Name: Ep 105: Bobby Kelly & Liz Furiati
Uploaded: 2022-12-12T02:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 105: Bobby Kelly & Liz Furiati' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 105: Bobby Kelly & Liz Furiati' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-12. Transcript available.

Ep 105: Bobby Kelly & Liz Furiati

there you go bobby kelly in studio oh hey we're here let's start to show off on
a nice
you know one of our friends is dead here's a gofundme ah yeah we should we
gotta plug it you
know yeah you do we love you i mean they're almost there here's the problem
with gofundme
they always no matter how much they do it they do too low right you gotta just
drop a mil they're
already at a hundred grand if you put a mill you would have got 500 grand so
does it stop like if
i give a thousand dollars it'll just not do it keeps going but when i look at
it i'm like look i
i'm i'm out right you did what you got what you wanted the bar was too low for
the kindness they
always put the bar too low aim higher yeah steve if you don't know is our
beloved uh head of security
at the comedy cellar and uh great guy was like 22 years yeah and dante put this
up his cut
is 40 percent and then another 10 goes to caa yeah dante's gonna roll up on a
new motorcycle
he's gonna have a new earring like some type of gazelle bone earring a real rhino
tusk earring
how does he do it every time i show up at a club he's parked insanely illegally
and he never gets
towed never gets a ticket he's got a giant jeep on jacked up tires that's how
you do it is that is
that the secret 100 percent not one ticket pull up on a hyundai and they're
gonna give you a ticket
you pull up in a uh apocalypse vehicle and you look like mad max vibes for sure
mad max five and he
has he literally has animal bones sticking out of parts of his body he does
yeah he's an ex-pimp
right yeah he's an ex-pimp and stripper he was a stripper what dude he was a
male stripper wow he would
smack himself when he got out of line with his own cock yeah that's crazy to be
a stripper that's like
a crazy job i i gotta have to do it once really young bobby sexy bobby oh thank
god
sexy bobby was a stripper well this this girl who i knew was a stripper and we
used to tan together
when i went tanning sexy bobby had to go tan you gotta go tan listen you gotta
you gotta play the
role if you're gonna go in you go in i'm gonna wear tight jeans and a wife beater
and not tan
yeah you don't want to be pale with the veins yeah i'm gonna have tan arms and
then some farmer's
shit so you lay in one of the bugs with the little things on the little things
i went in get those
cancer eyes i manned up yeah i had two little dots on my butt i don't know if
you know when you go tan
and when you your your bone presses against it doesn't tan so you have a little
all tanning people
have two little dots and that white dots in their butt yeah we used to tan
together she came up one
day she goes can i ask you something i was like what she goes um i dance i
strip and uh i do
private stuff but sometimes they want bachelorette parties and stuff and i'll i'll
do we'll do like
a uh i like they want a couple thing would you do that with me i was like did
you just ask me to
strip wow nice that's a compliment it was a compliment do you think about it i
i for two seconds i i my
rob and patrick kelly i don't have the piece i don't i don't have a piece to be
stripping the irish
curse yeah plus i get back then i got hard too quick you know what i mean i
just got hard at anything
so i would just i would just show up just with a rod just like a five and a
half inch just sticking
out of my little gold made g-string that's not terrible no it's not i mean your
height that's
all right it's not bad when i was a kid we had a strip club and they would if
you turned 18 they'd
bring you on stage and all the girls would dance on you and if you got a boner
you would have to pay
but if you didn't get a boner you were gay yeah you had to pay later in life to
your father you're
to suck the owner's dick that's how i met mateo well that's like you go to
those uh remember bachelor
party the two strippers in bachelor party oh yeah holy shit liz wow look who's
wow you're late
this is weird louise it's fun because you always yell at us for being late and
now you're late i
know dude what the fuck you don't like why is your clubhouse in the middle of
hell what the
it's it's unbelievable i'd rather do this in the favelas of brazil yeah but you
just like the free
prostitutes in brazil that's true not free but very cheap very cheap basically
free if you're american
right what good to have you you hate come because we both drove in that's why
yeah but but but but
we're here we're regular people i didn't think i was going to take 45 minutes
in an uber to get
here wow 45 the train the train takes three minutes not all of us a van wyler
just walking through the
city every day i got it is that what he did i don't know that's what van wilder
did he was like a
college party guy i just love ryan reynolds i like to squeeze him in where i
can but sometimes it
just doesn't work he's very cute by the way we had his gin here aviation gin
and when phil hanley
was on he's a gin snob and he always i only drink uh i only drink monkey 87
monkey whatever yeah i
only drink that so we literally got aviation gin that bottle that's all we had
and we just put a fake
uh sticker of monkey 47. he has no clue i've never seen i've never seen this uh
bottle before and we're
like we never told him he just drank gin they were like this is a great drink
we're like hey you
fucking piece of shit he's a fake snob there you go first of all canadian hack
i mean it's hack at this point we love patrice we get it it's our wall of death
dead people oh these
are all dead people yeah you were almost on there
you have half a picture of keith
just a silhouette he was booked a month ago he's still not here
he's working this area of town sucks i know you got a deal or whatever it is i
don't know what
happened this to get here if you don't live in this city the train stinks the
train is you can't take the
train you'll get murdered i should have just taken the goddamn a train we're
taking the train back
clearly yes leave the car come back another day i took a loan out to park the
car over here
how much was the parking it's a hundred something bucks probably i got it down
to 55 i gave him a
hand job did you young bobby dude yeah a young bobby yeah he had uncircumcised
so i knocked him down
another 10. i was like that's gross i'm not doing that he's like okay dude look
at that hair yeah
that's america that's american indian bobby right wow theo vaughn looks good
yeah yeah that's sexy bobby
a little after that though when i had my um and you took it down i think what i
don't know you know
you know the seller photo the sexy one oh that's a hot bobby my bobby's still
there no no sd likes to
rearrange well i got you know where i love you in the e street band what is
that no that's uh rock and
roll bobby toxic rock dude what about eyebrow bobby pointing eyebrow bobby that's
sexy bob bobby
who is that that's oh oh there's puerto rican bobby how did you get your beard
like that that is
dude it took a lot if you it up you have to start over too wow did you do it
with a switchblade yeah
it's so nice yeah look at that i'm hanging myself because i'm sort of like the
hot dude in prison
there oh yeah wow you got great skin look at those cheap bones i do i do have
great skin i think my
great great grandmother the filipino woman nice yeah how many women do you
think you've laid
in your day yeah how many have you bedded at the cellar bobby yeah let me see
oh my god that's for
first oh my god oh my god oh my god colonel curse i'm gonna stop you that's
doctored now i'm fat
somebody did something that he needs a doctor oh my god that's not that's not
oh my god
that was real that was real that's real that's brando yeah that's in i i hall
can you make some more
noise i feel like i'm in a shitty comedy club right here bonkers i'm in a
fucking traffic i can
this fucking chadrool shaking a fucking drink the blender's next i'm sorry
buddy take your time
yeah that's doctor that's dark no no way that's a good image that's real bobby
oh no that's real
that's that how is that fat i was gonna die you were gonna die i went on the
wall and you should
be halfway i want old bobby dead that's not doctor that's you need to go to a
doctor yeah yeah i did and
go to you and get my stomach cut down yeah was that scary what get my stomach
yeah yeah tell us
everything you got the operation was terrifying because you know you want to do
it i did it tried
to do it for years i couldn't do it so finally i was like all right i'm gonna i'm
gonna do this thing
but it takes a while you have to you can't just go in and get it some doctors
do that but if you
have a doctor that's like yeah come in tuesday i'll cut your stomach up you're
don't do it right
he answers his own phone yeah and it's it's there's a lot of people
yo what's up what's your dude yo dude i saw you special i'll be in midtown what's
up fatty i don't
want my doctor knowing my like following me on instagram but um there's people
that have done it
that we it's like being gay because all these people have done it that i know
but they're not out
i came out good for you thank you very much i can't wait for you to do it um it's
the same with
the hair plugs i was gonna say it's like the hair shit right soda and mateo are
very open about it
oh yeah soda got him oh yeah he talks about it well now he's out it's in his
act oh okay okay okay
you're that guy that outed the kid by accident growing up he's a jew get him i
feel bad for mateo
i think i was the cause of mateo getting hair plugs no no no mateo was as bald
as you are well he
was going one day we were getting in notice it we were getting into it yeah
that one day we
were getting into it and i was like listen buddy your hair is going you did say
eight pounds you're
out of the business you're done i made it like this you did say that i felt bad
about that too he's
such a funny guy and a hunk he's a hunk you're you have a perfectly uh perfect
head that's my
mother my mother takes care she rolled me every 20 minutes in the crib i swear
to god really every
20 minutes you're supposed to roll the baby if you don't if you just let the
baby sit if you ever
i don't know about that if you ever let if you see a dude with a flat back head
his mother didn't
care about him oh no she just was smoking cigarettes on the front porch talking
to helen
i got a waterfall back here you go straight off a cliff your parents didn't
care about you yeah
your mom does give great head but yeah she is mediocre i'm pumped for these
beard you what are
we drinking i hope it's good espresso martinis oh god wow looks great breakfast
great i mean you read
this guy's real oh he's a mixologist i mean look at that apron man he paid
money for that yeah he's
he's got he's got steampunk jewelry and everything right there's leather on
that holy
shit yeah what's what's going on with the rings there what do those say they
don't say anything
they just say don't with me oh all right well there you go that's the end of
that fun
tougher than a guy in an apron you can't fuck with a guy with a hairline like
that
that is a that's a beautiful russian hair that is legit are you russian oh
perfect this is great
oh great that's awesome yeah i guess this is the guy you want in a comedy
podcast
this guy's gonna spice things up yeah i dare you to say you don't like that
drink
you got the little bean in the top too the the garnish oh no that's great man
oh well done this is fancy thank you very much now what do you do for the rest
of the time
to bobby's health okay let's talk to bobby's health hey thank you for being
back we love you
we're so glad glad you're healthy new special out check out his new special
kill box on louisck.com
yes one of the funniest dudes in comedy please please check this out louisck.com
oh
that's so good there's cinnamon sorry i got distracted by the cinnamon hey liz
you want to shut
up all that no no i got distracted what an ass oh my god out of anybody who
supports me it tastes
like cake this is so weird bobby you would have been distracted too