Name: Ep 72: Simon Rex w/ Margaritas
Uploaded: 2022-04-25T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 72: Simon Rex w/ Margaritas' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 72: Simon Rex w/ Margaritas' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-25. Transcript available.

Ep 72: Simon Rex w/ Margaritas

Hey folks, here we are. We might be drunk. We're really doing it. Sammy the
Bull. We got Simon Rex on the horn. How are you there, Fatty?
Well, I'm not only am I zinging, I'm zanging. That's how you know you're a fan
when you use your lingo. I just saw a meme the other day and it was like, you
know, she likes you when she uses your like slang.
Yes. You know what I mean? But I'm such a fan of you guys that I've actually
adopted your lingo. So, wow. Yeah. I heard my lady the other day. She goes,
praise Allah. I was like, whoa, this is a soulmate here. I found the one.
Then you fucked her and she goes, comedy. That's great. Yeah. Dude, it's good
to have you. We wanted you on for a long time.
Yeah, I've wanted to be on a long time. Well, we did a, we did my pod. I had a
pod called Nervous Rex that I just did to do something during the pandemic.
And I had him on and I was butt naked on my end of the Zoom. He didn't know
until the very end and I revealed that I was naked.
So, I'm surprised I'm even here. Very impressive. Yep. Look great naked, by the
way.
What are you, 61? You do look great naked. 61, 61.
Incredible shape. Great dong. Thank you. Beautiful butthole. You do have a
great dong.
Oh, you saw Red Rocket. Yeah. Fake dong. Oh, it was fake? Oh, yeah.
Oh, you had to fight. Yeah. Oh, you had to come out and address it.
So, we kept it a secret context. I did a movie called Red Rocket, where I have
full frontal running down the street.
You're amazing in the movie, by the way.
And down to the flopping dick. Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
But fake dick, because if it was real, it would have to be rated X.
So, that's the law in America. So, not everyone knows that.
So, if there's any frontal in an American movie, it has to be fake because it's
rated R.
Got it. So, that's how it works. So, anytime you've seen, like, Viggo Mortensen.
What kind of name is Viggo? I don't know. What is he, Russian?
Oh, maybe it's Italian. Viggo. Are you talking about Eastern Promises?
Viggo Mortensen, is that the one? What was his movie where he hung dong and
obviously Mark Wahlberg with the huge fake pot?
Pull it up. Yeah. Anyway.
Well, how about Kevin Bacon in Wild Things? Is that fake?
He had his dick out in Wild Things? Yeah. For no reason to. It was literally
the last scene in the movie.
Yeah. He's just naked in the shower. I was like, what?
It had to be fake. So, any time. It's like reparations for all the tits we saw
in that movie.
They had to show a dick at the end. Just even it out.
But you think Kevin Bacon would go bigger in that movie because if it was fake,
you might as well live it up a little.
Yeah. It wasn't that big. Yeah, well.
He looked all right, I think. Really? Yeah.
I was jerking off. I don't remember.
I didn't finish. So, wait. What are we shaking back there?
Captain Fantastic. Captain Fantastic. Well, that wasn't the dick one, was it?
That wasn't the dick one. Oh, that was a good movie, though.
That's what he called his dick. Great movie. Yeah.
But yes, Red Rocket, full dong, couple times flopped it out, but it was
definitely still strange running around with a fake penis in the middle of-
Sure. How did they do that? How did they put that on?
Oh, you're right. That's it.
It was, oh, that's probably fake. That's a nice, decent dong. I mean, it's softy.
Because you believe it. It's like Steve Martin has a piece on his head, but it's
receding.
Right. Genius.
Oh, that is from, okay. So, interesting. Well, I know if it's-
Are you gonna blur that, Matt? How are we doing this?
It looks like my dad's.
I'll tell you, the worst part is the tattoo. I don't know what the hell's going
on there. What is that?
Well, he's a hippy dippy. Right.
Oh. Have you not seen it? It's a great movie.
It is a great movie. Captain Fantastic. Great movie.
Great movie. Great movie. So, yeah, I had to put my penis in a bigger fake
penis,
which was just strange because it was a very low budget movie. So, the director,
Sean Baker's wife, who was like the acting coach on set because most of his
movies,
like including Florida Project, Tangerine, he uses real locals in each town,
not actors.
That's cool.
So, I was like the only actor in the movie who had actually done something
before.
So, it was kind of like, yeah, working with like a guy he finds on the street,
a guy he finds in a restaurant. So, low budget and his wife is an acting coach
who would give
all of these, you know, local hires basically like a 101 in acting before they'd
show up on set.
And she also had to apply my penis. So, acting coach/penis applier.
Whoa, thank you.
A very low budget movie. To put it in perspective,
it was a million dollar budget for the whole movie.
Oh my God.
What?
And we just shot a SNL skit and the budget for a three-minute comedy video was
a million.
Wow.
Fucking dollars, dude.
I couldn't believe it. I was just like, how is this possible?
Wow.
Wow.
And I hit up Sean Baker. I'm like, you're not going to believe,
because I sent him the video and he thought it was funny because the one note
that everyone says
is Red Rock, it's too long, right? It's two hours and eight minutes, but every
movie is too long.
Right.
These days. So, that was sort of Pete's idea.
They put the movie inside a longer movie.
That's right.
Exactly, yes.
So, anyway, man, it was very vulnerable to have this very sweet woman who's my
friend's
wife applying a prosthetic penis over my penis in the hot Texas humidity.
Well, better than it's hot.
Yeah, that's true.
You don't want the cold weather out there.
But we got a good movie out of it.
Yeah, the movie's great. Check it out.
Dude, I mean, I personally think you should have gotten nominated for an Oscar.
Ooh.
That would have been crazy. It was a weird-
Did you feel like you had a shot?
Well, only because everybody was all these like Oscar pundits. Is that the word?
Pundit?
I want to sound smart.
I think there's like movie pundits you could say?
Oscar predictors, whatever. Like there's people whose whole life revolves
around like predicting
the Oscars, you know? And there was a lot of buzz that I would or should get
nominated,
but Sean Baker, who wrote and directed Red Rocket was like, Simon, just so you
know,
like the Academy's not going near this movie. I mean, the topic is me grooming
a teenage girl.
It's very dark.
It's very dark.
The story's upsetting, for sure.
Yes, which I love personally. It doesn't mean we condone it. We're just telling
a story,
but the Academy's a little older, white, conservative, and they weren't going
to go near it.
So I actually, and I know you probably won't believe me if I say this, but we
woke up at like
5 a.m. when they announced the Oscar, like, you know, who's nominated.
And when I didn't get nominated, I went right back to bed and slept like a baby,
because I don't know if I'm ready to live under that microscope just yet.
No, I'm with you.
I'm with you.
It scared the shit out of me and everyone around me wanted it more than me. My
mom,
my agent, my manager, they all wanted it. I'm like, I don't really know if I
even give a fuck.
Yeah.
Like, I'll take the Spirit Award all day. And that's kind of more of like,
to me kind of cooler to win the Indie Spirit Award.
Yeah.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm lying to myself.
No, I think you want a good movie and you got a good movie.
That's what I could do.
Rotten Tomatoes put you as who should get nominated.
Who did?
Is that right?
Rotten Tomatoes said you should have gotten nominated.
Oh, that's cool.
Which is like a pretty big movie website.
Yeah.
That's the big.
Yeah.
The site.
Yeah.
Rotten Tomatoes, baby.
And what is this?
So, you said you like tequila.
I love tequila.
I feel like from what I've seen you do like other podcasts and stuff,
you do a lot of like health kicks and vibes like that.
Yeah.
So, we made a spicy cucumber margarita for you today.
This is so good.
So, you get like a refreshing vibe, a little spice.
Get some endorphins rolling.
That's delicious.
Not bad.
So, now, can I ask a question?
Because I hear you on the show now.
Are you a bartender before?
Yeah.
You're a Jew.
You're a Jew?
I'm not a Jew, but I'm a beer Jew.
Oh, got it, got it.
Calling that like the bear Jew.
Got it.
Oh, got it.
What is this right here?
Is this like...
Oh, that's a tahin.
So, it's like a citrus chili.
Like they use in a lot of drinks.
Like if you've ever had like a michelada or a Bloody Mary, you probably had
this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just recently got into micheladas because I live out in the desert and it's a
real staple
desert drink.
Our palomas and micheladas are my new jam.
And I'm not really much of a drinker, but when I do, this is my...
I was going to do a paloma, but we did it the other episode.
We did what?
You nailed it.
Palomas.
Oh, palomas are great.
Actually, I can still make one for you.
Palomas are great.
Maybe we do the next one.
Hey.
So, I...
I'm down.
So, yeah.
What was I just going to say?
Fuck, I had something.
Oscar, michelada desert drink.
Paloma.
Paloma.
Paloma.
I'm not much of a drinker, but...
Oh, yeah.
I was going to say, I'm sure you guys have brought this up before.
Is it really a thing that tequila is the only alcohol that's a stimulant?
That's what I've heard.
I've heard it too.
Because alcohol is a depressant, therefore, alcohol being agave like a cactus,
not a wheat
or a potato for whatever reason.
And that's what I noticed.
If I drink tequila, I kind of get in a good mood and I'm jazzy.
And if I drink like whiskey or...
I kind of get dark.
Oh, yeah.
And I think it's my dad's from like a trailer park in Louisiana and that side
of the family
comes up.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
And then my mom's a Lithuanian Jew.
So, I think the tequila...
I don't know.
Something about my DNA, it doesn't agree with me like certain alcohols, you
know?
Yeah, no, I get that.
I can't drink anything.
I'm all tequila all day.
It's better for you.
The hangover's better and the upper.
I'm with you.
That's what you drink on the road?
Oh, yeah.
I'm tequila all the time.
Tequila soda with a lime.
And then you won't really get hung over.
If you just stick to tequila with some water, like soda water, I've been wasted
all day.
And if you don't mix too much sugar and other alcohol, you won't be hung over.
And that's the key, baby.
I want to ask you about the movie because that's a big dude to get a phone call
from.
Because I remember I saw Florida Project in the theaters with my mom, not
knowing what
I was walking into.
We just were like hanging out.
We wanted to see a movie.
And I looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes and it was like 90 something percent.
All the reviews were like an incredible movie.
And it wasn't, I didn't watch the trailer.
I like to not know what I'm walking into.
It's better to go to a movie that way.
I watched your trailer going in, but like I normally don't watch a trailer.
And I remember leaving being like shaking a little bit.
It's a pretty powerful movie.
It's very upsetting.
Yeah, he does that well.
He's good at making disturbing sort of a little window in on the margins of
America,
where people usually don't make movies about like, you know, the sort of the,
yeah, the outcast of society.
But he kind of what he does so well is like, he will shine a light on darker
subject matter,
but kind of make it beautiful.
And like, you know, he's very good filmmaker.
Let's just be honest.
The guy knows what he's fucking doing.
And I was just so surprised and fortunate.
He, he called me to do this movie because it all happened very,
like the whole thing was a big accident.
You know, the movie wasn't even supposed to get made.
It happened because of COVID.
He was in pre-production on another movie.
And basically he couldn't go to Canada to shoot this Willem Dafoe movie.
So he's like, fuck, I want to do this other movie I had an idea for.
So he wrote the script real quick, hit me up.
He's like, can you be in Texas?
Well, I had to audition first on my phone, send it to him.
Of course, I'm going to do a movie 