Name: Ep 108: Sebastian Maniscalco
Uploaded: 2023-01-02T01:59:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 108: Sebastian Maniscalco' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 108: Sebastian Maniscalco' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-02. Transcript available.

Ep 108: Sebastian Maniscalco

hey folks here we are we might be drunk it's early it's cold it's new york city
we're having
a couple of coffees yes great movie yeah dude i'm fucking i mean i went after
it this week and i
drank too much same yeah i left wednesday got home last night at 11 p.m from
where buffalo it's a
long story tell it we got a lot to talk about love buffalo all right well you
go to chefs i didn't
go to chef i never heard of chefs pull salamanca pull it up look at that look
at that fucking
pasta i don't even know what i'm looking at here that's a brick of cheese over
pasta that sauce is
next level that chefs in buffalo i got love for buffalo i like buffalo good
italian community
good people good people hard nose ice cold salt of the earth but look at this
thing this is what got
peters in his shape this is out of control i ate that before i went on stage oh
this ain't this
ain't good oh man that's worse than artie lang doing heroin before going out it
just weighs you down
that's what all the women look like on tinder in buffalo artie lang jesus that's
true artie lang now
we love you all right funny guy the best he has one of my favorite jokes uh he's
uh talking about
what's the guy's name who's dating chloe kardashian odom yeah he was yeah odom
yeah so he's in the
kitchen at the house and like three in the morning uh like making a sandwich
and he's like uh he's like
oh man this relationship with these women there's too many of these women i
might start doing crack
and bruce jenner walks down and goes wait to hear what i'm gonna do i might
have fucked it up no you
killed that's a great i love the one he did about you know all the nba people
are like stay in school
and then like he's like yeah yes go to college instead of getting millions of
dollars in the nba
he's like that's why instead of if they want to say stay in school instead of
uh a dunk contest at
all star weekend they should do a spelling bee because what would you rather
see them dunk again
whenever stefan marbury tried to spell wednesday oh that's a great joke so
perfect like everything
about that is that's great damn he's good spelling bee then you have the visual
of these giant seven
foot dudes at a spelling bee with the name tag gold hilarious you got another
one it's like uh
i never use the n-word unless it's the fourth quarter
only he can get away with that shit he's like that age is like grandfathered in
those jokes right
right right yeah he's a great great dude too i miss him oh yeah i hope we see
him around again soon
oh yeah one of the funny great book too fat to fish it's incredible so funny so
funny also him on
stern arguing with dice clay is one of the all-time great radio moments yeah he
used to say something
about how he used to wait three hours in line to see dice and now he dodges his
phone calls yeah
exactly exactly dice tried to get money out of him it's a whole thing wow but
that's showbiz it can just
keep going and then now you're fighting with your heroes so tell me about
buffalo all right so
wednesday got a gig in toronto danforth theater what an amazing place did that
beautiful city too
great city great comedy town toronto so we're at the theater and i'm just
chatting with the comics and
they're like so what do you got tomorrow i'm like i'm going to buffalo they're
like oh that's a quick
flight or quick drive and i was like yeah let me look that up i'm connecting at
seven in the morning
to dc and then going up back to buffalo and i text my manager i'm like what the
hell is this and i got
the road guy on it everybody's on it like yeah what is that that's crazy he's
like there's nothing left
so rob mayhew of uh royal comedy club he's like hey this guy will drive you
give him a couple hundred
bucks i said i'll give you 200 bucks you drive me he's like we'll go tomorrow
at noon we had a great
day but jacob it's like an adventure every week i know so i had to cancel my
flights i get in the car
with this guy and we're about to cross the border and he goes you don't have
any drugs do you and i go
well i use edibles to sleep and he goes get rid of them get rid of it we're
gonna get killed over
there they're gonna rape us they're gonna kill us scalp us so i go all right so
we pull over to
guys they did rape you like what the fuck is this shit we gotta rape you we
have we have to we're
sorry sorry so i'm like fuck so now we pull over to guy's house like a block
before the border just
some random guy's house i'm going through my bag i got a million edibles in
there shrooms i just
forgotten about it must have been like thousands of dollars worth of
merchandise oh my god we throw
in some guy's lawn that must have been painful brutal brutal i hate throwing
shit away and then
this kid jacob is like like what are you doing he's like i'm writing the
address when i come back over
i'm getting these i was like it's like fargo i know funny looking guy so uh we
go over the border
they go uh where you go what do you got there i go passport they go all right
get through and i'm like
ah so we did the right thing but they didn't check anyway damn brutal so that
sucks but the gigs were
great gigs were great get the buffalo uh sean over there is great we had a jordan
fisher opening
oh yeah i like him uh kyle turner hosting we had a great time six shows sold
out killer crowd sold
merch then a guy goes hey i work with the bills i got your number from shane gillis
i'm the personal
trainer you want to come to the game on sunday whoa i was like oh i'd have to
move my flight but all
right yeah okay so i call sean murphy he's a bills guy he's like i'm flying up
i got tickets for
everybody i assume we're gonna be in a big box it's gonna be great 13th row in
the snow freezing my
tits off no coat why don't you have a coat in buffalo well i was there for
three days i got i got
like a bomber jacket and uh so i had to get a coat i had to get a giant parka i
got the full
nice coat well i borrowed one from this guy it was very nice but now you're
just shivering and i'm
like damn i thought we're gonna be a box i thought we're gonna be shaking hands
with uh gabe and the
other guy josh allen and we were out in the snow and it was hell i have a whole
new respect for buffalo
people any town that goes out and supports in the snow like that those people
like blankets out
there and stuff it's insane and they're hooting and howling and drunk at 7 a.m
they're tailgating
all day they do yeah but that's a strong group of whites over there that's a
great football town and
oh yeah they got a great team did they win i think they won i bailed early i
was like i gotta get out
of here i can't feel my hands that's amazing i was the diva i was like all
right i don't live here
i gotta go i never used to do that shit but we were in kansas city a couple
weeks ago and i did check
if the chiefs were playing because i got my home so i'm like i gotta yeah i can
see it live i'm i
told vitor i was like we're going fuck your fuck your second baby dude oh we're
seeing some foosball
yeah it's fun but when it's cold i don't know how people do it yeah dude it's
tough tough the women
out there just like it's crazy it's a lot of scary people up there but they're
good eggs and they love
their team and they live for it you realize how good we have it when you watch
these people
rooting for these teams you're like they need this yeah this is like important
buffalo's got
an identity and culture i feel like a lot there's some other cities in that
area where you're like
this ain't this ain't right oh yeah syracuse that's a stinker rochester's rochester's
got
some moments got moments but i do remember nearly like we were veder and i were
like we'll take a
walk and then we i'm like dude oh yeah there's dealers on every corner we will
get robbed
definitely this is not and yeah and i told them like yeah you a hundred percent
would have been
robbed if you took that walk oh yeah it's uh it's one of those block to block
you're like this is
beautiful look at these old home john kodak lived there then you go to to uh
right for him
yeah and you're like the guy they name drop as their dude i'm like they're like
yeah he commits
suicide yeah it is the guy this is your guy there's rumors he was gay never
married no pictures though
the irony it's a kodak moment when he was hanging all right well
got sad there what about you where were you i was in the city this week i had a
rare weekend in the
city just did cellar spots great nice lots of fun killer on a weekend different
uh for the weekend
for you there because you're there during the week so often but playing a
weekend show does it feel
different to you yeah you know the village is uh an energy on the week oh yeah
uh it's great you know
yeah moved down there so i'm like walking home now so it's that's nice oh that's
right yeah what an
apartment by the way have you been i almost blew you i mean it is a panty dropper
i didn't know it was
that close i was oh i was that's why i had to leave i was like all right i faked
a phone call i was
i was already on one i was cavernicking speaking of my new place i got a rec
for you uh peters can
you pull this up yeah or salamanca whoever has it got one of them uh toto
toilets toto toilet
cleans the butthole drives the butthole bidet a bidet yeah uh yeah the toilet
seats dude really
do you have the video i said oh it's a video it was a video is it of sam it's
of me taking a shit
oh great i want you to see it airdrop coming in all right wow now did you
install this of course not
what are you are you kidding me no it's like pipes and stuff involved i'm
useless all right i paid a
i got to do it but uh yeah let's see look at this bad boy whoa i'm already
seeing action you're sitting
on a computer here dude look at this thing it's got lights and buttons look at
that there we go
whoa whoa whoa yeah buddy i like to get an out motion oh hell yeah that's
dangerous i can hit the sack
oh no it doesn't doesn't you it it's in the right place all right yeah it's i
mean that's a strong
stream too really the other day i came i'll tell you it's a strong stream
really seems to care
all right all right i gotta get one of these everybody get one dude you got one
no it's also
i mean like even if it weren't eco-friendly i'd be into this but it is so you're
like yeah it's
kind of cool i don't have to buy toilet paper anymore yeah your ass is green oh
my ass is green
baby mine's pink i'm wiping too much i'm bleeding down there i get the red
paper now now anytime i'm
gonna have to take a shit in like a hotel i'm gonna be like ah i know it sucks
it feels very
primitive and also you know the wiping in the winter there's something gross
about you know yeah this
just cleans the old butthole yeah i'm i want people to come over and take a
shit take it for a
test spin if you're not i would love to yeah come by i can shit and blow you
will you time yeah yeah
we're both getting squirted on both ends i was friends with this girl for 15
years and i just
went to her apartment and she and i went to take a leak and she had one of
those and i was like i've
learned more about you in these two seconds than i've learned in our 15 years
why someone in this
house eats ass and i didn't know that do you think that someone definitely eats
ass if they have that
toilet seat i think i think it's a big part of it yeah interesting oh yeah you're
cleaning house
you know for that's not why i got it but i mean definitely a bonus well that's
a bonus you're
about to join the club although i'd hate to see that ass crack just by the
eyebrows
my butthole looks like uncle fester's face but the crack is like quest love
it's got a pick in it it's gonna pick in there yeah i said this that we made
the same i'm an idiot
but yeah oh and i saw that the charlemagne video tell us about that it was a
killer clip
pull it up dunk dr umar yes yeah it was three it was you and two guys kazim
from msg yeah it was uh
i wish there was just two people on a panel just because like you get like