Name: Ep 96: Daniel Sloss
Uploaded: 2022-10-10T01:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 96: Daniel Sloss' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 96: Daniel Sloss' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-10. Transcript available.

Ep 96: Daniel Sloss

Hey folks here we are we might be drunk we're back we're doing it we're uh we're
drinking we're
drinking we got this is is this our first international app oh daniel slas yeah
it's
am i popping the like overseas cherry yeah it might be the hymen yeah i'm
excited man i'm
excited we've been trying we tried to get you last time early very early in the
we might be
drunk days yeah yeah well i think i would have been i was that was about to be
a lie so i would
say i would have gotten more drunk then than now because now i'm a dad but that's
not changed my
drinking like if anything when he wakes up in the middle of the night you just
have more energy
because you're like oh yeah fuck it i'm in the mood for crying this is good
yeah but hung over is hell
but hung over with a baby it's got to be rough yeah it does yeah yeah yeah if
you don't smoke weed
oh hey there you go or drug yeah like if you're willing to just sit through a
hangover and have
a baby during that time then yeah that can be shit or you can just coast out
the other end because you
can be high with a baby that's true you can't be high with a toddler i don't
think like once they
start recognizing the smell or you're around other parents who know the smell
yeah that's when you've
got to and like nip it in the bud no pun intended you're both intended both
eating the baby food
strain peas baby yeah one for me one for the baby one for me one for the baby
um but yeah man being high with a baby's good because you you know i'll stay at
plants for 45
fucking minutes if i'm baked as well we can just go in the garden touch some
fucking flowers a great
day that's a fun day i can't smoke i get so paranoid on weed i can't do it i
too i didn't realize until i
was in my 30s like now marijuana starts giving me anxiety uh but when i was
younger because i was
such a just a cocky piece of shit who thought he was god's gift to the world
like i think the paranoia
did me a lot of favors because like i would remember being high my brain would
be like you're not as good
as you think you are everyone probably thinks you're a dick and that was the
first time those thoughts
had ever occurred to me yeah and i was like oh my god maybe they do and then i
started being like
do you think i'm a dick and people were like yeah definitely and i'm like oh
this isn't paranoia
this is this is just the truth yeah holy so you stopped uh uh no no no i just
smoked more weed and
reflected more on it and then and then i now have an unhealthy dose of anxiety
which before i meet
people i'm like they know they already hate me yeah now you have the healthy so
uh dose of self-hatred
it's not yeah working yeah yeah didn't get that early on just was straight into
i'm the best i'm
because i started on like a much smaller scene than the new york scene right
did you guys start here
i did yeah pretty much yeah and like how how long was that before you managed
to like i mean is it
open mic nights like with mark and i met at open mics and uh but you know then
you find other ways
to get on like we do the comic strip uh late night late night there's there
were clubs that would put
you on but you just get the shitty spots you either while they're getting the
checks or yeah you go on
at the end of the night and that there's it's funny you you get so mad about
that shit and i just
wish i could have told myself none of this is gonna matter right you're mad
because some dude named
angry bob cut the line yeah that was his name angry bob true and he was like i'm
going on first and i
was like there's no justice in the world i'm like i did none of this
unfortunately your name's just sam
obviously we're going to put angry bob on first he's angry he flips the fuck
out yeah that was his act
what are we what are we drinking here today we're doing bodega cat rye manhattan's
on the rocks
thank you you're jew a little excited cheers hey can we get can we get one for
mike as well over here
yeah mike wants one all right absolutely who is my the agent publicist publicist
oh even worse
yeah that is delightful that is very very nice love a dark sherry too do you
guys not get that
well like is there not any fucking weird uh like drinking um what's what i'm
looking for like
uh fears that you've got to do what you do what's this if you have to chat tap
the floor before you go
on stage oh like an ocd or superstition superstition is the word i'm looking
for one in the uk is you
have to make eye contact while cheersing someone otherwise i don't like that
yeah well i don't have
sex for like seven years i guess that's happening so i mean we gotta cheers hey
we gotta be yeah yeah
there it is yeah hate eye contact i do i usually do the eye contact when i
cheers just out of respect
well cheers and apparently comes from like the fucking old days of like if you
were in a clan and
other clans came to visit and you were hosting them like you had to fill your
beers and your ales to the
top and you put all your drinks in the middle so that your drink would slosh
into theirs and their
drink would slosh into yours just so nobody was poisoning anyone and it was
like if we all do this
and we're all drinking each other's drinks then we're all cool one guy's still
getting poisoned way
worse than the other people just like a teeny bit of poison everyone else is
just getting like a mild
lsd high just one of them like choking holding his throat like joffrey and they're
like this
can't can't handle his ale it's unbelievable so much of life back that was just
trying not to die
yeah survival man that's what handshakes were was to show you're not really
that was hey here's my
sword arm there you go and there's nothing in it that's there that's wild you're
you're like a real
drinker yeah yeah yeah have you been drinking already uh not today uh not yet
um good job mike
i used to shit on americans so fucking hard when it came to drinking just
because because we sucked at
it well that was certainly my perception because you'd get americans being like
you know well because
you guys don't get to drink until 21 uh well yeah yeah but like i remember
being like 18 coming over
here and meeting 19 year olds would be like we're underage drinking i'm like
that's 13 is underage
drinking right i come from yeah like you do that too yeah yeah i i yeah i guess
it does uh i know it
happens but it feels just so much more fucking you know strict here and then it
feels more punk rock
too we're like i imagine drinking during prohibition here that type of drinking
must have been fun
because you're breaking the rules you're not supposed to be doing it like vodka
goes like down somebody's
fucking drain in a fucking bottle goes under seven houses and pops up through a
chimney in the back
and like the cops outside no it's time for chimney vodka that would have been
that would have been
the fucking best that's our next booze we're gonna sell chimney vodka but that's
where nascar came from
was bootleggers trying to escape the cops really that's the origin of nascar
give it a goog and they
were only escaping in one circle yeah this is never gonna end they didn't know
they were hammered but
yeah they would uh soup up their cars to escape police and that's nascar there
you fucking go
just uh in case no one believed me moonshine that fueled the growth of stock
car racing
wow in appalachia it led to the rise of nascar interesting it wasn't gasoline
all right there you
go well it's good like the the big problem i discovered with drinking over here
in this country
is one the i never know what to tip i remember the first time coming to me oh
yeah not understanding
what the tipping culture was and i can't remember which comic it was but they
gave me this advice
and you can tell me if this is bad but it seems to work for me since which is
whenever you get your
first drink um i first of all didn't know there was such thing as like drinking
then a chaser whiskey
like i'm from scotland whiskey's the drink yeah and i don't really drink beer
because i think it
tastes like piss um but i would go for like a cider and a whiskey and i was
like this is fucking great
but uk measurements are 25 mils or 50 mils and you cannot give beyond that
because it's
literally measured out whereas here you guys are just like how much how much is
how much is too
much whiskey and you're like about seven blinks of eye contact ago was when you
should have stopped
you're cheering the whole time cheers it's not breaking that's the problem i
couldn't look down
to check he goes just tip like five on the first drink because then that bartender
will not leave
you alone anytime you're up at the bar then beyond that every drink you tip a
dollar and then by like
the fourth and fifth drink they'll just give you like a free drink buybacks
yeah yeah which again
not a fucking thing so for my first time in new york and i did that and it all
fucking worked i can
drink five whiskeys in scotland and i mean not be fine but i know how much i've
had there whereas i'm
three whiskeys in in america because i've tipped this guy it's just up to the
fucking drip i'm drinking
it at the same fucking rate if it's a gin and tonic i'm like this tastes
different to the gin and tonics back in
the uk right and that's because uk gin and tonics are 25 gin 75 tonic as
opposed to if you've tipped a
bartender seven dollars it is gin a bit of vodka and then they basically just
whisper the word lemon on
top like here you go here's your favorite cocktail from home yeah here's
something though about that
like you know where they think they're hooking you up and the drinks is
horrible now oh brutal like i
got you and you're like that's i just i would have just ordered a gin yes i can't
drink this yeah it's
poison but i can't i can't not drink a drink same like gotta finish it even if
it's like even if it's a
like a gin and tonic that i know is going to be a problem for me like it's my
seventh one and i know
this is another four shots of gin i'm like a mature emotionally strong adult
would be able to
self-reflect and go i don't need that because it's already going to be hard
getting home and i'm like
but i remember being 16 years old and asking people outside of shops to buy me
booze and them not buying
me booze and then like having to go to that party sober and being like i'm
never gonna put booze away
again like if it's ever in front of me i owe it to 16 year old me there's some
sober kid in africa
who needs me to drink this but i'm the same way i mean remember we were younger
you know you go to
bars and we couldn't buy booze back then so you just i'll just chug this lady's
wine then i'll drink
this whiskey that's got a cigarette butt in it but i'm putting it down because
you just need to get a
buzz yeah yeah let that be a lesson if you can buy kids alcohol do it do it yes
because otherwise
they're still gonna drink it right but they're gonna drink stuff with cigarette
butts in it
previously spiked drinks yes you'd be doing all these teenagers a favor if you
just bought them
some mike hart lemonade you ever you ever get the bar another thing they do
here in the states is they
will you'll get them in hand sometimes and you're like maybe it's like 18 bucks
it's like damn that's
really expensive but they pour it up to here so you're like that's a fucking
that's three drinks yeah i
know yeah you ever go on a date with a girl and they're like okay and they don't
drink it you're
like come on you're killing me that was 19 dollars i i was it was back when i
was single single made me
realize how much i don't think i'm an alcoholic because it's not like i need it
to function i just
love it and when the opportunity arises
you know it's you know i don't do it in the mornings i don't do it in drive
yeah but when i was on dates with girls um and i was just by the way that did
not make you not sound
like an alcoholic i don't do it in the mornings i don't do it while i drive i'm
like all right well
that still leaves the afternoon public transit yeah 