Name: Ep 170: Brian Simpson & Joe List
Uploaded: 2024-03-11T01:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 170: Brian Simpson & Joe List' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 170: Brian Simpson & Joe List' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-11. Transcript available.

Ep 170: Brian Simpson & Joe List

Hey, man.
Hey.
Good to see you.
Sure you don't want to get a full body suit in case she has a nom flashback?
I mean, that attacked me twice already.
She's in a bad mood today, dude.
I don't know what the hell happened.
It's what happens when you get a cranky old bag with dementia.
Yeah, she's like angry Mitch McConnell.
She's loopy.
Instead of freezing, she bites.
It's hardcore.
Yeah, I was going to say evil Mitch McConnell, but that's a little redundant.
Hey, hey.
Good to be back.
I took a red eye.
Thanks for making this.
I'm taping a special this week.
So Mark did me a solid and we're taping on a Tuesday because I'm out on
tomorrow.
Oh, this is exciting.
So many things happening.
I can't even.
Did I just have a stroke?
On tomorrow.
I sounded like an immigrant.
I'll be out on tomorrow.
Yeah, man.
So you flew in this morning.
Yeah.
Did you drink on the flight?
No, no.
Coffee?
I drank last night coffee.
Tried to nap.
Can't nap.
Bad napper.
I can't do it.
Especially when you need to nap.
You're like, I need these hours on the flight to nap.
And then you're thinking about the nap and then you can't.
It's like a boner.
Exactly.
No, it's horrible.
And I'm envious of people who could do it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just gain.
This guy will fly to fucking L.A.
He'll sleep six hours.
Oh, every second.
Every second of the flight.
You know?
Like from when it takes off?
Just when it's lifting off is when I like to conk out.
That's so valuable.
Well, the trick is to, as you're taking off, hit that recline.
Yeah.
You get that double.
You're like totally backwards.
Oh, I do.
But I can't.
I still can't fall asleep.
Me neither.
I can't do it, dude.
It's anxiety, too, I think.
When Richard Jefferson was on here talking about how players take naps, I get
it.
They're like working out and stuff.
They're tired.
But like, I'm tired.
Yeah.
I can't do shit.
No, no.
It's a nightmare.
My wife took me to stomp.
Huh?
My wife took me to stomp.
I fell asleep.
Really?
You know, I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I just fell asleep.
That's great for her when there's a break-in.
It's also the worst review of that show ever.
Yeah.
I felt, even the, they're like, it's like they're trying to wake you up.
They're like, come on, dude.
Can't wake up.
I wish you were in the Aurora Theater.
That would have gotten your ass.
There's never a shooting at a Broadway show.
That's true.
Yeah.
New York, no guns.
Nah, gays don't shoot.
You have a joke about that, right?
They get their load off.
Wait, what?
You have a joke about gay gang?
There's no gay gangs.
Yeah.
That would just be a musical.
Yeah.
The snapping.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, yeah, Austin was great.
Did all the pods.
Had a great, me and Soder did Kill Tony.
We were zinging and zanging.
Nice.
And we took that thing over.
And Mothership was fun.
Jumped around all the clubs.
And Paramount, one of the great theaters.
Killer room.
Stav taped a special there.
Good place to tape.
Yeah.
I did that last year.
It was killer.
Great, great shows.
Got a Wilbur vibe of like theater, but intimate.
Exactly.
Close balcony.
Not too big.
Not too small.
And you got those little, I saw a tell there once.
And he said, he called the seats, you know, the little terrace things in the
top.
He calls those the Lincoln seats.
Which I was like, that's pretty great.
Yeah, no, it's, Austin has got some great rooms.
Yeah.
The problem is, you drink all day, you drink all night, eat brisket, tacos, tequila.
They don't need abortion there because you're going to have a miscarriage.
True.
True.
Yeah, just make sure she's near a staircase and you're good to go.
We're off to the races tonight, folks.
Yeah.
Yeah, man, I'm fucking burned.
I thought, I had that classic thing where I did six shows in Utah and I was
like, oh,
I'm going to, I'm sick.
Oh.
And I'm like, fuck, why, you have that thing where you're like, why did I add
another show?
I'm such a moron.
I added a late Thursday.
Yep.
I'm told you, I'm done with the three in a day, but I'll do two a day.
I'm fine with that.
Sure.
And I have a morning show on Friday.
What's morning?
Oh, morning show on TV.
Yeah, like 8 a.m. or something.
Yeah.
But I also took like an 8 a.m. flight to get there.
So I was like, I told you I don't nap.
So I'm just on fumes.
I'm watching the coffee intake because of the ulcer.
I'm being very careful.
I'm still drinking coffee, but it's like, you know, I used to be like a six a
day guy,
easy.
Now I'm like two.
Oof.
And yeah, I'm like, this fucking mountain air.
It's not for juice.
Right.
That mountain air is not for us, man.
No.
It's just, I mean, it was beautiful.
Utah is beautiful.
It's really.
The women there are so fucking hot in Utah.
I call it a two jack off before a show city.
Wow.
That's how hot the women are there.
You got to get it out of your system.
Now that's a review.
You got to focus on the show.
Trip advisor.
For real, the women are like hot and the men are all like, they either look
like Kenneth
from 30 Rock or one of the Sex Pistols.
They're all just like, they're the nerdiest fucks ever.
Or they're just like bad as tattooed, jacked, create like a mohawk and shit.
Yeah.
I always say the guys there look like out of work UFC fighters and the women
look like
out of work porn stars.
Bad tattoos, bad tan, crazy, weird, fake blonde hair, like pointy nails.
Like we could see your pierced nipples or we can't even see cleavage.
There's no middle ground.
The Mormon shit, half of them are so repressed so they have to get it out and
all these crazy,
I'm not one of them.
Look at me.
I'm bad.
I'm fucking nuts.
I'm drinking a monster.
And then the other ones are like the poindexter.
It's like Dilbert.
Monster was made for the people that were held down.
Yes.
Like green tea was an act of rebellion to them.
So like Monster, they're like, fuck you, dad.
Yes.
I know Soder has a whole bit on soaking and murdering.
Yeah.
By the way, Soder, new special out.
Killer.
Everybody's talking about it.
Great ep with us too.
What?
Fun ep with us.
Oh, killer ep.
Yeah, great.
And then I saw him at the mothership.
He's headlining over there and I was like, let me watch.
He let me open.
Hannibal showed up.
That was cool.
It was a real who's who over there.
Soder's got a new 42 or whatever.
It's incredible.
He's cooking, man.
Murdering with brand new material.
He's having a moment.
He's in the zone.
He's in the zone.
Good to see your boys in the zone.
Yes.
Yes.
It's nice.
It's also cool to see him just like, you know, similar to us had stuff not
really pop on,
you know, streamers.
Yep.
We didn't even have streamers.
We were on cable.
Oh, even work.
We were on Comedy Central.
But Soder, you know, it's like, you know, you're jealous.
I remember when HBO turned down my special, I was like, fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Of course, the YouTube ones like popped off.
Sure.
But at the time, you're like, fuck, this is good for him.
And we didn't know the business is always changing, man.
Always changing.
And now we've got the YouTube and it's blowing the fuck up.
I know.
But there's a little, there's some quirks with YouTube.
Raheem, our pal, open for me at the Paramount, his special is stuck in limbo or
whatever.
He said cunt or homo or something.
And it's at like, it's less than 100,000 views.
That happened to Joe List, too.
His last special had like 9 million.
And this one's like 1.5.
It's still great.
In like the 45th minute.
I know.
They're just like, they're like, not for kids.
They're 18 and over only.
Yep.
Watch that aisle.
But yeah.
No, it's, it's, so you gotta, you still gotta tap dance a little, but obviously
we're all
glad to have YouTube.
Yeah.
Well, they keep, they keep pulling that goalpost in.
It's like, we all signed up for a different set of rules and now.
I know.
Yeah.
There's a, there's a word for that.
Have you heard this presentism?
That's where you get mad at somebody now for something they did.
Wait.
I think that's just having a girlfriend.
Hold on.
I want to get this right.
Presentism.
For something I've done in the past, but you're getting mad now for something
they did in
the past.
Because it was okay back then.
Yeah.
Like saying retarded or something in the nineties and they pull that up and you're
like,
but you could say it then.
Yeah.
You know, this was Harvey Weinstein's whole case.
Presentism.
It was cool back then.
Yeah.
But that was always illegal.
Yeah.
But that was, yeah, I don't know.
He, uh, the, they just, the analogy is you're going 20 miles an hour in 1988.
They changed the law to 10, but they still got you going 20.
So you got a ticket now that's, that's the analogy.
Yeah.
No, I, I got you.
There you go.
I was backstage with.
This week.
And he was like talking about whether I should say retard on stage for my
special, which was
tape.
And.
Is it YouTube?
I can't say.
I, I, I, I can't, I know what it's on.
I'll tell you after.
Okay.
And he said, he was like, I'm referring to myself in 1995.
Is this okay?
Meaning like, I, I'm talking about something I said in 1995.
Jesus, we're all getting in a retarded time machine.
Totally.
What should be a great John Cusack movie.
Instead of hot tubs.
Yeah.
He's just like, yeah, exactly.
We all go back.
We're like, what's that?
It's a conversation we have to have now.
It's just crazy.
Yeah.
The most offensive movie ever.
Yeah.
But also the most feel good one.
That's true.
No, that's, of course you can is the answer.
I mean, I mean, this is an insane conversation we're having.
It's like, okay.
So if you make a period piece now, you have to make guys, they don't say the N
word.
Right.
Hitler's nice to Jews.
Right.
Exactly.
I mean, I think it all, it feels, this was honestly kind of a problem I had
with the
Sopranos movie.
As opposed to the Sopranos, it felt like they were like bad dudes.
And in the movie, they were like bad dudes, but it felt like, I hate to use a
word like
more on eggshells, but it felt like it didn't have the freedom of the show.
Sure.
I guess it was a time limit, but then there were other problems, but.
The Saints of Newark you're talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
It felt a little new washed.
Well, it's like when they changed the, remember Huckleberry Finn?
They changed it.
They were like, didn't they make it N word Jim?
Yeah.
It's like, come on.
And then Jesse Popp had the best bit about that.
Do you remember that?
Where he said, how about just Jim?
Oh, that was a great one.
But I mean, look, I'm against changing.
Old shit.
Changing art.
Yeah.
I mean, like, what do you, so you're going to watch a Bogart movie.
He's, he's vaping.
Right.
You know, it's like, you're going to, you're going to do no smoking.
I mean.
I know.
What are we doing?
Smoking is a warning now.
It's like violence, sex, smoking.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
What are we doing here?
But I was thinking, I was watching The Outsiders was on TV and I was like, this
is like eight
white dudes, all eight handsome white dudes.
They couldn't do that now.
But white dudes were friends in, in 1951.
They were greasers.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, there were gangs.
Yeah.
It was just, uh, I think, you know.
This room is all white dudes.
And a woman.
And a woman.
Probably a black woman, if we're being honest.
Yeah.
You know, Compton.
Snapsing me.
Yeah, that vet.
But she's loyal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, these hoes are loyal.
She was in a fucking mood, dude.
I mean, I tell you, she just came at me like twice and I was like, fuck, I
might not bring
her.
What does that look like when she comes at you?
Oh my God.
I could send you a video.
You want to see?
Yeah.
It's quick and vicious.
I don't know if I could, I don't know if I could do this.
Again.
I feel like that we need a video of some animation of her taking her earrings
off first.
Oh.
And coming at you.
I can't find it now.
It's too much pressure to scroll through everything.
But yeah, this is exciting.
I feel like our friends, Joe Liss was just on the Tonight Show.
Great set.
Faheem's special.
Shane's on SNL.
You're doing a fucking hot one at the Wilbur 4th.
I was appare