Name: Finding The Bean in Chicago
Uploaded: 2022-06-24T19:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Finding The Bean in Chicago' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Finding The Bean in Chicago' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-24. Transcript available.

i know you want to shower and you want to see chicago you want to have the day
and go to the
park and flick the bean and uh miracle mile or whatever the hell it is i'm sure
there was still
being flicking knowing this this rascal yeah i can't find it no but yeah you
couldn't find the
bean yeah i couldn't find the bean you know uh it's in the hood that is why
they made it so big
ah that's true that would help but uh you hear about huge dicks where are the
huge clits
there's huge clits are there i mean okay am i wrong pull them up i mean this is
we're really
going to pollute this google uh oh my god jesus this is everything but clits
these are just dicks
what the hell are you doing no no it's not it's gotta wow it looks just like a
dick well a big
clit looks like a little dick wow that's gross oh hatchet wound that is brutal
all right that made me
sad back to the show this is like just sort of like shock jock radio yeah that
took a turn let's
let's stop talking about flying and let's looking at some clits because i want
to see some kids um
yeah man the travel that's the bad thing about i mean look it's great that you're
moving up to
theaters it's but at the same time you start moving to theaters in these cool
cities right those are the
cities you want to hang in like chicago that's why i did a taping at a small
venue because i'm like i
want to hang in chicago it's a good point yeah you go to syracuse you got all
the time in the world
there's nothing there it's brutal terrible city terrible my number one least
favorite really with
a bullet damn what about you you'll get one there yeah terrible place i mean i
hate i hated naples with
a passion oh really tough i don't like i mean obviously new york is tough it is
you get some
diamonds in the rough like you know but man rochester has like a cool block
yeah one cool
block but you're gonna get shot on the on your way to that cool block right
buffalo has a has this
hockey team and some stuff i guess but football football they poured all their
money into a arena
it's hilarious when when cities are dealing with drug problems and homelessness
and they're like we got
a new arena i know right better merch well you i remember do you you're young
enough or old enough
to remember that what barclays was before barclays that was like a cool brooklyn
area back then yeah
but now it's all gone well yeah i don't like barclays i don't either i don't
think it's a cool arena
i've been to games there i i think the arena is like it's it's not awful but it's
just not the garden
it's steep it's weird it's like uh it's one of those things if you're seated
high up it looks like you trip and you're dead yeah yeah which i fucking hate
well and what is
the nets i mean i'm not i'm not the biggest they're imploding right now what
does that mean i mean
basically kyrie irving who knows if it's all show but you know he had the whole
issue with the vax
during the season right which like just get it for your teammates like these
guys will do anything to
win and then he's like i'm taking a moral stance i'm like but you're not
because there's people who
can't get it for their job and you're super rich right so so the moral stance
is kind of like i
get what you think you're doing but then now so he basically is the reason they
were i guess the
seven or eight seed so they had to play the celtics in the first round he they're
they haven't played
together so they're rusty they get swept whoa so it's embarrassing for a team
with kevin duran and
kyrie irving to get swept because they're both incredible players damn they're
thin whatever so
now kyrie wants like he wants a big contract renegotiation uh-huh and the team's
kind of like
you but then it's like if he leaves then durant's gonna want out oh so they're
basically falling apart
and they just you know we'll see but it is as a knicks fan is it's i take great
pleasure yes misfortune of
the brooklyn nets i i'm with you because i'm not a huge nba guy but i'm like we
have the knicks let's
embrace the knicks they should have gone to the knicks yes and they didn't and
i and forever i will
be mad about that but whatever it feels like you got a wife or a husband and
then we just ah let's get
a side chick and see how that goes and now that's falling apart and we're like
well of course we had
the wife yeah the problem with the knicks is their practice facilities in westchester
so people don't
want to come i mean i get that you move to the city and then they're like we
practice in connecticut
right westchester's new york but it feels like connecticut it does it does it's
a suburb yeah
have you been there have i been to westchester i've never been to westchester
yeah it's like
whatever okay just houses and driveways yeah it's like it's not new york right
i yeah i've had friends
who were from there and stuff but it's like you know nick roll is he yeah he's
from westchester all
i think about is mauricia when i oh when i when i hear westchester now that's a
deep pull it's like
it's whatever it's not no disrespect to our westchester listeners but some say
the best chester
i like cities yeah same same but you know you get old you get a family but you
can never i couldn't do
that yeah i'm a city kid through and through every we have a good friend i don't
want to put him on
blast here but he's a he's a born and raised city guy he just moved to the
suburbs and he's like my
place is great i'm miserable ah he's got a kid though maybe i could oh i didn't
know he lived in
the burbs yeah he moved to the burbs that hurts his street cred a little huh he's
pretty uh he's pretty
unhappy yeah i mean look you get the comfort you get the big couch with the tv
and the man cave and
the big bedroom and the yard but you open the door and it's just cricket
cricket i'm gonna feel like
the comfort just hurts your comedy though because not only are you comfortable
but you're far from the
city now so it's like that's two strikes against you yeah why would you come to
new york when you got a
sick tv and a sick you know movie set up whatever great chairs no homeless no
subway i mean i read a
groucho marx's book and he lived out in long island you know this is an upper
east side jewish guy from
back in the day vaudeville moved to long island as a millionaire he's a hollywood
legend comedy legend
and they go groucho you got this beautiful family beautiful wife huge mansion
pool golf course how do
you feel he goes i'd give it all up for one erection for one erection the game
but that's
kind of how i feel about the city i thought he's gonna say for one for a one
bedroom like in the
city oh yeah yeah because like i really feel that way you're like i mean people
are like what are you
mad paying this much for a tiny apartment i'm like what are you mad living in a
mansion in indianapolis
exactly you think that's good and sure we get stabbed on the subway but these
motherfuckers are
uh their wives kill them with battery acid over four years they put it in the
oatmeal yeah it keeps
you it keeps you limber yes nothing keeps you on your that that is good that
like not being able to
totally space out yeah right you gotta have a head on a swivel yeah that keeps
you like seinfeld always
says like new york city is just funny the cab driver's funny the people on the
subway are funny the deli
guy's funny you go to la and everybody's like hey man do you want a fish taco
uh throw me that frisbee
whoa the energy makes it so you can't really suffer fools yeah like there's a
quickness to the city
yeah like there's a guy who's like from colin quinn's uh old neighborhood billy
who works at gotham
and he's so funny and he like literally he's like one of those dudes where you're
like this dude's not
a comic but he's funnier than any exactly he's one of those dudes if we had him
on this podcast we'd be
laughing yes every story is like so then i call the guy a fucking pussy and you're
just like well
i don't even know what he's talking about but it's funny yeah yeah exactly i
grew up with guys like
that they're all firemen now but they're way funnier than all of us and they're
wild crazy job you have
to be funny yeah for sure high stress jobs that's right you kind of have to be
you have to be they got
their down time with the foosball the chili you know they cleaned the truck the
dalmatian but man
they're they could die at any moment yes that's like the i mean what a crazy
life that's why you
ever do a cop gig or a firehouse or they're the best laughers because you
cannot offend them you
can't offend them unless unless you say something about their mistress then you
offend no you can't
you can't offend i mean i'll say that i was just in tampa you can't offend
these people no i did uh
although i do have a story but i'll save it for the other app all right uh i
dude you can't offend
people in tampa well you can be like i like abortions and they're like they
were still laughing
oh really i opened with i was like how many dead baby and car jokes can i open
with i went for like
five to seven minutes what's going on with you this is like a new uh page in
the sam well we were just
watching news and every story was like another baby in a car i'm like who are
these people really yeah
wow it happens all the time dude damn my issue is it's always the fucking
people who are you know
who are pro-life ah it's like you're pro-life but you're fucking but you i
guess you can't resist
a sale at walmart i don't know what the hell that's going on you're for
abortion just later late late
term late term yeah yeah there you go i mean you're leaving a kid and i mean
think about how
fucking dumb you have to be yeah to because all the stories are like it was
three hours i'm like
you left a kid in a car for three hours damn three hours that's a lot that's a
lot of shopping i mean
there's only so much dip you can buy yeah but no walmart's got a lot of stuff
that's true a lot of
sections there's sporting goods there's groceries there's clothing yeah by the
time you get the baby
clothes you probably like fought yeah when i was a kid we used to hot box but
this is ridiculous
all right i remember the boxcar children but this is ridiculous now remember
those books yeah yeah my
mom would leave me in the car but she'd crack the window that was the rule you
crack it even so though
i mean yeah that's brutal i mean it was the trunk but still all right the trunk
i'm a trunk supporter
trunk 2024 that hooker is still in mind but all right should we do questions oh
fuck i forgot we have questions michael zoldesi when in an effort to cut costs