Name: Ep 93: Raanan Hershberg
Uploaded: 2022-09-19T01:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 93: Raanan Hershberg' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 93: Raanan Hershberg' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-19. Transcript available.

Ep 93: Raanan Hershberg

hey yeah we're here we're doing it we're back we might be drunk uh good to have
you how the hell are you we've got a buddy ron on hershberg with us he's got a
new special out
on youtube what's the name of the special i joke from the underground i was
there it was great
great special watch this special good to see you man thanks for having me yeah
it's great to be
here um yeah it's nice i'm gonna if you want me to relapse on the show i can
really really would
you do that uh non-alcoholic beer am i your first sober person no who else we
had list on we had
right yeah never mind that's crazy that i thought i'd be your first there's a
lot of sober comics so
many sober people now you're saying you had list before me how dare you yeah
you know um they beg
to be on but uh yeah no i won't realize but i'll drink uh yeah i'll drink the
non-alcoholic it kind
of gets me drunk really well it's like a psychological thing um right because
it's like the the i don't
know it just makes me feel drunk i um yeah i guess i guess i'm susceptible to
hypnotism well i mean they
say like 68 percent of pills are placebo really and they just people buy it the
mind is such a
fucking cunt yeah and my mind is especially cunty you know like if i if i think
you know during the
covid shit when like if i thought i had covid i'd have all these symptoms and
then the minute
the rapid test came back negative they'd all go away that's so true isn't that
crazy that happened to me
too i mean do you will you have these ever will you drink these yeah i do but i
i i really need to
stop because i'm just getting fat and not getting drunk it's like you get all
the bad parts
yeah it's like decaf coffee of alcohol you know you just get the shits but you
don't have the energy
it's the same like no one's ever like i need a cup of decaf coffee no no it's
the same with do you
have do you ever fuck women you're not attracted to on the non-alcoholic beer
oh i mean i've i mean
i've done it sober so i've so i guess i've done it on the non-alcoholic well i'm
gonna have a
i'm gonna have a regular beer but i do want to try the non-alcoholic yeah i've
never tried it
it's good shit man it's like beer but it doesn't give you the thing that you
want from beer
yeah right um i always looked at non-alcoholic beer like a like a blow-up doll
yeah oh yeah well i'm like well why not nothing right you know right you mean
it's better to just
not to just not just just have like a soda or something no for sure um yeah i i
mean the only
reason i drink it is because it actually does get me drunk sometimes oh that
tastes pretty damn good
though well maybe i'm about to take this back then yeah well yeah i heard
somebody compare having sex
with a condom is like having non-alcoholic beer and i'm like that's not true
because condom stuff is
still fucking yeah still sex yeah there's still a person there yeah it's
definitely true because i'll
have this and i still won't have sex with a condom so i feel like i definitely
have a difference
ah good point well that's speaking of mental i mean how many times you see an
ingrown hair on your
dick and you just go down this spiral of like what have i done who am i i gotta
make some changes i
hate myself i gotta call my mom every day it's it's uh it's just i if you go
through like i went
through like a day once recently i was like i had like i think 14 different
fears that day just like
different oh yeah and it's just like is it with everything now it's just like
covid monkey pox i'm
always terrified of bed bugs oh i had those i think it feels like god doesn't
want anyone to interact
with each other yeah it's like stay away from everyone because everyone's just
going to give
you covid and herpes and bed bugs god talks to his messengers on zoom yeah yeah
just all do it on zoom
yeah because it is like it's just so much yeah so much fucking stress it doesn't
taste bad it tastes
great you know what it's missing that the kick it's like there is it's missing
the purpose of beer
yeah it's missing like well you know when you you have that one little like
there's like that little
i don't know it's alcohol it's missing out you're like there you go you're like
it's missing the
thing that i like alcohol you know the one thing it's lacking is the point of
it i feel like i'm
still here that's the problem right yeah you know what it is it's like a body
without a soul
that's hey there you go that's a good ad it's a body without a soul who needs a
soul fuck we've got
too much soul yeah but you know so uh but i i don't know i get susceptible i'm
you know it's i guess
it's part of my hypochondria i get susceptible so when i drink this i feel a
little uh woozy you know
yeah well didn't tom cruise just have a big uh flip out about or no he had a
flip out about
antidepressants years ago yeah and it resurfaced and turns out he was kind of
right or something
they're saying he was i don't know you always say they i'm like well they keep
the internet is they
they keep saying like he was on it like doctors have gone back and be like he
was on to something
here well i mean definitely not from where he's coming from because he's like
xenu told me not
to do it sure like that's not like the reason the scientists aren't like yeah
xenu and uh ronald
they were correct you know but i mean i think it depends i mean i'm on antidepressants
it
helps really yeah oh yeah oh yeah i can't oh i know it fucked up right i'm
pretty depressed on it
yeah exactly wet blanket over there not working yeah imagine if i wasn't on it
yeah well i gotta
tell you i grew up with a scary dad like pull up in the driveway dad's home you
know battle stations
go hide and he got on antidepressants and he's like how are you he's like henry
winkler now
it's weird and i'm still like flinching around him well but it's wild i don't
and obviously i don't
think it works for everyone i do think it's over diagnosed i will say this
everyone who's ever
commits suicide should have been on antidepressants you don't think there's
some suicides except for
hitler except for hitler we could have saved hitler it's a real trash hitler epstein
if they're
only medicated they both did they both did yeah but um efficient people but uh
you know i just read
biographies on hitler now that's all i do i'm like obsessed with hitler i've
always said you need
more holocaust jokes you don't have enough but he's got six million of them
someone recently was
like uh i said who sometimes like what up with you jews all being into hitler
well i mean he started
i would say we're into yeah well no i'm pretty into hitler i mean he's
fascinating he definitely began
the interest he got he's we would not have been into hitler if he was showing
signs he was into us
first yeah yeah of course of course wasn't he a halfie or something no you
always hear that he
they always say he was a half jew his mother's jewish no no no no i've read 12
biographies this month
come on i'm on the internet well the internet is not they this whole they thing
that was a theory but
it's not true i'm just trying to be nice to trans people they them it would
suck if he was jewish
be like i guess he's a victim of the holocaust but i did read uh this is sounds
like a joke but it's
true his father his um his father's uh changed his last name to hitler oh and
so he had a different
it was originally goldstein yeah no it was it was i'm not getting this right
but it was something that
would have hard to get a hail go because hail hitler sounds good it's great
biography they're
literally like he probably would have become hitler because it's hard to get
like a hail shickle gruber
going yeah it was literally like shickle gruber really yeah it was shickle you
can look at it
it's i believe it's shickle gruber so if he didn't just open like a bratwurst
uh restaurant yeah yeah
exactly i mean he might have been like kind of a nazi there like a soup not
just to that level right
a bratwurst nazi but like the service here is really bad that's it but that's
but yeah shickle gruber
like hail hitler is so catchy it is because he's like that call me maybe song
yeah exactly
because he changed because the father changed his name to hitler six million
that's
fucking fascinating if it was shickle gruber if no one's like do you hear about
this new shickle gruber
guy like you're right that's true hell shrickle gruber you wouldn't get you
wouldn't have got it
going name helps yeah name does help maybe like can we call you shickle or gruber
but how many jews
change their name and show business john stewart's john lebowitz why do you
think i'm struggling so
much i didn't fucking change my name your agent's like we can't get you booked
in the midwest
hirschberg you can't even fucking spell my name it's insane yeah well you got a
lot of a's in there
in the first the first name it's insane i should have changed it but i'm from a
different time you
can't change name now you have to change names to be more ethnic so i came from
the wrong time you
know what i mean i'd have to change it to like ron on hirschberg bagel lox and
cream cheese i don't
know you have one of my favorite jokes the one about your grandparents uh going
to uh you're like
a jew from kentucky oh yeah yeah yeah go again it's like uh i move i live in
new york now people
like how did a jew end up in kentucky because i'm from kentucky and i'm like
well when my grandpa left
europe before the holocaust he wasn't very picky he wasn't like i don't know i'll
switch to louisville
let me think about it that's a great bit well it was it is like uh this i don't
know this is not
the pet peeve section but oh lay it on lay it on us there's no there's no order
jews in new york
the jews only live in new york in israel like they don't realize we're like a
scattered tribe
we're all over the place there's jews in tucson the jews in tucson they're jews
everywhere it's like
they they really are they're just cockroaches they go no uh but i get why anti-semites
hate us
show up everywhere we're just gonna click jews or cockroaches and just think
how many would it be
without the holocaust i know right kind of needed it just to keep that
overwhelming
uh someone else said that someone said who was that maybe it was joe and
someone was like you know
there was less jews uh there's there's more jews in germany before the holocaust
than there are
now or something like that and i'm like yeah the holocaust was a real setback
yeah you didn't know
that huh yeah it is actually how hitler like it's like trump where the ratings
just go up if he's on
it you know yeah like uh there's a hitler the history channel is called the hitler
channel cnn plummeted
after trump exactly hitler i will say hitler's fat i'm like i'm basically a
historian now i just i the
minute i turned 38 i just started reading hitler biographies right right mail
and i've read like
like seven i'm watching movies now where i'm like that's not historically
accurate
you're neil degrasse tyson with gravity yeah yeah but with all just like schiddler's
list
that's who you like to see movies with the guy who sits down and goes actually
right
well i you know i but uh but yeah i know what you mean it is just uh i've gone
in deep you know
um oh yeah and it's you know not good because i know it's good qualities now
you know oh you
know i'm just like the painting or what's the good stuff well he was a shitty
painter but he loved dogs
you know against smoking smoking's not great really hated jews yeah yeah good
point good point i'll give
you that one but uh but yeah i don't know evil is interesting it is it's you
know yeah it's just
fucking interesting you know yeah yeah i mean trump just got raided you know
that's fun that's what
they said yeah uh that will be that's gonna be an interesting thing did they
find anything well
they can't believe milani was flushing all the coke down the toilet like in uh
i don't think they're
not gonna be able to release the information i think you know oh really we
sho