Name: Ep 125: Nimesh Patel and Cucumber Gin
Uploaded: 2023-05-01T01:00:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 125: Nimesh Patel and Cucumber Gin' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 125: Nimesh Patel and Cucumber Gin' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-01. Transcript available.

Ep 125: Nimesh Patel and Cucumber Gin

Hey folks, here we are. We might be drunk. We're back. How the hell are you, Fetty?
Good to see you, man.
Good to see you. It's good to be back in the city. Lisa, the guest bartender is
here.
Hello, everyone.
Looking good. Great eyebrows.
Sally, welcome.
I didn't see you at the cellar party. I saw you across the room. I couldn't
make it to you.
There was too many obstacles, but you walked in in the Hawaiian shirt looking
like a hitman.
Yeah.
It was beautiful. I was like, Salamanca? And I couldn't get to you.
Oh, yeah.
It was a hell of a party.
Oh, it was great.
I saw you across the room, too, and you were another guy I couldn't get to.
It's so frustrating. Like, the people you want to talk to, you never get to.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, obviously, I talk to a lot of people I love, but there were definitely
some obstacles in there.
There's definitely a couple of parasites who are like, hey, and you're like,
damn it, so I've got to be stuck with this queef for six minutes?
So we had a Christmas party in April.
The Passover.
No, they just always do the holiday party late because I think their logic is
everyone does a holiday party in December.
We'll do a holiday party in April because we're not competing with any parties.
Yeah, and it's a crazy spread. It's open bar. It's every comic, and you're like,
whoa, you're still doing it?
You know, you always see comics where you're like, oh, yeah, I forgot about you.
And, yeah, it was fun. Liz was doing the drinks.
There were a lot of those. You're still doing it.
Oh, yeah. There's a lot of those. How do you pay the rent?
I have a few comics. I have a list of eight comics. I'm like, how do you pay a
New York rent?
You never do the road. You never do clips or TV or anything.
It would be great if the party was just one giant intervention for a comic.
Like, how do you do it?
Yeah, please quit.
Wow.
They literally came there for the food.
Yeah, right, right.
The food was, I mean, you got that Kennedy fried chicken, which was a little lukewarm
in the temperature.
I want a hot piece of chicken. I was a little upset. I still ate it.
I don't want to get stereotypical. Guy's mad about the food temp.
But it was a little drafty in there.
This may be a little inside baseball, but the comedy seller bought the McDonald's
on West 3rd Street, right next to the Fat Black.
That was like the world star McDonald's.
Yes, totally.
That was like where every sucker punch was thrown late at night.
Yeah, that's right. It was a big, like, drag queen McDonald's.
One comic got beat up by a couple drag queens a few years ago, I remember.
Who got beat up by a drag queen?
Artie Fuqua.
Really?
Yeah, he got into it with a couple drag queens.
That was quick, too. You'd think he'd be able to hold his own.
Well, there was like six of them.
Yeah.
And it is dudes, after all.
That's how progressive New York City is. The drag queens are beating up non-drag
queens.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh, here we go.
Hey, Dimash!
I'm here.
What's shagging, fatty? Get over here.
What up, what up?
We got, hey.
Hey, welcome.
This is Lisa.
Hello, how are you?
Dimash.
Nice to meet you.
Salacuse.
What, you got a hog out there?
No, it's a city bike, you know?
Oh.
I ride them every day.
The drag queen had the hug.
All right.
Let's, uh, good to see you, man.
We just started.
Thanks for being accommodating.
You didn't miss anything.
Well, we got you, your drink of choice was, I believe, a cucumber gin?
Yes, sir.
A very summery request, which I appreciate.
I love a good summer cocktail.
If we're day drinking, I want it to be summer.
You don't want, like, I love whiskey.
I don't want it at 2 p.m.
Yeah.
I want it at night.
Yeah, the brown liquors, no offense, but the brown liquors, I feel like, are
better at night.
We drink a lot of brown liquors.
Us brown people.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know why we haven't been in a whiskey commercial just yet.
Yeah.
You guys don't get in those?
Why don't you get in those?
I think Indian people are ashamed of how much we drink alcohol.
Really?
I think so.
I don't know.
You guys were known to be booze bags.
Booze hounds.
That's why you own all the liquor stores.
Ah, good point.
Vertical integration.
No need for a middleman.
You're getting high on your own supply.
Oh, hell yeah.
There you go.
That's my first alcoholic beverage was at my, I stole some of my dad's whiskey
from his store
and I kept it in a garage and I was like, eighth grade, ninth grade, I would
take a little nip.
Oh, yeah.
I mixed it with orange juice and brought it to school to share with my friends
and then
I chickened out.
I couldn't drink it at school.
Whiskey OJ.
Yeah.
That's like my first drink.
That's not the right combo.
I didn't know what I was doing, dude.
I just saw my dad drinking and I was like, this shit must be cool.
Damn.
Your dad owned a liquor store?
Yes, sir.
Look at that.
It's all locking in.
There it is.
Do you remember what kind of whiskey it was?
Johnny Walker Black.
That's a solid whiskey.
Yes.
But as a kid, no kid appreciates the nuance.
No kid is like, that's a good scotch right there.
I put it with Tropicana, dude.
That's the fuck I was doing.
That's a good year.
That's when you're young and the first time you get a good bottle and you're
too dumbed.
You don't know you're supposed to have it straight and you get that liquor snob
who's like,
what are you doing?
I know.
Yeah.
We did a lot of country time lemonade and vodka.
That's pretty good combo.
It wasn't bad, but it's all sugar.
That's a hangover and a half.
Screwdrivers are good.
OJ and vodka.
Sure.
When you're a kid, a cranberry vodka.
Yep.
It's a breakfast drink of alcohol.
I like it.
We're just telling kids what to drink.
If you're 13 years old, don't waste a good scotch.
Yes.
Mix it with soda, kids.
A lot of pop off when you're a kid.
The vodka.
It's like shitty vodka.
Oh, the plastic bottle.
No, we did all the banana flavored one, smearing off banana, green apple, all
that shit.
That's what you thought was cool.
I know.
When you're a kid, yeah.
I mean, I feel like that's who's drinking, what's the cinnamon whiskey?
Fireball.
Oh, fireball.
If you're an adult and you drink that, you are just classless.
Yes.
Or you're outside of Port Authority.
In which case, you're pretty high class.
Right.
True.
I don't like any of those.
They got peanut butter whiskey now.
I'm like, come on.
I tried that on Santino's podcast.
It's pretty good.
It tastes good, but you can have one.
I can't live with myself drinking that.
You guys have your own whiskey, right?
We do.
Oh, yeah.
It's a ride.
I'm yet to have it.
Yes.
Look at that.
I gotta try this.
It's Nutella flavored.
Dude, I just thought Norman loves Nutella, and I just saw a thing.
Pull up the Nutella Nutritional.
This is going to break your heart.
Uh-oh.
What's in it?
It's like the least healthy shit.
What?
No way.
The last ingredient is hazelnut.
Right.
Oh, no.
No, no, but there's like a breakdown of what it's like.
Really?
It's like all sugar, and then like a dash of hazelnut.
Can you read that clearly?
Because I cannot, and I'm wondering if I should get LASIK.
Oh, no.
I can't either.
I can't see this shit at all.
Two tablespoons.
I don't know.
It was on Twitter.
I said, I don't know.
Wow.
12 grams of fat, 21 grams of sugar.
But it was like grosser when they showed the actual breakdown.
I believe it.
Ah, Nutella.
That's my N-word.
Damn it.
Well, you always think.
It looks, it's like expensive, and it's foreign.
So, I always assumed it was healthy.
Is it foreign?
I believe it's from like Denmark.
You feel like you're being healthier when you eat like a Ferrier Rocher.
Yes, yes.
As opposed to like a Nestle Crunch, but it's all garbage.
It's all garbage.
It's all shit.
I think Ferrier Rocher is Nutella.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
It's a hazelnut cream in the middle.
Yeah.
Yeah, my buddy used to wear this shitty cologne, and he was like, it's Italian.
But he still smelled like an asshole.
You know?
But it was Italian.
It was imported.
Man.
And bad things, there's bad stuff overseas.
Why does imported just sound better?
It just sounds, because it's not here.
It's like a Cuban cigar.
Yeah, because good stuff is imported, and you assume if it's imported, it's
good.
But bad stuff is also.
Of course.
Everything's imported.
Yeah.
But Chinese, all the Chinese shit is imported.
That's a good point.
Good point.
I had a friend come over from France, and he only wanted to drink Budweiser
while he was
here.
He's like, this is the good stuff.
I was like, it's not the good stuff.
Is he trans?
All right.
It's a Budweiser.
What's with the Pepto?
This is a drinking pod, and we have weak stomachs.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Oh, dude, I was.
He's got an ulcer.
Oh, my God.
I have stomach pain.
I was not made to be a drinker.
You got coffee going right now.
I know.
I take horrible care of myself.
A lot of coffee, alcohol, and then, yeah, I got to slip Pepto.
I do peppermint pills occasionally.
Yeah.
So see us on the road now, because we'll be dead in six years.
Buy tickets.
This is a slippery fucking slope here, you guys have set up.
This is an afternoon drinking podcast.
Yeah, I know.
I realize that.
You think we're doing well?
That's why I brought my helmet.
You're going to need it for that bike ride home.
You're going to get a Dewey.
Should I be wearing a helmet?
Because I city bike every day.
What?
You don't wear a helmet?
Are you out of your mind?
A city bike?
No.
What do you mean a city?
Yeah, that's like the, you're supposed to wear a helmet at all times, dude.
Do you see how people drive in this city and don't wear a helmet?
I've had some close calls.
You'll be wearing a helmet in no time if you're not wearing a helmet right now.
Knock out some wood, man.
Damn.
He was riding a scooter without a helmet.
Yeah, but you don't wear one either.
Yeah, but you're on a motorbike doing it.
That's true.
All over the city.
Yeah.
45, no helmet.
If you bike around town, you should be wearing a helmet.
It's very dorky, but you know, that Stephen Dorky would be dead.
Good point.
Good point.
Why is safety dorky?
It is, I guess.
It just looks dumb.
Condoms.
Nerd.
There's no cool looking helmets.
That's true.
You know?
You should get one that says, like, fuck the police on it.
You're like, that guy's cool.
Yeah, that guy's a man.
Maybe I'll just get one that says, I'm special needs, because no one will fuck
with me.
Then they'll make fun of me less.
I'll be like, that guy's pretty cool.
Yeah.
He's high functioning.
You wave to him and smile.
Yeah, I am.
Mark waving.
Some guy with a cigarette's like, there goes the coolest kid in this city.
Yeah.
Play the horn on the fucking city bike.
Oh, that's what, okay.
We see.
He's got his helmet.
That's why he's doing that.
I'm downs with the cause.
All right.
Well, you know, in Connecticut, they do all these, like, people are always
fighting so
they don't have to wear helmets.
The bikers?
Yeah.
But it's like, riding a motorcycle without a helmet, you're just asking to
fucking die.
Everyone crashes on a bike.
So I fell off my scooter.
I got knocked out.
No helmet.
Construction workers had to bring me to the sidewalk.
Really?
It was wild.
Yeah.
And yet, you're still not wearing a helmet.
Well, I didn't die.
How bad was the injury?
It was pretty bad.
I hit a bump and I flew off the front of the handlebars and I had gloves on.
It was winter.
And I scraped them and they were, they were, it was just all skin.
Cause I scraped the glove off.
And you got knocked out.
Got knocked out.
You have CTE for the future now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No helmet though.
He'll be shooting up a bank in no time.
I wore, the reason I started wearing a helmet is cause I got blackout drunk,
like, during
summer pandemic.
Yeah.
And I was on a city bike and I like rode home with no, I had my helmet, but I
didn't
have it on.
Oh boy.
And I, I don't know how the fuck I got home.
And that's like the scariest thing.
Come home and have your wife yell at you.
Like you could have fucking died.
I like that.
That's the scary part.
Yeah.
Your wife's just 