Name: Ep 107: Ari Shaffir & Hanukkah Boys
Uploaded: 2022-12-26T01:59:57.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 107: Ari Shaffir & Hanukkah Boys' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 107: Ari Shaffir & Hanukkah Boys' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-26. Transcript available.

Ep 107: Ari Shaffir & Hanukkah Boys

and we're off hi guys welcome to we might be drunk the number one podcast
featuring me today
oh yeah my host today are mark norman and samarill thanks for having us on yeah
you're welcome
good to see you again all right jew on youtube boy you might have beat stavrosa's
record it's
already at 4.3 yeah do you feel like you got a bump due to kanye no question no
question we
worked it out for a while he was like i'm ready to go off my dude give me three
weeks yeah i'm
releasing this thing in no time just give me a few weeks he's like all right i
gotta meet trump
then i'll meet with you yeah he goes it's the arabs or you i'm like make it the
jews
yeah kairi too you got a couple you got a couple of nice bonds you know what's
scary about the kairi
stuff is i i'll go click on it and it's just people going facts yep sing it
sister and you're
like oh that's when you get scared when it's some crazy guys talking it's funny
about kanye too is
like he posted like he was like i saw this here's a link to this thing i saw
everyone's like fuck you
fuck you and it's just on amazon though yeah it's not like he uncovered it from
the hidden like nazi
chambers it's readily available everyone's like no that's fine but him him
watching it no no no no
oh yeah i knew the anti-semitism got bad because i got written up as an article
in this article
recently as openly jewish openly jewish that's how you know shit's getting kind
of dicey yeah
well i think the eyebrows said that this could be this could be uh that's true
that's true you could
blend yeah you can do some casket i got some turkish in here you can
collaborate we got some
latkes i want to try latke dude latkes with sour cream damn but we just ate at
a deli we should have
waited idiots do you have latkes there too no i don't beef barley and a cabbage
with the meat in it
stuffed cabbage oh i love a stuff mark really is like this close to being a jew
i wish he really is
you're like on the except for the hatred i'll take everything else i would say
you're the rachel
dolezal of jews you're trying so hard yes i'm rachel dolezberg you're rachel
well thanks peters you
really did it up here this is almost offensive if i was like i didn't sign up
for any of this
i'm just here to talk about my new book well do you have a a bit of a hatred
because you went so far
in and then you got the hell out you were orthodox for a minute yeah and now
you're you went the
other way it's like a preacher's daughter thing where you got hori so what are
you saying so i'm
saying do you have like a weird uh resentment towards the heaps no i did for a
little bit
ah no i kind of have enough distance no i have enough distance so i love him
but kind of like jay
leno you know he got off the air for a while fuck him he sucks jay walking is
lame and then you're
like ah this guy's got cars he's all right i love i like jay man and he uh i'm
glad he's okay
you heard he just went up at the other night at the comedy magic no his opener
was yeah but he just
was lit on fire and menorah got him wait oh no i did not hear that you didn't
know he was on fire
he's all jacked up he's okay he's open it was i didn't know i was a roast comic
like he addressed
it he got caught on fire by menorah no it was an engine a gasoline fire and it
got on his face and
his face caught fire yeah yeah it was the worst episode of comedian cars yet
very hot coffee
the show really is like comedians and cars but for people with germophobia
there he is and still in
the denim they got up denim scrubs just to be nice we did it we were doing an
actor strike i did to get
my sag card the commercials union was going on strike and so we're out there
picketing
shit i didn't care about i just needed that card yeah and uh he rolled by well
by three times
we're honking he's like you keep fighting damn look at that he looks like a
like a sack a little bit
he's got the burns looks like he was taken by a flip phone
happy i text him i know him a little bit whoa okay text and he wrote back
immediately oh wow who's
this no he wrote back thanks he said thanks sam wow that's fire yeah all right
who are these fucking
nurses taking a picture with a man who's just been scarred like let's take a
fucking public picture now
he's a tough guy he's like already back at it rolling with it he'll never stop
working he hates
the victim thing there's a story that he went in one day on the tonight show
with a broken leg
what he broke his leg and still i just went in yeah he just liked doing it he
was like someone
take my job i know it yeah probably what do we have going on here whoa watch
out leno
oh my god high price drinks for low prices you said thematic right so yeah you
get a shot of that
there pete how weird would it be if he lit himself on fire right i know it'd be
so appropriate
get a lot yeah with the sour great touch pete how many google sessions did you
have to do to figure
this out danielle what damn now i'm even more attracted to her
what are we doing be a jew is she jewish oh danielle come on well no wonder she
likes soda
how many comments could pass oh good amount a good amount what is the what do
you call this is that
holla this yeah no it's um marble rye or bobca no bobca bobca gold weight and
then uh what are they
what's the try for there that's a hamantaschen hamantaschen you want a story of
that please
okay didn't glassman tell this story uh-oh what is it yeah what is it there was
a king
no there's a king and anyway he he didn't like his queen he was like hey bring
in this queen hey
dance naked for my fucking friends here and uh and then she was like no and he
was like you're
banished um the story is she probably had herpes oh herpes scars she wanted to
show him off to her to
the fucking card game nice anyway so he went on a hunt for a new uh a new queen
and this guy
mordechai morty as it were told his niece he had one hot niece and he was like
um esther and he goes
esther i want you to enter the competition for best queen ixnay on the une don't
fucking say you're a
jew it's gonna work against you anyway smart move by a fucking smart manager
she hides it she wins
queen he's like you're the hot one let's fuck so they fuck for a while you know
um and then the
king's right here man haman he wore this three-cornered hat that'll come back
yep yep and uh he goes
hey you know the jews and i was like yeah he goes can we should like kill them
right and he's like uh
yeah whatever that's cool and so then he's like everyone's like all right by
eating the king you
kill fucking jews and jews you can't fight back and they're like fuck the law's
the law and so and
then i then right then esther's like hey i got some news for you he's like what
is it my love
she's like i'm a fucking jew oh shit and he's like what oh you're gonna hate
this law
she goes no i don't know i know about it can you change that law and he goes
you can't change it
to the king and he goes okay well then how about jews can fight back and he
goes all right good
compromise hey so the big win was we were allowed to defend ourselves and at
that point the people
were like this isn't as fun so they went and got hum on they fucking strung him
up whoa three-cornered
hat he always wore so now this is a tribute yeah it's a tribute to the fucking
who we hung
whoa yeah and then something in there is we got i think akashverosh dead drunk
or something
and so now we're supposed to get drunk on purim oh wait that's purim uh-oh that's
a halloween
oh yeah no completely wrong story ah geez you should do a special about this
can you hand me a hemoglobin
wait these aren't for hanukkah huh it's a purim thing they're still good all
right you're like a cool
rabbi yeah there we go let me grab one oh you're not interrupting me i feel
like a congressman who's
got that old joke uh i went into the uh jewish deli and i said how much does
the hola cost
that's pretty good franken i think it's big j actually big j in the roast he
made me read it
that's a funny joke yeah holocaust said we all missed that one it's right there
so uh yeah man
hanukkah what day of hanukkah are we doing this on by the way is this the last
day eight crazy nights
yeah when is it exactly do you still celebrate it or no no but i'll light up a
menorah if i'm going
to a holiday party it's fun to bring a menorah and you're allowed you know
regular fucking christmas
party look guys i got you and then you're fucking everyone like lighting it up
it's so fun and odd
how do you feel about christmas songs in a bar like this time of year not
loving them yeah
they're not you or is it okay some of them are good some yeah yeah santa claus
is coming to town
uh the waitresses is a good song they have a good song the waitresses yeah um
um it's like i'm skipping christmas tonight man those are great it's the best
song
which is a christmas song that's it you got it i was literally i was flying all
day and i was
literally just thinking about when i could have a drink yeah i don't want to i
don't want to blow
the energy you know thank you i wanted some energy for this shit cheers by the
way congrats on
oh yeah on uh i don't know where it's going to be by the time this comes out
let's assume five
million oh yeah that'd be very nice yeah welcome to the youtube club thanks
buddy yeah yeah we're
all in there you guys uh broke down the barriers you'll be in 11 million i
remember we'd have these
long sidewalk conversations ari and i we'd be i'd be like youtube and always
like yeah yeah yeah i think
it's a move like it's the future you you were thinking about it like a while
back yeah we were like
maybe i put it on rogan's youtube maybe you were like you didn't know but now
it's like you built
up yours and now it makes the most sense oh yeah yeah i'm so stoked on it so
many people see it
very good yeah and it's niche you're the only guy who could pull this niche off
if somebody else did
a show about just a la or something it wouldn't get four million this would be
on the fbi's most
wanted yeah yeah yeah i tried to make it funny that was what i wanted to do
above all get laughs
yeah and it did yeah and it looked great with the candles it looks so fucking
good right and i think
it's at your your place roulette right yeah whoa it's a testimony to fucking
have you just do
some set dressing like things don't look the same oh yeah you can't really tell
krista stefano
shot a special there gary goleman so many people so yeah they all look so
different i went scouted it
and i was like okay have you ever done a special here they're like those two
samarill i was just
samarill i was like oh i was at that you were there and i didn't even remember
i got a picture of you
give me the finger like two inches from my face in the green room it's a gem
that is a gem
i don't know i take pictures too autistic yeah dude look how pretty i mean what
is that four
thousand candles six thousand candles wow almost six million almost getting
there
all right um yeah it's been really good have any prominent jews reached out to
you oh
no you would think somebody would i'm waiting for ben shapiro to be like what's
up let's go if you
want yeah no one no one there's got to be someone woody allen prominent jews no
you would think it
would come across their radar it's only about for three weeks yeah yeah harvey's
a calling all right
harvey calls i'm taking that call if epstein were alive do you collect call
from
all right oh my god i just watched a jelaine maxwell netflix doc have you seen
that there's a doc on her
already yeah it's uh what's like no epstein doc there is it's the same one
filthy rich this is okay i've
seen that hanukkah gelt baby hanukkah gelt the the candy that's shaped like
money the people who can't
stop thinking about it not doing wonders for our stereotypes not really at all
wait it's called guilt
no that's what they call it if you don't get it oh so it's the same doc yeah
all right it's a new
one though she got her own that's what she got her own yeah jelaine maxwell
filthy