Name: Ep 92: Juice & Pedialyte
Uploaded: 2022-09-12T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 92: Juice & Pedialyte' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 92: Juice & Pedialyte' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-12. Transcript available.

Ep 92: Juice & Pedialyte

hey folks here we are we might be drunk we got a full house today huh
we got monka sally baby we got jamie jamo good to have you back it's been about
a year
all right well you didn't do a great job so we wanted you to build your
what do we have today what are we drinking well you need to take a break so you
have some healthy
juices here to help you guys detox from whatever happened to you over the
weekend it's been rough
yeah people assume we just drink on this podcast it's a little get well soon it's
we had a rough
weekend oh what what's it would we know what's in these talk to us judging by
the colors i'd say
there's carrot in there and some kind of green veggies and a little bit
everything from the
earth just to help you out all right well chase it with a little pedialyte yeah
how you doing you
oh the paper i really don't like the paper straw i hate it i don't like it they
get mushy
the turtle thing's a myth they made that all up oh this tastes pretty good i
taste a little ginger in
here oh ginger we're being healthy this week Irish people i closed a bar on saturday
night and it's
like there's no worse feeling when you're in a bar and someone flips the lights
on oh the worst it's
so aggressive yeah you see the cockroaches you see the dirt on the ground there's
a passed out dude
and you see how ugly everyone really is you know because with the booze and the
lights off
people looking pretty good yeah the cockroaches and the one old guy at the end
of the bar the two
survivors yeah exactly nuclear holocaust wouldn't get rid of them so i got i
saw something on the
street on my way here and i had to grab it for the studio this is a real salamanca
move but i pulled
it this week saw a guy selling records oh yeah hey all right i just thought it
was a cool look this
prior one check this shit out i don't think i've ever seen that yeah i don't
know this special
actually uh but look i thought this just looked cool as hell wow that's
gorgeous doesn't that look
good yeah love it what year do you think that is it's gotta be 79 yeah 80 what
year was sunset strip
i've got the computer here what am i asking you for there you go google bitch
this is 78 oh got it
all right that's exciting finally have a black on the wall it was getting a
little weird we got prior
up there already oh we do okay okay we need we need the ones we need are patrice
carlin and he said
the guy in the street was i was like who else you gotta do i'm due for a joan
rivers i was like we
should have joan on that wall joan for sure let's get a lady up there she met
joan did you
how was that i met her twice in the same day at two different situations so my
mom got to meet her
the first time which was awesome and then i got to her book signing so i had
she wrote me like a nice
message wow in her last book that she came out with so wow that forever that's
amazing i saw pat
oswald made a great point about how like you know everybody gets mad about
jokes and offended or
whatever and he's like she was a woman doing it and opened the door so like
imagine it cost her a lot
though it cost her a lot but imagine if she didn't sacrifice we might not have
any uh funny ladies
yeah that was his point and also in that documentary of her you see like there's
that guy with the guys
like offended and she's like fuck you like she's like fuck you she's like cool
when an older lady says
that yeah shut the fuck up i mean you watch her i used to watch the fashion
show because i thought she
was funny and she would just be like what are you wearing you fucking look like
hell and you're like
what the hell but she was so ghoulish and old that you let it slide well she
was a cartoon character
the way rodney was yes where she was like ow ow like that voice that's cartoony
you get away with
being meaner totally same with rickles he's fucking mr potato head in toy story
when you're a cartoon
looking dude you can get away with saying some shit when you look like that you
can shit on sinatra
and they're like ah he's lovable yeah he would trash sinatra and they would all
just go with it
yeah and sinatra like you when you're that arrogant and you're that much of a
complete lunatic you have
like one friend that's allowed to shit on you but you know anyone else that
shit on sinatra he was
probably like he's out that's true what is it about joan rubens is from brooklyn
rickles is from
queens dangerfield is from queens insane that just that tri-state area has bred
so much larry david
brooklyn seinfeld brooklyn chris uh chris rocks brooklyn mel brooks but then
the last generation
it was like very boston if you think all the that's true came out of boston it's
like louis burr
you know uh david cross like all these great comedians dane cook rogan stanhope
patrice patrice
de paulo yeah gullman the funnier you get yeah yeah i mean albert brooks he had
a regular life
he's la he's very funny yeah i think you could i think funny's funny i think it's
there's a good
combination with boston and new york with blue collar meets scholastic you got
you got columbia
here you got nyu here you got the other one and then you got uh boston's mit
harvard and uh but
yet they're all working in a mill they're all fucking irish and angry and they
fuck with each
other it's a good mix new york we're all in everything together like bloomberg
took the subway
yeah you know what i mean like i know it's a publicity thing but like it is
actually the best way to get
around so you think about that like bloomberg and a guy sucking on his foot in
the same subway car
right there's something beautiful about that yes you know that's true there's a
guy jerking it and uh
koch koch took the subway guy jerking his jeffrey toobin on the same subway car
just jerking his dick
there you go yeah seinfeld always said that like new york keeps you funny
because you can't you can't
like relax well there's so much stimulus like you go to go to westchester and
you're like what am i
doing there's nothing to do exactly nothing shuts the brain off like just boredom
totally like you can
take a million different routes home in new york just walking like i'm gonna go
this this is the
direction i'm gonna go and you'll see a different thing there's a dead guy this
way there's a hobo
that way there's a girl scout it's everything yeah and they say comedy goes up
during you know
shit times you know because you need it so it's like you said when are good
times huh when are good
times though everything every time is kind of shit right well it's always shit
to somebody like
people say hey the 50s it was magical it was uh you know unlock your
door and families and suburbs and all that but then black people were getting
fucked over and women
and women and black women yeah maybe some jews yeah oh yeah commies commie the
red scare yeah
that's true everything was bad people were like you know these are tough times
really well and what
were the crusades easy it's never good there's always something the 90s weren't
bad i like the 90s
meredith brooks i'm a bitch those are simpler times well rodney king had a
rough go
but oj got off his wife didn't but yeah what does that mean call it even
yeah all right i think the 90s were or maybe our peak and then 9-11 happened at
the end of the
90s and 2000s and it was all downhill downhill yeah i mean flying before 9-11
oh holy shit great
daniel tosh joke ah 9-11 sucks is or i like it because i used to have to walk
with my girlfriend
to the gate i love that joke that's good i remember going with girlfriends like
to the airport you just
have to wait there yeah the flight took off what about uh how was houston over
the weekend uh houston
houston houston is better than austin i'm saying it right now austin's all hip
and cool keep it weird
everybody's moving there houston's a better city is houston your number one in
texas
probably yeah it's very diverse it doesn't get his due for diversity it's it's
every group every race
huge vietnamese pop huge vietnamese indian uh they're all overweight so that
brings them together
but because it's the foodie city it's huge food and it's got a little
everything and it's got different
neighborhoods that are very interesting and uh i love houston great crowds
great club great crowds
how'd you like it you were just there i had a great time i was worried that
your tickets would hurt mine
yeah yeah i worry about that too when we're like back to back but right but you
did well
uh went great and uh i even popped over to the open mic at the secret group you're
sick i know well we
had nothing to do we were bored and my friend you know andrew youngblood yeah
he owns this club
so he's like you want to go drink for free at my club we'll get out of this
green room and i said
let's do it and uh then the open mic was going on i popped on and was it how
was it it was good it's
usually a nightmare every time i've done that it's always i always regret it
yeah it's you're dancing
with fire or playing with fire dancing with fire is that that's not an
expression with the devil
pale moonlight that's what you meant all right dancing with fire is that the
new album i don't even know
what i'm talking about no but i mean you have that you come off that good late
show usually and then
you know yeah you want to fuck you want to lose that feeling that's true it's
the weirdest thing
about comedy you got this hot show sold out you're killing and then you go do
an open mic for 11
people and you've never felt worse you like this is a general thing people this
is just you no one
else does this well what would be an equivalent to that like maybe you're
playing in the majors
and then you go hit a you go to like you play an nba and then you go to like a
you know pick up
there's a story that gary payden did that and i don't know if it's true but the
so the story goes
gary payden if you don't know him the glove played for the sonics in the 90s he
was a badass his son
is in the nba the glove also michael jackson i mean oj ah shit i'm trying to
bring him back
well he had a glove too michael jackson that's true that's true but uh glove no
love but that's a
great nickname for that that's how good you are defensively you're the glove
right so the story
goes he's at like a nightclub and like boat shoes and some guy's like i could
beat you one-on-one
and he's like no you can't and he's like yeah i can and payden like he keeps to
the point he was
known for shit talking like there's pull up the picture of payden and michael jordan
and you just
see him in jordan's face like he didn't beat jordan but you got to give the guy
props for just
getting in the dude's face like fuck you i love that um and yeah get that get
that image um he was
the glove but in basketball yeah yeah yeah meaning meaning he's like on top he's
like he was on you
that's how tight he was ah that's good yeah look at that picture of no the one
in the corner no the
other one no no the one was in his face dude come on come on google bitch there
you go oh look at
that that's not even the one i'm thinking that's heated i was talking top right
yeah look at that
yeah i mean he's way smaller than jordan he should not be yeah that's the one i'm
talking about look
oh you see he's saying an f-word he's saying fuck oh well maybe another one
well the thing is that
they say is like he wasn't the best trash talker but he just didn't stop aha
like it was just the
whole game he and they're like dude shut up yeah right um how bad could he be
like hey you fucking
honky nice uh nice legs like what is bad trash talking like you stink i think
yeah i think like
knowing shit about your personal life there are people that do homework and
they and they're like
your wife the famous one was kevin garnett on uh i'm carmelo your wife smells
like honey nut cheerios
what does that mean just like i know your wife smell because i've been with
your wife it's like a
specific oh wow i know that box
yeah um so anyway some guy's challenging him in the story i don't know if it's
t