Name: Ep 78: Ari Shaffir w/ The Boulevardier Flannel Boys
Uploaded: 2022-06-06T01:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 78: Ari Shaffir w/ The Boulevardier Flannel Boys' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 78: Ari Shaffir w/ The Boulevardier Flannel Boys' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-06. Transcript available.

Ep 78: Ari Shaffir w/ The Boulevardier Flannel Boys

Hey folks, here we are. We might be drunk. You know what it is. You know where
it is.
The beer Jew's got the stomach flu. So Sam is behind the bar shaking.
We got the hard liquor Jew over here.
Yes, exactly. We've kicked it up a notch. The hard liquor hebe.
I'm making old pals today because we're all old pals.
That's the name of the drink?
Yeah, it's one part Kampari.
Kampari, that's a parent's drink.
Yeah, it's good stuff. One part Kampari, one part dry vermouth, and one part
whiskey.
I don't know whose scent is this, but it looks kind of funky.
What is it? Is that Britney Spears in the cover?
Who is that? Zoe Kravitz?
Matt, do we know who this is?
No idea.
It's not Britney Spears. That's all we know.
All right.
This is perfect. I think right before I asked if she would sleep with me.
That's the face. I should say Ari Shafir is our guest.
Thank you.
Speaking of Jews, we got the King Jew. You're an ex-rabbi. You've been to
Israel.
You killed Arafat. I don't know.
I was a fan of this show when it was still named...
Fuck, I forget the name of it.
Shit, this is Sweet Vermouth.
What was it called at the beginning?
What was this?
This is Sweet Vermouth. We already have a problem.
It's called for Dry Vermouth.
Well, you're about to make a new drink.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You're about to invent a new drink.
This is a new pal.
This is a Boulevardier now is what we're making.
Ah, it's fine. Both great drinks. Both underrated.
You know all these.
We're a run-up beer podcast.
We have a drinking podcast.
We're selling a liquor soon. Hopefully it's out by the time this is out and you're
out of the closet.
But I should also say...
I'll promote it at all my underground clubs.
Yes, and welcome to the flannel panel, by the way. We look like a couple of lesbians
in here. Really doing it up.
Flannel boys.
We're a real Portland crowd.
Exactly. So, yeah, Sam's hitting the ones and twos. He's going to make a couple
of libations and then we'll all have a cocktail.
What was that, a first name of the podcast? I remember promoting it from a
waterfall in Ecuador.
One more drink.
One more drink.
But there was a podcast that had like six episodes of one more drink, so we're
like, I guess we shouldn't do it.
But I don't even think they were on anymore.
You should have them on.
One more drink was the spirit of the show.
It was like the end of the night when your friend is like, I got to go.
And you're like, one more.
That's the last time I was at the cellar with I hadn't seen Sam in forever.
And I was at the Village Underground with him and Shane.
We're all like just busting balls.
And you were like, you drinking?
You're like, no, I got to go.
And it really was that.
Like, all right, one more drink.
One more.
We had an epic one, me, you, you, us three, at the Village Underground bar
upstairs, Casamigos night.
And then I remember we opened the door and it was sunny.
Sunny.
Yeah.
And it's that one more.
Like, I'll get this raw.
Oh, you got the last one.
I'll get this one.
And then, damn.
And then you see the cracks of light coming in.
I know.
And you know you've done something.
Yes.
You know you've done New York right.
And then you have to readjust your schedule.
Like, okay, I was supposed to do this at one.
I'll sleep through that.
I'll move that at eight to eight, you know.
It's crazy, though, because when you stay up all night drinking and you see
that morning that you never see, that brisk morning.
It's, like, warmer than it is.
Yeah.
And you feel like you've accomplished something and you're a winner instead of
the actuality, which you're a huge loser for drinking all night.
There's a guy sweeping.
Well, it's because of the Rat Pack picture.
Well, yeah.
We all are like, it's the Rat Pack picture.
It's like, no, we're at the fucking cellar.
Yeah.
It's not the, we're not in Vegas with Sinatra.
The Rat Pack doesn't have to be on for a podcast.
Good point.
But, yeah, you see the garbage men show up.
You see the guys unlocking the businesses and putting the metal gate up.
And you're like, if it was all, if the society was just us, it would crumble.
Yeah.
Thank God you guys exist.
And by that, I mean immigrants.
I was walking around to Edinburgh early in the morning and I saw some random
guy who was, like, stocking a Sainsbury.
Like a grocery store.
Yeah.
And he was like, oh, he recognized me.
He's like, what are you doing?
And I'm like, just walking around.
I'm like, what are you doing?
He's like, I'm delivering, you know, groceries to the stores.
What are you doing up so early?
I'm like, up so late, bro.
Acid will take you.
Oh, coming in hot.
Nice.
I hope these are good.
Thank you.
Guys, you can get your We Might Be Drunk bottle of drinks, glasses at home
right now.
They're pretty cool.
Look at these.
Yeah, they are.
And WeMightBeDrunkPod.com.
You got that right.
We sold out.
Let's give it a shot here.
That's pretty good.
Woo.
That's not bad.
That's nice.
It's not Campari.
It really does remind me of brunches at my parents' house.
Really?
Campari and orange.
Oh, Campari Shafir.
I like it.
All right.
All right.
Mark is like a video game where it just, like, aligns upon.
It's like Plinko through the pegs of autism.
Plinko.
I can't do anything with numbers.
And I think it all went to letters and words with me.
I have dyscalculia.
Wow.
Is that the name of it?
Yeah.
That's what they call it.
Sounds made up.
He's the kind that cannot count jelly beans.
Ooh.
That's exactly right.
We can tell you what flavors there are.
Yeah.
Damn, this is fucking good.
This is good, dude.
Boulevardier.
We were going to do old pals.
I'm glad.
That's the great thing about alcohol.
You don't have one ingredient.
You throw it in.
That's basically how every drink was created.
I think you're right.
We don't have this.
Yeah.
We'll just have this.
The only difference is sweet vermouth to bitter vermouth?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Some guy was making a gin martini.
He didn't have gin.
He said, fuck it.
We'll do vodka.
There you go.
Wow.
That's a drink.
Interesting.
That's the history of most drinks.
Oh, yeah.
You know how French fries were invented?
How?
Fun fact.
Good too.
I love these little douchey, queefy stories.
But some French millionaire was eating in a restaurant in France, in Paris, and
he was
like, I want my potatoes fried more.
And they're like, all right.
So they fried them up.
And he was like, I want more.
I want them crispy.
Oh, it was how they made potato chips.
And he's like, I want them flatter.
And he was just being a dick.
And the guy just kept, he was like, all right, fuck this guy.
We're making these flat as shit and hard as shit.
He's going to hate them.
And he loved them.
And they started selling out.
Damn.
And then he tried the same thing with Oreos.
And they were like, you're trash.
You're garbage.
You're buying Oreo.
Get out.
Get to a fair.
Have you had those?
Yeah.
It's too much.
At carnivals and shit.
Yeah.
It is too much.
It really is split it with somebody.
Unless you want to end up in a scooter.
Dude, I get pissed.
I get really pissed a lot on my For You page on Instagram or TikTok.
That's what always comes up is the, it's like you're taking good food and
making it shittier.
I get the idea.
But like I saw one the other day.
A guy has a steak.
Maybe you could find this.
And it's like Baby Bell cheese.
Oh, yeah.
He puts it in the middle, folds it, dips it in flour, deep.
He fries it.
And I'm like, you just ruined a steak.
Yes.
That's all you did.
Yeah, yeah.
I know.
It never ends with these people.
You know, it's like the double down or whatever the hell at KMC.
The bowl, the sadness bowl that Patton Oswalt did.
But it's true.
We just have to keep going.
You know, we have to fry a Twinkie.
It's like, when does it end?
It's like, it's already pretty fucking good.
I know.
It's made for like to be ready.
Oreos are good.
Oreos are good.
They're classic.
I like the vanillas.
Yeah, I love the blondes.
The chocolate gets too much after a while.
I know.
One or two is okay, but I'd rather over...
Do you ever get the double or triple stuffs?
You got it.
Oh, yeah.
Do you know they make all stuffs?
No.
Just the fillings.
Jesus.
How does it hold?
It's in a tube.
Shut up.
Are you making this up?
I might be.
As I said it, it doesn't sound real.
Dude.
I can see ice.
What?
A tube of just the middle?
Is that just a box?
Yeah, it's a tube.
Oh, that's like heroin.
You want to cut it with a knife and go, it's pure.
A cop puts a knife.
Oh, you pieces of shit.
You're going down hard.
Wow.
That looks amazing.
I mean, ISIS sees that and they go, we got to go back and bomb them again.
Maybe we should change our name to I-Sing.
Oh.
Then everyone would like ISIS.
I know.
That's the problem.
I just need a rebrand.
These guys aren't bad.
Guys, you had us miss.
I had that rapper, Rodney.
I think Liz gave it to me.
Yeah.
I think he had like seven copies.
Classic.
One of the best.
Just the idea that he tied a handkerchief around his neck is hilarious.
Oh, my God.
It looks all right.
You're all right.
He just went to a thrift store for the cover of that.
Oh, yeah.
It's weird that his shirt is torn and dirty.
I don't know what that has to do with rapping.
We've got to make you look gross and filthy.
He knew so little about the rap world that he's like, it's this, right?
It's just gross people?
Right.
He looks like a coal miner for some reason.
He looks like he's just like the gay guy in the YMCA song.
The village people.
That too, yeah.
They were gay.
Yeah.
They won't show the ends of the boombox, too, because they're holding it up
with strings.
Yeah.
He's that old.
Yeah.
Oh, dude.
I've got one triple indie left in me, and that's it.
Also, weird to put the boom...
I mean, you'd blow your ear out, wouldn't you?
I would go the other way with the speaker.
A lot of those early rappers are having serious hearing problems.
Are they?
Not bad.
I just completely did it up.
The hearing aid?
Yeah.
That would be a bummer to see a rapper with a hearing aid.
I know.
It really would be.
You don't want to live that long.
Yeah.
Old rat like Snoop Dogg is hanging out with Martha Stewart.
He's got a cookbook.
It's weird to watch the...
He used to be like a badass murderer.
Pimp slap.
He stayed badass.
Did you see that Kirby Enthusiasm video with him?
No.
Oh.
He makes a rap to the Curb song.
What?
What?
Can we get it?
It's so cool.
It's just him smoking weed and driving.
What?
Yeah.
Driving around.
It's so cool.
I mean, almost like pause so you can fucking play it.
So he wrote lyrics.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He raps in the song.
He raps along with it to the...
It's so cool.
You got to play the music.
Wait a minute.
Another episode of a doggy dog.
Is this it?
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
What are you doing?
Who bought the internet in here?
What Wi-Fi?
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
What a...
Oh, shit.
How cool is he?
Oh, he scratched it a little.
This is like when you bump into a retirement home with these old shoes.
Let me fuck you up.
If he pulls out a double stuff, I'm going to shit for you.
Bring it all around.
He's just driving around Compton.
This is amazing.
It's fucking fun.
Jeez.
See, this is the equivalent of like making anything funny.
Like we see some news story and we make a joke out of it.
He hears a fucking song in the intro of a show and makes a rap on it.
Of an uncomfortable show.
Yes.
And he's like, that's got something there.
Dude, he should do it to every...
We should get the cheers intro.
Snoop just raps over.
Oh, that's great.
Chicken, chicken, cheers.
Where everybody knows you.
Dude, you hear Snoop's rap on Taxi?
That was crazy.
Mary Tyler Moore.
So many.
Simpsons.
Oh, that's a good...
Simpsons could be one.
That could be a good one.
Damn.
Yeah, Snoop is fucking amazing.
I've heard he's the coolest guy.
Everyone says...
Have you met him?
Yeah, he used to smoke at the store a lot.
Oh, wow.
Steven Glickman had a story where he was like,
they were all like passing around joints, you know, and blunts or whatever.
And he was like, I don't smoke anymore.
It's been like years and years, but it's Snoo