Name: Ep 94: Rick Glassman & Paper Planes
Uploaded: 2022-09-26T00:59:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 94: Rick Glassman & Paper Planes' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 94: Rick Glassman & Paper Planes' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-26. Transcript available.

Ep 94: Rick Glassman & Paper Planes

all right you want me to do a walk-in yeah please all right christopher you can
keep this in people
see a little behind the scenes they get excited yeah see he's gonna take over
also i'm not sure
what type of music you want i could give you some some music uh but it might be
cool if we do like
a hip-hop maybe black and white if you could like do this shit we could do it
in digital but oh yeah
that's cool um and then i think it might be good if i i don't know what's going
on but i trust that
it's all going to come together yes hey folks here we are we might be drunk
what's shaking i thought
we had a guest today what the hell where is he
what are you painting a house here that's a hell of an outfit there oh hey what's
up man
oh are we able to do though i didn't know i thought you weren't into the handshaking
okay okay that was i do handshakes for bits microphone the ocd leaves you for
comedy's sake
truly truly it's um so i stopped doing stand-up for a couple years during the
holocaust yeah
and uh i started back up again in january and i was always wiping the mics and
i it made me talk
about ocd which i didn't want to and one day i decided i'm just gonna do it and
i grabbed the mic
and i was just like i'm fine i'm still you know difficult yeah but it bits
fucking
oh are they flowing in bits over uh emotional uh obsessive responses good for
you yeah well
you're a creative guy let the juices flow and you're a germaphobe well don't
say that to my
ex-wife or say it to uh wait a minute i don't know do it again i'm gonna walk
in
no we have a good time we have a good time it's fun this outfit is very 90s i
think the 90s are
coming back my lady is dressing 90s well he had a push for white man can't jump
i think you should
have been cast as the woody harrelson lead i appreciate that and a white man
can't jump
what are you kidding he can hoop dude really we'll cut to a clip
fuck fuck my bad okay have you guys hooped together my neck's been bad but i'll
be ready for
you dude ready for me or if we hoop it has to be ready for me this is big we'll
be on team on the
team the same team here drunk versus shoes off this is this is a league right
he'll take me he'll
take me easily you think oh yeah come on manhattan knight uh yeah i'm a baller
you don't take me
we've never met outside of a podcast so we only know each other on camera so
you may think this
is me being hyperbolic okay i am so good at basketball really that it's that
you'd be like
why did you pick comedy and it's gonna be corny maybe i shouldn't say it say i
should say it
all right say it no maybe you know what i'm not gonna come on we want to hear
it comedy picked me
oh comedy wow that's beautiful well white man can't jump is basketball and
entertainment coming
together oh i was rooting for you to get the part we were together when you
told me you were up for
the part uh well auditioning i don't know if i was up for it at the point but
at this time yet now
blake uh even told me friends of blake griffin and he told me that people won't
believe that i can't
dunk so it doesn't doesn't make sense what are you 6-3 today yeah uh-huh i'm 6-3
i cannot come
close to dunk really no no hops yeah i'm below the rim i'm like a z-bow you
know you could touch
the rim yeah yeah okay you could touch the rug get the net yeah oh yeah that
with a boost that's good
you should put that on your on reels or shorts you guys more shorts or reels
what do you think
is better than careers i'm short uh i'm both i do both good remember those
shoes they used to
make pull these up matt straight yeah the strength shoes i had the ones that
you you put on they were
like this tall yes oh they helped you jump moon boots there's one there's i
think they're called
strength shoes that i used where the it's a regular shoe but then there's this
big thing just on the
toe which for you on off the heels yeah it forces you to stay off the heels
yeah yeah those right there
the the white and blue but that's it that those ones yeah no i was thinking of
something else they're
like a whole thing they're crazy are you talking about shoes to make you taller
no they help you're
supposed to walk around and they just help you jump oh yeah those get a you get
a killer calf
i don't i don't know if it's because of that or just getting older but i use
those senior year of
high school couldn't dunk use them for a few months started dunking whoa that's
not a necessarily
because of this yeah but dunking trussell the guy they picked over you the guy
they picked over you
for uh white man can't jump i don't think he can really play you know what i
don't like to speak
poorly about other people but i'm gonna be honest i don't think he's uh much of
a player is that marlo
jack marlo are you a dad i don't know harlow sorry i don't know the hip uh the
hip white rappers
these days yeah harlow he's a cute cute kid you guy but pull him up playing he
looks like um admit
the form is off what's the actor you know he's uh john snow the brother the
king kit carrington no
but the other one the one that that dies at the red wedding spoiler alert sorry
oh he kind of looks
like a um a musician version of that guy oh okay well he's a musician that's
well there you go i see
world what about woody was woody decent for what he could who really it looked
pretty good here's
the thing that woody could do not to say anybody can't is this the kid yeah all
right look at the
form though i don't know he's like doing this what is this interesting what he
had unbelievable has
pardon my french yeah unbelievable charisma he's fun he's lovable i don't know
much about jack marlo but
i will say are you sure that's what i'm reading on the jersey i know oh jack's
here now hey this is
our bartender beer jew you can walk in front of him that's such a cool thing
that you guys have a
bartender during it oh yeah i know you're not a drinker but you gotta have at
least a sip of this
because you're gonna love this drink so i have a work thing in a couple hours
this will help i did
take a little bit of an edible that'll be kicking in soon okay porn it's i just
call it porn but yes
there's a lot of mostly men okay well this will yes will help you i also think
it's important to
acknowledge that that people or we call it this fetish shit or gay porn or
black porn or jew porn
it's just it's just nobody's watching no one's watching that's that search has
never been entered once
that's that's actually that sucks that's what i'm that sucks you're going to
but i'm not trying i don't
want to i don't want to be known as a jewish pornographic actor i'm just an
actor that's beautiful
yeah all right do you do you identify as a jew yeah do you like that as an
identifier yeah why not did
you choose it no chose me rick glassman caa chosen people yeah yeah you're you're
you're a big
peeb i'm i mean i can't get away from it not that i want to but truly i don't
want to yeah but i'll
tell you what i don't love i i do thank you but what about the you always hear
nebbishy short balding
you guys are the exact opposite of the stereotype we're tall of the same you
got full heads of hair
hair and you're uh not that nebbishy i mean you got the germaphobe and the neck
but what's the neck i got a bad neck yeah you knew that yeah i buy the neck
sounds like a physical
attribute but i get it i got some i got some arthritis all around okay yeah we're
getting
surgery here here and here whoa triple hernia elbow and shoulder and boy are my
arms tired
we'll be right back triple hernia what happened you lifted a couch i had a uh
even i gotta tell you
something even though i'm jewish i'm so athletic that my hernias are even
athletic because it wasn't
the intestines it's actually called and look it up a sports hernia oh yeah i
had sport if i'm gonna
have a hernia let it be sports yeah and while they were there they did the the
belly button the belly
button yeah were you an audi well i was or a different kind of car i like to
get i like to get
specific with the uh ailments now yeah yeah sports it's like that's a towel std
right what std towel
yeah you got it from a towel yeah there's a tennis elbow there's athlete's foot
those are the big ones yeah achilles heel that's just a body part there's a
lower back
knee uh-huh yeah what there's no bowling yeah there's the bowling finger i have
it oh yeah
should we cut to a clip sure let's do it can you bowl very good are you serious
well you're he's a
midwestern kid that's right i used to bowl a lot not so much anymore arms are
tired but i do have
a cool uh i almost bowled a perfect game i did first 10 strikes first 10 rolls
were strikes i was
two away from perfect that's pretty damn good so that's i mean you basically
did the perfect game
and you couldn't you couldn't get the last yeah no you know when you get that
close
it makes it a little bit harder but it taught me a lesson maybe i shouldn't say
maybe it's corny
come on no it's stupid come on glassy when you chase perfection you're only
going to be
disappointed but when you're grateful for what you've accomplished and who you
are in that moment
hell i'm a 288 i'm damn proud of it 288 it's insane i was on the sneeze at i
mean that's my ex's
weight is that why did you break up with her because she's so heavy well she
died
oh i'm so sorry well the wheelchair got caught it fell down the stairs we got
caught on what
i put a broomstick in the spoke it's a whole wait a minute wait a minute you
killed her wow i was
cleaning i was sweeping up i fell she i dropped the broom it went in the spoke
she went down the
stairs if this were on my podcast i would pitch to you we film this we cut to a
clip all right we
we get an actor to play norman we dramatize it yeah he plays the girl in the
wheelchair though yeah
ah but jack harlow will be me you know these i re-watched white men can't jump
the original
so great so good very very good what do you uh not woody uh wesley snipes is
amazing he's
magnet magnetic yeah magnetic what does magnanimous mean i was just thinking
that then there's magnesium
magnesium right that's not racist magnesium is a i think if you call a black
guy magnetic
because of because you know all the x-men like magneto yeah he's always been
white yes because
he's repelling against the race although now they're trying to say that he's
repelling against racism
huh yeah it's metal where were you getting racism no no because he's the only x-men
that has never
been characterized as black because every other incarnation has been a black
wolverine has been a black
black everything i think they're hesitant to cast the villains black sometimes
can i say something
look at the joker if you if you look at magneto as a villain it's because you're
not understanding
oppression but he's white he's a mutant and he's a holocaust survivor i don't
care for that term
sorry he's a mutant who was a concentration camp survivor got it and uh man
those nazis must have
still pretty dumb when they when they got magneto in there that's a show i
would like to see by the
way magneto during the holocaust oh while he was because he was still a kid he
didn't understand his
powers yet right do you know this that he was he was i didn't know that yeah he's
still a survivor
he's a survivor i didn't know that yeah he's a survivor which is what makes
things a little
complicated and uh in the universe now because he ages yet now he would be you
know 100 years old
almost right so it's a little confusing because his storyline is yeah he was uh
he was a holocaust
forever as a child there but much like black mutant don't crack now all right i'm
just saying you know
you got these uh these mutants they can they can heal themselves and shoot fire
and all this why would
they age right some of them do oh okay i would a lot of people would call you a
mutant with your
amazing ability to go up on stage and tell people you know what you do that i
like you tell it how it
is yeah try to keep it real up there you know i don't want to let t