Name: Ep 129: Mike Vecchione
Uploaded: 2023-05-29T01:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 129: Mike Vecchione' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 129: Mike Vecchione' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Ep 129: Mike Vecchione

*music*
- Hey! - Ahh!
- Here we are, we might be drunk, we're back!
Good to see you folks.
It's been too long, you've been on the road, in a bus.
- Yeah. - I don't even know who you are.
- Our good friend, Mike Vecchione. - Hey Mike!
- Thank you. - Fresh off his new special,
produced by our other pal, Nate Bargatze. - Yes.
- Indirected by him. - Yes, the attractants.
- And available for free now on YouTube, I'll start with a plug.
- And it's killer. Mike is one of the best joke writers.
- Killer. - In the biz, give it a watch.
- Over a million views already, so if you're late to the party,
get on it if you haven't seen it.
- Yeah. - Hell yeah, Nate Land.
- Nate Land Productions. - I love it!
- Yeah. - I love the--
- Comics helping comics. - Yes!
- Late to the party's a weird expression,
'cause it is good to be a little late to a party.
- Oh yeah, that's true. - Oh yeah, that's true.
- The first person at a party is like kind of a tool.
- Right, we don't want to be too late.
- The first person talks about themself in the third person.
- Mmm.
- All right.
- This is a good, I'm gonna text Seinfeld that bit premise.
Late to the party, you don't want to be too late.
All right.
But yeah, how do you feel?
You got it out, it's done, it's all--
- It's good, it's done, and now I'm just doing
the other half of the business, which I didn't expect,
which is the promotional part of it.
- The promotional part of it.
We thought the writing of it and the performing of it
and getting that together was hard.
- Oh yeah.
- But the podcast tour now and getting Instagram clips
and getting things to go viral in order to sell tickets.
- Well, I'm sorry, I was happy to see you.
Sorry, this is such a chore, Mike.
- Yeah.
- This is the best.
- No, we're happy to have you on here, man.
No, but I know what you mean, doing the--
- Like pushing it, you know what I mean?
It's harder than the--
- We all just wanna do it and then put it out
and have it get seen, but unfortunately,
that's not where we live now.
- No.
- So it's like we have to go out and like push it
and pump it and everything to get people to look at it.
- It's bittersweet though.
- Yeah.
- But then when people do look at it, they're like,
"This was amazing."
And it's kind of like they have to make the discovery
on their own.
- Yeah.
- You know, it's like, or if you say it,
or if both guys say, "Mark, Sam suggested this,"
and it's like, "Now I'm hooked."
So it's like them taking the suggestion
and them watching it, then they become a fan.
- Love it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's a bitch to do, but it's better to get the views.
- Yes, it is.
- So you might as well do it.
- Yes, it is.
- And you never know, you might get a new fan and--
- Right.
- So you gotta do it.
- Right.
- But it does suck.
- Only fan.
- Aha!
- Only fan?
- Yes.
- That's a--
- Joke heavy?
- A lot of people are on that.
- Only fans is huge.
- It's insane.
- Can we do the next special that way?
- They did a roast on there.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- They did two roasts on there.
- Oh, really?
- Well, Whitney and Burt were on there.
- Oh, yeah, on Only Fans.
- Yeah.
- I think they're trying to legitimize and go over to non-pussy.
- Is that the new platform?
- That's one of them.
- It's either that or Reddit.
- Ah, I'm scared of Reddit.
- Yeah.
- Tear me down.
- One of the Only Fans, I guess the creator of the Only Fans,
I mentioned at my show in Miami and Whitney just gave him my number.
So he's like, "I got a bunch of chicks here."
- Ha!
- And I was like, "Don't be so Only Fans all the time."
- Right.
- You know?
Maybe suggest a restaurant we could go to.
- Yeah.
- But.
- Damn, did you go?
- I did.
And we were off to the next gig.
- That'd be funny if you hooked up with a girl and she's like,
"That'll be $5.99."
- You are an Only Fan.
- Yeah.
- Women, I feel like every woman just like sells pictures of their feet.
Who are these feet people?
- Yeah.
- They're huge.
- Yeah.
- They're out there.
He's one.
They hide.
They hide in the woods.
- Well, that's more of them responding to the demand from men.
- Right, right.
- For sure.
- I mean, we demand feet now, I feel like.
- Yeah.
- Are you guys feet guys?
- I'm not.
I wish I was 'cause there's feet everywhere.
The sandals, the open toe, the beach.
It's a jackpot.
I like pussy.
You don't see that around.
- Yeah.
- And if you do, it's never good.
It's always a lady on the sidewalk.
- I hope his wife's not listening.
- No, I mean, like I'm saying random puss.
You don't never see clam out in the wild.
- Right, that's true.
- Right.
- You know.
- But what is the attraction to feet though?
What, anyone.
- What is it?
- I think people find them sexy.
- Yeah.
- It's like another set of hands.
- I don't find hands.
- That's the way people.
- Me, I'm an elbow man.
- Well, you find a hand job.
- A hand job?
- Yes.
- A hand job, a foot.
A foot is another set of hands.
- No, that's another one.
Dude, foot jobs are a thing.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
- It's weird.
- There's foot job, hand job, boob job.
- Blow job.
- Blow job.
- Blow job.
- A lot of jobs.
- That's a good country.
- This is a Seinfeld bit.
- What a country.
It's a good economy.
- That's your girlfriend.
They're taking your jobs.
- We need more jobs.
That's what Obama said.
- These prostitutes are taking our jobs.
- There's boob jobs.
Steve jobs.
- What are we drinking here?
- Tech bust.
- That was up to Steve Jobs.
- And welcome back beer juba.
- Oh yeah, you've been all over the world.
- Yeah.
He got his fill of lady boys and he's back for more.
- Yeah.
- That's why he came here.
- Tug job.
- All right.
- I thought you guys would all be drinking Bud Lights.
- Or as I call it, gender fluid.
- All right.
- But Budweiser is still for straight guys.
- Bud heavy.
- Bud Light.
- Oh my God.
You've got to pull up the...
- It's two options.
- I can't stop watching this old ad.
Remember the Coors Light twins commercials?
- And the twins.
- Oh yeah.
- This is what beer commercials used to be.
Pull this up, Matt.
It's on YouTube.
Just the tweet.
- Wait, how was your...
- God, I didn't even remember that.
- How was your...
We cut you off completely there.
- Oh, it was awesome.
I mean, saw a lot of lady boys.
- Okay.
- Saw a lot of bitches.
And then...
Not actually.
I stayed on the islands.
But hung out everywhere and like saw a bunch of stuff.
Went to like...
I went all over like nine different countries.
- Wow.
- Saw some We Might Be Drunk fans.
- Hey!
- In Taiwan.
- Really?
- Taiwan.
- Yeah.
We have quite a following there, apparently.
And they showed me around.
It was awesome.
Taiwan on.
- There you go.
Oh!
- See you all in hell.
- See you all in hell.
We just lost our Thai fans.
Taiwanese.
Thailand, Taiwan.
Different.
- Right.
- Yes.
- You just turned into William Shatner?
What the hell?
- How was that?
- What?
Play this ad real quick.
This is what beer commercials used to be.
The fuck is this?
This isn't the ad.
- That was like when I was about to blow a low and show the guy's face.
Go just type in the Coors Light Twins in.
- I did.
That's what came up.
There's other ones.
You were a bad Google bitch.
I found this instantly.
- What year are we talking here?
- It said 2001.
- Wow.
That was when I graduated high school.
- Here it is.
- Not too much.
I'm watching my team win.
With the twins.
- Meanwhile, he probably wrote it about his children.
- Dude, you can't even hit a quarterback like that.
That's dirty.
- Right.
- It was a different time, folks.
This was not even weird.
That was normal.
- That was normal.
- Just Don Draper in a room.
What do people like?
Twins.
Fucking twins.
- This is what it used to be.
Just like the most pandering shit.
Watching my team win.
- Yeah.
- This is the most pandering shit ever.
- And that's Coors Light.
Can you imagine what Coors was?
- Oh, man.
Good point.
- Dude, it was just football, eating too much, and twins.
- Twins.
- Twins.
- They did a thing of a scary movie.
- It wasn't just football.
It was violent quarterback sacks.
- Yeah.
- I love that.
You can see the CTE happening.
- Right.
- And then cuts twins.
- They should do one now, but it's just like shit you don't like.
I hate all these mass shootings.
- Toxic masculine.
- But I like twins.
- Like the Minnesota twins.
- Damn, it's really...
Beer commercials went a different way.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Let me just say, back to the hand job, foot job, blow job.
- Okay.
- Hand job is good.
- Yeah.
- Foot job is good.
Blow job, good.
Boob job is worked on.
You see what I'm saying?
You fuck a foot, you fuck a hand, you fuck a mouth for a blow job, hand job,
foot job,
but a boob job means you got your boobs done.
- Right.
- It's called a titty fuck.
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
- You see what I'm saying?
- All right.
Shouldn't have brought it up.
- Yeah.
- I think I got something there.
- No.
- Yeah, those guys all do, one is, three of them are all work.
- For the dick.
- And one is getting, is like the object, you're getting work done.
- Yeah, yeah.
It's not fucking tits.
- Yeah.
- Whereas fucking a foot is a foot job.
- A butt job, though, is a butt fuck.
- Oh yeah, butt job.
- Yeah.
- No, no, butt job means you got a lift.
- Yes.
- Yeah, a lift.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Interesting.
- A lift?
In England, there's an elevator.
- Or the opposite of Uber.
- Right.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Back to twins.
- And twins.
- That's what beer used to be.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I was reading about them 'cause the guys who made it,
like, they're like, yeah, you can't, they hated it.
And they wanted it to sound like a Limp Bizkit song.
They're like, this is like America.
- Yeah.
- You know?
And they get, it's hilarious that someone wrote that jingle.
- I know.
- That's someone's job.
- Got paid a lot of money for that.
- Right.
- And they said they hated it.
They had like, they had a meeting.
I read this article about it.
They said everyone hated it.
And they had this meeting.
They're like, this idea sucks.
But then they heard all their other ideas and they were way worse.
- Oh.
- I thought you were gonna say you took it to a focus group
and everybody was like high-fiving, chest bumping each other.
Like, I guess we suck.
- Yeah.
- Just fucking people in the thing.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, dude.
It was, but apparently they're like, trust us.
The twins thing is gonna work.
And it fucking blew up.
This was huge.
- Yeah.
- It blew up.
- Oh, sorry.
- It came out.
It was like, I think it came out like right before 9/11 too.
I think it was like early.
- Oh.
- Right.
- Yeah.
- Back before it all went to shit.
- Yeah.
- What about the-
- And twin towers.
Sorry.
- Oh, twin towers.
That's great.
That's great.
- And twins.
- What about the real men of genius?
That was another Bud Light ad and that was killer.
Was that Bud Light?
- Yeah, it was.
- Yeah, that was a really well done ad.
- Is it ironic that that's a Coors Light commercial that came out during the
Bush administration?
- Inside job.
- Ah, Bush Light.
- It's all those commercials.
Remember Bud Weiser was the frogs too?
- Oh, that was big.
- Bud Weiser.
That was like just sloppy frogs.
- Yeah.
Then there was Watsa.
- Oh, yeah.
- Was that Bud Light?
- What was that?
- Or was that Taco Bell?
Watsa.
They even did it on Scream.
The movie.
- Yeah.
Hanging around.
- The films were big 'cause everyone watched them.
- Yeah.
- Bud was.
- Now we skip them all.
- We were forced to watch them.
- You were forced and it brought the country together.
- Yeah.
- All right, what do we got here?
What are you doing?
- Oh, do you remember this one?
This is a take off of the Ann Twins one.
- Okay.
- No, this is way before Ann Twins, dude.
- Oh, it was?
Oh, yeah, it must be.
It's '90s.
- This is early '90s, yeah.
- I guess all these ads were the same back then.
- This blew my mind when I saw it.
- Thank you.
- I'm just kidding.
- See, the beauty of this joke or this sketch is there's no hate.
- No.
- It's just they're having a blast.
- No.
- Oh, Farley, so good.
There's not one word in this ad.
Gold.
- I think there's a tagline at