Name: Ep 171: Ari Shaffir & Dan St. Germain - Life Of The Paddy!
Uploaded: 2024-03-18T01:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 171: Ari Shaffir & Dan St. Germain - Life Of The Paddy!' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 171: Ari Shaffir & Dan St. Germain - Life Of The Paddy!' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-18. Transcript available.

Ep 171: Ari Shaffir & Dan St. Germain - Life Of The Paddy!

Hey folks, happy St. Paddy's. Good to be here. We got Dan St. Germain, an
alcoholic.
We might have a pop-in in a little bit. Uh-oh, careful. Look at that. That's
great.
Does that win? I should have kept my relapse going for this episode.
I know, yeah. I'm a little offended. I'm sorry about that. That was really insensitive
of me.
How long have you been out of rehab? About four months.
Good to have you been out of here. They tell you not to drink these, but I made
an exception.
It's right on page one of the pamphlet. How many do you have to drink to get
just a taste of?
These are zero. You can't get anything. This is nothing. I kind of want to try
one.
And I'm on Anabuse, so if there was any alcohol, I would get violently ill.
Cheers!
Hey, wait, can you pour me a smooch of that? I want to see how real it is.
Yeah, for sure. Just a smooch. I'm sure it tastes like beer, right?
It tastes like Heineken. That's enough. I've never had an N.A.
Cheers. This is good. It's pretty good for, I mean, it's better than like O'Doul's
for sure.
Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's not bad, right?
It tastes like a beer. It's crisp, only 69 calories.
Guys, fucking promote, you know, I'm willing to be your spokesperson.
I love this guy passed out behind a dumpster, went to rehab, and he's like,
this is low carb.
This is good. And we got Winnie. Winnie's going to get drunk.
Did I tell you, when I was there, there was this one dude, I guess like they
found out I was a comedian,
and one of the guys had just started and had just done like a thing at Governor's,
and I was having panic attacks every day I was there, and he was pitching me
new material
while I was like having a panic attack and convulsing on the floor.
Oh, you're like, give me a drink. I can't take it.
He's probably going to blow up. You know, that's the type of...
And that was Matt Wright.
How is rehab? Is it like the movies?
This is the fifth one I've been to. This was really nice.
How much money is that around, do you think?
Well, I got insurance. Wife's insurance.
Thanks, baby. Love you.
Your wife's insurance?
Yeah, yeah. Wife's insurance totally covered it.
Whoa.
Damn, we should take a vacation.
Yeah, dude. Free vacation.
They're beautiful. They're always on the beach and shit.
Yeah, this one was good. Wellbridge recovery.
They made it for the super rich, but not enough rich people came,
so then they started taking insurance.
Hell yeah.
Much better than the last night.
Give me some deets. Like you got a lap pool, some...
Well, the pool was closed, and that was like a big bone of contention
because we also had like rehab government where there was like a rehab mayor
and a rehab like comptroller and shit like that.
Damn.
But we had one...
Well, one guy who had just turned into a woman,
so she was a...
As a he, he was a champion powerlifter,
so there's like videos of him just killing it online.
All right.
And now, you know, she's a she, so it's her first time getting sober.
Whoa.
It's going to be an even better powerlifter now.
So, yeah, she was there.
We had a dance.
What?
I met one dude while I was there
who, like, I just, I asked him, like, what he did,
and he said military, and I'm like, what division?
And he's like, snakes.
I was like, oh, so you also have a drug problem.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
He's a fucking Cobra Commander.
But he was like one of the, he was a guy, like, we all were like really nice.
Like, because when you leave, rehab plays your favorite song before you leave.
So we played brown eyed girl for him when we all sang, and he danced in front
of us.
And then he left.
So, good for him.
There you go.
What was your song that you left on?
I, Forens and Machines song, Forens and Machines.
So mine was kind of like emotional.
I saw them live.
You know, was it good?
It was great.
Yeah, she's awesome.
I want to leave to I'm a real American.
Kenny Powers.
Which forms of the Machines song?
It was Shake It Out.
How do you pick that?
How do you pick the song?
They come in, they're like, do you think about this?
I thought about it, yeah.
I should have just done a fun one.
Because everyone does, like, emotional ones.
But, you know, I was emotional.
I would go Chumba Wumba.
I have a vodka drink and a whiskey drink and a cider drink.
Dude, it was so nice.
Four people, this is how nice the rehab was.
Four people, relapsed, and then went back to the rehab while I was there.
Whoa.
Is it fun to be like, hey, welcome back.
Hey, they seem kind of bummed out.
But, yeah, yeah.
What's a day like in rehab?
Like, walk us through an average day.
You start out with a meditation.
So it's usually like an hour or yoga, depending on what you want.
Wow.
Then there's art therapy.
I have, like, a rehab snowman.
I can send it to you guys on socials.
Please, please.
As a teacher, you're not just doing the yoga yourself.
No, no, we all have.
Yeah, we have two.
I had one rehab where it was, like, Lord of the Flies, and they let us all
control it.
And we were just at each other's throats the whole time.
But this one was, like, you know, much more professional.
Sure.
Then there's group therapy.
Then we have, like, individual therapy.
And we do have a gym.
So there's, like, some exercise with it.
A lot of journaling.
The first day you're in – the first couple days you're in detox, which is,
like, crazy
because people are, like, screaming.
They're getting off shit, you know.
But then you're moved into the dorms.
And we watched a lot of Sopranos.
Hey.
It wasn't a bad time at all, honestly.
Like summer camp.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
I've had way worse road weekends.
You know, my month in rehab.
Roommate?
No, I did have one, but I had this young kid.
He was, like, sneaking in vapes.
So they tossed all my food, and I got pissed off.
So they gave me my own room for, like, the last two weeks.
Hell, yeah.
How did he toss your food?
Because, like, once they hear there's vapes or something, they have to go
through everything.
And then they found, like, a bagel that I had wrapped.
Well, it wasn't wrapped.
And they had to throw it out because it's, like, a – you know, it's, like, a
food rule.
Damn, that sucks.
Is it all booze and drug?
Or is it, like, fat people and sex and sex?
No, no fat people.
But, I mean, there's a lot of, like, cross-addicted stuff, for sure.
Yeah.
You ever been to him?
No.
No?
No.
You seem to give your shit together.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on.
He likes whippets.
He has, like, the nitrous mask from Blue Velvet on.
I went as him for Halloween one year.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, yeah.
Get the fuck out of here.
I could see that.
You're such a pretentious motherfucker.
You're in David Lynch Halloween costumes.
Everyone's like, can you be Freddy, man?
How about Freddy?
How about the Wolfman?
Yeah.
It'll be fucking Blue Velvet.
Oh, I got a good movie rec for you guys, actually.
Hit me.
Fucking Scrolling Criterion, an Ellie Gould movie pops up.
I'd never heard of it.
It's called Silent Partner.
It's Ellie Gould and Christopher Plummer.
I guarantee you they got the idea of Bad Santa from this movie.
No way.
But it's like a Santa bank robber.
Oh, for sure.
It's a cool, it's a really cool movie.
Wow.
78?
That's what it says.
Ellie Gould's cool as fuck in this movie.
This is good.
I know.
Great.
Put him down.
And Christopher Plummer's never not cool.
Oh, he's great.
He's always good.
Look at that.
Is that Old New York?
Yeah, it's cool.
Did he just die?
Did he die?
Yeah.
Who?
He's Christopher Plummer.
Whoa, look at this.
Silent.
You the banker?
Yeah.
Oh, this is every Jew's dream to shut down Christmas.
No, it's really cool.
It's on criteria.
70s chicks were the hottest.
So hot.
So hot.
Was that the girl from Love Story?
No, that's, yeah, that's Allie McGraw.
She was not as hot as Allie McGraw, but she was, you know, she was in the
country.
There were some hot chicks in this movie.
For sure.
And it's a fun flick.
Ellie Gould was just cool and Christopher Plummer was cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to hear more about rehab, though.
Yeah, we just start getting into the intricacies of Robert Altman for the next
45 minutes.
Yeah, so no, we, I mean, while I was there, Thanksgiving, I did spend
Thanksgiving there.
Oh, that's tough.
And it was, yeah, it was, I mean, it was like one of the most delicious
Thanksgiving meals
I've ever had.
It was, it was one, I mean, the stuffing was out of this fucking world, I'll
say that.
No rum cake.
The only thing that was like.
Although it's like the number one drinking day, I feel like.
Oh.
Yeah.
Family, like that's, it's a good day to miss.
There was a lot of guys coming in.
Yeah.
That night of Thanksgiving, there was a lot of guys coming in.
Yeah.
But we had a, we had one, I mean, the thing that was the funniest thing about
this was
like my therapist just quit like during my time there.
Like I showed up the next day and she was like, she doesn't work for the
facility anymore.
Uh-oh.
You walked her?
I don't think.
She, well, I was showing her my comedy.
She liked it.
You know?
Oh, no.
Did you really do that?
I showed her some of the, I wrote for that.
Hey, check out this Fallon set in 2015.
No, I wrote for that, you know that Immoral Compass, that Bill Burr sketch show?
Yeah.
Tyler Falbo Greeter, I wrote for that.
So I showed her some sketches for that and she was like, she was like sharing
them to her
friends, I think.
I think she liked it.
Friends, you got to get out of there.
She's going to see this episode and kill herself.
Well, I premiered my special Dance Fatty Dance Out Now.
I premiered it in rehab.
Oh, no.
Yeah, that was it.
They all wanted to see it.
And they saw it.
Did fine.
You know what I mean?
Were people enjoying it?
Some people enjoyed it.
Some people were like, this isn't fucking Cat Williams, you know?
So it was like, I think some people liked it, some people didn't.
It's Fat Williams.
It's Fat Evan Williams.
Yeah, so it was a trip, man.
I mean, I got a lot out of rehab this time around.
I'm glad you're all right, man.
Yeah, I'm glad to be back.
You gave a friend a large man named Chief.
I think I was supposed to do the show.
And then I just texted you guys, hey, I'm going to be out for a month or two.
Hell yeah, well, it's good to have you back.
Good to be back.
Good to be back.
You could drink with the best of them, I will say.
I wouldn't say it's the best of them.
Ended up in rehab.
We drank 190.
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think we fucked.
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
I was that homeless woman from the shelter.
You've told the story a different way.
First time I ever met Dan St. Germain, I was handing out flyers for the
underground lounge
on 107th Street.
So was he across the street.
And I remember we had to do it for two hours to get, I don't know, seven
minutes of stage
time.
And I watched Dan walk over to the guy at like an hour 50 and be like, I'm good,
man.
And they were like, you just have to do 10 more minutes to get to go on.
And Dan's like, that's all right.
And I was like, who is this person that hates himself this much?
That he would hand out flyers for almost two hours and then just go home.
No, I'm just here for the barking, man.
I'm just here for the love of barking.
That was fucking, I was like, wow, this guy is, I'm fascinated.
Wow.
And we've been friends.
And we've been friends, yeah.
Yeah.
Damn.
Dan was always a funny dude, man.
So funny.
That was 110th Street.
I remember that room.
Yeah.
It was Jeff Cole where he did the thing with the fucking plunger on his head.
Yeah.
I did that.
That was a great room.
Ball guy who put the plunger on his head.
I bombed the pot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that still going?
I don't know.
I don't, yeah.
No one goes that high up anymore.
But yeah, great room.
Good to have.
We used to do open mics together.
Oh, yeah.
We started.
And you would fucking crush.
You know, open mics are notoriously horrific, brutal, quiet.
You would crush too.
We were the, you know,
we were the kings amongst the corpus.
Yeah.
Just to quote.
The blind leading the blind,
but it was like me, you, Mike