Name: Ep 118: We Might Be Garbage w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage Podcast)
Uploaded: 2023-03-13T01:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 118: We Might Be Garbage w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage Podcast)' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 118: We Might Be Garbage w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage Podcast)' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-13. Transcript available.

Ep 118: We Might Be Garbage w/ H. Foley & Kevin Ryan (Are You Garbage Podcast)

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Hey, folks.
We're here.
We might be garbage.
It's going to be back.
Yeah.
We are garbage.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We all are.
We're drinking in the day.
Woo-wee.
This is a St. Paddy's Day extravaganza with the Are You Garbage Guys.
I love it, man.
This is exciting.
Oh, yeah.
You guys must be some Mick descent.
Yeah.
Oh, of course.
Hell, yeah.
Right down the line.
Irish Catholic trash, man.
Uh-huh.
Wow.
Although my mom did do a 23andMe a couple of years ago.
Uh-oh.
No black.
Muslim.
What was the weirdest thing you got in there?
She did it.
There might be a connection with some people that we didn't know we were
related to.
Cherokee?
I'll leave that.
I'll leave that.
No, not even that.
Just-
Dirty wops?
Might have been some hanky-panky going on.
Oh!
Yeah.
Oh, baby doll.
It's like a trashy soap opera down there.
All right.
My dad's my mom.
My mom's my dad.
I don't know who my brother is.
I'll tell you that.
It's Chinatown, baby.
Yeah.
That's right.
All right.
I did the 23andMe, and the coolest part is you get weird shit.
It'll tell you what your taste buds are like.
And I'm like, yeah.
It's like you prefer savory to sweet.
Really?
That's fucking true.
I don't think that's a good thing.
I don't know.
When everybody was doing it for Christmas, I was like, listen, let sleeping
dogs lie.
You don't want to know what's what.
Yeah, don't go digging.
Yeah, you are who you are.
That's it.
I know.
One time I heard that the algorithm can tell if you're gay before you know.
Oh, boy.
And I was like, I'm screwed.
This is terrifying.
On the internet?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
Just by what you like.
Just by what you look at, how long you hold, how long you stare at Mateo or
whatever.
If that's the case.
That explains the videos.
But there is such a thing as an admiration stare.
Doesn't mean you're gay.
Of course.
You got him.
This is your intervention.
Who can't appreciate a dick in the ass?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I like it.
That's what the prostate is.
I mean, I had that done.
You guys too young for that?
Come again?
Yeah.
Get it?
Almost did.
I'm a good-looking doc, too.
I'll tell you that.
Who was it?
Hang out in there for a little while.
Make yourself comfortable.
What's the procedure like?
Two in there?
Yeah.
Two?
Two.
I think it was two.
Two doctors.
One was filming.
What are you going to do?
So wait.
You got the milking?
I got it.
Did it feel great?
Because they always say it's the best thing ever.
I mean, I must be pretty loose.
You didn't get milked.
You just got tested.
No, I didn't get milked.
That's what I'm asking.
No, yeah.
No, they just go and see if it's swollen or anything.
I thought it was like a rubbing tongue.
I don't think that's what doctors do.
No.
Well, his name could be Doc.
I figured I was at the barber.
Why not?
No, I get my prostate checked because I was 46.
You're 46?
What?
I just turned 47.
Last week.
Yeah, on Friday.
That is good.
That don't crack.
Holy shit.
It does die early.
But I'm going to look good, Kenny.
That's right.
I'm going to look good.
Your skin looks good.
Yeah, the skin's all right.
Are you still smoking?
No, I just quit three weeks ago.
That's so crazy you asked that.
Yeah?
Yeah, we went too far.
I saw you with a marble red.
I was like, that's not good.
It's not a good look.
Don't do it.
It's not a good look.
I saw another fat guy smoking, and I was like, man, is that what I look like?
It's not a good look.
He has a body dysmorphia where most people think they're fat.
Yeah.
He thinks he's like 215, shredded.
Oh, no.
We'll be driving down the street, and he'll see a guy who's significantly less
fat.
I always do that.
I'm not as fat as that guy, am I?
I'm like, you could eat that guy for lunch.
You're like, that chair was already broken.
What the hell?
Yeah, I quit three weeks ago.
Good for you.
I'm on the Zins.
So you're over the hump.
With this?
Yeah.
Because you're not craving it like a son of a bitch.
I am, but I just take the little nicotine pouches.
Those are big now.
People love those.
Yeah, they're all right.
Kids love them.
Invest in that shit.
Yeah, they're all right.
Zin.
That and pickleball.
Pickleball's big.
Oh, yeah.
That's a very coupley thing to do, too.
Very coupley, and I was like, ah, this sounds like a nightmare, and we had the
best time.
Who won?
Well, me and my lady beat them, and then we rotated.
Joe and Sarah?
And then I was with Sarah, and then they beat us.
A couple of swingers.
I like it.
Yeah.
A little key party over at the courts.
Oh, yeah.
Wife swap.
What do you play?
We went to Long Island City, and it ain't cheap, by the way.
Real?
I can't believe they got you out to Long Island City.
It wasn't easy, and it's snowy and gay, and I'm hungover, so it was tough, but
we got
there, and I'm glad I did.
I sweat it all out.
Now, Joe and Sarah, they're your close friends.
Has there been situations where you've done a couple things where you didn't
know the
boyfriend or didn't know the girlfriend, or it was like one of those things?
Nah, I refuse to do that.
Dude, I refuse.
It's a nightmare.
I've almost gotten drugged to a couple of office parties, like, oh, they want
to meet you.
Get the fuck out of here.
Oh.
No.
Those two shouldn't mix, office and party.
Now.
That's a nightmare.
I don't want to do a meet and greet with my fans.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
We do.
We love the fans.
Shout out.
No, I do, but I also like an office party.
It's like, that's where I'm like, fuck, that sounds rough.
I mean, that's straight to the bar.
I love my girl's family, all that kind of stuff.
I just.
Can you do it sober?
Yeah, I do their family sober.
Yeah.
We were just there.
She's from Hawaii.
We were just in Hawaii with them for nine days.
It's great.
Yeah.
Anybody can like anybody in Hawaii.
He's talking about it.
Put them on the streets of Detroit.
It's a different story.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But my lady, I'm lucky.
Her family, they just.
11 a.m.
Really?
Well, it's Beantown.
You know, that's all my family knows.
And my wife comes over and she's like, do you guys just always just drink?
Yeah.
At every function?
I go, yeah, that's all.
What's the drink of choice?
At our house, it's just usually beer.
Beer.
Women drink wine.
Dudes drink beer.
Or we'll do like Manhattans.
But that'll be like, let's do Manhattans tonight.
Classy.
I'll get the stuff.
Manhattans are probably my favorite cocktail.
Loud mouth soup, baby.
I got turned on maybe like five years ago or four years ago to the Martini.
The Vodka Dirty Martini.
That's my number one.
I knocked them back.
Love it.
It's like drinking olive juice.
Exactly.
Fucks you up.
Then you have nine of them.
You don't even know it.
Yeah, you feel good.
Nothing hotter than a woman drinking a Martini.
That is the hottest beverage.
All right, you got me there.
I was going for cocktails.
I see.
Maybe when she's kissing another girl.
That's the hottest.
What are we drinking here, Patty?
So I got the garbage cocktail first.
It's what's called the Dew-Gurita.
I know these guys are fans of Red Lobster.
Who ain't, you know what I mean?
Cheddar Bay Biscuits also.
Oh, shit.
Wow, really?
Thanks, buddy.
I'm okay.
He's on two packs a day of Cheddar Biscuits, though.
I don't want to be rude.
I'll do one.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I made my own.
Thank you.
Oh, that a baby.
This is great.
You're getting a good-looking kid, too, huh?
Where'd you find this dish?
I know.
That hair.
We got to do a poll.
You guys are talking about Sal Q's, right?
We got to do a poll for the folks at home on Twitter.
Who's hotter, Beard Jew or Patty the Batty?
Ooh, man.
These are fantastic.
Did you make these?
Are these from there?
I don't know.
We don't have.
We got the bag.
I was like, what the fuck?
You got these just for us?
Yeah, dude.
Thank you, fellas.
We should go to Red Lobster after that.
Yeah.
Here's your top shelf.
Oh, yeah.
So, wait.
This is a, you said Mountain Dew?
Margarita.
Mountain Dew Margarita.
Dew Dorita.
I love it.
Mountain Dew is a pretty good soda.
They came out with their...
It's a pretty damn good soda.
I don't drink it anymore, but holy shit.
Code Red's no joke.
That's one of the best.
It's great.
That's when you've really reached white trash.
You know what's white trash?
Because the white rock star can.
Oh, my God.
The monster.
That's it.
Anything white like that is trash.
My check is cleared with my Monster Energy partner,
so, yes, I agree.
It's just piss.
You got monster money?
They were on my tour.
Yeah, they do that, right?
It was a lot of, like, they were like,
can you drink it in front of us?
And I was just like, I'll do this.
Yeah.
I'm a coffee drinker.
Wait, drink it in front of it.
They want you to do it in the meeting?
Like camera shit, yeah.
Prove you're not a cop.
Listen here, pussy.
This guy's wearing a wire.
Talk to me five days later.
I'm like, fuck.
I went in too deep.
They just came out with their, well, like, their seltzer or whatever, right?
Really?
I haven't had it, yeah.
Oh.
Everybody's doing that.
Pull it up.
And I thought one of, wasn't, what's his name supposed to be the spokesman of
that?
Who?
Wasn't Bert?
Oh, that feels about right.
I thought so.
I remember him talking about it.
That would make sense.
Damn.
Because he had it early.
We were on his bus and he had it.
Oh, this should go straight to Charlie Sheen for that shit.
Dude, that looks aggressive.
Holy shit.
Dude, how about him losing?
Oh, really?
Yeah, he lost.
No, he got beat up pretty good.
It wasn't close.
Isn't that guy in Love Island or something, too?
No, he was on Big Brother, I think.
Or whatever.
He's a boxer, though, right?
Yeah, he was a boxer.
They both kicked my ass.
I know that.
Yeah.
Yeah, his brother's Tyson Fury.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is why he wanted to do it.
Which is why Jake Paul wanted to do it, to be like Tyson Fury, the big Irish,
the big
British guy?
Gypsy.
No shit.
Yeah.
The Gypsy King.
Gypsy King.
That's it.
He's like the Charlie Murphy.
Yeah.
Yeah, but still, the Charlie Murphy was still funny.
The Charlie Murphy was all right.
Yeah, it was all right.
Still funny.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
I think it looks, the color of that drink is already insane.
That's great.
What's on the rim?
That's tahini.
Oh, they're going to say Doritos.
Nah, you're thinking.
That looks like college girl vomit right there.
That's what that looks like.
Oh, this is Flint water.
Holy shit.
Damn.
No, it's dry chili flakes, lime and salt.
Ooh.
Do you guys just get tuned up to in this show?
I would assume.
It's tough.
Like after, especially if you're piggybacking episodes, you're going to pick it
up for the
shows later.
You got to just.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When we came in, I felt like I got to a party late and you guys were already
kind of getting
after.
You got to adjust yourself a little bit.
We did the clean comic first.
No, but this is, yeah, this definitely takes a toll on some late night.
I've definitely showed up to the cellar where they're like, are you drunk?
I remember I saw you a couple weeks ago there and you're like, I've been
drinking scotch
all day