Name: Ep 128: Rachel Feinstein & Vodka Soda
Uploaded: 2023-05-22T01:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 128: Rachel Feinstein & Vodka Soda' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 128: Rachel Feinstein & Vodka Soda' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-22. Transcript available.

Ep 128: Rachel Feinstein & Vodka Soda

hey hey ho ho this penis party's got to go uh we're waiting on a guest ladies
always
always running on lace gotta put their makeup on the good face on yeah yeah the
tampons the
maxi pads you name it nah i'm joking oh let's open with a peeve okay this is
one of my best
friends rachel feinstein who's on the episode today and this is her excuse why
she's running late she
called me and she goes uh oh thank you very much this is a campari soda it is
oh she wanted a vodka
soda thank you danielle let me tell you something when it's hot out like this
and the city's getting
warm again i crave a campari soda there's something old man italian about it i
kind of like it it's a
summer drink it's refreshing it's a good cocktail oh yeah all right what do i
got here gin and ton
vodka vodka ton vodka soda another wrong with that so um this is a peeve that's
that's got a kick i put
in the old studio address yeah and then she tells me she's on 44th street i was
like well that has
nothing to do with the old studio you caught her on that one she's full of shit
i didn't say that i
let her have it well we're gonna let her have it when she comes in here yeah
the moon alice
yeah one time a guy got me he goes uh why didn't you answer my call he called
me and i didn't answer
and i texted him and he goes why didn't you answer i go i'm driving and he's
like so you don't answer
the phone when you're driving you text and i was like damn it he got me i
actually had a friend who
was so dumb he would do that what he would i would call him and he would text
back driving right now
and i was like yeah he's dumb enough to do this ah yeah wasn't you he's a guy
who's actually dumb
enough to text and drive but i shouldn't talk on the phone but i'll text right
i think it's illegal
to talk on the phone while driving is it is that illegal maybe not with the car
play because you can
just go boop hey how are you but the texting is definitely illegal they're
getting a little carried
away on the on the iphone with the uh the driving thing i was walking the other
day and it said are
you driving i was like i'm walking slowly oh yeah what are we doing here i know
once i ever tell you
this i was driving in la and i was texting and i look over and a guy's in a car
next to me he goes
and i was like oh shit it felt like a dad i wanted to blow him i was like
turned on like this guy i was
like you're right you got me dude got me dead to right you could spanking after
that yeah bend me
over take it daddy i uh i did that once i walked into some we were both on our
phones and we walked
into each other and we were both mad at the other person like my phone thing
was more important than
your phone thing right yeah i've seen a guy walk into a poll before while
texting and that's very
satisfying the stripper yeah they're not even paying attention while they're
dancing anymore i tell you
strippers no respect strippers are taking venmo now are they really yeah they
get a little barcode
temporary tattoo with a little uh qr the homeless have got to figure venmo out
oh no getting crushed
killed out there no one's no one has cash no cash i know i love cash i'm all
cash yeah well we still
get paid in cash it's nice having cash on i love having cash yeah and it's
easier for tipping you throw
a one in the uh the bucket you know yeah which bucket the what the bathroom
attendant or something
well like at the pizza place you pop a one in the jar or the coffee shop you
pay i never pay by cash
though i mean i like yeah it's fun to like throw in like a whatever a tip but i'm
okay i hate the
the fucking screen turning around and you go oh i give you the 20 percent you
have to sign i hate that
thing here's there's a one here's a two yeah i'm not signing shit why do you
hate it i just don't like
them looking at me tipping oh so they know yeah it's too intrusive because this
way it's more like
it's unexpected like the expected tip isn't exciting they're like yeah yeah no
you should give this but
when it's you're like oh no and here's something exactly it should be on my my
own volition that
makes sense yeah i don't want you gonna ask me to tip now i have to tip the
tipping is the whole
point of it is here you go it's a gift yeah now it's an obligation look at us
in our bodega cat
shirts oh yeah they're looking kind of cool repping baby look at that this is a
little
small on me this is a type but this is all they had yeah yeah i'll wear it you'll
wear it all right
i'm not gonna take it off now you don't want to see my hairy physique not now
but at a future time
you don't want to see this holocaust body oh yeah are you kidding me it looks
like a garlic knot
that fell on the floor of a barber shop where do you stand on garlic knots i
think it's overrated it's
all just bread it's here's they can be done really well a garlic knot but yeah
it's like i'm at the
pizza place why am i gonna get garlic here we go look who it is come on she's
here it's just like a
kramer entrance sit down there's your mic how are you there hey rage good to
see you like mary
poppins you whisk in here well you need a microphone here hi this is danielle i'm
danielle nice to meet
you hi you got your wad of cash you're out of breath what's going on because i
put the wrong
address of the uber usually we were trying to poke holes in your in your wrong
address here look at my
uber you can i know but you said you're on 44th street that's why i don't
understand why it makes a
difference because i had two dumb things but look at my uber room i want to
hear the other dumb
thing so it adds up okay i'm colombo extra there's one more thing that was
bothering me it's extra dumb
all right okay so okay so i did i accidentally went to i put in the uber okay
first of all you
guys moved addresses that's true that's true a year and a half ago so um a year
and a half ago
so i haven't been here since then so then um i was like oh the old one was
right by caroline's
so i put caroline's in there but i put caroline's school or something like it
recalls comedy club
which is also no longer here which is also no longer here and then i was just
like on the phone
then all of a sudden i realized i was like oh wait not only are we not there
but we're like at
caroline's school like not even their comedy club but like their school and i
was like fuck and i was
so proud of myself too i was gonna be a few minutes early like i have my shit
together this is a new
fucking rage and i was like i'm gonna get a slice on the way in all of a sudden
i was like oh god
uh yeah and then sam called me and i was like really hoping that you guys didn't
run a tight
ship but weirdly enough for being like such a mess you run a tight fucking ship
we gotta hit we gotta
have a regimented schedule but i'm usually but i will say that i'm usually on
time and i was on time
that's not true no no not for social engagements before it works
which one is this yeah is it social or work this is both you are one of the
friends where i'm like
i'm gonna show up 15 minutes late and then i'm still 15 minutes early
oh yeah definitely no socially i'm pretty worthless you do have a kid though at
least you have that
excuse having a kid gives you you know that's an excuse that's gonna be what my
book is it's gonna
be like as a mom juggling it all something something jaeger i saw a clip with
chris d and he's like
anyone who doesn't have kids who complains is a fucking retard you gotta go get
your shit done you
don't have kids i have kids it's so hard you can't find a relationship fuck you
i have kids
it is funny like the things that your friends without kids like will complain
about you know
like like like they'll be like oh yeah like this girl wouldn't leave after i
fucked her and i'm like
you know what dude you know i told you that in confidence all right i wasn't
gonna say your name
by the way i literally stopped myself that was pretty rude but also kids never
leave good luck
trying to get rid of one of them they're always there that's why pedophile
should know okay
yeah but my like um i'm uh i can't i don't know if i'm allowed to say this in
the podcast but
okay but like james like he was supposed to shoot something with me and my
husband on sunday
and he's like um like a mom excuse would be like oh my friend you know my
daughter has a fever
or whatever or something you know anything like that um james webb the director
james i love james
directed both me and mark's netflix james is like i was like so we're gonna
definitely shoot sunday
he's like i'm thinking about tripping
just doing drugs he's like i might do shrooms is the best excuse and the most
honest excuse i've ever
heard like that's the moment where you're like just make up something yeah yeah
i might decide to trip
but i haven't decided yet is the worst damn he's honest i respect that it's fun
because he shot my
special and i got all these big wig agents there and he wouldn't give them a
time of day and you could
tell it really fucked with them they're like who's this guy a jacked muscly
dude walking around in a
tank top yes and all these suits are trying to talk to him and he's just like
walking around looking
like a blade runner extra yeah he's got the gear on the big uh steady cam a
body he was like live
with me for a while and it was hilarious yeah well he was gonna come to new york
he's the father
yes he's the dad of my child yeah he knocked me james banged me for a while
he's a hunk i got stuffed by james i got stuffed up by james no actually not
only does james like not
even file me in the category of a woman but i was telling him something once
about like you know when
you're like does this person even know i'm a woman like i'm like i don't think
he even realizes it
i was actually like telling a story about somebody that that was clearly
hitting on me and on
instagram and james is like nah i don't see it i mean come on there's no way
even sam was like no
i think he's he has hit a pretty direct dm hitting and he's like nah couldn't
be possible
he's like no way you're reading into this every story where i even like forward
like a light
compliment james is like come on i crunched the numbers on that possible you're
dreaming yeah he
just doesn't even see me as a female which is fine that's fine some people file
you under female
some people do you ever feel like that like where you're where some women
register you as a man
and other ones you're like of course yeah yeah yeah i'm a twink or a you know i'm
just a blah i'm an
asexual i'm neutral you know it's a bad feeling when a woman calls you like
buddy or pal like that
fucking i don't care for that even even if i know they're married i'm like you
better i want them
sexual tension in the mix still yes yeah of course although women are trickier
whether they're
attracted to you and i've said this to you before sam because sometimes like
you'll think somebody's not
into you and i'm like no that's just her playing a highly manipulative subtle
game and i've done that
too so yeah she might be buddying you because she wants you to sure but then
you have the guy who uses
that like oh she oh that girl hates you no no that's how she flirts and you're
like no no she hates
that side of it too she gave you the finger across the street she wants yeah it
is a convenient place
to file anybody that's mean to you or rejecting you my brother said that to me
once just probably
because he felt sorry for me i was like this guy is really mean to me he's like
he's probably
attracted to you and i'm like that's such a healthy thing to tell you right
right whenever somebody's
just not interested in hanging out with you or doesn't care for your comedy too
probably really
aroused by me yeah you see guys all the time like oh they're just jealous like
no they shit on your
my act yeah but they're just jealous i'm like i wish i had that i'm like yeah
my act does suck
i go i agree with them i have a friend who's so confident with women and he's
like i remember he
went up to a g