Name: Ep 136: Ali Siddiq & Rum Punch
Uploaded: 2023-07-17T01:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 136: Ali Siddiq & Rum Punch' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 136: Ali Siddiq & Rum Punch' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

Ep 136: Ali Siddiq & Rum Punch

Chappelle, Rock, Burr, Wong, Mulaney, Maniscalco, Kreischer, Hart, Netflix paid
them handsomely.
And with whatever money they had left over, they got this guy.
And I grew up in Louisiana. I grew up a lot of homophobia. I grew up with a guy
who hated gay people.
He was obsessed with gay guys taking the rainbow. That was like his big beef.
Gay guys took the rainbow. I'm like, that might be the gayest complaint I've
ever heard in my entire life.
I'm doing all right. You know, I had sex with my wife today, or as she calls it,
micro-dosing.
And I remember one time I left the abortion clinic with a lady and there was a
guy protesting.
He goes, you're a goddamn murderer. I was like, I don't know about murder. I
really more just hired a hitman.
Yeah, men even treat their dicks like kids. We wash it, we take care of it, we
name it.
We go, you want to see a photo? People go, no thank you.
The only difference is, you beat your kid at the mall, nobody stops you.
Mark Norman, Soup to Nuts.
Another reason why women are better than men, you don't see a lot of female
school shooters.
What's going on there?
I googled it, there's been two.
Oh, anybody ever heard of them?
Whether it's gun violence or the WNBA.
Nobody's watching these female shooters.
The special he's been waiting for.
All right.
Yeah.
Hey.
Comedy.
All right.
Good to be here, guys.
Salak, you're apparently eating Chinese food during the episode.
Dressed like Hunter S. Thompson lost his job over here.
Look at this guy.
This is, jeez, I don't know why I'm drawing a blank, the guy who was stuck on
the island.
Gilligan.
Barry Gilligan today.
Yes.
Did it say Happy Father's Day, Dad?
Oh, yeah.
You're Gatherer S. Thompson.
There we go.
I mean, whatever they give you, you have to wear.
You can't, like...
Oh, they gave you that?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought you bought it at a thrift store.
Because it's kind of got a cool old look.
Yeah.
You know the guy...
You ever see something about Mary?
There's that weird guy who gets...
He's like, Mary's my girl.
And it says a dance contest winner.
Yes, holy shit.
That's what that reminds me of.
The guy who shoots the guy in the end.
Yes, yes.
That's you, dude.
It's a deep cut.
Deep reference.
Deep.
But hey, here we are.
It's summer in New York City.
Manhattan's hot.
I was sweating, dude.
And it's like there's noise everywhere.
It's like if there's a space where there's no noise, there's like a guy who
comes in to make noise.
There was a guy singing the Candyman on the subway.
And I'm like, he had candy.
The doo-wop song?
No.
The Candyman Can.
And he had a bucket of lollipops.
I'm like, who's taking those lollipops?
Literally rule number one is you don't take lollipops from strangers.
We were on the street the other day and some guy goes, you want my album?
And I go, I'm good.
He goes, I'll sign it.
I go, give me the album.
And you're like, what are you doing?
That's fucking rookie shit.
He's going to charge you.
I know.
It was like a mixtape.
What did it cost you?
He got me out of there.
I got him out of it.
You don't do that.
After he signed it over?
No, he didn't sign it.
Oh, okay.
What, you think he knew his name that quickly?
I was on it.
I was like, stop it.
That's a rookie move.
Take my album.
What, do they give you the album and they want money?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
They'll go, that'll be 20 bucks.
And you're like, oh, I thought it was free.
And they're like, who said it was free?
Yeah.
That's the whole day.
That's the whole day.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, you saved me there.
That was bad.
I felt like a real hayseed.
I felt like a real pecker would.
You would have done the same.
No, those guys are actually dangerous.
That's what I'm saying.
There was a shootout in Times Square with those guys with the cops.
What?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
There was a shootout between the CD signing guys.
The cops tried to stop them.
They ran and they shot it out with the cops.
Whoa.
That would help the album.
The value.
Street cred, baby.
Yeah.
50 cent.
He got shot.
And then when they go to jail, they have to give up the albums.
Oh, yeah.
When they go in, they get them.
That's true.
They have a record.
Yeah.
Do you think they're still trading cigarettes in jail?
They got to.
I heard ramen was number one.
Really?
Currency, yeah.
Then cigarettes.
I feel like it's shrimp ramen is number one.
Then chicken, then beef.
Yeah, seafood is the higher quality.
Higher quality ramen, but.
Yeah, it's always on a Chinese menu.
It'll be like, or Thai.
It's like, pick a protein, chicken, and beef, $8.99.
Shrimp.
$10.99.
Yeah.
Always.
Love a good shrimp.
And they give you less.
Aha.
It's not a galaxy of shrimp.
Shrimp stew, shrimp gumbo, shrimp creole, shrimp pasta, shrimp bread, shrimp
and grits.
And yet it's an insult.
You're a shrimp.
Ah, that's true.
Yeah.
Bubba Gump shrimp.
Thank you, Bubba Gump.
Yeah.
All right.
That guy had a bad run, man.
He fucking, he dies, and then he gets all the proceeds.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good point.
That's a tough life.
Yeah.
Tough movie.
That was back when they always killed the black guy in like the first half of
the movie.
Oh, yeah.
That was, the 90s were tough.
And then they had the nerve to make the Green Mile, which was like, we need
another angelic
soothsayer, soothsayer, prophet, black guy.
They do that with everything.
Legend of Bagger Vance, the other one, you know, it's always like the black guy
who's
who knows all or gets killed.
Shawshank.
Shawshank.
And every judge in a movie is black.
But it was a happy ending, at least, in Shawshank.
That's true.
I mean, they were in prison, but.
Yeah, they met up with him at the boat.
Yeah, that wouldn't be, you need that Hollywood happy ending.
Yeah.
I got a good record for you guys, and I bet you've seen it.
Oh, please.
Criterion, saw it the other night.
Night Moves with.
Hackman.
Gene Hackman.
Yeah, I love that movie.
I don't know Night Moves.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
Great movie.
81, 80.
76, I think.
Same time around, like, Thief came out.
Did you ever see Thief?
Before Thief.
I haven't seen that one.
I know Thief.
Okay.
Night Moves.
Who directed that?
Is that?
Arthur Penn.
Wow.
A little Bonnie and Clyde action.
Is that based on the song by Bob Seger?
No, not at all.
I think it's in the movie.
It's not.
I bet it is.
They used to do that.
They used to put them together, like, staying alive.
I would have noticed it.
It was, like, a slow Florida sweaty noir.
Ooh.
In 75.
Wow.
In 75.
Yeah, it was good, man.
All right, I'll tell this.
I love Hackman.
Right up my anal.
I'm down.
Night Moves.
I'm trying to watch every, sorry, I'm trying to watch every Tarantino made a
top 10 movies.
What have you watched from it?
Well, I saw Blowout.
That's on there.
That's a great one.
Great movie.
That was a wreck from a few weeks back for me.
That's right.
The Young Travolta.
Yeah.
And a couple other ones.
What else you got here?
Directors love De Palma, I feel like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a director's director.
That's true.
No one else really likes him.
He did Scarface.
I like him.
I'll give him that.
He wrote it.
I don't think he directed it.
Really?
Oh, did he direct it?
Who directed Scarface?
I thought he did direct it.
Oh, De Palma directed it.
Oh, okay.
I got to see.
The first, the second one I have not seen, His Girl Friday, that's a classic.
Yeah.
That's like a farce, right?
Pandora's Box.
Yeah, I haven't seen that.
See, there's a lot of these.
Unfaithful Years, never seen that.
Five Graves to Cairo, never seen that.
Billy Wilder, damn, I should see that.
Yeah.
All right, good list.
Dude, I got another one for you.
Another movie I just watched, and it's because, it's weird.
I'm reading the Steve Jobs book.
I'm almost done with it.
It's really good.
Yeah.
Walter Isaacson one.
Interesting guy.
Amazingly interesting.
The thing he did with the license plate, he never bought a car, he just kept leasing
it.
He had all these little hacks.
I'm not up to that.
Oh, it gets good.
So you can't get a ticket if you have a dealer plate.
That was it.
So he kept getting a new car for three months so he can get a dealer plate.
So he'd get caught speeding, and they'd be like, well, we can't write you a
ticket.
He had all these little genius twists.
What the hell is Beer Jew doing over there?
This is a lot that's going on here.
Wow.
Get a shot of that, somebody.
Do not zing the Beer Jew this week.
He's got a weapon.
I know.
What is going on?
I heard you bumped into Jay Leno about a month ago.
Burning Man.
What are we doing here?
We're doing a little special twist.
Beer Jew twist on a rum punch.
Get a whiff of that.
Oof.
Wow.
The guest is going to shit on this.
This is great.
No, this is fun.
Look at that.
The chalice, the fruit, the stabby thing.
I love it.
It's a pomegranate banana rum punch.
There you go.
That's a fucking...
Gives it one fart up.
That's...
Yeah.
Get that all out before our guest comes.
I don't think he's going to like you farting on him very much.
This is one I'm actually nervous for you.
Yeah, let's get going.
This is one I don't think you can pull off.
Well, we'll see.
He doesn't want to go back to the pen.
I'll tell you that.
I know, but I think just like reflexes are going to kick in.
That's true.
That's true.
He might stab me with a sharpened toothbrush.
But we're giving too much away here.
It does come with a pick, so be careful.
Oh, true.
It's got a weapon.
All right, I got to try this.
So this is a rum punch with a...
By the way, welcome back from Australia.
Oh, hey.
Good to be back across the pond.
Ooh, that is delicious.
Oh, man.
It actually tastes healthy.
It's good.
It's tropical for the summer.
We're good, you know?
Very nice.
What fruit is in there?
There is pomegranate, cranberry, pineapple, orange, and the rum is plantation
banana rum.
Hey, don't pull that out with the guest.
All right, what else you got, huh?
Cool whip?
All right, all right.
Getting it all out before he gets here.
But Australia, really, you got to go.
I talked to the promoter.
He said they're interested in you.
So, but yeah, great time.
It's a whole different world over there, obviously.
It's a 20-hour flight.
Flew, coach!
Why?
Just, you know, I got to stay with the people.
All right.
No, I flew first class there, which was unbelievable.
That was the best part of the whole trip.
And then I flew coach back just to get me back to Earth.
Because it was so fun.
You get treated so well.
You get a tour manager.
He goes out with you.
You have a tour manager.
Yeah.
I've never had one.
It's a game changer.
Yeah, it's nice.
The car's there when you need it.
Hey, I never got any club soda.
Oh, I got a club soda coming in hot.
You know, all that shit was great.
I hope you're using him for more than just the club soda.
I barely used him.
I didn't know what to do.
And he was like, you're the easiest artist I've ever had.
I couldn't believe how easy this was.
I was like, we went out every night drinking.
It was great.
That is the weird thing about the road.
I forget how unhealthy we are sometimes.
On stage, it's like a throwaway.
I didn't even mean it to be funny.
But I said, you know, so we're trying to be healthy on the road.
I mean, we do drink every night.
And that gets like a huge laugh.
I was like, oh, I guess that's not healthy at all.
Yeah, forget about that.
We would just pound like a bottle of wine, you know, before I'd go on.
But then, you know, the next day, I did two weeks on the road.
I did it on the tour bus.
So we were, you know, we were hitting it pretty fucking hard.
That's what you got to do.
But the thing is, you know what happens is you get really drunk at night.
And then your whole day is recovery.
You hit a sauna.
You hit the gym.
You're just trying to get that boost.
We hit the steam room every day.
Steam room every day.
Sweat it out.
And then you drink again that night.
Because you have to reward yourself for all the recovery you did.
It's a vicious cycle.
It's a vicious cycle that ends at 46.
He'll be dead very soon.
Kreischer did it.
He's still going.
I d