Name: Ep 87: Whitney Cummings & Eastern Standard
Uploaded: 2022-08-08T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 87: Whitney Cummings & Eastern Standard' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 87: Whitney Cummings & Eastern Standard' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-08. Transcript available.

Ep 87: Whitney Cummings & Eastern Standard

is selling out a thing anymore that's a you know what after ratatouille david
cross was in the
chipmunks that's it that's the nail in the coffin ratatouille is a good movie
though it's great it's
pixar you can't go wrong that's really fascinating i've never done an animated
role i feel like you
would do i would love to do an animated oh my god i could be a pigeon i could
be a voice of pigeon i
feel like yeah you could be a pigeon yeah what's mark you're like a squirrel or
something a mongoose
or something rodenty you're like a new york pigeon you've never done a i feel
like you could do a
pixar movie or something i had my first animated um thing what you do is you go
to the table read
and they write it kind of like with your mannerisms in mind the first one it
was like
back in the day when like tj miller got every job yes you know i mean it was
like he's got a great
voice you get i mean he does he has a great until he's had about i thought you're
saying like he's
been a great voice like he's the voice oh they meant like he's been a great
voice yeah um so he's there
he's playing like every role probably and then uh i was a sex it was like air
the airplanes like
spin-off and i was like a like a a slutty jet uh-huh who was always like
getting to like causing
problems she's not a virgin and it like totally come up and see me sometimes
yeah yeah as a plane
right and i didn't i was so grateful to have a job in that space because i'm
not known for having a
voice that's like soothing to like people don't think of like my voice as
something they want to
like isolate and listen to and so uh and then later the guy that ran the studio
was fired for sexual
harassment and all this crazy stuff and they were like that was totally
inappropriate he should have
in the voice yeah like yeah like all the executives were like we're so sorry
like that was very creepy
and i was like i i i didn't think so yeah wow was that pixar i don't remember
it was what that one of
the yeah the movie just went away you didn't get to do it and a lot of animated
movies like movies in
general you know you're like attached and they get new writers and it takes
forever and i don't know
if it ever happened yeah they book a lot of comedians for these like pets and
all these you know
uh spider-man had mulaney in it but once they go back that was another good
movie too that was a
great movie the universe the new one i haven't seen it yet no the one with the
cartoon oh yeah
incredible yeah what's the last movie you saw in a theater 1918 that year no
well that's the last
17 1917 yeah but then no i saw joe list and louis movie i saw that at the
beacon because they did but
other than that 1917 is the last movie i saw that's crazy i want to see top gun
i'm going tomorrow
what's the last one you seen austin i'm gonna go yeah that's fun that's my last
movie top gun top
gun and you know it's cheese it's americana but by the end you're like you got
like a maga hat on
you're all in yeah running into schools again yeah stopping abortions yeah it's
great you really get
like riled up in that one yeah it's fun i feel like i i feel like um i don't go
see movies in theaters
i do feel like i see documentaries and my new thing is that i'll watch a
documentary and talk
about it as if i've have a phd right yeah it's also documentaries the subject
matter isn't even like
cerebral anymore no it's like discrimination and abercrombie and fitch and i'm
like you guys i saw
this documentary last night right right which by the way like we've all seen
those stores we could
have assumed yeah we knew that they were shirtless that's what we liked about
there was two man boys
outside shirtless what more do you need they're like they only had white
employees we're like yeah
you can't get away with the shit in thailand are you kidding me
but wait do you remember that abercrombie and fitch used to make t-shirts with
like very racist
against no i don't really like as soon as i saw them i remembered right away
like i feel like i
definitely what bought one of those in a buffalo exchange for a couple bucks
wait a minute what
are we drinking today by the way oh and that's let's keep on that salakus stay
on that i'm making
an eastern standard right now oh i've never heard of this drink whitney
requested it but it's with
tequila which is unusual because that's normal it's normally a gin drink
actually oh i didn't know
that because the eastern standard is actually from soho house like they made it
popular oh really i am
the worst person ever oh my god even when i try to be cool i'm cartoon hollywood
asshole no it was
highly rated when i looked it up it had no i thought okay this is how much of a
basic fucking ignorant
bitch i am i am the worst i hate myself so i went um to a dinner with someone
once and at the sunset
tower hotel an agent who ordered an eastern standard and i was like oh this
must be like an old timey
drink from like the 1850s right like in the apothecary or something and it's
the official like drink of
the soho house yeah but it's a gin drink which is based on uh something called
the caron i know like
i talk i like think that i'm like classy and like know some shit yeah so it's
actually like it derives
from a gin gimlet the original one gimlet that's what i thought it was just
like gin and
the lime cordial but this is a tequila we just wore the we just wore these
shirts to the dave matthews
band concert hike your skirt up a little more how did it go crashing to me hey
little girl show your
world to me oh yeah good innuendo pretty subtle i never yeah long brothers yeah
that's a tough one
not great rickshaw although that podcast would do great if bobby and his
brother would just do a
podcast together yeah if you don't want to be right like this stuff i yeah so
there was a huge class
action lawsuit uh that asian employees sued and um a bunch of them like they
would hire
diverse employees but they would never call them in for shifts so they're like
we don't we don't have
any shifts for you damn wow so they could and then they they called in um like
a investigator what
would you call it like a forensics like someone that comes in to like like a
secret shopper
uh-huh and like a diversity consultant or someone that came coming and tell you
what you needed to fix
right and the guy just went everyone black here cold and sick today this is
crazy yeah right what are the
odds do you know about sickle cell anemia um no the guy was like i couldn't
help them like there was i
there was i couldn't even wow it's like i didn't take the job like they offered
me all the way it was
like they were too far gone oh and the photographer of all these fucked the
boys what yes wow what a run
no it was not herb ritz it was another guy close herb ritz is a great name
though for for someone who
fucks boys yeah that's so because your last name is like a children's cracker
oh yeah right that's true
it's like it sounds like a yes yes that does sound fancy it is funny funny that
ritz bruce weber yeah
that's the guy and the guys told tell stories they're all like working in saloons
now and like
senior like raiders well if you're gonna fuck boys those abercrombie dudes were
hunks he's like what
would hitler want to fuck that is some top shelf boy fucking right yeah totally
it's very like nazi
porn yeah that's what abercrombie and fitch was they definitely did not have
jewish models for
sure no we're trying to run a business they kept him in the attic
nazis were hot remember that nazi in indiana jones she was gorgeous the blonde
lady i feel like
like if kim basinger was in like in earth not earth girls are easy my stepmother
uh was the alien
have you seen that movie recently my stepmother's it's incredible she's hot she's
not only hot she's
so funny really like you know how hard it is for me to say that it's funny yeah
that's true to say
yeah kim basinger that's not kim basinger oh yeah no no that's the nazi she was
the mom in eight mile
like that was kind of yeah but like confidential won the oscar down the most
beautiful woman to ever
you think so what do you think she's hot i would say michelle pfeiffer i like rachel
ray
rachel ray yeah i'm a big honey boo boo guy by the way rachel ray have you been
around her no she's
really sexy i can see that she's sexy and that like this perky because she's
gorgeous like her skin is
incredible oh i was just messing around no but i'm saying she's she's got this
like magnetism and this
charisma she seems like she does anal like she has a fun positive vibe about
her hopefully she
didn't make turkey chili that day impossible turkey chili that impossible
diarrhea i do not recommend it's
it's bad you're not vegan are you no no i feel like a lot of west coast people
are v i feel like
it starts over there and then it works it doesn't always mean healthy that's
true that's true i think
that's the thing about being is all that like seitan and tofu no sodium it's
just trash and can you eat
ass if you're vegan that's an honest question if the person's ass you're eating
is vegan ah good
point good point is that a reach around that we can do what is right yeah you're
right it's not
always healthy but you do hear about like reduced inflammation and stuff like
some pro athletes go
vegan yeah just add like three years to their career okay you're not wrong
because most of it breaks
down into sugar which is right was this nine and a half weeks no this is uh oh
this is a comedy movie
oh that's dan akroyd yeah my dad looked exactly like that he used to sign
autographs as dan akroyd
when i was a kid i thought he was dan akroyd oh she was the most gorgeous ever
yeah this movie
is shocking wow the 80s huh she's an alien that comes down and it's wild
because she's kind of like
a child in a way because she's this young girl like yeah she's like this baby
alien in a big woman's
body uh-huh like remember big yeah i was trying to make a little bit of a play
of like he was
technically 13 even though he was in a 30 year old man's body and elizabeth perkins
was 30 so that
was creepy it's like you fucking nerds yes it's a fucking comedy you know this
is an argument i'm
trying to make you did texting like premises like that i'm like working on for
jokes before we get
in oh let's post real quick hey and then get into it let's to whitney's relapse
all right i love you yeah i do think my rock bottom was last time you were on
my podcast that was a
wild adventure that was fun i saw pictures of that five hour excursion i did
not know that
you guys would have to drink the drink i picked oh no it's part of the fun you
ate it okay i know
it's delicious i i don't think i like the whole drink in the same drink thing i
don't like the
ordering different i like being on the same yeah i like that too because there
is something um
that really drives a wedge between us when you order something else
because there's a judgment i'll be like oh can i have a whiskey sour and you're
like uh i'll have a
jack and coke and it's like that's not the night i was having right oh we're
getting a divorce
i thought we were celebrating this is what it's like to date any woman right
now by the way
reading into everything but no but at least then though it's still whiskey i
mean doing like someone's
doing like mezcal another person's doing wine i'm like we're all over the place
yeah i like i like
mark and i like doing the same drink that's like yeah that's nice but the
ultimate bad one is when
you're drinking and they're like i'll have a seltzer and you're like you gotta
drink with me
i can't sit here and drink alone it's the worst feeling i could have stayed at
home and done this
yeah or if you get ice cream and they get a salad you're like this sucks you
gotta be breaking the
rules when you're being bad and they're being good that's the way to put it it
is annoying i would say
if you're being good for whatever reason you need just don't come just don't
come because i just
feel judged i can't come when i'm bei