Name: Ep 117: Ari Shaffir & Bar Search Pt 2
Uploaded: 2023-03-06T02:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 117: Ari Shaffir & Bar Search Pt 2' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 117: Ari Shaffir & Bar Search Pt 2' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-06. Transcript available.

Ep 117: Ari Shaffir & Bar Search Pt 2

We were talking about Mark and his antics farting on our guests and Nate Bargetsy
here let's show
and by the way Nate's a great comic watch his new special on Amazon killer we
have to plug if
we're gonna show hello world great show mark farting on him watch it today okay
by the way
directed by homeless pimp which is very impressive yeah Mike Lavin we should
give his real name as
well celebrity theater more you know look at the eyes the head shake nothing
happy there no he looked
like my dad when I said I was gonna be a comic brutal man 10 years I know but
he was in the middle of a
story I think it adds to the frustration when he's trying to have a poignant
moment and you fart on
him I guess so well you had left I felt like it was lacking a little I had to
pick it up I was here
I think I would have saved it because I laugh I mean I'm laughing just at the
playback I need you
there I know I would have loved I have a dream that all parts are created equal
I mean pretty great dude
I was in Vegas all weekend I went I went off oh yeah well you gotta go off it's
Vegas oh I went
hard I mean I don't know if you have that picture of me Salacuse on my
Instagram do the yeah oh yeah
you played it hard you you you playing uh looked like blackjack with a
cigarette and an old sea captain I can even show you
yeah oh my gosh should I send you the the video I guess it doesn't matter my
room was dude that guy ruled he
was 78 wow and he was putting the drinks back and we hit it off he was enjoying
my antics I was pissed drunk it's funny when your face is all over the casino
and you're still the worst behaved person there's just literally posters of me
all over and uh because I was playing the mirage and then I'm just loaded at
the table
piss drunk just you know zapping cigarettes and after every blackjack hand I
lose I start calling the dealer a nazi sympathizer
and this old guy's like losing it laughing so you know all I need is a little
laugh so I'm taking further I'm like Hitler Hitler Hitler Hitler that's great
hit hit hit hit hit again and they're getting furious at me I could see I could
see the security like do we do something yeah but uh no he was great wow what
is this oh
casino take it back this is you at the table which hand you jerk off with no
both of them
yeah I should say I was tipping though which helps I was Hitler but I was I was
tipping
I was tipping
that's all that matters
someone I posted that I did that and someone wrote like well yeah that's you
lost cause you're not going to be a man but I was I was tipping that's all that
matters
someone I posted that I did that and someone wrote like well yeah that's you
lost cause you know you uh that's karma and I was like well I didn't lose
although this is classic comic shit I was so shit face I was down a decent
amount of money for a minute and then I noticed people stop paying attention to
me
yeah so I was like hey guys I'm putting all my money on this hand and everyone
was like oh my god he's putting his money on it I was like man I'm a whore
yeah but I won that hand thank God that was like 300 on a hand
whoa wow hey all right yeah so I won I won the money back that's doing like 25
a hand but then I was like oh I gotta I gotta go all in if I'm still gonna be
the center of attention
yeah that's what it's worth you always see the movies they're at craps tables
the girls blowing on the dice you know you're high-fiving everybody but it's
never that it's always four in the morning with the old white haired guy
oh dude he was awesome and then the end of the night he was like don't smoke
you know I uh I've smoked my whole life I was like a Planet Fitness like super
Mr. Universe type guy and uh you know it cut 33% of my oxygen I was like this
is like a movie
whoa he was like I made every wrong mistake I was like dad dadda speaking of
dadda we got in the house this week
hey there you go Salacuses his son he got divorced Salacuses got the baby Kramer
versus Kramer in the flesh oh yeah love it yeah I was joking with Salacuses I
go hey we'll see you today and he goes ah you said tomorrow and I was like oh
he's
I was like I got I was like well bring him I didn't think you would pick him up
yeah you you called my bluff and this poor kid's out of school
he's supposed to be a good influence is drinking in the afternoon yeah there
you go we should introduce one of our guest bartenders here Shane hey Shane
thanks for having me pleasure what's shaking fatty nothing much I'm uh from
Colorado just moved to New York about five months ago
whoa we're in Colorado Colorado Springs hey great town big Navy base right
naval bases Fort Carson so it's army
largest base in territory wise in the whole am I nuts or is black Klansman set
in Fort Collins it takes place in the
Springs yeah Springs sorry why I say Fort Collins we got focus on the family of
people who hate abortions out there
do they yeah well we'll still clear I've had I've paid for a few yeah all right
well hey good to have you there
how about a cocktail yeah yeah I'm Jones old-fashioned oh I thought we do
Manhattan's but I could do an old-fashioned
oh I might have fucked that up well whatever you guys prefer I can make it what
are you thinking let's do a Manhattan
let's do Manhattan yeah yeah Vermouth back here we must yeah hey all right we
got Vermouth all right on the fly
altering I like it Shane out of the gate any do you have any peeves anything
bother you in general
fucking everything a guest orders really bothers me
ah jeez I hate when people come in like what do you like like fuck off what do
you like
yeah I get that that bugs me you know what happened to me last night I'm in the
moons
uh you know right next to the cellar because it's a Monday the band's playing
it's two packs
I'm like I'll eat next door I'm in moons alone this guy sees me he comes in he
goes Sam what bar do I go to
ah I was like excuse me I don't fucking know you I don't know what kind of bar
you like like that's you from the past
what bar should I go to so I don't end up like this uh yeah I don't know what
you say off the wagon
I was like I don't know what kind of bar you like he's like anything I think I
said peculiar pub
so I'm like that's a cool village pub you get 600 beer choices yeah that's not
bad choice
but he cornered me in a way that was I was kind of like all right is this guy
gonna he also had like the faux hawk
and was kind of intense I was like is this guy gonna swing on me yeah because
that's the village now
dude I'm with Ryan Hamilton we're walking around and dudes are just in our face
to the point that it's like
oh it's crazy I got into it with a guy I think I told you about that
yeah I'm not a tough guy but this guy goes uh it was me and a friend who had a
camera like a nice camera like that
and he goes where you going with that camera bitch and I was like I just had a
bad day and I was like fuck off
and he goes what'd you say and he goes I've been to jail I was like that's not
a good thing
so now we're going back and forth and I see Sean Patton walk up and I'm like
all right I got some backup
so I just go in on the guy and we're like face to face and then the seller bouncers
walk over
and I'm like woo baby I am in the clear Patton pulls out a knife and I was like
I gotta go on
hey there we go we talked about this the knife's not you don't want to be the
dude who stabs
true yeah but you know what if the guy's stabbing him
you don't want to be in a knife fight you just want to run away
yeah that's my point I think mace is the move because you can you can get him
down and get away
exactly ah but I had my hand on the mace last night the guy was really he comes
in the fucking
sandwich shop and starts me and Hamilton are in wolf nights I had two dinners
and uh I was hungry
and uh you John Panette two dinners I uh we're in there and he's fucking with
the woman in there
so we kind of we're kind of like hey stand down I said stand down that's pretty
good he was drunk
you know but the guy's piss drunk I'm like I'm like stand down and he was just
like oh and he's
oh my god fuck so now I'm his attention yeah and I was like are you okay I was
trying to be like
heroic and she's like yeah I'm fine she's like used to it she works in the
village but uh but
I had my hand on the mace and Hamilton was like thank god you had the mace just
in case you know
so where was it on you now no it's in my jacket whoa oh I'm pumped
thank you sir let's see what we got here that looks nice we need a third for
when our guest judge gets here
guest judge oh yeah we have a guest judge this week Simon's coming in yeah he
saw a video last week
where we trashed his botox there we go thank you Shane cheers cheers my
pleasure does want one
you want a cocktail kid let's start him slow give him a daiquiri there you go
maybe uh
maybe uh that is a that might be the best Manhattan we've had from any from any
guest judge I have to
say I don't normally like Manhattan's up I like it I like a I like a big round
cube in them but uh
yeah this might be the this might be the best Manhattan we've had yet it's good
because it's subtle
but flavorful at the same time that is damn salad you want to get in here yeah
Shane first what's your
favorite Patrice O'Neal bit oh Jesus Christ I like the one where he says um the
only reason we have sex is to
save shit up to jerk off to later wow man well done sir that's good Colorado is
he one of your
who are your favorites I'm a huge Bill Burr fan so that's a good one I like Patrice
sure I love his
I love his bits on like um that talk show um Opie and Anthony oh yeah classic
boy this pro-lifer is
all right I'm just kidding this is insane very good what's your bar experience
um so I ran a few
cocktail bars back in the springs um I've been in the industry my whole life so
uh you know serving tables
all that shit and then when I turned 21 I was like oh this is the coolest job
in the restaurant so
bought some cocktail books and uh pretty much stopped myself ran a japanese speakeasy
so a lot
of japanese whiskey experience um then from there we opened a cocktail bar
called the archives um
still there today but I left it behind to come out to the big city hey well how
do you explain those
those guns yeah yeah you're fucking big look at that guy I've gotten a little
chubby since I came out
here the food's too good man yeah it's pretty good ridiculous this guy's got
arms i know look at that he
could throw out some some guests if we need to certainly had to all right oh
that was quick
oh god look at you let's go i brought my i brought my i brought my judge hat
all right
well he's number one this is shane at the bar what's up barry how are you what's
going on are you
gonna abandon us for southeast asia oh that's what the beard you did for
context howdy cowboy how are
you guys i think i'm excited for you to try this manhattan this is one of the
best manhattans i've
ever really want to build it up too much he's pretty good this guy's got the
skills i know you guys
drink on this podcast and the buys you guys got but they're cat we'll get you
sweatshirts now we'll get
your merch oh yeah it's a nice uh uh salmon mauve mauve okay okay harold and
mauve harold and mauve
good movie and look somebody wrote making manhattans somebody brought that in
what is that somebody
gave us the hot sauce this is amazing what is it you're on it was in that
envelope there and
sellik he's brought his son the one you abandoned years ago yeah yeah he's back
now cheers boys all
right hey these are the worst glasses the cheers in or just serve yeah i prefer
manhattan's in those
glasses yeah they're second only to the what's the straight out ones i don't
think whiskey i don't
think whiskey belongs in a martini glass it's too it's too manly a drink a martini
i understand
i hear what you're saying it should be like it should be in a cup type of thing
yes yeah like
on the old range they wouldn't have had these on the range yeah whiskey was
john wayne ain't drinking