Name: Ep 146: Rick Glassman & Boy Are His Arms Tired
Uploaded: 2023-09-25T01:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 146: Rick Glassman & Boy Are His Arms Tired' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 146: Rick Glassman & Boy Are His Arms Tired' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-25. Transcript available.

Ep 146: Rick Glassman & Boy Are His Arms Tired

Are we going yet?
No, not yet.
Got it!
That's why we need a BTS cam.
You got that right.
But also, if we're starting.
I don't know.
Want to start?
Do you guys do, like, a start, like, welcome?
I don't remember.
You just did it.
That was, that could start it, yeah.
Hey, good start.
Welcome!
Yeah!
Welcome to the dungeon.
We got fun and games.
Our buddy, Rick Glassman in the city.
Woo!
Fanny pack out.
Hair's looking nice and cut, snipped.
Moist.
Yes.
Your hair can handle this weather.
Yeah, I look at my hair like a cake.
I like it to be, you know,
moist.
Sweet.
Dark.
And I don't want to put it in my mouth.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't want to come all over it.
Yeah.
I'm fucking my hair.
That's a porno site, sitting on, girls sitting on cakes.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I started it.
Really?
No, no.
But it's a site.
It's a...
Oh, I mean, you, like, started watching it.
No, it's a fetish.
Oh, is that, you thought you made it start it?
Like, I just started watching Suits.
Yeah.
I thought you made it founded it.
That's what I was going for.
Well, I get you.
Thank you.
Yeah, man.
Well, it's great to have you here.
Yeah, tell it to your face.
Should we lump the audience in on what we said?
What the fuck, dude?
No, no, no.
At the beginning, we walked in.
I don't know if you reveal this kind of stuff,
but you said y'all just had done a podcast,
and I just did a podcast,
and we're all a little bit like,
at least I am.
Yeah.
So you're like, happy you're here.
Well, podcasts are the new gym.
Like, I don't even work out anymore.
I just do pods all day,
and then I'm, like, exhausted.
Yeah.
I often look at gyms like cakes.
Like, I love them.
You just can't have them too much,
and I prefer when they're black.
Yeah.
They're moist from the sweat before you.
Come all over them.
Yeah.
When are we starting?
Oh, no.
Was that on for real?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
We got to delete all that.
No, I'm just kidding.
Oh, my God.
Good to see you there, man.
Damn, that cum stuff could get you canceled.
Oh, yeah.
It's better coming than going.
They still have a place called Cum and Go.
It's a fanny pack.
Yeah, I started it.
Is the fanny pack back?
Oh, it's back.
It offers a great utility,
and I'm not going to decide what is back
and what isn't when it offers me stuff.
I just did another podcast.
My arms are tired,
and I have external hard drives.
I have my sunglasses.
I have my headphones.
It's too little for a backpack.
Right.
Too much for my pockets.
It's a purgatory.
You're in a limbo gray area.
Middle ground.
Thank you.
I don't like my cake.
Yeah, cake.
That's a no gray hair.
Good band.
Yeah.
Which one?
Cake.
Oh, yeah.
They got some stuff.
Oh, I love them.
Yeah, they were good.
They were good.
But what's going on here?
A baggie seems to be in.
These clothes are flowier than a loose labia.
Careful.
Okay.
You look hip without trying, I feel like.
Oh, he's trying.
Come on.
I forgot.
What's the name of this?
Is this Kill Tony?
Why are we busting my balls?
No, no.
I'm just saying.
We're saying you look good.
You look like cake.
You know, moist.
Black and you want to come all over me.
Yeah.
Put that out.
I don't mind a white cake.
What do you call that?
Vanilla?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're just grabbing their tits?
Yeah, I'm grabbing the cake.
I like this because this is unlike our other guests.
Yeah.
This is a different energy and I love it.
Did you like the other energy too?
No.
Well, we won't say who it is.
No, it was good.
But his name rhymes with Black Mulfen.
Edit that out again.
I had an idea.
I don't know who it was.
I was trying to do a name, but clearly you're not going to figure out who it is.
Oh, okay, okay.
If I said Mavid Wade, you would know who I was talking about.
David Spade?
I was thinking Dwayne Wade.
Oh, jeez.
We're all...
Our periods aren't synced.
Do me a favor, just for the sake of people wanting to watch the rest of this,
start it now.
Thank you.
Are we starting now?
Cake.
Wow.
You could keep on it.
All right.
Keep it in.
You heard him.
Boys, it's good to be back.
Yeah.
Good to have you back.
Hey, you got your own merch.
Oh, yeah.
Look at you.
And we're back.
That's not the only merch I got for us.
You guys already have them, but I never gave you your own.
So, might as well do that on here, because I told you about them on here.
Not these gay cards.
Yeah, I was going to give you one.
Don't we have...
Isn't this what we have framed right here?
Yeah.
Oh, if you don't like it, if you don't want it set for yourselves, then let's
not worry
about it.
I want a fucking set.
I'll sell them at a pawn shop.
Well, if you don't...
I mean...
No one's going to buy it.
But I'd love to have the card.
Yeah, I'll give it to you.
Give us the fucking card, dude.
Yeah, it's merch.
All right.
I'll take out my vaccine card, and I'll put that in its place.
We don't need those anymore.
Who are you?
I don't know.
Do you know him yet?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah, I know him.
How would you describe him?
Oh, jeez.
What are we doing?
Therapy?
This feels like couples therapy.
If you were a pastry, how would you describe him?
A pastry.
Okay, that I can do.
A croissant.
He's flaky.
All right.
I'll give you that.
He's dry as shit.
He's dry.
He's only good in the mornings.
But I'm always happy to see him.
Hey.
How would you describe him as a pastry?
A baked good?
Well, bagel is the easy out, you know, with the semitism.
Pro, but let's see.
But semitism, nonetheless.
Yeah.
Semite.
You don't hear too much about pro-semitism.
No, you don't.
Pastry, I would go English.
No, no, that's not a pastry.
I would go.
Yeah, anything that's baked in an oven.
English muffin.
English muffin.
How so?
Because it's every, you can have one every day, but it's also a little classier.
Oh.
You know?
Thank you.
But you can also put horse shit on it, you know?
You can put, you know, Cheetos and peanut butter.
So you can go either way.
What kind of English muffins do you make?
Yeah, I've got Cheetos on here.
Cheeto, peanut butter, English muffins?
Well, I was thinking of something kind of down and dirty.
I love an English muffin.
Okay.
You like a croissant?
Yeah.
I got into croissants maybe two years ago.
If that, I never liked them because I don't really like butter and they taste
buttery.
Oh, that's the best part.
Well, I got into them and then I started eating them every day.
Every day.
Like, I was like, I want to go get a coffee.
And I didn't always get a coffee.
Four days a week.
But I would always walk to the place and I want to look at the croissants.
Oh, yeah.
Did you just fart?
Did I fart?
No.
You didn't just fart?
Did you hear that?
I didn't hear it.
His body just makes sounds.
I just, I said, I love croissants and I'm looking at you.
And I just hear, I had a, it was the couch.
There's a girl I'm seeing and I farted and she goes, did you fart?
And I said, no, but I did.
Yeah.
And I lied, you know?
And then she goes, and then I was like, all right, I did.
And she goes, well, now I can't trust you.
And I was like, like, that's, you know, indicative of all of my behavior.
Like, as if I cheat on her and it's the same way I would respond to a fart.
Yeah.
Where she's like, did you cheat on me?
And I'd be like, yes.
Right.
Would you rather tell her that you cheated than you farted?
If you did both.
I think you got to tell both.
That's what she's saying.
That's what she's saying.
I get it, but I don't think it's a different, it's a different level.
Are you not comfortable farting in front of your girl?
No, I am.
I was just trying to be silly with it, you know?
Is she cool with it?
Yeah.
But I think, here's the thing.
You should be comfortable with it, but you shouldn't get greedy with it.
Kind of like, with great power comes great responsibility.
Absolutely.
You're like the Spider-Man.
Yeah.
Yes.
Or the Venom.
Taisocards.com.
I'll send you a picture.
There you go.
But yeah, I fart in front of the lady, and you're right.
I get greedy sometimes when I'm like...
Does she think it's funny?
She does it with the first toot, and then if I really elephant Titus, that she's
not into.
Well, it's hard to segue that into being like, you want to go to the bedroom?
Yeah, yeah.
You can't.
You got to keep the romance alive as well.
We're not doing it in the bedroom?
That's what I let them fly.
The Dutch oven.
I know it's childish, but it's fucking amazing.
Is that cultural appropriation?
Yeah.
To fart under the covers if you're not Dutch?
Good point.
A little different with a Jew, too.
A little insensitive.
What do you mean?
Well, there's some history there.
What are you saying?
The Dutch.
I love the Dutch.
What were you saying about bagels?
English muffin.
No, but farting goes either way.
My girl and I, we met...
What's his name?
Oh, you said girl.
What would it matter?
You said that my cards were gay, that I'm gay.
What do you have against gay people?
I wish I was gay.
Well, you can be.
It is a choice.
Edit that out.
But my girl or guy and I, before we even met, because we met online and it's
long distance
and we would FaceTime all the time.
What app?
It wasn't an app.
You met on Instagram?
It's just, I went, I found her business.
Nice.
And by the way, her business, as far as this is concerned, is none your
business.
So, I don't like giving too much away in my personal life.
Ooh, is those nachos?
Because this is nacho business.
Okay.
That was a thing when I was a kid.
No, I remember.
Nacho cheese.
There's a restaurant where I'm from and they're called not so fries because
they're not like
your typical fries.
And I would always think like, whose fries are these?
They're not so fries.
Better than Nazi fries.
Yeah.
Those are bad fries.
Very bad.
Nazi fries.
Not good.
It's crazy.
Burnt to a crisp.
Yeah.
All right.
You know, I had a comic say to me recently, because I posted a clip where a guy
said perform
Jew and he's a heavier comic and he goes, do you get that a lot?
Perform what?
He yelled out perform Jew, trying to be funny.
Oh, when I eat a French dip.
I'm sorry.
Ah.
Jew.
Yeah.
Bless you.
I'm really, I'm really feeling myself forcing a couple of jokes in here.
Don't force.
But I want to make sure I have a safe space to force the jokes.
Yeah.
Always a safe.
Always a safe.
Go ahead.
Use the force.
I don't know if we've had one good one yet, but we're getting it.
But I want to hear about this.
Always a heavier guy and he goes, you get the Jew thing along the stage.
I'm like, no, it's very rare.
And he goes, you know, because sometimes people will yell out at me that I'm
fat.
Ah.
I was like, well, it's different, isn't it?
I mean, first off, there's never been a fat holocaust.
True.
You know, they'd be harder to hide.
Well, if the Jews are running, it would be a holocaust.
Can we keep that one in?
Keep it in.
Holabred.
We've reviewed it.
Yeah.
I guess a personal trainer is kind of like a genocide for fat people.
But you're paying for it.
You don't pay for a genocide.
Oh, yeah.
I guess you're right.
Yeah, but we're still paying for it.
We are.
And that was also not our choice.
True.
Good point.
You guys are obsessed with paying.
What are you doing now?
Why do you do that stuff?
All right.
Keep going.
Can we do, can we do, Rick is.
Bad first date.
Rick, you're great at improv.
Can you do a scene where you're, Mark is getting disciplined for making pedophile
jokes.
You work at an office.
You're the boss.
So he's not a comedian.
He's not a comedian.
You're in a, you're in a, you're HR.
Okay.
Mark is, you work at a, let's get a suggestion.
Where do I work at?
Come out here.
Where does he work?
A law office?
Got it.
Mark's a lawyer.
Yeah, they're perfect.
I'm a lawyer.
I've been rewatching Suits.
Well, I founded it and I get it.
I get this stuff.
So great.
So you will be an associate or maybe a junior partner.
Sure.
And I am HR or I'm upper, a lawyer that is like higher status.
Yeah.
Be an upper lawyer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'm the new guy.
Your name's on the door.
You're a big shot.
I'm a name partner.
Sure.
I'm a name partner.
I'll tell you, we had a couple of Girl Scouts try and sell us cookies.
I'd lik