Name: Ep 140: Just For Laughs in Montreal (On Location)
Uploaded: 2023-08-14T01:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 140: Just For Laughs in Montreal (On Location)' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 140: Just For Laughs in Montreal (On Location)' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Ep 140: Just For Laughs in Montreal (On Location)

Yo, yo, we're live from Montreal!
Bonjour, queefs! Here we are in the W Hotel en Rue Hohen!
I feel like we're in a Mad Men episode here, but with burnouts. We're in a
boardroom here. This is fucking great.
Yes, all white men, drinking. Here we are!
We need a secretary to come in here and say, "That'll be all Peggy!"
Yeah, and wear the shorter skirt next time. I gotta tell you, this is the first
time I've booked a conference room in my entire life.
Yeah, I'm sure we're gonna be saying shit in here that's not normally said.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're talking about how many drink tickets we earn this
quarter, or whatever.
We're joined by the hilarious Jeffrey Asmus, who has a new special, "The Only
Funny White Man" on YouTube now.
Yes. One of the funniest comics worth it. Killer!
Watch it. Yeah, watch it right now.
Mark Norman has a hot new Netflix special, "Soup to Nuts".
Check it out. Killing it.
It's number two. It's only downhill from here!
Yeah, baby.
But while we're on the top, let's ride the wave.
Number one is "The Sound of Freedom" though.
Is there really? I don't know.
I think that's on like 4chan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's huge on 4chan.
I don't know what channel that even is.
And hey, Madison Square Garden Theater, November 4th.
Oh, yes.
Get the fuck on it. I'll see you there.
Hello. Is that still "The Wah-Moo"?
"The Wah-Moo"?
"The Wah-Moo"?
It used to be called "The Wah-Moo".
Oh, shit. No, never mind.
"Washington Mutual"?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's even better.
Good. Fuck "The Wah-Moo".
Sounds better. The Hulu.
There you go.
"The Wah-Moo".
Fucking Jessica Kirsten.
"The Wah-Wa"?
Finally. "The Wah-Wa".
Are you doing "Tomorrow Too", honey"?
Oh, we're out of here.
You're done, bitch.
Your whole career's over.
He's out of this town.
We may or may not have a rotating group of surprise guests
coming this episode.
I'm excited for it.
I hope you guys enjoy this.
Yeah.
Who knows will pop in.
It's gonna be like a variety show in the 50s.
It's gonna be with booze and less cigarettes.
And all white.
Yeah.
Well...
We mix it up.
Yes.
No, we're progressive.
One.
We'll see what happens.
But yeah, here we are in a conference room.
It's Montreal's right outside.
We're doing the fest.
We did a weird show last night.
That was crazy.
That was terrifying.
Yeah.
Sorry you guys had to see that set.
That was...
We did a show for Meta, which was only crowd work.
Meta World Peace.
Meta World Peace.
The money was bad, but he did beat the shit out of us,
which was cool.
And...
No, we got...
We're doing it for Meta, so they're like, no Zuckerberg jokes.
Fine, whatever.
I'm sure Musk would do the same shit to us if it was a Twitter show.
Sure.
They'll do an X show soon.
They'll do an X show, right.
Yeah.
It's not even...
Oh, yeah.
He changed it.
It's threads.
It's all over the place.
But, you know, they're saying like, you can't...
They literally, as we get there, it's PG-13 and Mark and I just look at each
other
like, we are trained in pedo abortion and mass shooting jokes.
Right.
That's all we got.
What does PG-13 even mean?
It means like...
It's so like...
It's vague.
Opaque.
It means nothing.
Yeah, PG-13.
That's great.
She's all that.
That was a funny movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All those great PG-13 comedies.
Yeah, exactly.
And they tell you right before you go on.
PG-13.
No bullying, too.
Didn't they tell you that?
No bullying.
No bullying.
That's the whole point of crowd work.
I know.
That's the only fun part of interacting with people.
Exactly.
Does anyone go to a live comedy show and go, I was bullied?
I was bullied.
I think it's probably happened.
It's insane.
My hair.
That was really funny.
When he asked me what I did.
Yeah.
You have a great job.
Hey, have you lost weight?
Yeah.
Whatever you're doing is working.
I don't understand that.
I know.
All these rules.
They always try to put comedy in this weird box.
It's like when they give you a corporate gig.
Like, just go up and do four hours.
Clean.
No cursing.
And don't talk about the company or money or women.
You're like, what the fuck?
Oh, but the best...
Every once in a blue moon, you get a corporate where they just know who you are.
And they're like...
They let you rock.
Really?
I remember I did one for lawyers.
And it was literally...
The comic before me told like eight minutes of abortion jokes.
And I was like, well, I guess we can just do...
They didn't give a shit.
Yeah.
Lawyers, they've dealt with shit.
They can't act like high and mighty.
That makes sense.
Yeah, that's true.
But man, I don't think I've done well on one corporate.
True thing.
I love these lawyers.
Yeah, if you guys do a lot, I feel like you're not...
I mean, if they've got money to hire us, they're bad lawyers.
Right.
They're evil.
They got fucking...
They're like, we got Epstein protected for 10 years, but do not make...
No cursing.
Don't do any...
Offend pedophiles, but you can't talk about pedophiles.
Right.
Sure, sure, sure.
Right.
And the worse the company, the more rules they have.
Like I did one for their big pharma.
Oh, wow.
And they kicked me out.
I got fired.
I got yelled at.
It was ugly.
They kicked you out of the show?
Oh, God.
I mean, I called her fat.
No, no.
But...
But they gave her Ozempic because she felt bad.
She was fat.
Yeah.
Their pills weren't working.
Exactly.
Their diet pills suck.
Get the Ozempic.
That's why they got Ozempic was you made fun of his wife.
He's like, we need to get you on a pill, honey.
They invented it.
We need to get a better diet pill.
But yeah, I did a vibrator joke and she was like, oh, how dare you?
And she walked out and I was like, oh, look at this dumb idiot.
And it was the wife of the CEO.
Oh, my God.
That's what it always is.
Someone who doesn't even work there.
Always.
I mean, I did a thing once for Delta Dental or something.
You know, it's like an insurance thing.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And oh, my God.
They were like, we were furious.
And I was like, who's we?
It's like, it was the wife.
There you go.
About just your act in general.
It's always a wife.
I'm like, you're not even supposed to be here.
Why are you at this?
It's a company.
Don't you have your own life?
Why don't you go home and cook them a fucking hot meal?
I think there's a subconscious thing where they're like, I want to kind of make
this about
me because it's not my company.
It's not my hire.
It's not my shit.
My husband's very successful.
I feel kind of bad.
Maybe your husband works too much.
You don't feel like you get attention.
You found a way to get attention.
Exactly.
Or she's mad.
She doesn't have a vibrator.
And her husband hasn't made her come in decades.
And she's realizing she's unfulfilled.
Well, they did make Bluetooth.
So they're doing something.
Did they really?
Yeah, they did all.
It was the big drug thing.
Oh, wow.
And I went down swinging.
I was like, you guys are all fucking drug dealers.
You're killing the country.
You're not putting me out of there.
Opioid addiction.
You got taken out in a headlock.
Yeah.
You were just screaming, look what you did to Appalachia as you get dragged off
the stage.
Yeah.
I just yelled fentanyl.
Yeah, fentanyl.
Oh, my God.
I was getting tased.
Don't tase me, bro.
Jeff, what are you doing while you're here?
What shows?
I've been here for a week.
What?
I've been here for eight days, actually.
Yeah, I've been here since last Tuesday.
Oh, are you climbing the walls?
This town is beautiful.
The people suck.
Oh, yeah.
These French Canadians are the biggest.
I hate to be racist, but I kind of hate them.
I really dislike them.
Snooty.
They're all snooty about speaking French.
Cut the French.
Like, I'll be on a counter, like, bonjour.
I'm like, hi.
They're like, bonjour, as if I'm going to suddenly know how to speak French.
You're a mile from Vermont.
Drop the charade.
Drop the charade.
Jesus Christ.
They're clinging to this culture.
Not a mile, an hour.
Sorry.
It's not far.
I guess they passed a law like a year ago that everything has to be in French.
It's like a French dictatorship here.
They've taken over.
I had to buy a shirt, and I'm checking out, and I'm like, I guess I can do this.
I'm doing self-checkout in French.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
They don't have English options.
It's like a law.
The English people here are like second-class citizens.
Whoa.
They're like really clinging to this loser heritage.
Yeah.
They're like really proud to be French.
Yeah, right?
Italian's cool, but French?
I know.
What are you?
It's lame.
I don't get it.
But yeah.
Wow, that is tough.
Good food, though.
Good food here.
I've had poutine like seven times.
It's great.
Oh, I can't eat that shit.
You're not fat.
I don't get it.
You're not fat.
No one's fat here.
They smoke.
Yeah.
It might be the cigarette.
There is no like tubs walking around here.
No, it's weird.
Well, that's the women in France.
The women are beautiful.
Yeah, the women here are beautiful.
It's insane.
The thing with the women in France, all they do is eat cheese and drink wine,
and they're
what?
90 pounds soaked.
Yeah, it's insane.
Yeah.
No, what do you call it?
Processed.
Yeah.
All the food's really natural.
It's incredible.
It's kind of a great place.
It's kind of good.
The audiences are stupid as hell.
I agree.
They don't, they don't, when we were here, it was the French version of the
festival.
We were the only English show.
Oh, why were they putting that?
So the audience is like, half of them don't really speak English.
So every time I'd do like a joke that was a little smarter, they'd be like,
what?
Yeah.
What?
Oui, oui.
No, no.
You just had to say pussy.
And then they'd be like, oh, okay.
Okay.
We like that.
That's funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
It's like, where's Gad?
Where's Gad?
Oh, yeah.
That's their guy.
Emily.
So bad.
There's like a whole scene here of French comics, I guess, who are like superstars
here.
Really?
And they'll do like 20,000 person shows, but just in Quebec.
I know.
Isn't that weird though?
But then they're like, you're right next to America and you can't do shit.
Yeah.
They don't do English comedy.
It's crazy.
They go to Paris or something.
Except for the host of the nasty show, this guy, Mike Ward, he does in English.
Oh, I heard he's really funny.
He's really funny.
And he got, he's the guy who went to the Supreme Court here for a joke.
He got.
That's him.
Yeah.
And he talks about it.
He like made fun of this, like, I don't know, maybe retarded.
I don't know if that's the word, but yeah.
A kid who was kept saying he was going to die, but didn't die.
And everyone kept giving him money.
And he made a joke, like just die already or something.
That's not.
And they like sued him and he won though eventually in the Supreme Court.
Yeah.
But the fact that it took his time.
It took like year.
It went to three levels of court cases or something.
Isn't that funny though?
If they made, if they made like a movie about this, he would be the good guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just fucking die already.
And like, he's our hero.
Yeah.
He hated on the retard.
Yeah.
What a credit though.
Yeah.
Next guy at the Supreme Court.
Yeah.
Canada's like, they're like a passive aggressive fascist.
Oh my God.
Remember there was that comedian who got an HBO special.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he just won.
His whole thing was like, I'm dying.
Oh, I know who you're talking about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Ellen was like, he's dying and I'm producing.
Oh yeah.
Named after a famous music producer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he just, and he just.
He's alive to this day.
It was, it was like, it seemed like it was, uh, you know, six months to live.
He said he had terminal cancer.
Yeah.
That was eight years ago.
I bet.
It's a shitty move.
Cause now people are mad.
You're alive.
Yeah.
You're still around.
Fuck you.
You can't do another special.
No.
What do you do after that?
I'm about to die.
Special.
You're like, dating's weird.
Well, he's like the Sandler and funny people guy.
Oh, right.
Well now he's like, Oh, well I'm just, although, you know, wait, what was that
premise again?
Well, he was, you know, he was about to die and funny pe