Name: Ep 98: Steve-O
Uploaded: 2022-10-24T01:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 98: Steve-O' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 98: Steve-O' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-24. Transcript available.

Ep 98: Steve-O

Hey everybody, here we are. We might be drunk. Good to have you. Sam's hung
over. Steve-O's
sober. And we lost the Peruvian dog. You found that dog in Peru? I did. And I
was videoing
as I found her. Like I approached her with the camera rolling. And I just kept
filming
the whole time I was in Peru. This is where I found her on the streets of Peru.
And I put
together this video about how we fell in love and how I brought her home with
me to America.
And that fucking video got more views than anything I've ever put on the
internet.
That's the internet. It's a slippery bitch. You can't predict it.
Yeah, well. You never know. I'll tell you, it was a-
That dog's a slippery bitch. She ran away from us.
Yeah, right? It was a real kick in the nuts to learn that after a lifetime of
attention
whoring. I just couldn't come up with a goddamn thing better than rescuing a
dog.
You put a Hot Wheel car up your ass. You know, a couple views. But this, you
can't beat it.
Those are the things you think of that pop, though, on like TikTok or YouTube.
It's like self-harm for animals, right?
Yeah. I mean, anything with animal cats, my girl's into cat stuff, and that all
just blows up.
Yeah, my girl, actually, just scrolls and scrolls and scrolls. Nothing but
animals.
Wow.
Yeah.
There you go.
Because you know what? There's so much hatred and vitriol just being spewed on
Twitter and all this shit.
And then you see a little cat, and you're like, oh, the world's not awful.
Yeah. Kind of nice for bestiality people, because they're like, oh, I love
animals. You know, you have an out.
That's kind of convenient. I never thought about that.
Oh, man. Dude, I'm a fan. I'm a fucking fan.
Of bestiality?
Hey, you think that does well, just rescuing a dog.
Yeah.
Fucking a dog. That's going through the roof.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you guys gave me this annoying homework.
You know, I have to come up with all this different stuff.
I was thinking about how do we do a bit about fucking a dog.
I tried to write a bit years ago about how we make fun of bestiality people,
but we talk about women as if they're animals.
She's a fox. She's a hot chick. That's a cougar.
Or if she's ugly, that's a dog. She's a pig.
We always go back to animal.
Right. Okay.
Russ Meneve used to have a great bit where he said, doggy style, that's too kinky
for me.
I like human style. That's when I put my dog on his back.
That's a great joke.
Great little mystery.
Great. Russell Peters.
Russ Meneve.
Oh, okay. I was going to say, Russell Peters, that doesn't involve an ethnic
person or an accent.
Yeah, man. So you're in New York just hanging?
Promoting my book.
That's right. The book.
Yeah. I have a book. It's my second book.
It's called A Hard Kick in the Nuts.
New York Times bestseller.
I sure hope so.
Yeah.
I would be mortified if it's not, but we don't receive official word about that
for another, presumably a week.
Uh-huh.
Do you ever think you would write one book, much less two?
I did. I did.
I'm such a rabid attention whore, and always have been, that I kind of just
viewed my life as something that I was doing so that it would be a really crazy
book.
Hell yeah.
Wow. You got everything. What I've learned from a lifetime of terrible
decisions.
Yep.
I love that.
It's a book of wisdom.
Get on it, folks.
Unfortunately, memoir part two, I learned is not a thing.
Right, right.
So you got to have some kind of an angle on it.
So I went with a book of wisdom gleaned from a lifetime of terrible decisions.
Yeah.
Is that part of your sobriety?
Is what part of my sobriety?
The bad decisions?
I have managed to make awful decisions in sobriety, yeah.
That's impressive.
Yeah, for sure.
I love it.
I love a good, bad decision.
I know, but the sobriety part sucks because you can't blame it on drugs or booze,
you know?
That's, you know, like the book has its fun, it's funny, and it's serious as
well.
And that plays into the serious part that it's a motherfucker when you're a
piece of shit and you don't have drugs and alcohol to blame.
Yeah, that's hard.
Did you do the whole rehab thing or did you just?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you did.
I did.
I did.
It started, the sobriety started with an intervention, which was organized and
led by Johnny Knoxville.
It's the funniest intervention of all time.
That was one of my first jokes, you know, in stand-up was, you know, you've got
a problem when your interventionist is Johnny Knoxville.
Right, right.
You walk in, a bucket of water falls on your head.
You're like, come on, man.
We need to talk.
Yeah, that's great.
It's hard for you.
Wow.
So, what was the drug of choice?
I was what we referred to as a garbage can.
So, that's everything?
Fairly non-discriminate.
I never did heroin and I never smoked crack.
But other than that, I was indiscriminate.
Never really got into meth, but at the same time, I never turned it down.
I got you.
That's pretty good.
I feel like, you know, there's a lot of crackhead comedians and actors and then
heroin.
You never did that.
I think you're doing all right.
Right.
That was what I learned from my first time in rehab in 1995.
Oh, multiple times.
Yeah, 1995.
I was only 20 years old.
I was on a string of bad luck.
I ended up in rehab totally by mistake.
And what I learned in there was, wow, crack is bad and so is heroin.
Yeah, David Cross talked about doing crack in his book.
And he said, like, he did it once or twice, never did it again, but he gets why
it's so popular.
He's like, you feel great.
I mean, I understand it.
It's absolutely delicious.
Yeah.
Crack is great.
Crack is, like, kind of good.
No, that's tough.
I mean, you see people on the street and you're like, well, you're not doing
great advertising for crack.
Right.
You know, or meth or whatever.
I mean, I don't like drugs where you're just always on the drug.
I like that moment with hangovers where you're like, I am a piece of shit.
I hate myself.
Let me text a friend.
The dude who's on meth is not waking up the next day like, did I almost rob and
rape someone last night?
Right.
You don't have that moment of clarity.
Yeah, you just keep going.
Yeah.
That's got to be tough.
Yeah, I remember that first rehab, it was always everybody was in a circle
sharing their feelings.
Yep.
And on just about every day, there was somebody who left and somebody who
arrived.
And the arrival entailed walking up to the circle and introducing yourself and
stating what your drug of choice was.
Okay.
And I really quickly got the impression that whenever anybody said their drug
of choice was crack, everybody's priority was making sure that that fucking
person was not their roommate.
Whoa.
Wow.
Like, I don't just, I don't think they would avert eye contact.
It's like, I don't want, like, I don't know.
Why is that?
Because just coming off it was a nightmare?
That and just like.
Some bad personality type?
Just a bad person that I don't want to have to deal with.
You hear that, Tom Sizemore?
The piece of shit?
He was a crackhead.
Right.
And I also got the sense that when people's drug of choice was heroin, they
didn't walk up to the circle.
They were more like kind of carried into the, into, and then we would meet them
in a couple days.
Right, right.
They were zombie.
Yeah.
Oh, that's crazy.
So it's like the movies with the circle and the nurse lady.
Did you share your feelings even as a 20-year-old?
Yeah.
I remember then I would always introduce myself as, I'm Steve-O and I'm an
alcoholic.
They knew you though.
Yeah.
Oh, that's even weirder.
Oh, no, no.
They didn't know me in 1995.
Okay.
But I, but I was introduced myself as Steve-O.
Got it.
Got it.
Yeah.
Now I'm a little bit more, uh, uh, I, I, I try not to be Steve-O in those
circles and, and the, the recovery community out of respect.
I feel like.
Sure.
You're not supposed to use a stage name.
Yeah.
I'm the amazing Jonathan.
All right.
Exactly.
That's, uh, that's fascinating that you went at such a young age.
It didn't stick.
It didn't stick back then.
If you can believe it.
It, uh, it was, um, when I was 33 that I got sober.
Okay.
Well, that's pretty good.
Really fucking good, man.
Yeah.
Congrats.
That's the thing.
That's the thing with addiction is that, uh, it's a motherfucker if you just
kind of have it.
If you're, say if you're an alcoholic, but not, it's not so bad.
Yeah.
You know, it can continue.
Yeah.
It just kind of turns into quicksand.
Yeah.
It just slows you down.
Yeah.
It fucks up your relationships.
It precludes you from, like, really realizing your potential.
Right.
But it's not so bad that it needs to be addressed.
Exactly.
And so it just continues and continues.
And the years turn into decades.
And then the next thing you know, you're an old dude and you're just fucking
sitting there and like, fuck, I blew it.
So true.
Yeah.
When it eats away just a little, it's almost worse than if you have a rock
bottom moment.
Oh, my God.
I'm so fortunate that I had it so goddamn bad.
I was just, like, it was so not okay the way I was carrying on that it had to
be addressed.
Wow.
And so, you know, it's the only disease, like, where you become a better
version of yourself.
Any other disease, the best you can hope for is to be restored to the health
you enjoyed before you got sick.
Right.
But when we treat alcoholism and addiction, we actually become a better version
of ourselves than we ever were before.
It's unique in that way.
Because you think the gratitude as well?
I think the gratitude.
I think that, you know, it's like a spiritual solution.
You know, we kind of get plugged in.
We make sure we're doing the right thing when nobody's watching.
That's, like, the big deal.
What about sex addict?
That's a tough one.
It's a tough one.
Yeah.
It's a tough one, but I would maintain the same thing.
If anything, I think the sex addict is almost a heightened example of that.
Because when you bounce back from the kind of shame and guilt, you know, that
can be associated with sex addiction, then you're coming out of that with, like,
a level of humility and, you know, and, like, precision care for doing the
right thing.
I think most guys think they're a sex addict, but then they come and they're
like, I'm not.
You know, like, I've had that thought, like, maybe I'm addicted to sex, but
then it's like, no, of course.
I mean, you were actually, but did it go hand in hand with the other addictions?
I would say, like, my life played out at, like, sort of an addiction whack-a-mole,
you know, a game of whack-a-mole.
Like, you know, address one thing and the other thing just rears the tag, you
know?
Like, I had to address the sex stuff when I was well into sobriety.
Yeah.
And that was crucial, man.
I mean, if you think about it, like, as far as, like, falls from grace, you
know, like, just absolute, like, devastation of people's careers, their reputations,
livelihood.
Very little competes with sex as far as just taking down huge, huge people.
Oh, for sure.
Armie Hammer.
Yeah.
He's gone.
That's a bummer.
What about food addict is tough, too, because you have to eat.
You don't have to do heroin.
You have to eat to stay alive, so that's a bummer.
That's where I'm at now.
Oh, you got food?
I, like, I'm in and out of the food thing.
I'm, dude, I've never appeared to be somebody who's, like, got a problem with
food, but, man, sugar's a motherfucker.
It really is.
I remember when the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie came out.
I'm thinking, like, uh...
He's in it.
Ah, dude, epic.
I'm thinking it was, like, 2019 when it came out.
Yeah.
Like, um...
I sat in that fucking theater with an entire tub of caramel popcorn and a jumbo
pack of fucking red vines,
and I sat there and, like, took a huge bite of red vines, and then, as I chewed
it, like, filled my mouth with caramel popcorn to chew it all in concert
together.
It's like a speedball.
You're mixing drugs.
Yeah, yeah, and I found it to be the most fucking delicious shit I've ever
eaten, and I did not stop until I'd eaten the entire tub of popcorn and the
whole jumbo pack of red vines, a