Name: Ep 79: Foursome with Joe DeRosa & Ari Shaffir
Uploaded: 2022-06-13T01:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 79: Foursome with Joe DeRosa & Ari Shaffir' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 79: Foursome with Joe DeRosa & Ari Shaffir' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-13. Transcript available.

Ep 79: Foursome with Joe DeRosa & Ari Shaffir

we might be drunk folks here we are we're here we're here hold on
wow that's unpleasant that was a threefer yeah it was too much sorry that was
like the three
godfathers but only the third godfather yeah yeah i had chipotle earlier that'll
do it yeah
i love chipotle do you go sour cream or cheese no i don't still fart like that
no dairy respect
thank you that stuff does nothing i know you're trying to sober up right now
this shit does
nothing you don't think have you tried it i have i've been drinking a thousand
of these it's given
me so much false hope i always think this stuff's gonna cure my hangover no
everything's gonna prevent
the hangover what does it do it just fucking fills me with sugar and i'm still
hung over yeah the
sugar's a bummer i didn't know there was a lot of sugar is that right i don't
know a ton but
enough that i'm like eh yeah all right yeah look at that let's see i'll stick
with coffee and keep
shriveling up yeah diuretic by the way diarrhea i'll tell you that much i'll
tell you this stuff
gives me a ton of diarrhea i spray the bowl like a fucking salad i'll tell you
it's a pollock movie
in there oh i'll tell you it's all right sally's back we missed you buddy
google bitch good to be
back good to have you the only guy who was rocking hawaiian shirts when they
weren't cool then they
were and now they're back to not good to have you i'm gonna ride it out you
look good man hey feeling
good we think you're cooler than ron jeremy we don't care fuck those comments
hey and you never raped so
we'll give you that too yes he can't get it up oh this is a classic photo those
are the uh that was
like a play on uh of mice and men these two is that what it was because they're
real gangster types
yeah yeah but i think the the little guy and the big guy okay but uh yeah they
were like uh how you
doing c yeah mugsy yeah classic the tiny gangster yeah funny how gangsters
changed you know throughout
the years it was italian and then it went to black and who knows where it is
now jewish maybe made off
well it was jewish before italian was it yeah sure man really what and jewish
boxers by the way hey we
were tough yeah oppression is a is a hell of a motivational motivational tool
sure yeah you don't
see a lot of jewish boxers these days though no they're too bad too busy
killing it financially
yeah they don't need to back bad neck just enough about myself i know could you
imagine the jewish
boxing league at the end of the day like oh evay where's the ice pack yeah he's
out for uh five
to seven weeks with bad allergies yeah quick we need some claret and d he's
fading in this corner
shlomo's going up against dairy he's ruined ding ding one two three four oh
fuck my diarrhea
well he lost because it was a drafty boxing ring
more jewish stereotypes now all right uh yeah man how you doing oh you started
like you had like a
thing now here we go folks what do you got you you're trying to kill this hangover
i'm trying
well i'm trying we had a we had a long episode with uh another guest we really
drank it up so i got the
the granules at the bottom here and i can't get them all in and i want to make
sure i get all of
it in the one gulp yeah dude so you got to mix it up or they stick all over
your fucking chest yeah
they stick to the bottom here we go swigging it keep swigging it and here's the
money shot folks
can yes he did well good job should i have that stuff too yeah there's one left
i know but there's
no water they can get us water in here they got interns here yeah hey interns
so what's going on with elon musk and twitter what do you think i gotta say
something first i found
something please might interest you you guys friends with dave smith yeah this
has been making
i mean i haven't seen him in forever but i mean i'll always love dave tweet
from 2017 is making the
rounds again oh really yeah here it is he was a smart guy i love twitter he's
not dead oh yeah
you should buy it then is this a different dave smith same comedian dave smith
okay because
his avatar is a bald guy and he's a good looking zoom in that's not the dave smith
we know it said
comedian dave smith no it's probably him it's probably a joke ah thank you
thank you sir
interns good water really seems to kick and now i get why bill clinton liked
him
is that him no i get why hamsters eat the young i'll tell you wait i'm sure it's
him okay
uh okay it's a common name what do we know you should that's true you should
buy it then how much
is it whoa 2017 dave smith's a smart motherfucker he knows his stuff is that
him dave smith that's not
him uh-oh what does the bio say host and producer it's not that's not the name
it's not the same day
but i like where your head's at sorry bro yeah damn like where your head's at a
lot later
not even drunk yet i wonder if isis ever said that i like where your head's at
after the old
beheading what are we doing here liquid iv concord grape oh what concord just
give us grape what are
we doing here is anyone is anyone being is anyone looking like man it's not
concord right right regular
grape yeah it'll be okay well there's white grape and then there's red grape
why's it got to be a
white grape just saying all grapes matter so i i sidelined us from the elon
must talk oh sorry
we're all over the road here you did elon i don't know why everybody's so upset
because i'm like we
don't know what's gonna happen yet i think that's the whole thing it's like why
don't we just wait
and see we don't know if he's gonna make it better we don't know if he's gonna
make it worse
can it get worse a lot of funny when people are like why's a rich guy gotta buy
twitter and you're
like i don't think the people who own it right now are dirt poor i don't know
who's running twitter
good point also bezos bought washington post everybody nobody seemed to care
about that i think
people cared about that oh did they okay you know i feel like i'm seeing more
heat on the on the
twitter buy i mean people just need shit to be mad about they really do it's
like man you know
bezos is like thrilled because he's like where do people bitch about me twitter
cool i'll buy it
i know and they'll keep bitching about me love it this is activity yes it's
more press for twitter
this has got to be the most expensive vanity project of all time oh like the
pyramids i don't know
have you seen water world water world i actually enjoyed that movie dennis hopper
but yeah yeah
you're right this is this is 44 bill we're in here 44 bill just for ego i mean
maybe he thinks he can
spin this what if he sells it for 48 well he's obviously a smart guy he's got
something up his
of his south african sleeve i think i think something's cooking here what do
you think i don't know i don't
know but he maybe he'll just buy it and burn to the ground just to be like hey
i own this yeah i've
heard that i don't think that's a smart financial decision no here's 44 billion
it's probably not but
he did say you know how the algorithm is designed to reward hate and fighting
and feuding and he said
he's gonna take that out which is kind of nice because i feel like this whole
country is being divided by
just this ah it'd be hilarious if like you just write like hope everyone has a
great day and you're
like wow 45 000 retweets this is weird yeah yeah exactly that'd be nice but can
it stand who knows
no negativity wins on these god-awful platforms i think yeah i mean even if it's
not outwardly
negative look what it takes off on instagram it's like it's not something that's
like hope everyone
has a great day it's like a woman jiggling her tits or something sure well it's
not inherently good
what we're doing i mean look i don't hate it but yeah tick tock what's popping
off it's like food and
shit like that but you mentioned a thing from tick tock earlier what was your
thing about uh you said
you saw something bourdain it was a positive some positive i think tiktok and
instagram are more
more positive than twitter for sure because i think yes videos will be more
upbeat than just a quick something about brevity on that and just words i don't
know yeah and it's
it's very for some reason people with twitter feel it's almost if you got like
uh
mental illness what's the word uh concentrate you know people are somehow
willing to just
talk about their mental illness it's almost like a concentration camp yeah that
that was less less
mean than twitter more pleasant but yeah so these people just will just open up
on twitter and be
like i think this i think that i'm crazy and i'm i'm willing to show it yeah
whereas in instagram
you're like oh it's a sunset oh it's a small dog or a fucking cat on a wheel
cats on a wheel dude
can't beat it fucking love that are you pulling up twitter porn right now i was
all right twitter's got
great porn i will give him that bouncing boobs it is weird you can just see
like porn on twitter or
like i think i follow one porn star in there just because like she followed me
and i was like yeah
she's a famous porn star let me give her a follow and then i'd be in line at
the grocery
store it's like all joke joke joke and then one porn star like yeah i'm like i'm
a christine's
i can't do this i'm in line what are you doing to me i know when i got a drugged
or whatever it was
the guy was my friend with me andrew youngblood was like i'm like call my agent
we can't do the
shows and he took my phone and he put it up to my face it unlocked it and then
he's like okay and
porn just came up really started laughing because that was the last thing i
looked at what genre were
we doing i think it was milf milf is the go-to it yeah i love milf i love milf
milfs are great they
like it i want a woman having fun and milf seem to be having fun also i think
like young is just
creepy to me i can't jerk off to a woman younger than me really yeah it's weird
to me i know but
you're getting older and older so though that your your window is closing i've
soon it'll be 60 and up
for me yeah just got to keep it something creepy about young women and porn i
don't like it well young
even 20s i don't want i don't want nothing to do you don't want a 28 year old
porn star
yeah hmm i don't mind 28. give me someone whose dreams are completely over that's
that seems safe
i like that now that's a genre yeah that doesn't have to be milf i don't want
milf i want crushed
dreams yeah i want a bag lady or a cashier or uh you know a lady who works at a
like at a sewage
plant milf all day for sure all right milf what is it about milf why do we like
milfs well our my mom
was uh rarely around so maybe that's something and you feel like you're giving
back a little bit like
these milfs are probably what it is they're probably out there i don't i don't
joke it's charity here's
what i think it is i'm never like wait do you have any you have any unicef porn
it's not charity i think
milfs are like dudes in a way they just want to get pounded and we want to get
laid there's no story
there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no there's no what are we
are we dating is
this going to be something is there a future no we're trying to get laid we're
animals just like
you're done they take a puff of a cigarette they're like get out of here kid
yeah i don't have time
for that what milf doesn't have time for that i love that that's hot they got
to do the dishes
they've got a kid to worry about yeah i don't have time for this
bullshit go pick up your son from soccer practice you whore yes and they want
it and you want it
the character i was doing i would never speak to a woman that way you're
pointing right at me i was
pointing at you you fucking whores that like you you're married to a milf wait
a minute okay there
you go i mean i i would i just call her you know your wife stacy she's a lovely
woman yeah i would
never call her a milf mark is milk a cop pig you fucking horrible what no he's
asking is it a
compliment that's what's tough about i don't think they want to be called a milf
but you would you