Name: Ep 179: Drea de Matteo
Uploaded: 2024-05-13T01:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 179: Drea de Matteo' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 179: Drea de Matteo' from We Might Be Drunk Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

Ep 179: Drea de Matteo

-
- Dude, you're a '90s Knicks warrior.
We love you for it.
Let's start on that.
- I'm Ragu.
- You're the fucking big one.
You were in red for Ragu.
- Yeah!
- Go Knicks.
We're prerecording this, so this might not be topical,
but it's always topical, go Knicks.
- You were at the game, nail-biter.
- Nail-biter.
- Everybody's there, place going nuts.
How was it?
- It was good, but you just said
it's not gonna be topical.
- Yeah.
- I don't know about it.
It was a good one, though.
It was intense.
- Man, so what happens now?
I know this will be not relevant,
but what happens now that they go?
- I mean, right now we're up 2-0 in the Sixers.
We'll see.
They're really tough teams.
- Okay.
- We'll see, but you gotta win four.
Best of seven, so we'll see.
- All right.
- How you been, man?
You're feeling rough.
What happened?
- Well, I just did the road like crazy,
and I don't know what got over me,
but I was doing a lot of drinking, and then-
- Wait, that doesn't sound like you.
- Well, we did Madison, two shows,
and then we went to the club.
- In that theater?
- The theater, yeah.
- That's nice.
- Then we went to the club after,
and it was just like, hey, shot!
Marcelo Hernandez was there.
- Oh.
- Sold out nine shows, by the way.
- Did he?
- Yeah, and he's a young whippersnapper Latino,
so he was putting 'em back,
and he's got every hot lady in America blowing 'em.
- Yeah.
- So, yeah.
It was a wild night, and then-
- That's a drinking city, too.
They won't let you out of Madison without-
- No.
- Getting lit up.
I mean, that's a Bloody Mary day town-
- Yes!
- And a beer night town.
- Exactly.
- They make crazy Bloody Marys, like-
- Yes.
- Those are the types of people that will like,
you'll see like a jumbo shrimp in there,
and you're like, what are you doing to me?
- I already hate myself.
There's bacon, I do like the bacon.
- Bacon is nice.
It's nice to bite into.
- Why am I hating on it?
I like it.
- You love it, that's why the terrors hate us.
We got an onion in there, an okra, a bacon, a shrimp.
Sometimes they do a cheese block.
- That's, well, yeah, the cheese curds.
- Oh, yeah, they gotta be squeaky.
- Oh, I love it.
Yes, you got lit up.
- Got lit up, and then it was an early flight,
and I never do hair of the dog.
I try not to.
- I try not to, too.
- Just 'cause it's like,
there's something gross about just going back in.
- Yeah.
And I feel like you kind of, you earned the hangover,
so you gotta deal with it.
- Yeah, I feel the same way.
I was really fucked up the other day,
and I just sucked it up.
- Yeah, you gotta, I saw the video.
- Oh, play the video, I sent it to you.
- This is.
- No, this is the second one, this is me puke.
Yeah, this is the second one.
- Oh, that's a cute dog right there.
- You can see this one, just listen.
Oh, play that one first.
- Ah, you look like you just heard about October 7th.
- What'd you do today?
- What'd you do today?
The Grinch.
- We've all been there.
- Oh, shit, yeah.
- Play the, the next one with audio is pretty good.
- I love how it's just like, no sense of humor.
- Oh, I'm hurting.
- No playfulness.
- And I love Michelle that she's just like,
she's dealing with it.
My lady would be like, "Come on, let's go out."
It's a beautiful, I'm like, "Are you kidding me?"
- It was pretty, I was pretty bad.
Let's see, yeah, look at this.
- That's great.
- Oh!
- You just hear it.
- It's the first time Winnie's been the healthier one.
- Dude, I, it happened 'cause I did,
I pre-recorded one of Burt's Something's Burning episodes.
- There you go.
- And it was me, Burt, and Ric Flair.
- Oh, he can still drink.
- He was drinking beer, but Burt and I were pounding whiskey,
and it's a cooking show, so I showed up on an empty stomach.
- Yep.
- I get picked up by this nice Ugandan,
thank God they sent a driver to that.
- Oh, smart.
- This really sweet guy picks me up, he's a big comedy fan.
He's playing comedy while I get in the car.
It's like Stan Hope on the radio.
- Hey!
- I love this guy.
- Yes.
- You know?
So we're talking the whole way there, he couldn't be cooler.
He saw me walk in and walk out a very different person.
I was in like, you know, I just got into the gym.
I felt, L.A. is so L.A.
- Yeah.
- I see, I go to, the hotel I was at,
they give you free access to Equinox.
I go in, Will Ferrell's working out.
- Whoa!
- Yeah.
Then I go to a yoga class the next day,
'cause my girl wants to go to a yoga class.
Anya Taylor-Joy is in there.
- Whoa!
- I'm like, is this like, are they doing this on purpose?
It's like, they're recruiting?
They're like, that's what L.A.'s like.
Our economy's hurting, but you get to see this.
- Yeah.
- I mean, so...
- Does Will Ferrell work out funny?
Does he have a headband on?
- He's like fit.
- Really?
- Yeah, he looks good.
- Oh, wow.
- I don't know if he's working out for a movie or something,
or if he's just like, that's just the lifestyle out there.
- Wow, he's a big guy too.
I think he's like 6'3".
- Big guy, yeah.
And then, so I walk into Bert's and it's like, you know,
it's that cooking show.
I go in like, nah, I didn't really eat.
Before I went in, I was like, oh, he'll make something.
You're waiting for them.
You're waiting for that food to come out of the oven.
I'm just pounding, we're drinking Bodega Cat.
I'm making Boulevardiers.
- Oh, boy.
- And Bert's like another, and I'm like, fuck it.
I'm gonna catch up.
Biggest mistake you ever made.
- Yeah.
- Trying to keep up with Bert Kreischer.
- Oh, yeah.
- He's lost 40 pounds and he's still got a problem, that guy.
- I know, he is the machine.
He can do it, and I've tried it many times,
but he will put you under the table.
- Oh, it's crazy.
And we got lit up, and then afterwards, he's like,
why weren't you on the tour with me?
Like, he was upset.
He's like, I sent your agent there.
I'm like, you sent my agent?
I'm so fucked up.
I see the Bert offers.
- Right.
- And my agent's like, oh, he's like screaming.
He's like, I don't know if we got this.
And then I'm like, I'm fucked up.
And he's like, yeah, I figured, you're with Bert.
'Cause Bert starts texting him, what the fuck?
We're both wasted.
- Oh, that's great.
Well, at least it was love, you know?
- Oh, yeah.
He was laughing once he realized I was just hammered.
- That's great, and Flair's an animal.
- Oh, he was awesome.
But the worst part is he's telling this heartbreaking story
about his son passing away.
- Yeah.
- And he's telling it, and I'm waiting the whole episode
of the food to come out.
I need something to soak up this booze.
- Yeah.
- Just as he starts telling it, Bert, like plates are chicken.
And he's literally like going into how his son passed away.
- He can't be like--
- I'm just like--
- Yeah, exactly.
- Just stuffing my face.
- Wow.
Yeah, he went into that on, I did Kill Tony with him,
and that was a big mistake.
And so everybody shit on his dead son,
and then he walked.
- Oh, that's, yeah.
- It was horrible.
But you know, it's a comedy show.
But yeah, it was a rough night,
but they edit out 20 minutes of him,
but you got a good side of it.
- We got him on a good day,
'cause Bert is just like, you know, we review you,
and you know, it's kind of open on that.
- That's nice.
- And he was in a good mood for most of it until that happened,
but then we got him back with a couple dick jokes, and--
- Yeah, he likes to bring that up quite a bit
on comedy shows.
- Well, Bert, it's Bert's fault.
Bert goes, "Do you have any regrets?"
And I'm like, "Dude, what are you doing?"
- He's a pro wrestler.
He was addicted to pills
and hit people with a folding chair for 40 years.
- Did you see the movie "The Wrestler?"
That's the lightest story about a wrestler ever made.
But it's like, you go in with, "Do you have any regrets?"
"Yeah, it's gonna be bad, dude."
- Yes, yes.
This guy lived to the extremes, you know?
Of course it's gonna be horrible.
- Hulk Hogan's wife fucked the pool boy,
and that was like a positive story.
- That was fun.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, then the N-word stuff, and then it got worse.
- Then he crushed Gawker.
- Oh, yeah!
- Man, I remember Lisa Lampanelli
had one of the funniest roast jokes on him,
'cause you know, she goes, "Do you hear it, Hulk?
You hear it?
The pool boy's ball slapping against your wife's leg."
I was like, "Oh my God."
That is a fucking good roast joke, though.
- That's painful.
- But that's a good line.
- That's a great line, but man, the...
- Yeah.
- Oh, man, that's brutal.
- Yeah, man.
- Geraldo.
Ah, Jeff Foxworthy, you look like Magnum P.I. with AIDS.
- That's killer.
With AIDS is just like the...
- You can't go wrong.
- Oh, can I tell you a peeve?
This is an L.A. peeve.
- All right.
- You can never stop with these.
Trying to, you know, get ice cream,
trying to just like, you know,
a seamless some ice cream to the hotel room.
I had a long day.
Wasn't doing sets 'cause we were pitching the show.
And this ice cream place,
one of the flavors is strawberry,
balsamic, black pepper.
I'm like, what the fuck are we doing now?
- No, no, no.
- What's next?
It's gonna be like Bronzino or something?
- Yeah.
- Ridiculous.
- I'm all good with people coming together,
interracial, gender fluid.
But when you start getting crazy with the ice cream,
I gotta draw the line.
- I don't want croutons in my fucking ice cream either.
- Yes!
You can't do too much salty sweet.
I'll do a nut.
- Exactly.
- I'll do a salted caramel.
But you get in there with balsamic vinegar.
Now we got salad dressing in my fucking Ben and Jerry's?
I hate it. You know what it reminds me of is the guy who's like,
I'm weird.
- Yeah.
- I'm weird, you're just like,
you're trying too hard of what you're doing.
You're not weird, you're trying to get attention.
- Exactly.
- There's nothing wrong with vanilla.
- No!
- Just throw some shit in there.
And here's the weird thing,
have you ever done vanilla with a little olive oil and salt?
- No.
- It's pretty fucking good, actually.
That's the only good one.
- I'm weird.
- You're transitioning, you're starting to get in there.
- Fuck, my dick's shrinking.
Oh, fuck!
- I'm telling you, they're getting you slowly, you know?
- I got another peeve.
- You'll be a Scientologist before you know it.
- That's the only good one.
But no, the fuck, it's too much.
I like like, I know, I just fucking--
- Pretzel, great.
- Pretzel's good in there.
- Great, that's salty.
But you gotta stay in line here.
We're getting, next we're gonna have a, hey.
- Eat some crunch in there.
- Peanut butter, I love.
I love any kind of caramel ribbon all day long.
Oreo, peanut, Reese's.
But once you start getting--
- Cookie dough.
- Cookie dough's great.
- Cookie dough might be king of all toppings.
- Yeah.
- You're never not happy to see the cookie dough.
- No, cherry, raisin, macadamia, all across the board.
But once you put ranch, we got ranch vanilla, it's over.
- Ranch.
- Yeah, I don't want Hidden Valley making my ice cream.
- Hidden Valley's a good name for a paint.
-
- Another peeve is, fuck, I just lost it.
- I got a peeve, too.
- Oh, give him a little hot, dude.
- I got like nine peeves written,
because I haven't seen you in a minute.
So I've just been peeving.
- Peeving, hold on, hold on, I got quite a list.
- Peeving up a storm, I'll tell you, you're all right.
- Okay, okay.
How about this?
You ever get this guy?
The I'm not a doctor guy?
- Oh.
- The I'm not a guy.
You know, you go, hey, what's the other word
for your toes and fingers?
What is that?
What am I, a doctor?
- Yeah.
- Oh, phalanges.
I'm not a doctor, I knew it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I hate the whole like, hey, how do you start a car?
What am I, a mechanic?
- Yeah.
- You don't know how to start it?
- Well, I don't, I'm the wrong guy for that one.
- Well, you know what I mean,
but we're jumping all the way to,
you have to be an expert in some occupation
to know how to do like a little thing.
- I'm no rocket scientist?
- Yes.
- Yeah, we know.
- That's a big one, you don't have to tell us.
- We know you're not a rocket scientist.
- That's the big one.