Name: Ep 173: Allegedly [In Our Feels]
Uploaded: 2024-04-01T01:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 173: Allegedly [In Our Feels]' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 173: Allegedly [In Our Feels]' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-01. Transcript available.

Ep 173: Allegedly [In Our Feels]

Ah, we're back.
Mark's chewing an orange.
All right, I need my vitamin C, baby.
Yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah, look at this, cuts.
Yeah, oh, they've been hooking us up.
They have good...
Right out of the gate, you're gonna plug, too.
Sorry.
No, they're great.
I love their stuff.
The shirt and the jacket is cuts.
I love cuts.
Your dick is cuts.
Yeah, circumcised.
No, I wear a ton of their shit.
They're great.
Very nice.
Hair package, I love it.
Little Gary's wearing cuts.
We have some of the same shit,
so we have to coordinate on the road.
I'm like, don't...
We're both wearing a red hoodie.
I'm like, you motherfucker.
That's adorable.
I've noticed sometimes my openers will look like me.
Like, I'll have this guy, Caleb Sinan, open for me.
He's got curly hair, and he's a skinny white guy,
and I'm like, what am I doing?
I gotta mix this up.
I gotta get like a...
Like a Yamanica or something.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
So, yeah, we're having fun on the road.
I'm living on the road.
Just got back from Albuquerque and El Paso.
You packed a big one, I heard.
That was a big one.
There's nothing to do there.
It's flat and dry like my ex.
It's roadrunner country out there.
It's wacky.
It's a whole other world.
I've never been.
I did...
I loved Santa Fe.
I had a great...
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
I thought the crowd was excellent.
Yes.
I even...
You ever on the road for so long that you get like,
you're like, I'm gonna buy something.
I just bought like a leather jacket there.
I never wear leather jackets.
But I'm wearing it on this season of Is It Cake on Netflix coming out soon.
So I'm wearing a leather jacket.
Really?
And it was a risk.
And then Mikey Day at one point called me cool.
And I was like, because I'm rocking a...
I've never been called cool.
I'm rocking a fucking leather jacket.
You rocked a leather jacket the other day.
I had to rock it at the Knicks game.
And you just feel like...
You feel like Travolta in Bay Ridge in Saturday Night Fever.
I'm just...
You just feel good.
You feel strutting.
There's something strutty about a leather...
I don't even think he wore one in that movie, did he?
But it feels...
He did?
No, he definitely wore one.
I remember the white.
Yeah, of course.
Of course.
The white suit.
But watch the hair.
But yeah.
The TV's not on.
Guy who thinks we can play the Bee Gees.
Guy who thinks we can get away with fucking...
Like, I haven't tried to get their tracks for specials.
And they're like, oh, that's going to run you like 50K.
I'm like, oh, never mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But dude, the Bee Gees are so fucking good.
So good.
And that documentary's killer.
It's insane on Max.
I love that shit.
It was a different time because they were kind of struggling as a boy band.
You know, the acapella, whatever the hell you call that, soprano.
And then they hit it with disco.
The biggest thing on the planet.
There's an LJ.
Oh, there we go.
Yeah, and the opening.
God, I'm an idiot.
That's Bay Ridge.
This movie's so much darker than you remember when you watch it.
So dark.
I mean, this is old Brooklyn.
There's nothing we're thinking about that character.
Not one thing.
He can dance.
I was about to cut you off.
Oh, sorry.
He can dance.
That's it.
Not a great guy, but he'll hit you with one of these.
And you're like, all right.
Well, like, so can Chris Brown.
So there you go.
But he, you know.
Yeah, but people seem to have forgiven him.
Have you seen the charts?
Yeah.
That was my only good line on my last Protect Our Parks.
I was so drunk, I couldn't think of anything funny.
But they're talking about UFC, and Rogan goes, who do you think the best
fighter ever is?
And I go, Chris Brown.
No one laughed.
No one cared.
But I got it in.
I like it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But this movie is dark.
It's gangs.
There's a rape scene.
They push the guy off the bridge or whatever.
I thought he fell.
Oh, maybe he fell.
Yeah, he falls, but his life wasn't going great.
Yes, yes.
That was a different time.
Like, he date-rapes a girl and then calls her, can I say this without getting
demonetized?
Calls her a cunt right afterwards.
He's like, now you're a cunt.
Yeah.
Like, what the fuck?
Don't do that.
You won't fall off a bridge.
Yeah, and we never thought twice about it.
You're like, oh, what a movie.
Yeah, she's a cunt.
Hell of a picture.
Well, you know what's funny?
I saw this too young because I remember just seeing all the clips and, like, I'd
watch The Simpsons
and they would, like, parody it and stuff.
So I was like, oh, this is, like, the fun dancing movie.
And as a kid, I was, like, shocked.
Oh, yeah.
These movies will make you grow up.
Yeah, oh, for sure.
When you watch some of these, you're just like, oh, shit, a dude just dies off
a bridge.
It's like, it's such a New York death.
Don't fall off a fucking bridge.
And what sort of hurry is he in?
Or eat a dollar slice.
Yep.
What sort of hurry is he in that he's got to eat two slices of pizza on top of
each other?
He's got to get back to the hardware store to sell that paint.
But, I mean, Porky's is dark.
There's, like, a weird anti-Semitic ribbon going through it.
Yeah, where he says kite.
Instead of kike.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was, like, the big, so he was, like, the dumb racist.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, Animal House is a date rape.
They have the-
Revenge of the Nerds.
Revenge of the Nerds is the eating out.
There's, like, two scenes in Revenge of the Nerds that could be on Law and
Order SVU.
There's, like, two legitimately dark scenes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're funny in the movie.
They're great.
But you break them down.
You're, like, Revenge of the Nerds was on TV the other day, dude.
It is a fun movie.
Oh, it's killer.
Also, underdog.
When they're the band.
Yes.
Yes.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Young Anthony Edwards.
Yeah.
I think it's also on Pretty in Pink.
He gives his drunken girlfriend to Anthony Michael Hall, the Nerd, and he's,
like, this is me.
And then he's, like, just take my girl home.
Just take her.
I think that was just, like, 80s, like, studios.
They're, like, but where's the rape?
They're just, like, no, we need a rape.
Which we've now moved on to, like, we need a black guy.
We've come a long way.
Real progress will be, we'll get a black rape.
Hey, there we go.
That's gotta be that out there.
I think Roots had that.
That was, uh, the 80s had some, it's such a weird decade for movies, dude.
Because there's such, there's some really bad flicks.
Tarantino says it's the worst decade of film history.
I think it is.
Because the 70s and the 90s are insanely good.
This is a great movie about Sam talking to his ex.
I have that image on a t-shirt.
This is called The Long Goodbye.
So it really is.
I know, I know.
The documentary.
I'll take that joke out.
But we've all been there.
I mean, how many road nights were you talking to your friends?
You're raging, you're talking to your girl, and you got a whiskey, and you're
like,
ah, God, I got a six-hour flight coming up.
I'm on the floor to sleep.
The saddest parts of the ham and cheese is 25 cents here.
Oh, those were the days.
Mark always tells me that when he's on the road, he has to pretend he's having
a bad time.
To his girls, like, oh, it's brutal out here.
I'm so bored.
Who said that?
Him.
Or maybe it was you.
No, Vitor does it on the road.
He'll be on the phone with, Gary will be on the road with me, and he'll be on
the phone
with his wife, and he has to pretend it's, like, brutal.
We're literally, like, outside, like, tanning.
He's like, it's fucking, it's taking a toll on me.
We're, like, fucking, sometimes, it's not the best.
We'll be, like, poolside in Orlando, a lot of leg tattoos.
Better than, you know, what it could be.
Snowstorm in New York, you got a coconut drink with an umbrella in it, with the
white on
your nose, like, ah, it's a gulag down here.
You know, I have a famous story.
When the first time I met Joe List, we had the same manager.
He put us together for a road gig in Boston, so we had to ride in a car
together.
Five hours, never met.
So we're just getting to know each other in the car, and we're having a great
time talking
Seinfeld, talking Chris Rock bits, talking comedy, whatever.
And my girl, at the time, different girlfriend, called me, and I wanted to get
off the phone
with her, because she just wanted to chat for, like, an hour.
And I wanted to hang out with her.
What, you're with another guy in the car?
Yeah, she just wanted to talk.
She liked talking on the phone.
And I was, I was like, ah, I'm in the shotgun.
What are you pulling up?
Who's this?
Oh, that's Joe List, a woman.
Zoom in, I can't see.
Holy shit.
Wow, that is pretty dead on.
That is hilarious.
Small mouth, no chin, the whole thing.
All right.
Four is not big enough, but.
I've got it all.
She's got herpes, too, the whole thing.
All right, well, the story's ruined, but.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mark.
No, it's not.
Yeah, so what happened?
It's not a great story.
But I was in shotgun, and I'm like, ah, I got to get off the phone.
I'm driving.
There's ice patches everywhere.
If I hit a patch, we'll slide off the road.
I wasn't driving.
Joe List is howling, and he hung up the phone.
And he goes, we're going to be friends forever.
Yeah.
No, that's like, that's like such an obvious guy on the road thing.
You can't be on the phone.
I know.
That would really bug me.
I've definitely brought people on the road, and they're like fighting with the
girl.
Yes.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
I'm paying you to do the gig with me.
Take that shit outside.
Get out of the screen room.
And they're like, no, fuck you.
I'm like, please, just, you know.
We don't need that.
They're driving, obviously, because they can't drive.
Right.
And they're screaming, you know?
Yeah, we don't need that energy in the weekend.
Come on.
You ever do the share the hotel room with any other con?
Oh, yeah.
I shared one with a guy once, and he was just scream fighting with this girl
the whole time.
Yeah.
And then he snored on top of it.
That was like a bad snore.
I know it's not technically your fault, but you find ways to blame him.
Yes, yes.
And you really contemplate murder.
When someone's snoring, you're like, I'm going to snuff him out with the pillow.
I can't take it.
I was rolling a guy over once.
We were both drunk, but he was so drunk that it was like, you know the snoring
where you're
like, is he going to die?
You know, he's like.
It sound like a dolphin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I rolled his ass out.
I didn't want to Jimi Hendrix him.
So I rolled his ass over, and he stopped snoring for like 10 minutes, and then
it started.
It's such a hateable quality to snore.
That's why there's never been a forensic files about a snorer, because after
they caught the
guy, you'd be like, but I kind of get it.
You know what I mean?
It's like, it's so irritating.
That's probably a big reason why there's like, the women kill the guy over time.
You know, women kill men slowly.
That's the antifreeze and the oatmeal.
Every time.
He's put a drop in.
Six months later, he's dead.
But it's that snoring, I bet.
Yeah.
I snore.
My lady hates it.
Do you snore?
I snore like a chainsaw.
She hates it.
It comes out of me.
You never really know if you snore unless there's video proof.
Yeah.
Well, Sean Patton, worst snorer in America.
I've been.
I could see that.
I've lived in a house with five guys.
I got a brother.
I got my dad snores like crazy.
My dad's a snorer.
All dads snore.
All dads snore.
You shoot a load into a woman.
She has a baby.
You start snoring.
I don't know why that is.
And you start sneezing like an asshole.
Oh, that's dude.
I got it.
I got a fucking peeve is the guy who sneezes.
What is that?
Just like I give a guy his two coffees for some reason on the plane.
Oh, no, he had maybe one coffee, but he's holding the bag going right by me.
He goes, what are you doing?
He said, a Jew.
It's an air horn.
He said, a Jew.
Yeah.
I guess that's what he was doing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you break it down.
But my dad's sneeze is like, it's like a fucking air horn.
It's like