Name: Ep 101: Bachelor Party Pt 2
Uploaded: 2022-11-14T01:59:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 101: Bachelor Party Pt 2' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 101: Bachelor Party Pt 2' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-14. Transcript available.

Ep 101: Bachelor Party Pt 2

Netflix is listening and I think they're biting at LaRudy now.
He's already passing the song.
All right, bump mic.
That accent did it for me.
How about you, buddy?
He's actually hosting The Daily Show.
Listen, folks.
Oh, just jump in whenever you want, Shane.
But you know what?
We're so happy Shane Gillis can make it.
Hey, good to have you there, Gil.
I owe Shane a big apology.
This is a hell of a...
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, we went from the hottest guy to the least hottest guy.
From stripper to cancer.
Who ordered the cancer patient?
Come on, sir.
Make a wish.
He is.
God, Gnome is here.
Fantastic.
Just put him in Mark's pocket real quick.
Oh, right.
Get right between us there, little boy.
There we go.
That was great.
Yeah, this guy looks like a fucking moron, right?
Was it hard...
It was real.
Was it all crossing paths with Rudy on the way out?
They threw the elevator.
There you go.
There's a hat to commemorate your make-a-wish.
This is part of Gary's make-a-wish, guys.
Let's make it count.
Yeah.
How's the leukemia going?
How's the...
What's that called with the radiation?
Oh, God, the laughs.
Chemo.
Chemo!
Thank you.
Oh, what is that?
Every...
A moment of quiet is...
Oh, my God.
I'm out of the water.
I'm driving.
Are you?
Oh, shit.
Gary, I know your wife.
You told her you're stopping drinking.
I think for today, we mix it up a little bit.
What do you think?
Have a drink, Gary.
Come on.
Jeez, I'll take a sip.
Gary, don't fold.
Have a sip.
What do you got?
Do a bummer.
Quick.
Why'd you stop drinking?
Yeah.
Paper plain.
Why'd you stop drinking?
Something.
You got two kids.
Yeah, two kids.
I don't know.
I just slow it down.
I drink with him every once in a while on the road.
Get Gary a drink.
I'll do a paper plain.
Wait, hold on.
Hold on.
Gary's going to slow it down.
We're not going to see you at the hyper pace we've witnessed for the last 10
years.
I get pretty crazy.
I know.
This breakneck speed can't stop.
I can't help myself.
Have you been drunk this whole time?
Yeah, yeah.
I've been pretty fucked up.
Really?
No.
I drink every once.
I stopped after.
I would end drink for four years.
Then I went to Vegas for one night.
Yeah, and then I broke my sobriety.
I was with Andrew Santino, and he was just like, you know, it's not a big deal
if you drink
or not or in Vegas.
Santino's an absolute pig.
Oh, yeah.
He's an absolute pig, that kid.
He's drooling.
I know, yeah.
I'm fucking up the whole time.
I've had like six of these cocktails, whatever these days are.
These will fuck you up.
These paper planes are fucking me up, dude.
They're good.
I mean, yeah, they're putting their fucking lettuce dog.
What's your whiskey called again?
How dare you?
I don't know what that means.
That sounds like one of your sandwiches.
Boom.
All right.
Wait, real quick.
Gillian Keeves is out.
Gillian Keeves is out now, dude.
Season two.
Hell yeah.
It's on.
No, it's behind a paywall.
Oh, all right.
Smart.
It makes some money.
GillianKeeves.tv.
Are you going to put it on YouTube later like Schultz?
I don't think so.
Okay.
I think maybe like a sketch or two to try to get someone to watch it, but yeah.
Smart.
Some of the best sketch comedy out there.
What do you guys think of Newsmax?
Gary, you're new.
What do you think?
Newsmax?
Yes.
I don't know much about it.
I don't know much about it.
It's a great plot.
God, you're black out already.
I'm trying.
Now, it's hard for you to break away.
You live in deep Jersey.
You got a wife and kids.
I have wife one kid, another one on the way.
November.
You're living his life.
This is where he's headed.
Jersey.
Go ahead.
Tell him about setting up a trampoline.
Where in Jersey do you live?
Burton County.
There I go again.
Trying to get left off the other comics.
There I go again.
Easy.
Easy.
Someone had to be urban in here.
I was parking.
I was like, oh, my God.
I had to pay for parking.
Oh, my God.
You're first, right?
Yeah.
The guy with the no shirt on, he'll get you.
Let's talk about the price of parking.
How much more time do we have on this never-ending podcast?
This is what everyone in the Midwest wants to hear about.
New York parking.
Poor us.
Long time.
Really?
Couple hours.
Since two.
It's quite a party.
We're going hard here.
You're fucked up.
Shane, we wanted to.
Shane was supposed to come at 2 p.m.
I know.
I fucked up.
I wake up to a Shane Gillis text with Mark on it.
It's supposed to be a surprise.
I didn't know it was a surprise.
Shane goes, I can't make it.
Mark goes, Shane's coming?
I'm all excited.
I was like, I don't know.
That's nice.
Yeah, I was excited.
I thought you set something up.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I did.
I ruined it.
You did.
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
Hey, well, Matt Peters really set this all up.
Yeah, Peter.
Matt, you made it happen.
How'd that stripper go?
What was he up to?
I wish I was there for that.
That would have been nice.
He was bummed that we didn't care.
It was uncomfortably hot.
Yeah, I bet.
I was uncomfortable.
It was a slightly shaved body.
It was like an intervention of strangers.
You look at us like, what?
This has nothing to do with my coding problem, does it?
And now, to bring it home, Shane's going to read us the Turner Diary.
Good book.
And now, to bring it home.
Keith Robinson.
Tell us about the traffic cycle.
Oh, my God.
It is miserable out there.
What are we talking?
Holland or Lincoln?
I took the Lincoln.
What are you thinking?
I took the Lincoln.
Yeah.
You seem like a bridge man to me.
No?
I'm a bridge man every once in a while.
But every once in a while, I decide to take the Lincoln.
See, there you go.
You get them started, they won't stop.
Gary's just all coke in college.
Oh, yeah.
What?
Very unsuspecting.
Yeah, there you go.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
You still?
Yeah, yeah.
I knew it as fucker.
He was ready.
That perked your ears up.
Where's fuck?
Dude, give me a blue chew and some blow, dude.
We were talking about that earlier.
That's the roster combo.
It was nice combo.
Yeah, back in the day was, yeah, Viagra and some blow, but now it's blue chew.
Hey, whatever keeps you behind that merch table, I say God bless.
I'm sitting there for hours watching people walk out.
I don't let features sell.
Sam?
Yeah, no, I let features sell.
No, but can I apologize to Shane for a second or no?
Yeah, of course.
Because every time I'm at the cellar and I'm there late and Shane is just
hanging out,
you know, just wants to hang out, I always try to involve him and he doesn't
want to
be involved, so I apologize for doing that.
I love when you talk to me while I'm on stage.
I like when all the comments do it, but I feel like it makes you very
uncomfortable and
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Wow.
No, it doesn't.
It doesn't.
You're just, yeah, I'm not good at it.
Well, now compliment me back.
Yeah.
No, I really feel, I'm like, this guy definitely doesn't want to do this.
Well, no, I just, I want to watch the show.
I want to watch a tell.
It's fucking nerve wracking.
You want to watch the show and I even sit, I don't stand in the doorway, I sit
in the
corner where hopefully he doesn't see me.
Yes.
Yes.
And I'll be like, Shane, you like vibrators, don't you?
Yeah.
And I'm like, yes.
He's like, good answer, dumbass.
I'm like, all right, Jesus Christ.
What do you want me to say?
A little more artful than that.
It's a thing at the cellar when you're on stage and somebody goes, I got to pee,
but
I don't want to walk through the room because Dave is going to yell at me.
And you go, fuck it, I got to pee.
I'm sorry for using you guys instead of writing material.
It's hilarious.
As you're walking through the room, on your, just, you know.
Yeah.
Hey, so, uh, Sam, what do you think about this?
Dude, I love when Dave insults me in the setup.
And then if you don't, if you don't respond snappy enough.
Gary, back me up on this.
Oh, yeah.
No, totally.
I'm with you.
First of all, the UCBG have a saying, all right?
Only yes.
Agree to agree.
Yes.
If you don't respond snappy enough, though, I've had you go like this to me,
where you'll
ask me a question, I'll go, uh, and you go, moo.
Because you, you want to start a deep conversation, I just want a quick laugh
and move on to the
next.
You can't see it, but in the back, if you hit a comic and we're with other
comics, it's
like, oh, fuck, it's like, oh, he's getting you, go, go, go, and then you say
the wrong
thing, and it's like, dumbass, dumbass.
Hide in the doorway, real Anne Frank of you, either step out into the game or
get out of
the room.
Well, we want to watch you, but we, uh, we...
Oh, Anne Frank got caught, we're just trying to, we're in the corner.
No, we, Dave, we're intimidated, we love...
Well, you got to step it up down there.
I mean, look at me, I'm an old hack, and I need all that help I can get.
Yeah, but should we be funny back?
Because then I feel corny.
Oh, no, now you're making it feel like it's, uh, whatchamacallit.
So I try to just answer exactly correct.
No, you should try and be funny.
Try to be funny?
We got to keep it going down there.
All right.
People on Groupon love this stuff.
The people who come down there, they love to see the interchange between...
It feels like too much of a risk to try to be funny to you.
No, what are you talking about?
I'm just, I just answer.
I'm like, yes.
I mean, you're killing it right now, but, uh...
No, I'm saying...
He's saying, do it again.
Yeah.
No, I'm just saying that.
I felt bad, and I really respect you, so I didn't, I, you know, because not
everybody
likes to do it.
I actually, I do, and I do enjoy sitting down there.
It's very fun.
Now, I know right now you have your emotional paywall up, but...
I just got, give me fucking ten minutes.
I know, I'm sorry.
God damn it.
Give me ten minutes, I'll be fighting DeRosa.
Yeah, we are.
100%.
That'll be fun.
Yeah, right when I walked in with your little fucking...
I said, Bert Kreiser's here.
Yeah, what was that?
What's that mean?
It means you're fat.
Whoa.
You're chewing right now.
You're disgusting, dude.
Joe, you...
It's so annoying.
It's so annoying.
I didn't say I wasn't, dude, but...
Joe is definitely the...
You're not even the fifth Beatle, you're the sixth Beatle here tonight.
No, you're ugly.
Disgusting.
Joe, you really...
You're ugly, dude.
But that's nasty stuff, dude.
We have such a nice time.
You always get drunk and nasty, dude.
I actually...
When I see your eyes like that...
Joe can be a nasty drunk.
Oh, when I see his eyes like that...
Two straight birthdays, I left Joe's birthday, and I remember two straight
years, Joe goes,
you fucking piece of shit.
And I was like, it's 2 a.m. on a Monday.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I came to your fucking birthday on a Monday.
Because you guys have spots every other time.
I know, but you can't...
That's what I put on a Monday.
You can't curse people out for leaving at 2 a.m.
Oh, we lost Dave.
You know it's not a real curse.
No, no, I know, I know.
It's a lovingly curse.
We love it, dude.
Dave's having an episode.
No, my knee fell asleep.
I see.
That old war injury.
Yeah.
Listen, you're lovely out.
I need to massage it with punch lines.
Yo, what was it about on that Monday?
I mean, come on.
Now it's Tuesday, huh?
Well, I think we've learned we've got to make a black friend.
Well, stay tuned for your next guest.
Oh, shit.
This is not really the inclusive environment that Sam promoted in that.
Who'd you get?
Sam J?
You wish.
Oh, actually, I think I know who it is.
Uh-oh.
What do you know who it is?
I'm just going to say, he was arrested recently.
Okay.
That's it.
DJ Youngfly?
Who do you think it was?
T.I.
Oh, my God.
Who was arrested?
No, I'm kidding.
He wasn't.
He was just black.
Hannibal?
Now that show has taken a horrible turn, now that Rudy left.
I knew it.
That guy was the glue, man.
That's a white rage.
Oh, Rooney.
Yeah, he was hot.
Did he grind?
I don't know.
Is this airing as we speak or no?
Huh?
Is this airing now?
No.
You've got a few weeks, right?
So I'll be at the...
Yeah, where are you going to be, Dave?
I don't know.
Which funny book?
You've got a lot of work in the fall?
I g