one of
those people and and she she didn't even know you know it's the thing we have
to line up your eyes
yeah yeah to get unclear and she didn't know what she was doing but she's
yelling to this woman
jesus for at least two two and a half minutes which is a long time for someone
to just be berated
totally so finally gets to a point where i go hey lady enough oh i love enough
and she goes she
looks at me shocked she goes what i go i go stop talking to her like that and
she goes this doesn't
concern you i said it didn't now it does yeah i said and everyone in the in the
whole in the whole
area hates her yes and and you know the ticket guy is looking at her like she's
complaining to him this
is what i interrupted she's like what how do who do i complain to and and he
goes you could tell he's
rolling his eyes like what do you want and i go i go enough and she goes this
doesn't continue i said
now it concerns me and she goes she goes security on me on me and i go i don't
work for you ladies
i don't like you can't i'm like and i all hate you and then and then veder goes
this is hilarious
reader goes he goes this isn't the movie of your life you're a nobody whoa veder
coming in with the
assist veder calls her a nobody and then she goes she panics she goes you're
short and gary goes you
should see me without my shirt on i'm like gary oh he kind of blew it there he
kind of blew it we had
it we had her on the ropes and you it was like when you tag in the guy in
wrestling and he's like and
he runs in and then immediately gets like knocked out but uh and i was just
like i was like gary and
he's like all right sorry sorry and then i was like and and then i say i say
you know she's still
rattled though because she's not used to people talking back yes you can tell
she needs it though
she might have wanted to blow you i mean i doubt a guy said that to her in 10
years and well maybe
when he did he finally left because he seemed like a single mom situation right
but uh you know
finally we go we fly through she's getting a full body pat down and i get a
look from the ticket
guy like a nod like thank you random search yeah random sir fuck her but gary
and i were energized
after yeah you got that right we left and we were like that was like a second
cup of coffee it's like
batman and robin you two in there you're you're fighting crime that's awesome i
mean you see those
videos and i you know your instinct goes to go for your phone and shame this
person but i'm glad we just
did it you karen the karen i karen the karen hell yeah i did wow karen is
sharing all right but that
reminds me one time i was at shoney's with my dad remember shoney's you know shoney's
it might be a
regional thing i've heard of it but i've never i don't know what it is it's
like a ruby tuesday
kind of shitbox family place yeah had a salad bar with the pink and the salt
here i'm licking this
like at the vagina oh yeah let me get my nose in here real quick what happened
so i must have been
seven or eight years old i'm out with my dad whenever my dad had no when my mom
was not around
he would just take us out to dinner he's like i don't want to cook so we'd go
to shoney's i love
shoney's and this lady is like hitting her kid the kid is screaming he's like a
two-year-old and she's
like shut up shut and she's like hitting him and the whole restaurant's like oh
my god this is brutal
and my dad stands up and i'm like oh geez here we go anyway my dad's a nut and
he goes lady if you
hit that kid again i'm calling social services and the whole restaurant you
could hear a pin drop
and she goes bitch sit down and he goes hit him again and even the kid was like
like a two-year-old he's in a diaper and i was like oh my god it's like a mexican
standoff
and she's like i don't tell me how to raise my kid he's like do it again and
then we paid the bill
and left and everybody went that's the only time these people by the way these
terrible parents the
only time they are mad is when someone else tells you they're a shitty parent
exactly because they
know they are right that's the only time they're actually upset yeah it's it's
very similar to a
heckler you know when they get thrown out they're like oh what was i didn't do
anything i was
laughing like no you have you're so clueless you have no idea that the whole
room hates you
he took away your dad took away her power because that kid never looked at it
the same way oh
right after that she was like yeah well you're lucky that guy's not here
yeah fucking lay into you right right you hit it with a nice lady yes
throughout throughout that
white male privilege well it sucked for us because now the kid lived with us
for a year
that's the sitcom yeah that's the show yeah see my dad has a little karen in
him so like i've seen
him chew people out before and i'm like oh i've been that kid older people do
sometimes have it yeah
exactly because they're used to like customer is always right uh i'm paying you
so you have to act
a certain way that i think they have a little that old school mentality hitting
the airline employee it's
like dude okay we've we've all been the victim of people who treat us like shit
at the airport
we've all but like when it's not warranted you can't do that shit no no i've
definitely i remember
i missed i this was like early in my career i was just trying to save money and
i did a website called
cheapo air oh i know cheapo air yeah it was like the alternative to kayak it
was or expedio whatever
it was if you're trying to get a deal and it's like if you're a gambling man
which we were oh yeah
you would do um you get frontier maybe a spirit yeah you would get connect
flights sometimes on
different airlines yeah so this is the game you're playing you're like all
right i got a flight for
150 but uh it's it's frontier to spirit yeah i gotta i gotta so here's what
happens when herpes to
gonorrhea you know it's two horrible things but when you but when you get like
you miss the flight
neither airline is accountable right that's the problem it's like if you miss a
delta connection
they're like we'll get you on the next one sir you miss two they're like go
fuck you're an idiot
yeah you're a cheap idiot i know and every time you get on that plane you're
like it wasn't worth it
the seats are wicker you know there's like cigarette butts in the handlebar and
they have the
armrest and there's like a cage of chickens next to you you know you're like
what am i doing i
should have just paid the 40 extra and gotten a normal flight the flight
attendant has an snm whip
you're just like what the hell yeah no we miss i remember i missed the flight i
was so upset i had
to buy i think a 583 dollar ticket to a festival if i would and remember i told
the guy what happened
by the way cheapo air when you say that you just you won't admit that's the
airline right it's the
only website that sounds like an insult you're a cheapo you're an idiot so i
told the guy i was
like oh well you one of you guys has to be accountable and he go he just he's i
remember the guy just
laughed in my face he was like you're you're a fool he was mocking me and i
remember i go fuck you i just
lost it and of course i had to buy it and then i moved over and t