Name: Ep 176: Rafi Bastos [Dueling Jean Jackets]
Uploaded: 2024-04-22T01:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 176: Rafi Bastos [Dueling Jean Jackets]' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 176: Rafi Bastos [Dueling Jean Jackets]' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-22. Transcript available.

Ep 176: Rafi Bastos [Dueling Jean Jackets]

here we are we might be drunk it's a beautiful sunny 70 degree day in new york
city
nice out very nice loving it it's bright part cleavage popping out some some
dude back too
yeah that's that dude tank top back i hate it yeah i gotta work out more god it's
gotta suck
to be a woman yeah women get less clothing on it's it makes you weak you want
to have a parade
it's exciting men get less clothing on and everybody's bummed out yeah i'm
happy about
the women though they're very happy dick's getting stronger who the dick the
dick's getting stronger
yeah when you see more uh cleavage the dick gets stronger oh what do you mean
like you know you
plump up more alert yes that's true you think so yeah i think that's why in
warmer climates there's
more children that makes sense less clothing yeah alliance and crime goes up by
the way in warmer
climates is that true yeah because you're kind of that you see like a winter
crime you're not doing
oceans 11 in the snow yeah exactly or carrying a tv when it's snowing your
hands are cold it's not as
easy yeah summer you're you're agitated molecules are moving they did notions
11 in the in like
alaska all the all the you know danny ocean the whole crew they just be fat
yeah they're just like i don't
want to do a heist i'm fucking i'm fat yeah and the sun goes down at you know 1
p.m you live in an
igloo alaska seems weird seems awful i know people live there isn't it like a
crazy male to female ratio
yes a lot of men a lot of dudes that's tough i think it draws oil workers and
that's why there's more men
and fugitives oh i always say alaska is the uh homeschool of states weirdos
they do their own
thing nut jobs a lot of guns uh just saying yeah i'm not going i mean i'll go
to alaska to visit but
that's where grizzly man happened oh that was a good doc oh man herzog man that
was that was some
sad shit yeah just audio because you get those people if you don't know the
movie it's like a guy
who he was wanting to want to be actor goes to i guess it was alaska i forgot i
forgot it was that but
goes to live amongst the bears the grizzly bears yeah and and obviously things
go wrong yeah like that's
not a recipe for success no just hanging with bears so it's working for a while
for him and then
watch the doc but anyway you know i've talked to people that are like he's a
fucking idiot you know
i was like no it's like a sad story yeah he loved bears yeah clearly a gay man
by the way was he had
a girlfriend wow so does peters oh but i'm just saying clearly gay i think he
just needed i don't even
know about gay i think he just needed like a connection i think he was like
that lonely lonely
that's what la does to people oh was he la yeah he was in that i want to be
actor oh i didn't know
that that's what los angeles will fucking it will make you he like bears huh
big burly men all right
but i was i was working on a bit about uh early to a bit but you made me think
of a bit about how like
people will brag about new york it's a city that never sleeps i'm like yeah
that's not a good thing
that's a torture tactic that's your bragging so i was like thinking other
angles like you know
los angeles the isolation will make you want to kill yourself you know yeah
like that but like
the line is like you know it's uh you know guantanamo bay that's what they're
known for
sleep deprivation oh yeah so matt boussard watched me watch me tell this joke
and he goes you should
say guantanamo the bay that never sleeps oh that's kind of a good line yeah
didn't hit last night but
the other part did i like it but i kind of like that line there's something
about something there
yeah the bay that never sleeps where is guantanamo bay i believe it's in cuba
yeah oh it's like the
tip of cuba well it sounds nice guantanamo bay like aruba jamaica oh i want to
take you to
guantanamo bay hey baby gay yeah i'm gay it sounds kind of nice but apparently
it's not
not a good not a good vacation destination no pick sandals
panama canal sounds nice too yeah is it i don't think so i think it's a
shipping port or something
it's a lot of controversy with the panama yeah i'm putting it up for our guest
oh brazilian yeah way to give it away oops all right we have uh i don't know a
famous brazilian we
got uh belay bolzonaro is coming through yeah there we go son is dead but yeah
who'd you say
uh the old president oh nice nice pull belay they might be more uh racially
diverse than us
yeah brazil yeah beautiful women i went beautiful to argentina i did too and uh
i was talking to my
host there and they said oh i never saw a black person until i flew into miami
to come to america
what really in argentina interesting it's a lot of ex-nazis and stuff yeah the
nazis really ran
through there and whited everyone up it's the hitler conspiracy theory right
that he made it to
argentina oh is that right i know a lot of guys they made all these like hitler
they made like that
amazon series right about like what would have happened if hitler won what if
they just did like
hitler in his later years just chilling in argentina just like a drama has
nothing to do with the
holocaust right hey right he's fighting with his wife uh you bitch he remarried
maybe that's the
thing he killed her that's he wanted to remarry maybe he got like a like a gold
digger like a younger
lady sounds jewish fucking racist dude good slur for jews what money gold digger
how'd that no one
ever put that together by the way gold digger have i done this before it doesn't
feel like a good
term because gold digging actually requires work that's a good point these
women are just
marrying a rich guy and there's work though i guess you gotta blow them you
gotta suck an 88 year
old off and there's a lot of work i mean there's even work to get the dick hard
that's you gotta
take a pill now we're doing like a dirty seinfeld bit gotta take a pill you
gotta wait for the dick
but then you gotta suck it to completion but it's gold digging but a gold digger
is like a prospector
with a long beard and dirty fingernails who's out there panning and digging
these are women who are
it's harder work for sure it's harder i'm just saying gold digger to me is too
hard of a job maybe
gold uh what do you call the guy with the loop like uh telescope no telescope
what are you the diamond
guy oh yeah you know they like uh appraiser yeah or something i don't you're a
gold waiter gold
waiter yeah uh-huh or gold uh gold stocker gold pilot gold counter something i
don't know to me
really gold user gold you're just a user right yeah goldie hahn gold that one
doesn't apply
who is gold in my air she was the first president of israel no not the first
maybe she was the first
the first president of israel pull it up pull it up first female or first
president i think it's first
wow that's very progressive interesting okay
probably the only uh
was the israeli politician who served as the fourth prime minister of israel
from 69 to 74
those are some bad years those are some bad israel no not a lot of good years
yeah that's true
right now it's pretty good yeah seems to be going well goldie hahn you a fan oh
yeah yeah by the way
got breast implants later in life did she she was flat chested for most of her
uh you know big career
and then i think she got them later give that a good weird move because it's
when your back is
probably weak oh good point right i mean that's that's what people get
reductions yeah look at that
now what year can we get a year on the breast implant cans oh goldie uh goldie
hahn is very sexy to
me she's got the huge mouth yeah buddy love i find her how to waste on us what's
that there'd be a waste
on us that's true oh man look at the young goldie those eyeballs yeah i think
she's hotter than kate
hudson yeah she's got the funny thing going yeah funny counts for something the
original is kind of
hotter than the that's true the hollywood the child of hollywood's never like i
don't know
uh-oh a little too young there jesus christ what the hell are you doing good
lord sally
how'd you even find these but on my hard drive but yeah she's got the cute face
i like a little bit
of weirdness yeah a little lack of symmetry is kind of hot yes yes like uh what's
uma thurman
yes something's a little off but it works although i love the word just like
yeah i like when something's
a little off who do you like uma thurman one of the most beautiful women ever
we're acting like
we're quirky well heidi klum eh too plain i think she's pretty i'm weird i like
uh like women like
salma hayek oh yeah and penelope cruz i'm weird though something's off the hispanic
i don't care
that's like that's a people people go like i'm weird and then it's just like
the most generic
how about this guy i'm weird i like cold pizza shut up everybody eats cold
pizza you're not
interesting yeah a cold fried chicken that's another one that people think man
that cellar party general
so's that fucked up my stomach for a hot two days i'd say yeah can't be
drinking hard liquor while
you're eating chinese it's just it's fucking that's like that's like wild man
shit at this point like i
used to be like impressed by like skateboard tricks but now i'm like now i see
someone like pounding
whiskey in general so i'm like you're fucking insane yeah that's it's gonna end
horribly that's
what i did taking your life in your hands that's so true why why did they do
that i mean it's i love
popeyes but you can't get shit faced and eat popeyes it's too poised like a
speedball yeah but in the
moment is it good man oh that's great you're doing and beer and popeyes is fine
it's when you start
throwing the hard liquor in yeah it's just two whiskeys bad on the stomach not
our whiskey bodega
cat yeah take that rogan you fucking snob it almost is like uh has like a chamomile
tea effect on your
stomach bodega cat uh bodega cat whiskey.com folks for more here here we're
almost sold out yeah and we're
almost in bars we're getting there oh yeah a lot of red tape um but yeah what
the oh yeah general
so i stopped eating a panda express in like 2009 yeah it was fucking me up
because new york is the
thing it's like you know if you're in a big city you can you're in like a you
know a city that doesn't
have a lot of chinese people panda express is pretty solid but sure city you
got options oh yeah oh
you got good options for chinese i mean we used to go to those like real like
hunan type
fucking uh those are good spots if it has bulletproof glass that place is good
yeah what's that one
downtown chinatown open 24 wo hop wo hop whoo it's a dumpling spot no it's just
straight up chinese but
it opened 24 hours is it downstairs oh i've heard of this spot i've never been
there oh my god i think
covid fucked it up a little they're not open till 24 anymore but uh man was
that some good drunk food
no shit i mean those some great nights just shit house with eight guys at wo
hop going ah you
fucking you're throwing you know low main at each other good times take your
shirt off start making
out yeah turns into a gay porno that's not an egg roll we ate there after we
shot your chinatown
rooftop we ate there yeah you and i oh yeah a bunch of guys have been there
yeah yeah yeah man i was
looking at pandemic pics it's just weird that happened the empty new york the
every single
apartment was filled with the with the owner those were bad times i think that
aged all of us oh yeah
oh yeah i think that ages every everyone just got fucked up from that well
think what we have to tell
our kids 9 11 pandemic riots like we got some good some good stuff and they're
not gonna listen to us
that's true they're gonna be on their phone they're playing some shape game we'll
be past phone they're
gonna have a chip in their asshole they'll be a robot at age four damn look at
that that's insane we lived
through that and we fought and we yelled and we screamed and we posted and we
tweeted those were
weird nights man those like late nights doing roof shows and oh yeah you did a
yo