Name: Ep 166: Are You Garbage at Dating?
Uploaded: 2024-02-12T02:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 166: Are You Garbage at Dating?' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 166: Are You Garbage at Dating?' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-12. Transcript available.

Ep 166: Are You Garbage at Dating?

welcome that we might be drunk hey special Valentine's Day edition look at
that Matt Peters you did it again very romantic he won't even have sex with his
wife but he'll doll this place up like you wouldn't believe this is beautiful
this is my girl is gonna watch this and she's gonna be like you didn't do this
shit for me I know well I gotta get you a threesome at my house yeah it'll be a
whole thing we got a great guest here a relationship expert Blaine Anderson
thanks for joining us also later we have two other potential love experts that
we have that's true we'll see but thanks for coming thank you for having me I'm
excited to be here with the romantic setup do you want a box wine I mean why
not right all right I've got a good box boy that's heavy I forgot I used to do
this for my mom when I was a kid she drank Franzia she drank Franzia and that
big glass jug what was that jug it was some Italian name pull up the jug you
know
the jug had the little handle Carlos something this stuff used to give me the
worst hangovers oh it's oh yeah open that for me I'm actually fine oh really
well
I'm gonna open it anyway okay if you're gonna Carlo Rossi that was it I
remember
this it's a lot of crying but when you were when you were a kid or in college
at
least not when I was a kid we'll get some for Charlie but uh you do you do the
sangria you know you have a friend make the sangria with the Franzia holy shit
the
next day the bag did you ever slap the bag what's that you don't know about
slap
the bag we don't believe in domestic abuse take that bag out of the box and
you have a box you have a bag instead of a box while you're chugging it or
someone's drinking it someone slaps the bag it gets it flowing faster man you
are a
relationship expert okay how does one become a relationship expert
um I'm a dating coach a dating coach sorry I missed someone of a dating a
relationship
expert but I'm a dating coach specifically for men okay really yeah so you're
like hitch
yeah yeah yes they call me hitch yeah or bitch for two of us what do you do for
gays
so you help yeah do you help gay men as well or just straight men no I focus on
men who
are interested in dating women because you know women because you're a woman
yeah so it's easier
that way yeah where are you at on fuck boys what do you think those are not
really my clients the
fuck boys they can do your thing enjoy yourself my clients are more anxious
attached looking for a
relationship want to figure out what they're maybe doing wrong that's leading
them to not have success
with women how to better market themselves how to build confidence right
attract awesome girls how do
you don't you get confidence so from getting laid that can help so sometimes
you have to start a
little lower on like maybe where you want to bang a six and then yeah and work
your way up to a 10
there's some strategy to that yeah we're talking ages yeah six no bang a six
year old right
no I was thinking the level oh okay all right hot skill yeah attractiveness
skill well don't you
find that the dating landscape is a little fucked up right now or am I crazy is
that just my
algorithm all I see is like men aren't uh finding women anymore and women are
off on only fans and
they can't get along and this and that no I think the landscape has changed and
that's partially why
I have a job is because it's tough out there totally it's like the online
presence the social
media the dating apps it's not intuitive how would you know how to create a
little profile right
markets yourself to a woman who you don't know and don't understand which is
really where I come in
and I'm like okay these pictures this is what you're gonna say about yourself
based on who you
are yeah to attract the right type of woman that's cool you're definitely I
mean you're helping
probably some incels too right I mean you might be stopping a mall shooting
that's true I would
love to take credit for that um I get a lot of incel comments on my social
media that are just like
women are the worst oh that's Matt that's been lovely to communicate with I don't
believe that
for a second all right that's scary though they're not really like who I'm at
least reaching out to
try and help right right have you ever has it ever started you know contentious
like that and then
you're like I could help you oh that's a good question I I don't know like no
one know I've worked
with one-on-one because if someone's like that I'm like I don't think I can
help you or at least
like we aren't meant to work together like I want someone who's like hey I
think you can help me
make change like I'm excited about this I know I can do better I like like
women not right I hate
women and I want what's it like give me an example of a guy who comes to you
who's like a mess
like how do you well a mess would be too strong like I wouldn't say most of my
clients are actually
messes they're really great guys oftentimes I call I have a couple different
profiles of men I work
with one is the engineer who may or may not be an engineer or Asian works in it
often as an Asian works in a technical field spends a lot of time behind a
computer doesn't
interact with that many women but actually usually has a lot going for him in
his personal and
professional life and just wants his dating life to be at that same level and
it's usually just
making a few small tweaks and you know kind of polishing the edges and then he
gets a great result
I get wedding announcements I've had baby announcements wow hey well done that
the child's middle name is
blaine if they do work if it works out sure I haven't had any takers on that
yet well blaine could go
either way yeah exactly so you get mad or the sex man woman trans that's a
threefer yeah yeah but hey
yeah I don't know I mean I don't want to sound mean but this you think 20 years
ago this job might not
have been as popular no but now I think we need it well and it'd be harder to
find customers because
you can only you're really 20 years ago only who you had access to and I find
all my clients on
Instagram oh wow I'm putting out content that's giving tips the algorithm is
amazing yeah puts me in
front of single guys guys will be like yeah I broke up with my girlfriend and
the next day you know you
were on my explore page I'm like thank you Instagram hey beautiful is there
ever a guy who you're like
you can feel like his intentions are impure and and he's like he just wants to
fuck a lot or are you
okay with that if a guy's like I need to get my confidence up I got I got to
get my numbers up
yeah I don't inherently have a problem with that so I don't as long as you're
not tricking anyone
into anything you know like no chloroform yeah no chloroform that's my number
one rule
my dating rule but otherwise like you just want to have fun and you want to
have hookups like
that's cool too sure I agree I agree too yeah out of your system and then find
your partner later
especially if you've been struggling like maybe you you'll be better in an
actual relationship if
you get that out of your system yeah learn a little in the bedroom first right
yeah yes find this clit
yes this supposed clit where is this that's a myth well there's a weird double
standard well you know
women and women act slutty they get called sluts they're made fun of and that
sucks I say slut it up
ladies you had a great bit about that back in the day thank you mark it like a
three minute bit
defending sluts before it was cool yeah sluts the one thing that I get a lot of
shit about in the
equality stance is who pays on a first date oh yeah they get angry in the
comments I've never not paid
yes you always pay just what you do it's just evolution yeah it makes sense but
actually like
yeah no I pay too like in all species like the man is the pursuer pretty much
sure like it makes
there are reasons for that and if you want to give yourself the best odds I get
that all the time
like well it's not fair what if she asked me like I'm I'm not here giving
advice on what's fair I'm
just like telling you how to play the game a bit better so you can get better
results right if you want
better results pay for dates yeah I agree I always pay but one time a girl
recommended an orthodox
jewish restaurant the bill was 375 dollars uh because yeah because a rabbi has
to bless this
uh lamb I guess so really it's upcharged an extra couple hundred so it's not
even because the food
is better like it was pretty good food honestly but but she saw the bill
because I angled it to show
her you know yeah yeah I was like you should know but uh jewish restaurant you
should know
the bill should be this big oh my god look at this yeah uh yeah that is a uh
just pay yeah guys you
just should pay also it just shows that you can pay yeah if you're cutting
corners on date one
you know totally and also I was on the uh the bumble for a while which was you
know the bumble
because the lady has to initiate and boy I gotta say though the female pickup
line is tough not saying
all men are rico suave but some of these ladies would be like how's your tuesday
like come on that's
what you got if you just said hey uh I'll blow you you'd be doing we'd be at
this jewish restaurant
it's a better it's a better pickup line it is better so it's better than just
hi that's what guys
oh the hi she's just opening it so now you have to do the work exactly turn it
around and like have
what's a good what's for guys what's a good pickup line good question well so I
can open her on a
dating app yeah I would say look at her profile and try and pick something that's
unique to her
profile because that's going to be more interesting everyone's how was your
weekend how's your day
going like it's so boring can you look for something in her profile that other
people aren't
going to notice like does she have like is the dog doing something weird in the
background or like
is she at a place that you know of like just comment on it or ask about that I
think a lot
of those guys are messaging so many women yeah they're just writing like kind
of a generic thing
to all of them and they're like let's see it's like just throwing bait out
there yeah who's gonna
bite yeah it's a slot but if but if you see a real winner on there you're right
I think I think
you need an original you absolutely you look at the profile you make a joke out
of one of her
prompts or something right right I always start with a what do you think of palestine
yeah just get
something light in there I think guys on a first date is important agreed you
got to talk about it
figure out who's on what side yeah a lot of a lot of politics and religion on
every date perfect go
right in with that uh let me let me throw this idea yeah you're an expert
dating app to me the flaw of
it is you can make your own profile and put the photo of your choice but I don't
care what you think
about you I want to know what other people think about you it should be more
like yelp
right it's a great idea it's an idea you know I got another add-on to that you
can do a lot of
great with you know with your pictures but nothing for your voice oh no you can
do your voice you can
you can do voice prompts I guess I haven't been on one in a while but I would
you know you'd meet
this gorgeous woman then you'd show up and you'd be like what the fuck was that
that voice that
was crazy I've had that the other way I think voices are important yeah just
vibe is important
too right where you you meet someone at a bar I'll see a picture of someone and
I think she's hot
and then see her at a bar and be like oh my god she's gorgeous I mean something
about it just like
a the whole package is agreed that's why dating apps are tough I'm much more of
a you they're
necessary evil like when I work with a man I'm like okay yeah we're gonna like
get you a good dating
app which is the best one to use for men it just it really depends where you
live oh yeah like you
have to kind of live in Atlanta right uh Austin Austin y