Name: Ep 147: Roy Wood Jr.
Uploaded: 2023-10-02T01:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 147: Roy Wood Jr.' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 147: Roy Wood Jr.' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-02. Transcript available.

Ep 147: Roy Wood Jr.

you want to get into it sure all right let's rock where were you i was here
this weekend oh nice i
was just doing the cellar i'm back out tomorrow where are you going well there's
even any point
in saying on this because it's going to be this is coming out so far right i'm
just curious oh
burlington albany providence northampton mass but it's fun i'm like you know
what yeah we're on
well this is some bullshit we're here so uh should you turn that off maybe oh
fuck sorry
so she's got one job here i have a niece yeah and uh i was like she lives in
northampton and i was
like oh my friend sam's coming would you like to go see him i bet i could
arrange it yeah she said
no thank you i've gotten that before i've gotten that too yeah but we'll file
this under shit you
could have kept to yourself yeah right i don't know if we needed to hear this
but no i was like what's
going on she was like well i just don't want to see any more male comics she's
fucking 14. wow how
many comics have you seen enjoy seeing barbie for the 14th time the brain is
poison the young mind
yeah what are you going to do male comedian you're you're blocking out a whole
gender
because uh she doesn't even want to see chris d'alee he'll be crushed
what about gay comics he wants to see her black comics it's it's so stupid it's
such a ignorant
outlook yeah yeah you know uh who cares i mean close-minded i'm really i'm sad
i'll be down
her in the audience what a what a loss that'll be no i had that once in boston
i remember my dad i
like sold out it was the first time i sold out all the club shows in boston and
i text my dad
we have a lot of family there and i said does anyone want tickets and he said i
just asked and
they said they're good oh damn now they asked for tickets though ah now they
asked interesting what
do you think changed it the netflix i don't know i think they probably thought
this was like a phase
for me and then they're like because you would get that remember when you're
starting out you'd have
those family members who'd be like you're still doing this i'm like it's been
11 years
yeah i'm still doing this i know i had the friends growing up the high school
bro mooc you know nut job
friends jerk off buddies they came and saw me once they yelled fag the entire
time and then i never saw
him again at a show because they thought it was a phase they were like he'll be
done with this
oh so they thought they were like roasting you out of it they thought they were
like helping
i had that too i bombed a roast and the clips were online when i was like 21
and everyone all these
kids would like post it like haha like mocking me yeah it was like all right
well this will get him
out i'm like no i need to do this yes yeah but they don't but a lot of those
people that are shaming
you for that for failing at this aren't taking any risks in their life so you
know yes it's like their
own bullshit but you know that's what it is because the friends that like
supported me were like
that's cool you're doing that right and if and then guess what if you are meant
to stop you will
either stop or here's a punishment you fail at what you love oh t-shirt put it
down but no it's true
i mean also in nola there's like a real i think boston has a little of that too
where there's like
we don't want you to go past us so we're gonna keep you down you can't be doing
arts you know we're
mechanics that's not what goodwill hunting taught me yeah he wanted him to
thrive those were good
friends yeah affleck's a good guy in that movie yeah gotta see about a girl
they gave him the car
yeah my friends never gave me a car i always want to do like a spoof of that
where i'm like i gotta
see about a girl and then it cuts to me not knowing how to drive and the car
just explodes
is there any chance that story's like comes from somewhere the story about like
uh my dad came up to beat me he had the belt the something else and the wrench
and i picked the
wrench because fuck him is there any chance some kid got beat with a wrench
well he'd be dead
he'd be dead with i love louis bit about goodwill hunting oh yeah because it's
so true i mean just
there is an arrogance to just casting yourself as genius right right it's such
a good bit genius
handsome tough guy yeah exactly he's got like his flaws are that he hasn't
dealt with his shit yes
he seems pretty damn good yeah exactly and then guess what he deals with his
shit now he's like
perfect don't fuck with me sean stop fucking with him sean great scene i'm
writing a character i'm
like huge dick uh eight pack abs no one understands his genius yeah it's like
fucking louis nailed it
right yeah everybody wants to the the older guys like we need to you know tamp
you down and get out
with the drunks and come hang out with us and he's like i can't i gotta get out
of here i don't even
want to use my genius that's how smart he was he was like i'm done with it yeah
that was the genius
it wasn't the it wasn't the uh theories or whatever it was leaving right that
was it when i when i was a
janitor i had a boiler room and i had a bunch of shit written like joke ideas
written down are you
serious and nobody on a chalkboard yeah like a whiteboard that i stole out of
another room and i
had it going and some guy came in and saw it and he wasn't like that's
hilarious he was like
you're a piece of shit like you're a racist or whatever because you know it's
like black joke
puerto rican joke black plus puerto rican equals funny and i was like what the
hell is this shit
exactly it went the whole way you're like einstein you're figuring out theories
yeah that's what we
are essentially like trying to prove like that's what got me into comedy was
like chris rock
taking a weird hypothesis yes and like and everyone the premise being like and
then by the end they're
being like all right that's what comedy was and they're laughing they reluctantly
kind of have to
like give it to you yes exactly exactly so i related to goodwill except for the
genius part it was that
was a good year for movies that was like that as good as it gets not my
favorite movie but fucking
titanic was huge huge boogie nights that year wow that was a load the 90s were
fucking dude i i watched
true romance the other day i hadn't seen in years that movie still rocks oh it's
great the the christopher
walken speech oh my god dennis hopper both of them okay but dennis hopper's
doing the dialogue i mean
it's amazing that he just insulting him by calling him the end i mean the 90s
were a different time
yeah you know i don't know if you're getting away with that monologue anymore
no the sicilian monologue
yeah as i say i don't think you can pull that off anymore salakius pulls up the
monologue
you're getting a lot of trouble for that let's play it real quick no but dude
we uh that seems great
and then uh i mean fucking gary oldman as a jamaican uh drug dealer fucking
amazing amazing yeah and uh
i think chris penn is great in that dude it's a great time sizemore the two
cops are dead oh yeah
but uh also samuel jackson's got like three lines and they're all hilarious it's
like samuel jackson
anything tarantino has to do with he fucking crushes that's true because he was
in goodfellas but he got he
he didn't have one good line yeah it's shakes but yeah chris penn over sean
penn any day really oh
yeah i don't know oh come on this is crazy that's that's a bold and we're going
i love penn state too
i like what they did also i thought it was very good paterno
but yeah great movie i just watched i was on a flight there's no good movies on
a flight i've seen
everything which airline are you on i'm on united well that's why there's no
they got like 12 movies
delta's got a shitload delta's pretty good but united six united 93 was on
weird choice but um
i watched uh slumdog millionaire that's a fun one pretty good danny boyle best
picture first time you
saw it first time i saw it oh because i was like well it's the best picture i'll
give it a shot and i
wasn't really excited about it but i got into it i loved it a little 2008
though very 2008 but but it's
got heart it's a feel-good movie good heart and good structure the way they do
the the game show and he
goes back to the memories and everything but the woman has zero character
development
she says three words he even calls her at the end of the lifeline and she goes
i don't know
her big contribution is not knowing the woman is like a complete idiot i feel
like a lot of women
in movies like then and before were just like cat their name was woman yeah and
scripture was like
woman but she's like the lead woman they're like just call her woman lead lady
and she's hot as hell
like so they you just found a hot lady what's her name again she was smoking
smoking hot indian gal
she had a moment right did she she deserved one with that mug like i literally
looked her up as
slumdog millionaire woman rubina rubina ali i don't know maybe i was thinking
of someone else
i don't think i saw her anything else but she is beautiful yeah beautiful bring
it on in there pd
they're called a whiskey hold on a second whiskey ricky whiskey ricky whiskey ricky
thank you all
right it is two parts uh whiskey half part lime juice four parts sparkling
water it's like a summer
whiskey drink it's a whiskey soda with lime that's it
it's a great name though whiskey ricky yeah that's my dad's name ricky henderson
oh yeah you
ever hear the story about ricky henderson oh yeah you know what i'm talking
about the helmet oh that's
i we got two stories on ricky by the way here cheers by the way how about ricky
ricky dicky
that's really good um new summer drink man you put lime in anything that's good
i'll put
lime put lime on a vagina maybe that would hurt either way i'm good with or
without i don't think
it's true but it might be true yeah it's one of the things that's been told so
many times ricky
henderson you know greatest maybe the greatest base stealer ever amazing
baseball player yeah
just a speed demon instincts everything but uh the story is i think his first
million dollar
check or something crazy one of his biggest checks is just framed and it wasn't
like a xerox of the
frame he framed the actual check so they were like no that's cool but like that's
money yeah you got a
it's not a dollar bill at a restaurant yeah that's a paycheck yeah i love a
pickle in baseball oh yeah
i love a that's my favorite thing in baseball is the pickle because it's very
metaphoric for life like
how are you gonna get out of this one you got two problems and you got to fix
it i love it give me a
good pickle what was your story matt oh um so ricky henderson um was talking to
john
old room when they played on the mets here we go oh baby he went under him oh
we got a triple pickle
whoa there's four guys going this is incredible
did he make it oh i got him oh i got him well he had a valiant effort is that ricky
that would be what the hell are you doing here what is it no he just said play
pickle rundown sorry
i just want to see a great pickle so the ricky henderson story is uh he played
with um so john
old room famously plays with a helmet yeah field yeah yeah i had some he was
the mets first baseman
exactly but before they played in toronto yeah and so now they're both on the
mets now and uh you know
he's been playing ricky's been playing with john old for almost the whole
season and he goes up
and he's like oh you wear a helmet in the field he's like i played with a guy
in toronto did the same
thing he was like it was me that's hilarious didn't even know what he was
playing with wow
wow wait why is he wearing a helmet i think he had like head trauma and his
doctor's like you can't
take another hard ball to the head just wear the helmet in the field well what's
his name was it
hayward or whatever the guy in the braves had the oh i don't know if i played
the major league i would
definitely have the one that goes down over your face yeah oh yeah i mean it
doesn't make any
difference